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Hi PF
i love my horse but cba with all the poopicking and mucking out involved - far too much hard work - i just wanna jump on and go!!!
Can i train him to relieve himself straight into a wheelbarrow????
I was thinking if you could tell me how to teach him this I could leave one in his stable and one in his field = i reckon id only have to tip them out once a week tops!!!!
 
Hovis_and_SidsMum said:
Dear PF
My horse is big and very black (when he's muddy). I only ever ride him in draw reins but they do have to be made of chain metal so he doesn't break them. Will his feathers and generous well muscled build cause me to be marked down by dressage judges?
When I rang him to offer my horse for the olympics Carl Hester did say he doesn't think heavy horses are natural dressage stars? I am assuming he knows nothing and I should find another olympic star? I was thinking of Jordon - what do you advise?
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Carl doesn't really know much about dressage I'm afraid and he lacks the 'flair' required to be TRULY successful. You must maximise your horse's star appeal. By 'star' I mean little glittery ones that should be sprinkled all over his coat and into his feathers. Feathers are coming into fashion. Just ask Jordan who absolutely defines all that is glamorous about equestrianism..
 
Damnation said:
PF - I have never laughed at a thread so hard in my life.
And could I have some advice.
I have bought a 3 year old colt. I don't want to have him gelded because I bought him for a whole £215 therefore he must be of breeding quality, and its cruel to have their balls chopped off.
However he keeps trying to h*mp me.. HELP!
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Gelding is unnatural and cruel. It is natural for him to want to have sex, and he's trying to have his way with you because he hasn't got his own lady friend. Therefore you must procure a partner for him to breed with. Doesn't matter what she looks like because all foals are so adorable. It is natural for them to breed and you must keep all foals and not have those gelded either, or separated from the herd. It's the natural way you know!
 
I_am_a_cucumber said:
I am very interested in the Huggle Wrap, but I need some more information before I order one.

I assume it comes in pink?

Is it made out of bubble wrap or cotton wool? Or do you do both, one for summer and one for winter? What about a luxury model made out of cotton wool and bubble wrap?

Can you supply Huggle Wraps suitable for humans and/or dogs?
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Huggle wrap does indeed come in pink, but also baby blue, burberry, and paisley. It is similar to bubble wrap, but vastly superior as it comes in pretty colours and patterns. Of course it is a TINY bit more expensive at £1500 for 10m which is just about enough to protect one leg. The luxury model contains styrofoam 'beads' and is called stuggle wrap (also available for humans, dogs and cats)
 
Dear PF,

My horse is very lame with a sore foot. He is the only fit horse that I have. Do you think that I can still take him to the sponsored ride tomorrow? It is only 10 miles with 50 jumps and I would love to get some nice pictures of him. I'm sure it won't help his foot but I doubt that it will make it worse.

Stupid in Buckinghamshire.
 
a_e_d said:
OMLG PF it worked!! I tried "Bout Ye Big Lad lets go for a dander" He actually replied!! Granted he told me to stop faffing around called me an eejit. But at least I got a reply - that's progress surely?!

Re the vajazzle, please please excuse my ignorance over terminology - yes I meant dickazzle - can you help?
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I'm so pleased you're getting results :)
I do have a Dickazzle It Yourself kit available as an essential part of the Huggle range. It comes with diamante in various colours and a tube of superglue. Mind your fingers don't get stuck in inappropriate places!! £2500 plus p&p. All Dickazzling kits come in plain brown wrappers for maximum discretion...
 
My uncle stole my ponio when I went on a school trip to London i was reaaally upset because i bought it with my pocket money after my mum died of cancer and my dad ran away wiv my social worker and it was worth a shed load of wonga because i taut it to jump and it won the horse of the year show first prize even tho i had to ride it from yorkshire and sleep in hedges to get there. Anyway i want to kno is how do i get on the jeremy kyle show? When i am grown up I am going to be an olympick.

T Rolls (aged 13)
 
Digger66 said:
My uncle stole my ponio when I went on a school trip to London i was reaaally upset because i bought it with my pocket money after my mum died of cancer and my dad ran away wiv my social worker and it was worth a shed load of wonga because i taut it to jump and it won the horse of the year show first prize even tho i had to ride it from yorkshire and sleep in hedges to get there. Anyway i want to kno is how do i get on the jeremy kyle show? When i am grown up I am going to be an olympick.

T Rolls (aged 13)
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Oh dear :( I've heard of this happening before. T'was in Lalashire, and a young child took her 50p pocket money to a sale and picked up a very poor foal with one eye :( No one thought she could make anything of it as it only had 3 legs, but she took a correspondence course in barefoot trimming and International Showjumping and was soon jumping 5ft courses!! Her evil moustache-twirling uncle, despite owning several international showjumpers of his own, was jealous of her success and one day, when she was in the loo (please get your facts straight!) he twirled his moustache even more evilly than usual and sold the pony to a fellow international showjumper. The poor child was devastated, but despite her pony's excellent BS record was unable to trace him to his new owner. Fortunately, this story ends successfully as the girl got pregnant by her uncle who turned out to be her brother, her mother claimed the baby was hers and they all ended up on Jeremy Kyle and lived happily ever after.
 
Snoozinsusan said:
I've only dropped the price if he goes to a fantastic, perfect home where he will be pampered for the rest of his life.

However, for £199,995 anyone can have him! And good riddance! :D
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Pfft, for that money, how can you be sure prospective buyers are serious. You can't be dealing with the bottom end of the market, ya know...
 
i saw a couple of replys and im intitled to an opinion.

jumping in draw reins, if you want the horse to not be able to see the jump then go ahead, they need to be able to stretch over the jump.

breeding a 20 year old thats already had several foals, bless her evryone deserves a retierment, and birth at 20!

i think i have just realised this is a joke!
 
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Don't suppose you could answer one question for me XD

Dear pf

I used to ride a pony that had a flat back with no withers, we bought him a narrow saddle with high withers to try and mold his back into shape, only problem is he is so happy with it he keeps bucking out of excitment. I've been told giving him vodka will calm him down, is this true or would it be better to buy a new horse? O n how long would it take to bring my 24yr 11.1hh back into work? My Dad want to learn to ride!

Thanks db
 
blitznbobs said:
Indeed...
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Ooh, goodness, where to start... poultices of course, but also as cheap knee boots, hock boots, you can wear one as an impromptu riding hat (won't give you a headache ;) ) or use it to hold the bits of brain that fall out when someone falls off when riding without a hat...
I happen to have a book coming out soon entitled "What to do with disposable nappies when there isn't enough baby poo to fill it". A bargain at £3450
 
PapaFrita said:
Ooh, goodness, where to start... poultices of course, but also as cheap knee boots, hock boots, you can wear one as an impromptu riding hat (won't give you a headache ;) ) or use it to hold the bits of brain that fall out when someone falls off when riding without a hat...
I happen to have a book coming out soon entitled "What to do with disposable nappies when there isn't enough baby poo to fill it". A bargain at £3450
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Is that a Palarri technique or sommit?
 
Dizzyblonde99 said:
Don't suppose you could answer one question for me XD

Dear pf

I used to ride a pony that had a flat back with no withers, we bought him a narrow saddle with high withers to try and mold his back into shape, only problem is he is so happy with it he keeps bucking out of excitment. I've been told giving him vodka will calm him down, is this true or would it be better to buy a new horse? O n how long would it take to bring my 24yr 11.1hh back into work? My Dad want to learn to ride!

Thanks db
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Dear Dizzy
All this saddle-must-fit-the-horse business is nonsense. Any saddle can fit any horse if you put some fluffy sheepskin under it, and if the horse goes badly then it's down to the rider. The fact that your horse is so happy and bucking in his saddle is proof of this and you should have no need for vodka. BUT, if you don't fancy a bucking horse then certainly get rid of him. Someone else can deal with it. Don't mention it in the ad at all though; all ads must contain the words 'bombproof', 'safe' and 'suitable for novice riders'.
Your 24 yo should be fit from grazing, so you can have him in hard work in about 15 minutes. How nice for your dad to want to share your hobby :) You must be sure that he's not too heavy for your pony; as long as he weighs LESS or the same as the pony, he'll be fine.
Feel the huggliness ;)
 
There I was spending all daddy's money on £30,000 saddles from Austrinorwichbergenheimer made by awfully moody frech people when any old saddle will fit!!!

Blast! I'm such a silly girl!

I shall sell it on freebay and write a letter to granny and ask her to send me Prancer's old wooden one.

You are such a genius papafrita and I'm on Video No.3 so far... wonderful material. You should have your own channel! Shall I speak to daddy about it for you?

Lots of Love,

Taloolahbelle x
 
Thank you so much for your help! Advertised the pony as "ideal first pony, very well behaved never bucks or rears, for sale through no fault of his own. £6000"Going to paint some spots on him and pretend he's coloured so I can fetch another thousand for him! Dad only ways a tiny bit more than the pony but I think it'll be ok going to feed the pony up so he weighs more. Thanks again!
 
Desperately need advice. I have a colt who has just had his 1st birthday, he is about 15hh - I think he will make about 11.2hh when he finishes growing because his daddy is a thoroughbred and his mummy is RID (this does concern me as whoever owned her must have wanted RID of her and I don't know why :confused: ) I have never handled him but he does love me. He gives me lots of love bites and tries to hug me with his front legs if I get too close to him when this doesn't work he swings round and tries to hug me with his back legs. He obviously adores me so much and he looks sooooo cute with his ears pinned back. When he is hungry he sometimes gallops towards me with his mouth wide open and I can see all his teeth. He is soooo cute :D my son is now 5 and I plan for them to do the olympics together. My son doesn't ride yet but I wondered have I left it too late to plonk my darling child on top so they can be ready for 2012. Should I have put him up last year? Am i going to have to wait until 2016 :( I thought they could do the sj and the eventing. I don't have a shiny diamond thing that goes above their eyes under their fringe so don't think we can do the dressage :mad: Also I have tried to lasso him but can't get him - he is soooo fun and loves playing chasies with me. Sometimes I chase and sometimes he does. Anyways pleassseeee helppppp me.
Thanks from very experienced with young horses
 
Dear PF,

My horse has just been PTS, however I've changed my mind. As I think medicine and science is a load of rubbish. Do you think a combination of arnica, Aloe vera, tea tree oil and homeopathic water will make him better? Reading through other posts here the aforementioned seem to cure everything else. Or would you recommend a different approach, possibly a herbal supplement or some sort or reiki perhaps?

PS what he best natural remedy for Rigamortis?
 
lazybee said:
Dear PF,

My horse has just been PTS, however I've changed my mind. As I think medicine and science is a load of rubbish. Do you think a combination of arnica, Aloe vera, tea tree oil and homeopathic water will make him better? Reading through other posts here the aforementioned seem to cure everything else. Or would you recommend a different approach, possibly a herbal supplement or some sort or reiki perhaps?

PS what he best natural remedy for Rigamortis?
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YES YES YES :D hilarious xD
 
Hi Papafrita!
I have 2 liitttle questions .
1.I want to go hunting with my 14hh pony but she gets so excited she runs off reallyreally fast.I heard that if you go right to the front ,in front of everybody , and people shout -shes overtaken the master!!- then your doing really well and that she should calm down. But if she gets really tired , then I should just smack her on, coz its her fault for going to fast at the beginning.

2. I also want to do dressage ( it should be fine in the same day right?) but loads of people have these bandages on their horses? I dont know what they do so I have tried cutting her legs so the vet has to bandage them ..Will this help? I will also sellotape her head to her chest to get "rolkur - the easy way" .Maybe i saw it on one of your dvds? XX

(NOTE - I did once meet a woman , who was a good local dressage competitior and asked her whilst she was doing the bandages why she used them .She said she didnt know, but everyone else had them .She had already been using them for about 5 years? !! )
 
Hi I have a really big problem , everytime I try and do my horses girth up my horse tryes to eat me , do I just not use a girth?I thought if I didn't use one it might save me time aswell. thanks
 
Actually after thinking about it I have decided that keeping her even captive is cruel so have decided to set her free. How do I go about it? She will need to learn to cross the road and take her sweet itch rug on and off. Do you think every one all over the equestrian world will see the error of their ways.
 
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