Rude/thoughtless things people say . . .

[Qru]

I put a thread about this on here recently! About a mad woman at my yard who kept telling me that my horse was extremely badly mannered - now he doesn't stand nice and prettily an quietly for hours on end, he's lively and can be spirited and forward going but he never bites or kicks (which her horse had done numerous times, once gave her a black eye!) or bucks or rears!

There's no hope really as this was also the woman who told me that my retired tb who I didn't ride any more but loved dearly and was LOVING retirement should be pts and if she had a horse she couldn't ride her husband would have pts. Let's just say she has two horses both of which she doesnt ride

 

[Orls]

It's funny ... I was saying this exact same thing to hubby the other morning when he came to pick me up from the yard, why are some horsey people so rude and tactless. He thought it was possibly something to do with jealousy and the competitive nature of the horse world. He also has a theory that it is born from insecurity (he's a psychologist haha) and that people will attack others to boost their own confidence and told me not to take it personally as it's their problem, not mine. I think these are probably wise words, but it's hard to let others harsh comments wash over you especially when it's about something as personal as your horse. We often see them as mirrors of ourselves so it's very difficult to not take others negative comments about them to heart.

I once had a girl go behind my back to my trainer and ask if she could ride my horse at the time, as she'd seen I was having problems with him. The horse was four years old at the time and a big strong warmblood discovering his strength and throwing his weight around. It was very insulting to hear that this girl not only thought I couldn't cope but couldn't even come to me and offer help, she went behind my back. Needless to say I did not require her services, horse turned out great and we went on to be very successful at a very respectable level eventing.

 

[Feathered]

I have it all the time with a *friend*
I own a beautiful cob whome i have had since a foal and backed myself and very proud of.

watching a cob doing a dressage test, it went lovely:
Friend: "how can a cob be placed above something like my horse (tb) it simply hasn't got the same presence as a TB"
"you can't get passed local stuff with cobs (doing dressage), they don't get taken seriously"
"imagine taking a cob to such and such (name taken out but a serious dressage trainer we know) would let down her reputation"
"its nothing special, just a cob"
"cobs are for beginners and nervous people"
"anyone can ride a cob"
o

This is exactly the sort thing I hear from my mother in law OH tries to be nice and says, tell them how well you did at dressage the other day, so I do and MiL replies "didn't know you could do dressage on a horse like that" aaaarrghhh!!!

 

[Goldenstar]

The wonderful thing about reaching your 30s is that you really don't care what other people think/say any more.

It stops being painful and just becomes amusing .

Just wait till your fifty it gets even better !

 

[ShadowFlame]

This is exactly the sort thing I hear from my mother in law OH tries to be nice and says, tell them how well you did at dressage the other day, so I do and MiL replies "didn't know you could do dressage on a horse like that" aaaarrghhh!!!

In which case you offer them a ride on the brain-dead thing in front of them, then proceed to laugh until you can't breathe

I did that to two of them... one hit the deck, the other disappeared into the sunset. Oops

 

[quirky]

OP - isn't you who refers to your horse as grey donk(ey)?
I'm not sure you can expect other people to describe him any better when you don't

 

[Oberon]

Just wait till your fifty it gets even better !

 

[Goldenstar]

OP - isn't you who refers to your horse as grey donk(ey)?
I'm not sure you can expect other people to describe him any better when you don't

Fair point quirky , and really saying you don't like grey horses in a conversation about colour is not really rude saying PS's horse is a useless manky grey boring gelding would be rude .
A whose the best rider conversation is about opinions so I would not be surprised to hear stuff like PS heard
Neither of those conversations would upset me .
People can be rude and tactless but honestly I don't think horse people are any worse that any other group .

 

[Mickyjoe]

Agreed Goldenstar. Really OP, I think you will give yourself an ulcer if you start taking things like that personally. In fact i feel the same way about a lot of the stories on this thread. These things will only annoy you if you let them.

I had a jumping lesson last year on my (what I thought was) exciting new youngster. Trainer told me... "well she's not completely useless!"

 

[Devonshire dumpling]

I know someone who has a nice big horse who is green and not overly well behaved at the min, anyway my husband was on my friends 24 yr old TB at a meet, now this mare is wonderful, jet black like black beauty, perfectly behaved, fantastic legs and actually we are all so proud of her that she is still able to hunt aged 24!! This woman walks up to us and said, you need to get yourself a proper horse!!!! I think she was saying ride her horse, but really? I wanted to deck her, but said nothing!

 

[Pongwiffy]

...

 

[GeorgeyGal]

It's definitely jealousy and their own insecurities to make some people try and make others feel like crape for their own shortcomings. It does niggle but I just smile sweetly and nod and try to avoid in future!

 

[mandwhy]

Meh, its become extra fashionable in recent years for people to be 'direct' and 'honest' and 'say what they think', and 'if people don't like it they can do one'. I think its brave really, as they shut out quite a lot of milder-mannered folk like myself who think they are rude and unpleasant and are quite happy to 'do one' if it means not listening to their nonsense.

I do have a friend who has always been very nervous riding, I had an accident recently and now she makes fun of my nervousness and when I don't feel quite happy to do something, or brings it up a lot when I feel just fine. I think she is trying to help or at least doesn't see it from my perspective.

 

[tallyho!]

Tact... what tact??

You know, I've heard allsorts about me and I would not have it any other way. Say it how it is. If you think I'm ****, say so to my face and I will learn from it.

A riding instructor said I was too heavy for a horse... I lost weight.

Someone said I collapse my inside hip... I sorted that out.

Someone else said "you should get lessons"... I did.

Just grow some bloody balls and learn to take the crap. Sometimes, hidden amongst the crap is a pearl of wisdom!

I agree there are "ways" of saying things... but some are not gifted in the eloquence department so have to give them a bit of credit...

 

[Moomin1]

In which case you offer them a ride on the brain-dead thing in front of them, then proceed to laugh until you can't breathe

I did that to two of them... one hit the deck, the other disappeared into the sunset. Oops

Very responsible.

Hope neither of them were hurt. Not to mention of course, your horse which 'disappeared off into the sunset with said rider.

FWIW, I think out of the two, putting someone at risk for your own self pride and entertainment is a darn lot worse than someone being slightly ignorant or rude about cobs.

 

[JFTDWS]

Very responsible.

Hope neither of them were hurt. Not to mention of course, your horse which 'disappeared off into the sunset with said rider.

FWIW, I think out of the two, putting someone at risk for your own self pride and entertainment is a darn lot worse than someone being slightly ignorant or rude about cobs.

Personally I'd rather just train my horse to have some manners and tolerate even the most numpty of novices, rather than smooth my own ego by setting them up in situations like that, but hey, each to their own...


eta - Tallyho! has somewhat put what I was inelegantly trying to suggest before.

 

[Moomin1]

Personally I'd rather just train my horse to have some manners and tolerate even the most numpty of novices, rather than smooth my own ego by setting them up in situations like that, but hey, each to their own...


eta - Tallyho! has somewhat put what I was inelegantly trying to suggest before.

Exactly!

 

[Holding]

Tact is all well and good, but I have much more of a problem with people who say nothing to my face, then complain behind my back. If you just don't like me, fine, I don't need to know that, but if I am doing something that is annoying/upsetting you, I can't ever stop doing it if you only complain to other people. Would much rather be told to my face (unless, as I said, it's something like "I hate your hair". In which case, please don't feel the need to share).

From the other side, I was once working on a yard where a woman came up every month for lessons. She was really lovely and had two sweet horses, but they were all fairly novicey. One horse was 24 and every time I saw her she would say how much he was coming on, and how his dressage was improving and his outline was becoming more consistent. So while shovelling up the muck heap, I was laughing with another member of staff about it, and saying that by the time it could go in an outline, it would be dead. Well this woman only visited the yard once a month, but it was just my luck that she happened to be standing right behind me, having just pulled up in her horsebox. I was mortified, and felt guilty about it for weeks. She was such a nice lady, and I was such a bitch! I now try my hardest to keep my opinions to myself (although I recently did laugh in somebody's face when they unloaded their heavyweight cob, only to be told it was a show cob that had cost 20k. That shut me up pretty quickly).

 

[Moomin1]

Tact is all well and good, but I have much more of a problem with people who say nothing to my face, then complain behind my back. If you just don't like me, fine, I don't need to know that, but if I am doing something that is annoying/upsetting you, I can't ever stop doing it if you only complain to other people. Would much rather be told to my face (unless, as I said, it's something like "I hate your hair". In which case, please don't feel the need to share).

From the other side, I was once working on a yard where a woman came up every month for lessons. She was really lovely and had two sweet horses, but they were all fairly novicey. One horse was 24 and every time I saw her she would say how much he was coming on, and how his dressage was improving and his outline was becoming more consistent. So while shovelling up the muck heap, I was laughing with another member of staff about it, and saying that by the time it could go in an outline, it would be dead. Well this woman only visited the yard once a month, but it was just my luck that she happened to be standing right behind me, having just pulled up in her horsebox. I was mortified, and felt guilty about it for weeks. She was such a nice lady, and I was such a bitch! I now try my hardest to keep my opinions to myself (although I recently did laugh in somebody's face when they unloaded their heavyweight cob, only to be told it was a show cob that had cost 20k. That shut me up pretty quickly).

Why would you laugh in someone's face because they unloaded a heavyweight cob?!

 

[Racergirl]

I find that most people who "tell it as it is" are just rude and use that to cover their own backs. I have massive respect for people who can be polite, but get the same point across as people who are "telling it as it is"

This ^

I HATE it. Honestly.
It always starts with 'No offence but....'
Well yes, actually it is offensive so either word your concerns politely or shut up.

I know people like this too. The amount of times Ive pointed out to one in particular that he doesnt have to be rude or downright nasty to people while hes "telling it as he sees it" are untrue....

The wonderful thing about reaching your 30s is that you really don't care what other people think/say any more.

It stops being painful and just becomes amusing .

yep - Im easily entertained now im well in my 30s !!

 

[Holding]

Why would you laugh in someone's face because they unloaded a heavyweight cob?!

Because it was being brought in for training at a fancy dressage yard and, as already established, I'm a bitch. To be fair to me, it was a little incongruous amongst all the big warmbloods.

 

[tallyho!]

It's well known you have to laugh at cobs... practice for when your jaw drops while it completes a canter pirroute...

 

[GinaB]

I'm very much a happy hacker on the most delightful ID you'll ever meet and someone said to come and ride there horse as it was a 'proper' horse! Very rude as she didn't know said ID used to always compete and was a wee XC machine.

That's awful Holding, that poor woman must have been so proud of her horse and to overhear that must have been devastating.

If you can't say something nice, say nothing is what I was always taught!

 

[budley95]

I think people have lost all sense of tact. Must admit sometimes it's quite funny though. Had one the other day when a field livery used my stable without asking for the dentist and had a go as I had too many shavings and when her horse reared she hit her head on the beam. But wouldn't of if I had less shavings... she then proceeded to tell me I'm too heavy for my 16.2hh mainly idx. Bare in mind im 5'6 and 10 and a half stone. some people just don't understand tact. Leave them to it. If you're sure it's right and within your abilities in any walk of life, why should some underhand comments knock you down?

 

[horsesatemymoney]

Tact is all well and good, but I have much more of a problem with people who say nothing to my face, then complain behind my back. If you just don't like me, fine, I don't need to know that, but if I am doing something that is annoying/upsetting you, I can't ever stop doing it if you only complain to other people. Would much rather be told to my face (unless, as I said, it's something like "I hate your hair". In which case, please don't feel the need to share).

From the other side, I was once working on a yard where a woman came up every month for lessons. She was really lovely and had two sweet horses, but they were all fairly novicey. One horse was 24 and every time I saw her she would say how much he was coming on, and how his dressage was improving and his outline was becoming more consistent. So while shovelling up the muck heap, I was laughing with another member of staff about it, and saying that by the time it could go in an outline, it would be dead. Well this woman only visited the yard once a month, but it was just my luck that she happened to be standing right behind me, having just pulled up in her horsebox. I was mortified, and felt guilty about it for weeks. She was such a nice lady, and I was such a bitch! I now try my hardest to keep my opinions to myself (although I recently did laugh in somebody's face when they unloaded their heavyweight cob, only to be told it was a show cob that had cost 20k. That shut me up pretty quickly).

If I had a yard, and you were working on it and said something like that about my client's horse (2 times!) you'd have been having a right good laugh down the jobcentre! So rude. Why would you laugh about somebody who is proud of their (older) horse? Or their heavyweight cob? You sound like just the sort of person who ruins peoples' enjoyment of their horses, and must be very insecure.

 

[micramadam]

Because it was being brought in for training at a fancy dressage yard and, as already established, I'm a bitch. To be fair to me, it was a little incongruous amongst all the big warmbloods.

So what's the problem with a cob at a posh dressage yard? We unloaded our Fjord at Imke Schelleken-Bartels yard for a dressage week and no-one laughed at us. Quite the opposite. They all loved him, including Imke & Tinneke. Imke even rode him and we have video footage to prove it. Norman successfully competed to medium and was training for advanced dressage when a DDFT injury put a premature end to his career. We used to love it at competitions when he used to make people eat their words when he won 9 times out of the 10. Cobs can do dressage, stop being so narrow minded.

 

[mandwhy]

To be fair to Holding who has already admitted her comments were bitchy, I think we all know how easy it is to get sucked into horse related bitching, and people with strong personalities can really dominate some people into joining in. We all learn from our mistakes!

 

[horsesatemymoney]

Micramadam, norman sounds lovely- any pics?

 

[micramadam]

If she knows that what's coming out of her mouth is going to be bitchy then she's better off keeping it shut in my opinion.
" if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".

 

[micramadam]

Micramadam, norman sounds lovely- any pics?

Sorry, short thread hijack! Check out my profile. He won the most handsome gelding photo competition in the Pony magazine a few years ago. But..... He's just a cob!