Rude/thoughtless things people say . . .

[tallyho!]

Oh Alan... Always showing your age... Tsk

 

[Dizzy socks]

I have nothing to say on this matter, and am simply, shamelessly, bookmarking this thread.

Although, someone please define the difference between, "crude", and "Rude".

 

[Orls]

psssttt.... Orls... bloody hell!!!!!

Yeah .... We had a bit of a communication breakdown that day

 

[tallyho!]

I have nothing to say on this matter, and am simply, shamelessly, bookmarking this thread.

Although, someone please define the difference between, "crude", and "Rude".

Ummm... One is spelled with a "c".

 

[tallyho!]

Yeah .... We had a bit of a communication breakdown that day

Don't you speak Flemish?

 

[Dizzy socks]

Ummm... One is spelled with a "c".

Thankyou. Guess I had that one coming.

 

[Orls]

Don't you speak Flemish?

He was imported five years ago, he should really have made the effort to learn English by now!

 

[tallyho!]

Couldn't resist it dizzy socks! Sorry! Good question though... I don't know either.

 

[tallyho!]

He was imported five years ago, he should really have made the effort to learn English by now!

Tsk. Bloody immigrants.

 

[1stclassalan]

Oh Alan... Always showing your age... Tsk

Ohhhh! How can you be so rude!! Hahaha!

But yep, you're probably right... well, I know you are... language changes all the time - if it's a living one, only dead ones like Latin stay static because no one (or relatively few and those are very conservative sorts ) uses it any more.

My age is mostly responsible for my opinons on acceptable language too and they are rooted in a lost society - people did swear - but certainly not in public and sprinkled like dressing on a Jamie Oliver salad.

Mind you, I have a book of 17th century swear words - you'd probably not recognise one of them - and it's a big book! Out present day expletives are not in it because they were everyday words and not regarded as offensive.

 

[tallyho!]

Interesting! Go on, what was considered rude back then? I'm terrible with peppering my language with profanity at every opportunity... My favourite is "bloody" which probably isn't all that rude but I say it too oft.

 

[hackedoff]

Having lost my much loved old boy last year who had been a bit of a one when younger I bought a v nice v green fell mare. Wasn't happy to be told how sensible I was to 'buy a plod' by a fellow livery. Fell isn't scatty but brave and eager to please,which isn't the same as a plod. The remark still rankles me.

 

[Beentheredonethat]

I was chatting to YO who also was a dealer in horses from RC types to show horses. My lad was a good old fashioned type who did well in small hunter classes and was rarely unplaced in RC horse . Nicky told me that what she could sell hundreds of were horses just like mine ..... but with a nice head. Charming!

 

[lucindakay]

oh it really gets to me as a lot of it comes from those hat think their 'higher' than others

my old yard owner said to me as i took my new horse off the trailer "well at least he'd sell more for meat"

i was livid i had just saved him from the meat man! and now he is doing so well in low level competing and will start eventing soon so up hersss

 

[1stclassalan]

Interesting! Go on, what was considered rude back then? I'm terrible with peppering my language with profanity at every opportunity... My favourite is "bloody" which probably isn't all that rude but I say it too oft.

Ah, well, "bloody" is a corruption of a blasphemous oath - "God's blood!" and there were times when it could have gotten you into an entire pit of cess!

I do hope you will not be too offended by this little offering :- http://www.ealasaid.com/fan/rochester/charles.html and remember that most of the words you can recognised as modern swear words - for the most part weren't then. My brother actually has my book at the moment but when I get it back I shall toss ye a few gadzooks and zounds to see what you make of them!

 

[doriangrey]

Tbh, profanity doesn't bother me because it's bandied around so much now it has become meaningless, for *****s sake.
I do believe there is a way to conduct oneself but on a forum (hiding behind a screen) people just seem to think it's acceptable to be mean and twatty*******ish and hide behind the 'upfront and forthright' label.
So for instance, you'll get the odd:
'Do you think I'm too heavy for my horse?' question and you can be be upfront and forthright (imo) and say 'yes, you appear to be too heavy - think about the strain you are submitting him to and lose weight, you'll both be better for it' - or (imo) rude 'I'll say it OP if nobody else will you are too fat for your horse'.
Maybe: 'Here is my cob I think he is georgous what does everyone else think - upfront and forthright (imo) 'Well I prefer a lighter type and cobs don't do it for me so as you are asking he wouldn't be my cup of tea - no offence' - or (imo) rude ' I'll say it OP if nobody else will, that's one ugly horse'.
They just came to mind, yes we all have off days - but do we really have do be so nasty to strangers? Excuse me while I go kick the OH ....

 

[PolarSkye]

Tbh, profanity doesn't bother me because it's bandied around so much now it has become meaningless, for *****s sake.
I do believe there is a way to conduct oneself but on a forum (hiding behind a screen) people just seem to think it's acceptable to be mean and twatty*******ish and hide behind the 'upfront and forthright' label.
So for instance, you'll get the odd:
'Do you think I'm too heavy for my horse?' question and you can be be upfront and forthright (imo) and say 'yes, you appear to be too heavy - think about the strain you are submitting him to and lose weight, you'll both be better for it' - or (imo) rude 'I'll say it OP if nobody else will you are too fat for your horse'.
Maybe: 'Here is my cob I think he is georgous what does everyone else think - upfront and forthright (imo) 'Well I prefer a lighter type and cobs don't do it for me so as you are asking he wouldn't be my cup of tea - no offence' - or (imo) rude ' I'll say it OP if nobody else will, that's one ugly horse'.
They just came to mind, yes we all have off days - but do we really have do be so nasty to strangers? Excuse me while I go kick the OH ....

This is exACTly what I was talking about . . . and thank you (as always) Alan, for pulling me up on correct word usage.

My point was not that I minded that one friend didn't like greys, or geldings (and she has no idea that I refer to him affectionately as The GreyDonkey), but that the WAY she worded her preference was tactless. Ditto the other example (I won't call her a friend - she's a fellow livery) . . . it was the complete lack of tact that galled me and FWIW, I think starting a conversation about "who is the best rider on the yard" is a little petulant and childish coming from a grown woman . . . what is she, twelve?

My original point (which was apparently missed), was that I do find rather a lot of rudeness (and yes, I do mean that) disguised as forthrightness in the horsey world and it irks me. We are all entitled to our opinions, but we should still be required to exercise tact and restraint in voicing them. How would it be if I commented on a friend's baby by saying . . . "I'm sure you love/him her, but I think he/she is ugly . . . just saying." . . . ?

Now . . . where are those custard pies?

P

 

[tallyho!]

Alan, that sounds like it came straight out of Game of Thrones I love it! It's rude and rude all at the same time!

Polarskye, sorry if I have contributed to things going off on a tangent... I do know what you mean and I hear rudeness often. Let it wash over you... It's not just in the horsey world it happens... Try standing at the school gates one morning...

 

[doriangrey]

However, there are times I've seen when a rude reply has been thoroughly justified, when the polite responses have been ignored:

'My horse is out all day without forage and what should I do?'
Many polite answers to this one and then I think frustration for the welfare of the horse kicked in. I can understand that.

 

[PolarSkye]

TallyHo - no apology required, I really enjoyed the tangent and I have first hand experience of the school gate and am very glad both my girls are in secondary school . . .those women can be ruthless

DorianGrey - no argument from me.

 

[maree t]

My son had a lesson today on his pony on XC. It was a PC lesson so an instructor who doesnt know them. He made several comments on the size of Mid (13hh son is 16 ). He said dont worry you will find riding such a small pony more difficult. On the way out he said I kept thinking his saddle had slipped forward then I realised it is the length of his back !!. I said oh yes his hocks are very upright and his neck too short aswell but he jumped aswell as the horses he was in with today, he did agree .
Now our Midnight is my sons BFF. He wont part with him even after being offered a 15 hh tb for free last week. We dont care what his confo is like, we didnt buy him as a show pony, he jumps 4ft and will turn his hoof to anything .
In January he qualified for trialblazers, cricklands and the Dengie, he might have only cost us £500 but it is the best money we ever spent.

My kids first pony (now out on loan) is a coloured mare, she is a shettie cross but does have rather a large head compared to her body. BUT you could hack her down the M20, jump 2'6 . Totally trust her with a novice although she would give any capable rider a run for their money. I overheard somebody at a show whos child was in a lead rein class against mine, saying crikey surprised her neck holds up, she wont beat mine. Hers was 28 years old crippled with arthritus and a nappy little ****** .
beauty is in the eye of the beholder but all of mine are the most gorgeous ponies I have ever seen !!!!

 

[BouncyPants]

The worst I find is when people can sense that you are unhappy (even though you may well be smiling), and they ask you if they have done anything to offend you... you tell them, as blamelessly as possible, and say things like 'everyone has a different way' etc to try to mitigate it all and make it easier, and yet then you get publicly slated for telling them what they asked to know... now I know I am a bit aspie, but why do people ask questions that they don't want to know the answers to...?
Having just been subjected to a very harrowing time, starting on facebook, and ending with a texting torrent of abuse, I am losing the will to speak to anyone... :-(
Have felt ill for nearly a week now - as a result of other people's rudeness... having put up with a lot from them for a year or so, and paid them a lot of money for the privilege... I don't actually want to care what other people think of me, but it hurts like hell when they are publicly lying about me to others that I thought were friends - don't want to go out now, never mind compete, which is a bit tricky for a judge :-( Just too embarrassing :-(

 

[mcnaughty]

A few recent comments by friends/acquaintances had me thinking - some examples:

Ran into long time friend who was fence judging at a local ODE - she was telling me about the new 17.2hh grey mare she had just found for her son to event and when I exclaimed that grey is a lovely colour said (with a rather sour face) "I HATE greys, they never look shiney or impressive . . . HATE geldings too - they are always boring and predictable and always the same" . . . she knows full well I have a grey gelding . . and I defy anyone to describe him as boring

A group of us were chatting on the yard and one livery asked another who she thought was the best rider on the yard . . response was "for dressage, I would say S - she has a lovely, correct position (currently competing at Elementary) and for eventing/as an all rounder I would say Z (has competed at BE novice, brings on young horses) . . response was "oh not Z, she is just a passenger" . .
. she knows Z is Kal's current jockey . . . my mouth just fell open.

P

Sorry, I have to say that I think you are over-reacting a tad here. The lady is entitled to her opinion on greys and geldings - I personally love greys but some people hate them. Some people absolutely despise mares, I was one of them until I found my beautiful girl and that was more by force than judgement because my YO did not have room for another gelding! As for the second para - if you don't want a response from a question ... don't ask it in the first place! Anyway, the comment wasn't directed towards your horse it was directed towards the rider purely being a passenger ie the horse is so push button the rider just sits there and steers. Actually sounds like a complement towards your horse!

 

[monte1]

So what's the problem with a cob at a posh dressage yard? We unloaded our Fjord at Imke Schelleken-Bartels yard for a dressage week and no-one laughed at us. Quite the opposite. They all loved him, including Imke & Tinneke. Imke even rode him and we have video footage to prove it. Norman successfully competed to medium and was training for advanced dressage when a DDFT injury put a premature end to his career. We used to love it at competitions when he used to make people eat their words when he won 9 times out of the 10. Cobs can do dressage, stop being so narrow minded.

Am loving this thread! ...Norman sounds wonderful! we have a 14hh Fjord mare who is actually a super jumper and my DD quite often get some funny looks and the odd - I didn't know they could even jump -type comment in the warm up arena before she goes in and then jumps a lovely metre plus clear round oh and her flatwork isnt to shabby either )-- she is also the most wonderful person to have around the yard! we all love her to bits !

 

[KSR]

I was at an equine conference last year and was chatting to "a very knowledgeable" lady who was fawning over relevant photos of my horses and how good they are..

Until she asked their breeding.. I told her the names.. She asked what were they?

I said proudly that they are CB..

She said, "eurgh"..

Nice :/

 

[PolarSkye]

Sorry, I have to say that I think you are over-reacting a tad here. The lady is entitled to her opinion on greys and geldings - I personally love greys but some people hate them. Some people absolutely despise mares, I was one of them until I found my beautiful girl and that was more by force than judgement because my YO did not have room for another gelding! As for the second para - if you don't want a response from a question ... don't ask it in the first place! Anyway, the comment wasn't directed towards your horse it was directed towards the rider purely being a passenger ie the horse is so push button the rider just sits there and steers. Actually sounds like a complement towards your horse!

I didn't ask the question . . . it's not a question I would ever ask . . . I think it's a spiteful, childish, no-win conversation - it was raised by the woman who went on to slate my horse's jockey . . . and, FWIW, my horse is FAR from push button - a fact, well known on the yard and by anyone who knows him . . . which is why I found her statement so galling.

But none of that actually matters . . . my point was not that I was particularly upset by either example, just that they were examples of how tactless some people can be - and I was wondering whether others have found people in the horsey world equally tactless.

And, yes, I see perfectly that people have preferences . . . that's natural . . . but there are ways of expressing those preferences . . . and a little consideration of other people's preferences wouldn't go amiss.

I'm not tearing my hair out because not everyone thinks my grey, male horse is the bee's knees . . . but I AM irked by some people's lack of tact and - for want of a better word - manners.

Hope that makes sense.

P

 

[Parachute]

My best friend had her beloved horse PTS last year after suffering with acute laminitis to the point where the pedal bone had dropped through.. She left after he was gone and I stayed with him until the lorry came to collect his body.. Our yard owner at the time came out whilst I was sat crying over him and said 'Jessie will be next then' with a big grin on his face. Jessie is my first pony which I've owned for 11 years, she's retired to sidebone, ringbone and arthritis but is sound and very happy out in the field. Couldn't believe what I had heard and sat there in shock afterwards.. It wasn't the first time he had mentioned it either!

Utterly disgusting!! I'm sorry you had to hear somebody say that!!

 

[Ginger_ninja]

When I first bought my horse at age 14, I had horrifically bit off more than I could chew. 16hh worth of competition fit Dutch Warmblood was way too much for a first horse. But I had the gut feeling he was perfect.

Long story short, horse was completely mental, had several reputable dealers come to see him to buy off me.

No word of a lie, one said 'The only money I would pay for that horse is the bullet to put in its head'

And now, after blood sweat and tears my horse is actually quite sane. An angel in the stable and to be ridden. I did this all on my own, as I came from a very Un horsey family.

Proud of myself isn't even the word. I ignored tactless comments and got on with it!

 

[SadKen]

It certainly doesn't bother me. But when I was horse shopping a number of folks sent me ads for what they thought would be suitable, which were tbs, ish and warmbloods. When I thanked them but explained that I really rather wanted an Arab, the responses were either revulsion or extreme puzzlement. One lady said 'what on earth for?'. Answer... I love them, they are kind and clever, not too tall and will do a bit of everything, which is all I wanted to do.

People don't really seem to be rude to me (lord knows there's enough material). If I think they are just being blunt I don't take it seriously as my OH can be that way and doesn't mean anything by it. If someone is genuinely mean, I may elect not to spend time with those folks because I don't like to watch them go for the throat with weaker people.

 

[Nancykitt]

I was listening to an interesting programme on Radio 4 the other week - I forget what it was called but it really got me thinking.

It was about the modern obsession with 'telling the truth' and 'I don't say things behind people's backs, I say it to their face' which is a rather bizarre moral code, and that ACTUALLY a little politeness, tact and diplomacy is probably more socially intelligent than just 'telling the truth' and is very lacking in today's society.

I admit I've had a few unintentional foot in mouth moments myself, but I would never say something rude and uncalled for on purpose!

Yes, I can really identify with this. A friend and I once came across a woman at a local show who is well known on the circuit and does quite a lot of judging - although on this particular day, she was competing herself rather than judging. We hadn't actually asked for an opinion but she came up and remarked that my friend's horse was 'far too common looking' and 'nothing special'. Seeing the look on my friend's face, she tried to mitigate by saying "Well, I say what I think, me! I don't wrap things up, I'll say it like it is!"
Basically, this is just someone trying to make an excuse for being rude. Whatever happened to tact, diplomacy and manners? And what did she achieve, other than making someone feel lousy?