Rude/thoughtless things people say . . .

[PolarSkye]

A few recent comments by friends/acquaintances had me thinking - some examples:

Ran into long time friend who was fence judging at a local ODE - she was telling me about the new 17.2hh grey mare she had just found for her son to event and when I exclaimed that grey is a lovely colour said (with a rather sour face) "I HATE greys, they never look shiney or impressive . . . HATE geldings too - they are always boring and predictable and always the same" . . . she knows full well I have a grey gelding . . and I defy anyone to describe him as boring

A group of us were chatting on the yard and one livery asked another who she thought was the best rider on the yard . . response was "for dressage, I would say S - she has a lovely, correct position (currently competing at Elementary) and for eventing/as an all rounder I would say Z (has competed at BE novice, brings on young horses) . . response was "oh not Z, she is just a passenger" . .
. she knows Z is Kal's current jockey . . . my mouth just fell open.

I am all for people being free with their opinions, and we won't all agree when it comes to horses - but where does tact and diplomacy come in? Or do such fluffy sentiments have no place in the horsey world?

P

 

[asommerville]

i do wonder myself sometimes....my friends really down after probs with her horse, was talking of selling him.and YO told her shes too heavy for him anyway!!! tactful no'!!!!!

 

[Coldfeet!]

People's rudeness, spite, venom, snootyness and general ignorance never ceases to amaze me in the horse world.

 

[twobearsarthur]

I encountered this a few years ago. We had always said that the year my first pony had a bad winter we would let her enjoy the summer then PTS. The bad winter happened so as planned we PTS the next Autumn. A fellow livery was disgusted and proceeded to tell me mum if we couldn't afford her anymore she would have taken her off us!!!!! We had, had said pony for 25 years and she was 44 years old. To say said livery was told in an array of imaginative expletives where to go is an understatement.

 

[JFTDWS]

Tact is almost entirely absent in most horsey people, so far as I've been able to detect.

Not that I have any myself

 

[Grumpymoo]

I know exactly how you feel. I had a close friend of mine who is aware of my nerves and problems I had with my horse make a harsh comment recently. I told her I had ridden my boy on my own with a friend walking along side me which was a massive achievement down the lane and back and her response was "well the amount of time you have owned him you should be able too ride him on your own now"!!! Not the well done I was expecting. Especially as the week before she said that I don't think you should even ride him in the school by yourself?

You just have to ignore them I think even tho it is not nice!

 

[Shantara]

Can't stand people like that! (Your Kal is gorgeous, for one!)

I know a girl who if YO is mentioned will make loads of snide, rude comments about her. She even made rude comments about YO giving Ned to me! Also, before I got Ned she would say that he's no good and I should really look in to getting a better one. One of the comments that spurred me on to make him a good horse!
She talks about my other friends behind their backs and I know she talks about me!

 

[nemlin]

Met a random person out on a ride who was having trouble controlling her rather lively horse. I'd pulled aside (we were in a large field just waiting to go through a gate) and my saint of a horse just stood and watched for the whole 10 minutes it took this person to pass. No thanks or anything for waiting, just got the ultimate 'he thinks your horse is a cow' as they came past. Why is it you always think of something witty to say after the event? I just stood there dumbfounded!

 

[fatpiggy]

A few recent comments by friends/acquaintances had me thinking - some examples:

Ran into long time friend who was fence judging at a local ODE - she was telling me about the new 17.2hh grey mare she had just found for her son to event and when I exclaimed that grey is a lovely colour said (with a rather sour face) "I HATE greys, they never look shiney or impressive . . . HATE geldings too - they are always boring and predictable and always the same" . . . she knows full well I have a grey gelding . . and I defy anyone to describe him as boring

A group of us were chatting on the yard and one livery asked another who she thought was the best rider on the yard . . response was "for dressage, I would say S - she has a lovely, correct position (currently competing at Elementary) and for eventing/as an all rounder I would say Z (has competed at BE novice, brings on young horses) . . response was "oh not Z, she is just a passenger" . .
. she knows Z is Kal's current jockey . . . my mouth just fell open.

I am all for people being free with their opinions, and we won't all agree when it comes to horses - but where does tact and diplomacy come in? Or do such fluffy sentiments have no place in the horsey world?

P

I think it more a case of oneupmanship rather than a lack of tact etc that pervades the horse world. People like that tend to be just the same about their children! Mind you , I was guilty once of standing outside the ring of the local riding club show and saying to my friend next to me that it was a lovely pony trotting around but a shame it dished so badly (it really did, I didn't have any axe to grind as I didn't even know the animal) and unfortunately its owner was stood on my other side and rounded on me with absolute fury. How dare I say such lies, I didn't know anything about horses blah blah. I smiled sweetly and said "love is blind" and walked away. As far as I was concerned my own horse was always the lovliest on the showground and if the judge didn't agree, that was their problem, so we are all afflicted by "owners goggles"!

 

[applecart14]

"you were lucky because I was going to pull you off my horse because you weren't riding him properly" from someone who didn't ride my horse particuarly well and fell off him in the process!

I nearly wet myself laughing!

 

[casinosolo]

I was listening to an interesting programme on Radio 4 the other week - I forget what it was called but it really got me thinking.

It was about the modern obsession with 'telling the truth' and 'I don't say things behind people's backs, I say it to their face' which is a rather bizarre moral code, and that ACTUALLY a little politeness, tact and diplomacy is probably more socially intelligent than just 'telling the truth' and is very lacking in today's society.

I admit I've had a few unintentional foot in mouth moments myself, but I would never say something rude and uncalled for on purpose!

 

[Littlelegs]

We used to get them about daughters pony, who as a youngster did have (understandable) issues, now she's just a young, lively opinionated mare & perfect for my daughter. Had comments about 'no way would I want my child on that' as a result of watching pony bronc, spin, rear & generally race round whilst turned out. And some stupid boot who's child my daughter had just beat in a class who said pony was worth meat money & evil. Based on the fact years earlier as a yearling pony was bought for meat money & was fear aggressive. Something she hardly displayed being handled & ridden by a 6yr old at a fun show.

 

[lucky7]

I have it all the time with a *friend*
I own a beautiful cob whome i have had since a foal and backed myself and very proud of.

watching a cob doing a dressage test, it went lovely:
Friend: "how can a cob be placed above something like my horse (tb) it simply hasn't got the same presence as a TB"
"you can't get passed local stuff with cobs (doing dressage), they don't get taken seriously"
"imagine taking a cob to such and such (name taken out but a serious dressage trainer we know) would let down her reputation"
"its nothing special, just a cob"
"cobs are for beginners and nervous people"
"anyone can ride a cob"

And the prize quotation!

I won a local w&t test on my newly backed cob, it was her first outing and she behaved beautifully and did an amazing first test - ok it was only a w&t but i was pleased as punch, had lots of lovely judges comments and even had 2 seperate people asking if she was for sale, cob gets lots of attention when we go anywhere as quite unusual.
friend said:
" Well you did better than everyone else, they where particularly bad in that w&t test, no wonder you won!"


Jealous much?!

 

[littleladylou]

Lucky7 - I think you should find a new friend!

 

[Izzyella]

I was looking to buy a native breed and my friend (who felt I should spend a lot of money and buy something better, even though I just wanted a family pony up to adult weight) said 'Well you might get lucky, he might be a really BAD example of the breed...' At the time I was quite upset as she knew I'm a novice and wanted a kind, reliable horse to be a pet as much as anything, not an eventer (she thought a tb or id/tb would be better as I could go on and do much more). She has since admitted that I did well with him...

 

[FoxTrotx]

I have a particularly tactless friend who actually doesn't really know that much at all, she takes great pleasure in pointing out every single flaw in anyone's riding. I offered her to get on my mare and show me where I'm going wrong (actually nothing, mare was having a 'fresh' day but nothing remotely bad) but she declined as apparantly my horse is dangerous

I do have another tactless friend who's opinion I value greatly though, if she compliments me it's great!

 

[lucky7]

Lucky7 - I think you should find a new friend!

I don't see her much nowadays - i tend to avoid

 

[Lolo]

You just have to be rubber Let it bounce off you. Horsey people are not tactful or easy going on the whole, and I bet you've accidentally made a gaff like the first one and walked away cringing...

Best rider conversations are best not to get drawn into as well! Non-committal "Everyone has their strengths" works I find...

 

[Rollin]

Oh I think I can better that.

I sat beside a well-known lady whip at an equestrian dinner. On hearing I loved Cleveland Bays, she replied she had seen a CB ONCE and the CB was a fat and ugly horse!! (Please feel free to admire my ugly filly on the Breeders' forum).

My husband had just given her husband a cheque for our equine insurance - foot in mouth?

 

[redredruby]

My mum came to meet my new pony at the weekend and when we were bringing him in from the field looked at him and asked 'is he going to grow any more' to which I replied 'errr no'......she then thought for a minute and replied 'well, you must love him very much'

I couldn't believe it!!!

 

[Shantara]

I was listening to an interesting programme on Radio 4 the other week - I forget what it was called but it really got me thinking.

It was about the modern obsession with 'telling the truth' and 'I don't say things behind people's backs, I say it to their face' which is a rather bizarre moral code, and that ACTUALLY a little politeness, tact and diplomacy is probably more socially intelligent than just 'telling the truth' and is very lacking in today's society.

I admit I've had a few unintentional foot in mouth moments myself, but I would never say something rude and uncalled for on purpose!

I find that most people who "tell it as it is" are just rude and use that to cover their own backs. I have massive respect for people who can be polite, but get the same point across as people who are "telling it as it is"

 

[JinglebellJessi & MistletoeMagic]

I find that most people who "tell it as it is" are just rude and use that to cover their own backs. I have massive respect for people who can be polite, but get the same point across as people who are "telling it as it is"

This ^

I HATE it. Honestly.
It always starts with 'No offence but....'
Well yes, actually it is offensive so either word your concerns politely or shut up.

many of them on this forum....

 

[Moomin1]

Mmm yes. There was a rather rude and obnoxious young 13yr old girl on our yard not so long ago. Had a habit of 'borrowing' peoples' things and never replacing them. She also had been bought an ex racer, with the most ruined legs I think I have ever seen on a horse. It was unsound, had every stereotypical behaviour you can think of pretty much, was facey and aggressive in the stable, but because her mum had bought it for peanuts, she thought she had a wonderful bargain on her hands.

Anyway, one evening, she was stood chatting to me about my mare, and I commented that she broken my finger once, by pulling backwards and rearing up on the rope, catching my finger. Her response (a 14yr old, to a 31yr old!) was "Oh if that was me, I would just get rid of the ******* thing. As soon as one of my horses does something like that, my mum gets rid. My mum only ever makes sure I have quality horses."

I didn't know whether to laugh or hang my head in horror at the spoilt rotten rude behaviour from her..

 

[Crosshill Pacers]

I've had confidence issues with my riding and was nervous getting back in the saddle with Big Ears as at the time she was only four and fresh from racing. I did it though, and we've taken quite big steps I feel which culminated in us going hunting seven times over the winter. On the last day we had our first real gallop together, went through a river for the first time (the crossing place was quite deep), accidentally jumped a ditch and generally had a bloomin' amazing time! I was so chuffed with how she'd behaved and how confident I felt riding her.

I was relaying all this to my parents in the Land Rover on the journey home from the meet when my old man told me I'm 'still not a proper rider'. Gee, thanks. And there was me thinking I was doing so well

 

[JFTDWS]

I was listening to an interesting programme on Radio 4 the other week - I forget what it was called but it really got me thinking.

It was about the modern obsession with 'telling the truth' and 'I don't say things behind people's backs, I say it to their face' which is a rather bizarre moral code, and that ACTUALLY a little politeness, tact and diplomacy is probably more socially intelligent than just 'telling the truth' and is very lacking in today's society.

There are two sides to this. I think there's a large element of not saying anything at all to people for fear of offending these days, which isn't helpful either. So many people are so ill-educated and oblivious to their own flaws and management mistakes that they need straight talking to appreciate that they're doing it wrong.

I'm thinking of the repeating theme in here of "scary" old PC instructors who used to sort things out when some of the older members were younger, while now so many people bypass PC or have a paddy at any criticism / ignore it. Which is all well and good, until it's a welfare issue or a "you will probaby kill yourself and your horse if you try and jump that xc fence / enter that event" etc. Think of the current facebook thread - these people aren't taking polite suggestions to get a vet, and ignoring it isn't going to help the horse - chances are a bit of straight talking won't either, but if they had someone in RL doing it too (Yo/ instructor etc) maybe it might...

That said, there's no excuse for personal insults, swearing or generally going off the handle at people. You can be blunt and honest without infringing basic manners, though a degree of tact and white lies would be preferable in situations of taste, like the OP's.

 

[Lolo]

I find that most people who "tell it as it is" are just rude and use that to cover their own backs. I have massive respect for people who can be polite, but get the same point across as people who are "telling it as it is"

This! On more than one occasion I've responded to "I just say what I think" with "think a little harder then"... Find it the rudest way of defending bad behavior!

 

[Oberon]

The wonderful thing about reaching your 30s is that you really don't care what other people think/say any more.

It stops being painful and just becomes amusing .

 

[Moomin1]

The wonderful thing about reaching your 30s is that you really don't care what other people think/say any more.

It stops being painful and just becomes amusing .

I agree!!

 

[LaurenBay]

Some people are very rude indeed!!

When Ruby first started having soundness issues and the vet and pysio were unsure as too why, I prepared for the worst (retired at age of 6) she underwent 3 months of pysio and in that time I roughed her off, she got very fluffy and her mane was very long. But I saw no point in clipping her if she could not be worked.

A new livery arived on the yard and she brought atleast 2 friends with her every time she came to do her Horse, they are at a competition yard down the road. The comments I got about Ruby were:

"Shes too small" (shes 14.2 and I'm 5ft)
"Shes very scruffy isn't she?"
"She needs her mane pulled ASAP"

One even went up to her and said in a baby voice "you need your mane pulled, don't you?"

The livery is no longer at my yard.

 

[Roasted Chestnuts]

Well I have to say sometimes people don't think about what they say infront of who they say it and it is just their genuine opinion. Now in that situation I wouldn't say they are doing it to be hateful to you if it applies to you but only you can choose to take it so.

Just because you think a person is being rude/ignorant whatever doesn't mean they think they are nor does it mean they are doing it deliberately. And people are also not honour bound to agree with the opinions of friends regardless.

Those who think the above are just sheep IMO and if you choose to take offence just because you have the same type/colour/sex of horse that someone else dislikes then that's up to you IME. There are lots of people who can't stand one or another type of horse out there.