Shocked and disgusted!

[BBH]

Why should people have to go to a different forum because of a minority that cant give helpful criticism? Structured helpful, advice / criticism is what we want, but you don’t have to be rude about it!

I think you are missing the point in that some on here like nothing more than a bun fight, and there's no more easier way to get into a debate and make a thread last longer than chucking in the rude quips. This then generates posts from others, me included, to stand up for those in the firing line of the rudeness and so it goes on.....

These are the threads with the largest post count IME.

I think we just have to accept that there are people on here who we wouldn't socialise with in RL.

 

[applecart14]

This is very true But I don't think the OP is talking about people who just "tell it how it is", so much as people who can't phrase their opinions without being insulting and making personal attacks. IMO there is a massive difference between "not sugar-coating and cooing" and being deliberately nasty. You can be no-nonsense without being a bitch!

I've had some pretty nasty things said to me in this last week or so both on this forum and off it, and I agree that there is a world of difference between telling it how it is (something which I am often guilty of), being honest with people (something which always gets me into trouble as I am too honest at times) and being a complete bitch and making hurtful, cruel or unnecessary comments with the intention of upsetting someone greatly.

The things I have been told I am this week I would never ever say to anyone as I just don't have a cruel or malicous streak in me.

I do hope you will stay with this forum OP. Its like most things in life - you get good and bad and you have to try and ride the waves. You will be tommorows news soon enough.

 

[pip6]

Forcing people to go elsewhere is bullying. I have seen some wonderful threads, & unfortunately witnessed some at the other extreme.

There is no excuse for rudeness, the person who posted the old nags comment lost every bit of credability in one hit. Totally agree with if you don't like something don't read it. Advice can be direct, unfluffy without being rude. There are definately threads you just hope are wind ups because of the extreme nature of the question being asked. I have seen some very personally offensive pm's posted to a member of the forum, this behaviour is totally unjustified. If it is so rude you can't say it in public, don't pm it. Honesty is fine, but going onto bullying/agression/offensive/rude behaviour is not. End of the day it's a forum & it doesn't matter what your views are, you can express them but unless you can make coherant, intelligent debate I doubt you will change someone elses view to meet your own. Just because many livery yards are a bi*ches paradise, is not a reason to behave like that yourself. You choose how you behave, it's a personal decision.

 

[ellie_e]

BBH yes i think i agree, how many people would actually say it to someone's face?! Not many, but because its online they get away with it! I enjoy looking and reading the stuff on here, as many heads are better that one if your having difficutly with something. I guess some people are brought up, other's arent, and we all have different opinions. I'll be staying put... i have plenty more fight in me yet!

 

[aimeetb]

Gotta say Applecart, the horse in your sig is really lovely!! x

 

[Wagtail]

It always makes me laugh when people get rude towards me and start name calling. It's a sure sign they are losing the real argument. But it can be quite intimidating to some, especially younger members.

 

[BBH]

BBH yes i think i agree, how many people would actually say it to someone's face?! Not many, but because its online they get away with it! I enjoy looking and reading the stuff on here, as many heads are better that one if your having difficutly with something. I guess some people are brought up, other's arent, and we all have different opinions. I'll be staying put... i have plenty more fight in me yet!

You'll soon get to know the trouble makers and those who are known for being rude. There are some really lovely people on here and very helpful but you do have to sort the wood from the chaff so to speak.

 

[ellie_e]

You'll soon get to know the trouble makers and those who are known for being rude. There are some really lovely people on here and very helpful but you do have to sort the wood from the chaff so to speak.

HAHA!! Yessss!!! Very true! Theres clearly alot of 'sorting' to be done!!
Thanks BBH!

 

[applecart14]

Gotta say Applecart, the horse in your sig is really lovely!! x

Ahh thank you Aimeetb, he is my total pride and joy and I love him sooo very much. He is called Bailey and he was 14 on friday. He is a dutch bred belgian WB! He has a smashing tempament and gives me a lovely whinny most nights when I walk on the yard. Last night he had a skip full of poo hanging from his face and just stood there when the handle of the skip bucket got caught in the browband of his bridle. Horses like that are worth their weight in gold.

 

[Damnation]

The majority of people on here are lovely straight talking horse lovers.
Yes there are a small few bitches but thats life.
If you don't like it there are pleanty of other forums to join.

ETA: I'm not pushing you out, I hope you stay on the forum.. but as I have said you have to take the good with the bad.

 

[Cinnamontoast]

No it isn't. It's remarks like that which make people go to appropriate forums where the members are more like minded.
This place is briliant just the way it is in my opinion. You get straight talking no-nonsense but the very same people when you need it can be the most invaluable people in the world.

^ This

I wouldn't try and change the country pub, or the coffee shop, I'd just go to the one where I fitted in best!

So true.

Why should people have to go to a different forum because of a minority that cant give helpful criticism? Structured helpful, advice / criticism is what we want, but you don’t have to be rude about it!

You don't have to go on a different forum and no one can force you, but it's pointless complaining that people here are horrible. This is, Io, an adult forum. There are teen forums out there and forums that suit/don't suit particular people. Took me a while to join this one as it's often touted as the 'dark side' and 'scary'. It can be, but there are genuine, experienced people here who will give great advice if you don't sit and whine about how awful it is when you've been on here 5 minutes.

 

[dominobrown]

I think is most of the 'nastiness' comes from debates where people opinions are very different, and some subjects people feel strongly about. Not everyone will agree 9and rightly so) and some people get very upset with people who don't agree with them.
Sometimes people are ignorant and very bias which may cause people to get upset.
This, however, can be said for any debate on any forum between any group of people on subject people feel strongly about.

 

[marmalade76]

The horseworld is a small one Ellie E from South Wales, catch you on the circuit

*sniggers*

 

[Chavhorse]

^ This



So true.



You don't have to go on a different forum and no one can force you, but it's pointless complaining that people here are horrible. This is, Io, an adult forum. There are teen forums out there and forums that suit/don't suit particular people. Took me a while to join this one as it's often touted as the 'dark side' and 'scary'. It can be, but there are genuine, experienced people here who will give great advice if you don't sit and whine about how awful it is when you've been on here 5 minutes.

Kudos Cinammon Toast

 

[ThePinkPony]

I do love coming on here. And yes i admit that some of the bitchyness has really really bothered me. But kitsune is right.

I've been helped massively on this forum, its given me confidence and confirmed things i've already known. I have been helped, and I know i have 'tried' to help people, including someone commenting on this very thread, to the best of my ability.

I think the only thing that makes a difference though, is that the 'bitches' on HHO probably wouldnt have the gall to say anything remotely like they do on here in real life.

 

[Ranyhyn]

Forcing people to go elsewhere is bullying

Who is forcing her?

Just seems common sense to me. If I go to a goth rocker night club but don't like goth rockers - I go elsewhere. If I go to a trance party but don't like ravers - I go elsewhere.

I wouldn't sit in the places bemoaning how awful all the regulars were and how they should change the way they are to accomodate ME and my way of thinking..

 

[ellie_e]

The point i am trying to make Kitsune is that why dont people think before they start typing?!
Nobody has ever been/said anything horrid to me, but i dont like reading it when the answer could have been said without hurting people! People wouldnt say your too fat to ride that horse, to the person face, but why say it online?? The other things i have read i have enjoyed, found interesting and even commented on! surely you should be welcoming new members, and not putting them off?! otherwise its the same old faces all the time?!...any club needs new members to regenerate it!? correct?!!

 

[The Virgin Dubble]

Who is forcing her?

Just seems common sense to me. If I go to a goth rocker night club but don't like goth rockers - I go elsewhere. If I go to a trance party but don't like ravers - I go elsewhere.

I wouldn't sit in the places bemoaning how awful all the regulars were and how they should change the way they are to accomodate ME and my way of thinking..

Precisely what I was just thinking Kitty.

It's the equivalent of me going to a health food shop and moaning because they don't sell Creme Eggs....

Forums are what they are - you visit, join in, and if you like it you stay, if you don't, you find a forum you do like.

HHO is the biggest horse forum on the net by far, so apart from the odd spats and fights, I would suggest that the majority are happy with the way things are.

 

[bensababy]

The point i am trying to make Kitsune is that why dont people think before they start typing?!
Nobody has ever been/said anything horrid to me, but i dont like reading it when the answer could have been said without hurting people! People wouldnt say your too fat to ride that horse, to the person face, but why say it online?? The other things i have read i have enjoyed, found interesting and even commented on! surely you should be welcoming new members, and not putting them off?! otherwise its the same old faces all the time?!...any club needs new members to regenerate it!? correct?!!

But you cant sit here and moan about it when you have just blatently called people "old nags".. you lost all credibility there. Sorry. As i have said practise what you are preaching to people.

 

[Mrs B]

Exactly Joosie!! Well said!!
Notice how its all the 'old nags' who pipe up so quickly!! Maybe their name speaks volumes about them personally?! who knows!

I refer the Honourable new member back to this comment they made earlier, which rather undermined her own argument...

As to your point about needing new members, you are correct, but joining somewhere and immediately saying you don't like things the way they are, so why doesn't it change is not always the best way to get a warm welcome.

 

[Ranyhyn]

People wouldnt say your too fat to ride that horse, to the person face, but why say it online??

How do you know that? You could't possibly know that.

And also the post you are referring to is a troll post almost certainly. Us "old nags" as you so kindly put it, have been round longer than you so maybe we spot it sooner, just a thought.

Maybe stop assuming the worst, sit back and watch for a while and you'll realise that it is very infrequently, given the number of posters here, that it actually kicks off in a bad way.

Most of the time we bicker, have differences of opinion and even tell each other they're bitches but the next week we'll all be mucking it to help someone who genuinely needs help and all will be well with the world.

 

[Chico Mio]

It's an open, public forum. Anyone can join, but they take us as they find us - warts and all. It's a good job you weren't here in the forum's previous incarnation - positively anarchic compared to how it is these (over moderated IMO) days.

I agree there is no need for rudeness, cruelty or downright unpleasantness, but we are how we are - as said above, best to sit back and see how things go, before complainng that things 'aren't nice'. Suspected trolls are dealt with harshly because they deserve it.

 

[Ranyhyn]

But you could be right Ellie E - as you too wouldn't dare call me an old nag to my face either

Maybe you should step away from this debate now as you keep undermining your own argument, which isn't the best introduction to the forum really.

 

[ellie_e]

Ha yes, the comment was there..had to say it! just like many of the people just had to say it, to others!! Not so nice when the boot is on the other foot!?! Im not trying to change anything geez a forum this size is clearly not going to change now! i am clearly asking why do people say it?!? speak the truth, say it as it is...but why be rude?!

 

[ThePinkPony]

The point i am trying to make Kitsune is that why dont people think before they start typing?!
Nobody has ever been/said anything horrid to me, but i dont like reading it when the answer could have been said without hurting people! People wouldnt say your too fat to ride that horse, to the person face, but why say it online?? The other things i have read i have enjoyed, found interesting and even commented on! surely you should be welcoming new members, and not putting them off?! otherwise its the same old faces all the time?!...any club needs new members to regenerate it!? correct?!!

Yes, all well and good. But you cant join a club and then slag it down and call for change.

thats like an english person walking into a welsh pub and changing the CD. You just dont do it.

After being called a troll i recieved some very nice PM's explaining how the forum works and what to expect.

 

[SplashofSoy]

It's an open, public forum. Anyone can join, but they take us as they find us - warts and all. It's a good job you weren't here in the forum's previous incarnation - positively anarchic compared to how it is these (over moderated IMO) days.

I agree there is no need for rudeness, cruelty or downright unpleasantness, but we are how we are - as said above, best to sit back and see how things go, before complainng that things 'aren't nice'. Suspected trolls are dealt with harshly because they deserve it.

^^^^this^^^^

and you have to remember that one person will think a response is rude whilst others will not. Some people are more sensitive than others on here just as in real life just as others will just come straight to the point rather than dodge an issue.

 

[gugglebum]

ellie_e all forums are the same, I've seen your point raised and the exact same responses given numerous times on numerous forum (not even horse related).

I like H&H, and I haven't yet observed any bitchy behaviour but I'm not on here a whole lot. I've seen several people being over sensitive though and not recognising good solid advice for what it is, despite asking for it!

I've also observed the band wagon, finger waggling behaviour that someone else referred to. Everyone types the same ilk responses, then someone has the guts to tell it like it is, and lo and behold the entire direction of the thread changes!

All I can say is be yourself, hold true to your principles and manner of dealing with people, and let everyone else get on with what ever they want to do. I see some people post and think 'god i'd hate to share a yard with someone like that' and others I imagine are the sort of people I'd gravitate towards. Just like in real life. But most importantly, don't take it too seriously

 

[BSJAlove]

why come on the forum if you dont like it?

 

[ellie_e]

gugglegum this is what pissed me off! It is a kid asking for advice, and then people are clearly taking the piss out of her! Were we all not young/neive and had a lot to learn at one stage?? Theres no excuse for lack of manners!
http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=448873

 

[Cinnamontoast]

I find myself posting in a more adult way on this forum than on others. I don't overuse punctuation (!?) and the theme here, I think, is that it's not 'fluffy' and people don't really give a damn if you post pictures of your pony's bling head collar and matching travel boots.