Goldenstar
Well-Known Member
With kids and a resentful husband I would go down to one you will find the difference huge .
Should I sell one of my horses? Which one?
- Thread starter Bertiebcool
- Start date
conniegirl
Well-Known Member
I’d sell the youngster and possibly the 12yr old.
Bringing on a youngster is a huge undertaking, it will swallow so much time and effort that you are unlikey to have time for much else.
go down the youngster route when your kids are older and require much less input
Bringing on a youngster is a huge undertaking, it will swallow so much time and effort that you are unlikey to have time for much else.
go down the youngster route when your kids are older and require much less input
Xmasha
Well-Known Member
Pretty much everything has been said that i would say.. keep the ID and sell the mare and possibly the youngster too. it sounds as though you could find the mare a good home very quickly, then in the new year / spring look at selling the then 3yo.
Good IDs are worth their weight in gold
Good IDs are worth their weight in gold
SatansLittleHelper
Well-Known Member
Sell the young horse and possibly sell or loan out the mare.
Your ID boy sounds like a superstar and you cannot put a price on that. You can always revisit the young horse thing at a later date.
I'm in awe of how you've managed so far....that's alot to cope with..!!!
Your ID boy sounds like a superstar and you cannot put a price on that. You can always revisit the young horse thing at a later date.
I'm in awe of how you've managed so far....that's alot to cope with..!!!
cbmcts
Well-Known Member
No easy answers on the horses - I can only imagine how tough it is.
But why is all the domestic stuff your responsibility? You work albeit part time, have many kids but you also have a husband who is also a parent? He might be a very nice chap but shouldn't he be doing his share domestically too?
But why is all the domestic stuff your responsibility? You work albeit part time, have many kids but you also have a husband who is also a parent? He might be a very nice chap but shouldn't he be doing his share domestically too?
Bertiebcool
Member
Thanks for your reply.we have two ponies out on long term loan as the children lost all interest. I think one of them will come back this summer as outgrown in loan home so will see how our youngest goes but ponies are not really any trouble and will probably stay out most the time in the field shelter.
I hate to talk ill of him but when it comes to domestic help/support my husband is a waste of space and that’s when he is around. He works away a lot so is not around much anyway. I am a single parent most the time but the children (older ones especially) try to help out but I don’t want their childhood memories to all be of having to help Mum out with the horses. It is after all my thing not theirs ? so I do try to get all I can done in the day or before they get up so it doesn’t effect them but obviously tea time/bring in etc is affected. Most things I do ridden/hunting/competing wise has to be done during nursery/school hours
The kids are actually all against any of the horses being moved on ??
Bertiebcool
Member
Thank you for your kind words. He is a wonderful boy ?
ihatework
Well-Known Member
I’m exhausted just thinking about your lifestyle!!
irishdraft
Well-Known Member
Wow OP I'm not sure I could manage with the domestic stuff and work let alone 3 horses and actually doing anything with them . I also think 2 year old to go youngsters take up a huge amount of time and effort when you get going with them then probably the mare especially as you have interested parties. Hang on to the ID although I know where your coming from in terms of keeping them fit as I have one exactly the same .
Jellymoon
Well-Known Member
I would sell the mare, as someone with kids myself, I don’t think you need one that unnerves you in any way the moment. Also, would you trust her round your kids? No horse should be entirely trusted of course, but you need to be fairly sure she’s not going to randomly kick them.
I would keep the lovely lovely ID.
And I would keep the youngster as your future all rounder.
Can you get some help with the backing/bringing on bit? Send him to a professional maybe?
You’ve got the ID to potter about on safely, hunt etc, and the 2 yr old is about to get interesting...
Safe/sane/sensible/talented is almost impossible to find in any climate, but currently everyone has been panic buying them, as well as tinned tomatoes!!
I would keep the lovely lovely ID.
And I would keep the youngster as your future all rounder.
Can you get some help with the backing/bringing on bit? Send him to a professional maybe?
You’ve got the ID to potter about on safely, hunt etc, and the 2 yr old is about to get interesting...
Safe/sane/sensible/talented is almost impossible to find in any climate, but currently everyone has been panic buying them, as well as tinned tomatoes!!
Not_so_brave_anymore
Well-Known Member
Has this mostly come to a head this year with the kids off school isolating all the time? I've only got 4 kids, one small pony and I only work one day a week, but this term has been so tough. Can't get any kind of routine going, permanently on edge waiting for the next track and trace email etc etc. Plus winter is grim.
Gingerwitch
Well-Known Member
Sorry that your looking at this, but how resentful will you be, especially when you gave his mil to look after, think your hubby needs to be sat down and told he is being a selfish piglet, he helped make the children and they are not just your responsibility and if mil is being g waited on hand and foot, suggest he checks out the price of care homes and he may realise that paying for either domestic or aninal help may be a darn site cheaper. P.s send the 2 year old off to grass for a year.
Bertiebcool
Member
I don’t completely trust her around the kids (I don’t any of them but I am confident my ID would never do anything malicious although my wonder ID is the one that barged me and saw himself back to his stable last night... he’s feeling very well at the moment!??
) our eldest does help bring in the mare sometimes and she is the most well behaved, easy/compliant she’s never put a foot wrong aside from kicking me in the field that time but she is very robotical and her temperament does change when her ulcers flare up. I wouldn’t let anyone aside from me manage her when her ulcers flare (thankfully we’ve only had this the once in two years)
The main thing she has unnerved me with is her brakes, we’ve hunted and she won’t let anyone past, she’s locked on to 5ft hedges trying to over take others and I’ve fight for breaks so much I’ve had to jump off (knowing there is a dyke on the other side of the 5ft hedge) we’ve had some planting, rearing, cat leaping and some rocket launching into objects when I hold her back too and it’s been a real battle but like I say that’s all hunting related. I could field master on her or take her out on point and as long as no one over took her she would be fine but when i have 5 dependents at home it’s not what I want, so I would sooner not hunt her she is an absolute machine out competing, at clinics and SJ. She is so enjoyable to take out to things like that and she thoroughly enjoys it and i can make time to go to a clinic or SJ for a couple of hours where I am struggling to make time to find a full day to hunt anyway.
Yes I would get help with the youngster, my plan is to back him and long rein him myself but then to send away to a professional for the rest of it. I have someone I know and I’ve seen what she has produced before. I’ve already done some ground work with him, as I wanted him desensitised as much as possible and we’ve done a lot of natural horsemanship together. He missed his in hand shows this year due to covid but we are hopeful for next year! ??
Wishfilly
Well-Known Member
If your 14yo helps out with the horses and rides the ID a bit, is it fair on them to sell the ID? Obviously it has to be mostly about you, but he sounds like the one you love the most as well!
I would consider loaning the mare, and possibly selling the youngster or sending them away for a year to grass livery at a stud. That way, nothing is final and you can see what type of difference it is making to your life! If you find that you like having less horses, you can then sell one- but I wouldn't necessarily want to make a permanent decision straight away!
I would consider loaning the mare, and possibly selling the youngster or sending them away for a year to grass livery at a stud. That way, nothing is final and you can see what type of difference it is making to your life! If you find that you like having less horses, you can then sell one- but I wouldn't necessarily want to make a permanent decision straight away!
Leandy
Well-Known Member
I would sell the 15 yo and the mare and find myself the perfect horse somewhere in between the two. I would keep the youngster to bring on as planned.
Bertiebcool
Member
Yes ? this year with having to self isolate and have the kids off school and home school has just been a nightmare. (I think 4 x this year we’ve had to self isolate in addition to the lock downs due to teachers testing positive etc) so trying to find time to do the horses when everyone has been off and you don’t know who is where and when has been a strain. The horses have actually kept me sane and broken up my day in many ways.
Bertiebcool
Member
Thanks grass livery back at the stud i purchased him from might be an option for him too. Honestly there is no talking to my darling husband, I’ve tried it all. He drives me in sane. When I mention I’m mucking out at 5am he says.. that is my pleasure and that I should be grateful I have time to do my hobby on the mornings I’ve equally tried to explain that the mucking out etc is a task and the riding is the enjoyable bit but he won’t be told.
Bertiebcool
Member
My daughter is come day go day but I don’t think realistically I could bring myself to sell ID.
I think having the ID at home, selling my mare and putting my youngster to stud for grazing would make horse ownership a breeze. The only thing would be is that I’m worried about losing some of my riding ability because as I say my ID does nothing for my riding and he also struggles to do the clinics at the level I need him to. And I think it will be quiet a leap going from old faithful ID to a newly broken youngster again (ID was 5 when I got him) ?
Wishfilly
Well-Known Member
What about a sharer for the mare then?
You would probably get a lot of no hopers, but if you could find someone genuine with ability it would be a dream for them, you would have help and you could still keep your hand in with riding her?
You could then reassess or put her out on loan when the youngster is broken?
Equi
Well-Known Member
I’d not be willing to sell the ID. he may not have scope but money won’t buy a horse like that you already trust. The youngster and 12yo could do well elsewhere and there is always then the option to get an all rounder later
Nevin's Run
Well-Known Member
Crazy_cat_lady
Well-Known Member
I'd absolutely not part with the ID he sounds a Saint, especially as some of your children can ride him too.
I'd loan out the mare for 2 years or sell her. I'd then see what the youngster was like In terms of ability/ like to ride then look to sell it he doesn't fit your requirements
Also, while you shouldn't have to the other thing to have in the back of your mind is which is more likely to give you a fall- if your husband does so little around the house can you afford to be injured?
I'd then buy something that did meet your requirements then if the ID is winding down by then loan him out as a happy hack a couple of days a week/ let your kids enjoy him if they're still interested.
I would not sell the ID he sounds great and safety can't be overlooked
I'd loan out the mare for 2 years or sell her. I'd then see what the youngster was like In terms of ability/ like to ride then look to sell it he doesn't fit your requirements
Also, while you shouldn't have to the other thing to have in the back of your mind is which is more likely to give you a fall- if your husband does so little around the house can you afford to be injured?
I'd then buy something that did meet your requirements then if the ID is winding down by then loan him out as a happy hack a couple of days a week/ let your kids enjoy him if they're still interested.
I would not sell the ID he sounds great and safety can't be overlooked
emilylou
Well-Known Member
Sell the husband, hire a cleaner. Keep the horses
twiggy2
Well-Known Member
Sell the youngster and the mare, keep the ID ,kids grow up so fast and you have a lot, have the time to enjoy you ID, drop the kids off, go home and hack out or school for a couple of hrs.
If you have the room at home you can fill it with horses again when your kids have flown the nest.
Do any of the kids ride?
If you have the room at home you can fill it with horses again when your kids have flown the nest.
Do any of the kids ride?
Goldenstar
Well-Known Member
Honestly with an OH like that you will find it so much easier and be happier with one.
Keep the ID and have an easier life for a few years .
Keep the ID and have an easier life for a few years .
Not_so_brave_anymore
Well-Known Member
It just seems like a pity to use a permanent solution for what is (hopefully, please god!) a temporary problem. I think it sounds like a really good idea to send the youngster away to a good youngstock livery (or grass livery back with the breeder sounds great). And then maybe put some feelers out for a sharer or even a full loan for your mare. This sounds like it could be a very workable solution
Gingerwitch
Well-Known Member
Did you agree mil could become child number 7 ? As hubby sounds like child number 6. Not being rude but is it mils house and can she not take over some of your chores or contribute to the cost of a house keeper?. Please don't become a doormat for your hubby, it's easy to become bullied by a drip drip drip, your full time career has gone and now your looking at down sizing your horse collection.... I have been in a controlling relationship and I did not know it was until one day I woke up had no big time job, no friends and 3 horses and had basically become dependant on my husband's decisions. I a super on alert now as he is my ex husband and it has taken a very very long time to build my career up again and become self sufficient. I sadly don't have many friends as I work all hours good sends but the loss of friends over a 15 year period has never quite recovered as I missed so much of there life events as hubby disapproved of them. Look after yourself chick, it's easy to make wrong decisions s when your worn out and looking for a quick win. Your hubby probably won't be happy until your a stepford wife so think on, you sound way to talented to be giving up riding. If you were crapo like me it might be easier but you sound very accomplished. Could you not give do wine free livery for chores ?
Gingerwitch
Well-Known Member
Someone free livery for chores it should say. Sorry flippin phone x
BatHorse
Active Member
I agree, sell the husband and buy more horses.
Otherwise keep the ID, you could have someone hack him out a couple of times a week to keep him ticking over, and maybe sell/loan the 12 yo. I would keep the youngster, by the time they are ready to do anything interesting your youngest will be at nursery/school and you'll hopefully have more time.
Otherwise keep the ID, you could have someone hack him out a couple of times a week to keep him ticking over, and maybe sell/loan the 12 yo. I would keep the youngster, by the time they are ready to do anything interesting your youngest will be at nursery/school and you'll hopefully have more time.
PurBee
Well-Known Member
Are you also looking after OH’s MIL too? Is she ill?
it sounds like your spinning all the ‘care’ plates, while husband is spinning a ‘career’ plate. If he’s away a lot he simply doesn’t witness everything you’re loaded with.
This is unfair...many things need to change, not just horses. Especially if you feel you have to work ontop of looking after a large family and MIL.
I’ve been in this situation and almost completely got sunk by it - other adults all capable but the situation ‘planned’ would have made all adults dependent on my and OH care, while we also worked, built a house etc etc....doom was on the horizon and the whole ‘plan’ had to fold.
You’re now considering giving up your 1 hobby, so you can cope with all the caring and maintenance of 8 people (including yourself!) and home.
I understand you considering slimming down your horses, but also look at ways where all the other household and people caring tasks are fairly distributed to those capable of helping out. Your 14yr old sounds lovely, but if you and her are the only one doing the caring, and husband and mil are not helping at all - even for valid reasons, it’s a lot for a elder sister to cope with.
So aside from horse adjustments to free time and money but also keeping you IN with your 1 hobby, Are you able to hire some home help? A few nights a week, general maintenance staff that will do dinner and clean up?
Your husband cant expect you to care for his home, children and his mother, expect you to also bring in money to help, and then resent your hobby.
I’m not speaking bad of him, i think he’s not seeing clearly all you have on your plate, simply because he is rarely there day to day.
Write a list of what you are doing/responsible for and time each ‘thing’ takes per day....and have a column for what he is doing/responsible for. Visually SEEING the contents of ones life on paper, is a refreshing perspective and will help him and you fully realise the entire situation, and see HOW things are currently done can be changed.
it sounds like your spinning all the ‘care’ plates, while husband is spinning a ‘career’ plate. If he’s away a lot he simply doesn’t witness everything you’re loaded with.
This is unfair...many things need to change, not just horses. Especially if you feel you have to work ontop of looking after a large family and MIL.
I’ve been in this situation and almost completely got sunk by it - other adults all capable but the situation ‘planned’ would have made all adults dependent on my and OH care, while we also worked, built a house etc etc....doom was on the horizon and the whole ‘plan’ had to fold.
You’re now considering giving up your 1 hobby, so you can cope with all the caring and maintenance of 8 people (including yourself!) and home.
I understand you considering slimming down your horses, but also look at ways where all the other household and people caring tasks are fairly distributed to those capable of helping out. Your 14yr old sounds lovely, but if you and her are the only one doing the caring, and husband and mil are not helping at all - even for valid reasons, it’s a lot for a elder sister to cope with.
So aside from horse adjustments to free time and money but also keeping you IN with your 1 hobby, Are you able to hire some home help? A few nights a week, general maintenance staff that will do dinner and clean up?
Your husband cant expect you to care for his home, children and his mother, expect you to also bring in money to help, and then resent your hobby.
I’m not speaking bad of him, i think he’s not seeing clearly all you have on your plate, simply because he is rarely there day to day.
Write a list of what you are doing/responsible for and time each ‘thing’ takes per day....and have a column for what he is doing/responsible for. Visually SEEING the contents of ones life on paper, is a refreshing perspective and will help him and you fully realise the entire situation, and see HOW things are currently done can be changed.