Should I sell one of my horses? Which one?

[Scotsbadboy]

Honestly with an OH like that you will find it so much easier and be happier with one.
Keep the ID and have an easier life for a few years .

We agree on so much Goldenstar (we also really dont sometimes i believe, lol!) OP Im with Goldenstar on this one and also those commenting saying the husband needs to change ... sorry its a wasted, frustrating comment, i too have a husband that sounds similar and i get bored rolling my eyes at people when they say the same thing. If they arent horsey and they work hard and their your best friend they just are who they are and they dont see the hobby like we do. I went from two to one and 'home life' was so much nicer and less argumentative. Its not that i sold one to make him happy, it was just a time in my life when i realised i just didnt want two, but the change of how easy everything became was pure luxury, including our relationship. I actually sold both in the end and he practically begged me to get another horse because i was misserable. Now with one, one easy 'pick up and put down when i want' type i think/ i hope i have now found a lovely balance between horse life and home life (I also keep horse at home)

My jaw did drop when you mentioned the ages of your kids! God thats a lot of kids OP, did you not have a TV to keep you both occupied, lol!

 

[fidleyspromise]

Putting youngster to grass livery sounds good as then you'll be able to see how you feel without him. 15 and 12 are still very young so have you thought of how it will go a few years on when he is ridden too as you will then have 3 riding horses? Say he's ridden at 5 - you will have a 5yr old, 15yr old and an 18yr old - the ID could still have a few years ridden work left in him easily at that time.

If it were me I would look to see if can get a sharer for the older two. Whether they only ride one or both would depend on their ability/time commitment. If they do jobs on their days then that could alleviate some pressure too.

I have a retired 13 yr old, an 18 yr old and I'm looking at a youngster in next couple of years for replacing her and I'm wondering already how I'll cope with a potentially still ridden 20 something year old and a young horse - I start a new part time job in a couple of months.

It doesn't sound like an easy decision at all as you sound attached to all of them - good luck in what you decide to do and your children sound wonderful - helping and not wanting you to give up any of them.

 

[Gloi]

I just wondered , with your daughter riding the I D a bit could she accompany you on him while you ride the mare to give you some mother and daughter time together away from the younger kids?

 

[RHM]

I personally would sell the youngster and keep the older two with potentially a sharer. I think the free livery idea is a great one, if someone could do the mucking out for you that would free up so much time. One thing that really stood out to me reading about your situation is I think it would be really easy to lose a sense of self in this situation. I think the mare who gives you things to work on will help you retain this and hopefully give you some more purpose other than being the family skivvy!

 

[laura_nash]

8 people to wash and iron for including my MIL = soul destroying)

I haven't ironed for 10 years, apart from the odd work event about twice a year, I just buy clothes that don't need ironing. If my OH wants clothes that need ironing he does them himself (only happened once). Sorry but I can't imagine what scenario has you ironing for your MIL, if she is incapacitated to the point she can't do her own ironing why on earth does she need the type of clothes that have to be ironed.

ETA: I know this is a minor point to pick up on but I do think you need to revisit the stuff you are doing generally - not just the horsey stuff. I'd do a list of what you do and work out what HAS to be done, what you actually enjoy doing and how you can stop doing everything else on the list.

 

[ester]

If you were to keep the youngster whereas having the mare might mean you are more on your game, having the ID and someone else to ride him might be equally valuable to teach hacking etc.

So I'd sell the mare, get a sharer for the ID as he sounds lovely, and keep or grass livery the youngster and see how I felt about that later.

 

[Spotherisk]

As an aside and regarding your MIL, do remember that you don’t have to be the carer, although you may need to manage the care. Have a look on the Age Concern website and forum, I’ve found it very helpful.

 

[Goldenstar]

I don’t think sharing necessarily reduces stress .

 

[Bertiebcool]

Sell the husband, hire a cleaner. Keep the horses

? That’s the dream!!

 

[Bertiebcool]

I just wondered , with your daughter riding the I D a bit could she accompany you on him while you ride the mare to give you some mother and daughter time together away from the younger kids?

thank you, yes I’ve thought of this tok but my daughter just isn’t quiet strong enough yet. The mare is highly competitive when riding in company and I wouldn’t want to cause any issues with my daughter on the ID if I couldn’t pull up the mare. I think in the next year my daughter should be strong/confident enough to ride out out ID with me on the mare.

 

[Bertiebcool]

I haven't ironed for 10 years, apart from the odd work event about twice a year, I just buy clothes that don't need ironing. If my OH wants clothes that need ironing he does them himself (only happened once). Sorry but I can't imagine what scenario has you ironing for your MIL, if she is incapacitated to the point she can't do her own ironing why on earth does she need the type of clothes that have to be ironed.

ETA: I know this is a minor point to pick up on but I do think you need to revisit the stuff you are doing generally - not just the horsey stuff. I'd do a list of what you do and work out what HAS to be done, what you actually enjoy doing and how you can stop doing everything else on the list.

it’s mainly just because it’s easier and she makes such a big deal of it it’s just easier for me to just do it

 

[Goldenstar]

it’s mainly just because it’s easier and she makes such a big deal of it it’s just easier for me to just do it

Stop the world and listen to that again .
It is not easier to make yourself into everyones servant it’s a choice .
If she makes it a big deal let her she will fill in her day making that deal .

 

[Cloball]

How about sell the 2 yo and find a part loan /share for your ID then you can hop on for a confidence boost if you need if and you kids can ride too. That takes you down to 1.5.

Then I suggest you take the horse on holiday and give the OH a kick up the ?.

?
If your near me I shall be around to audition asap.

 

[Littlebear]

I was in your shoes, job, 3 horses, child etc, it was too much, i sold the horse i enjoyed the least although on paper she was the best and safest one of all 3, she just didn't do as much for me enjoyment wise as the others.
I cried like a baby when she actually went, but after that day and the relief of being down to 2 I never regretted it for a moment, a few years later i am down to one and it really does make a huge difference to your life when you have a lot of plates to juggle.
I think there is no logic needed just go with your heart, there are horses i have been able to part with in life and others I wouldn't dream of selling.