Spillers! Have you no proofreaders?!

[Meems]

When I got my retired racehorse's passport it stated his breed as 'Thoroughbread'.
Well, I know he was a bit of a loaf, but it seemed rather unkind to put it on his passport, in black and white.

:biggrin3::biggrin3:

 

[webble]

There is a handyman type company near me and the vans have 'your following the future' written on them. Depressingly they are probably correct

 

[Spilletta]

I hadn’t noticed these two things before until my husband mentioned them - he gets especially bothered by the second one:

1. When presenters on the television or radio say, “Here’s your weather…” He’ll tell me it’s not HIS weather!

2. When people are being served and the waiter asks what they want, “Can I get a coffee…?” If my husband hears this, he always reminds me that no, they can’t get a coffee, but the waiter will get one for them.

I’m another who dislikes ‘medalling’ and ‘to podium’ in an event! And ‘was you’ instead of ‘were you’ has always bothered me as I think it sounds wrong, or is it just me?

Cremedemonthe, your posts have made my morning – thank you!

 

[webble]

OH often says that he borrowed someone an item or that something is robbed. I can't stop myself correcting him and it causes arguments

 

[JFTDWS]

Oz you have brightened up my morning!

 

[amandap]

Glad you liked them, here's another lot for you:

Actual writings on hospital charts

1. The patient refused autopsy.


2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.


3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.


4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only

a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.


5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was

very hot in bed last night.


6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.


7. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it

disappeared.


8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be

depressed.


9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.


10. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.


11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but

forgetful.


12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.


13. She is numb from her toes down.


14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.


15. The skin was moist and dry.


16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.


17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.


18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.


19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until

she got a divorce.


20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical

therapy.


21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.


22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized


23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.


24. Skin: somewhat pale. but present.


25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.


26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.


27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

Oz

Very funny!

 

[pansymouse]

Ooh,also, in the non-horsey national press,pretty much every horse is referred to as a Thoroughbred-drives me nuts.😬

Eg. 'Mrs X keeps her Thoroughbred horse <actually from the pic it's clearly a hairy cob> across the valley from the mobile telephone mast,' blah blah blah,OR, 'When riding her Thoroughbred palomino,Miss Y encountered the driver,' blah blah blah,OR, 'The children rescued the Thoroughbred Welsh pony from a bog' blah blah blah.

Disclaimer - I am neither pro nor anti Thoroughbreds as a breed,I just wish the press either recognised them as a distinct breed or,if that's too much for them,just called everything a horse-it'd be more accurate.&#128540;

(They did it when referring to the horse ridden into Tesco recently-it was quite clearly a (lovely looking) chunky,hogged cob but...no...she rode her 'Thoroughbred' horse straight down the aisle apparently...&#128548

Damn you, my keyboard is now swimming in Cherry Pepsi Max

 

[TrasaM]

OH often says that he borrowed someone an item or that something is robbed. I can't stop myself correcting him and it causes arguments

I've got a newspaper clipping on my fridge..headline ; Goats Were Robbed for their Skins. It conjured up a weird but amusing picture I think they meant that Goats were Stolen for their Skins..but I could be wrong

 

[cremedemonthe]

Glad a few of you liked them, I'm on a roll now, got loads but I won't bore you with anymore after this lot, if you want any more PM me,

Genuine Council Complaints
extracts from letters sent to various Councils and Housing Associations throughout the U.K.

I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.
I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
We are getting married in September and she would like it in the garden before we move house.
I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
Would you please send a man to repair my spout.I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.
I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6a.m., his cock wakes me up and now it's getting too much for me.
The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.
This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.
My bush is really overgrown around the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
...and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take any more.
...that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

Oz &#61514;

 

[amandap]

I am doubled up laughing at the first one cremedemonthe, I'm almost scared to read the rest!

 

[Capriole]

As in 'loosing rhithm', as written on many a dressage test sheet .

(Yes, I do know how to spell rhythm, honest!).

When I'm writing for a judge, I always write it down on a bit of paper as the more I write it the more wrong it looks!

Best one though is my cousin who phoned me frantically asking if you could get back a sent email. She had signed the covering email for a job application 'Kind retards'. Luckily she is super blonde and hadn't even sent it, just saved it into her drafts *rolls eyes*

Ha, my OH is now dealing with a new person at work, who's name is Poppy. He has had do last minute email changes a couple of times as he's read through his message and realised he's typed 'Dear Poopy...' Who knows how many times he's called her Poopy.

At the same time have a look at the ad for Premier Equine rugs in H&H. 38 words without any punctuation, very hard to work out what they are trying to say. So another bugbear, cramming lots of info into one LONG, unbroken sentence.

I've not noticed this with P.E., my attention is normally taken by the ad photos I don't know which are my favourites...the ladies advertising the riding shirts and wearing teeny tiny riding hats perched on top of their heads like clown hats, or the pictures advertising breeches...worn with high heels!

I can't look at the Robinsons catalogue any longer. In it items are often sold 'singularly' rather than in pairs or groups. Really? Don't suppose they mean one at a time or 'singly'.

Eeeee, as soon as I read the first post I thought about this, but you beat me to it!
I wonder if it's still the same, I've not cracked open a catalogue in a long time.

 

[Theocat]

These are brilliant!

One thing I really don't get is this " the victim, known locally as Fred smith" .. Surely known locally as Fred smith implies that he may have been known somewhere else as something different ..why can't they just write ..the victim, whose name was Fred smith! I've read this a few times now in newspaper reports and it always annoys me! Told you.. I'm a pedant

There's a reason for this - it means that the victim hasn't been officially named or identified by police, but that locals have told the journalist who it is. It's a way of covering themselves if the name is wrong.

 

[humblepie]

Nothing at all to do with the original post but why are the floods now flood events?

 

[TTK]

Most amusing Cremdemonthe. I hate 'grab yourself a bargain', I just hate it. TT I note that most bridles have become bridals now.

 

[sandi_84]

During a couple of training courses at work I have had to seriously bite my tongue when the very high up lady comes out with such gems as "and this will exaggerate the problem"
Not related but she also told us in our hygiene course that "rats are completely blind" which made me involuntarily laugh, I then had to explain that while rats do not have great eyesight and rely mainly on smell that they can in fact see. She was not amused

When I was a teenager I considered trying my hand at a bit of modelling and my mum's friend text me to "make sure you don't end up doing prawn"

 

[Fun Times]

"Off of" is perhaps the one thing that could send me murderous. As in "I got it off of the internet" The "of" is totally irrelevant and unnecessary. I blame Scott Mills who seems to be single handedly endeavouring to ruin the English language with phrases such as "Here's the prime minister off of London". ARGHHH!!!

 

[Nessa4]

What if he wasn't known by anyone locally, would he have a name at all?&#128523;

Is this a similar question to "If a tree falls and noone is there to hear it, does it make a noise?"?

 

[Nessa4]

"Off of" is perhaps the one thing that could send me murderous. As in "I got it off of the internet" The "of" is totally irrelevant and unnecessary. I blame Scott Mills who seems to be single handedly endeavouring to ruin the English language with phrases such as "Here's the prime minister off of London". ARGHHH!!!

Especially as it should be"from" - "Here is the Prime Minister speaking from London"!!! (I am an A1, 1st Class pedant!!!)

 

[cobden]

I'm terrible in restaurants and pubs...the pedant in me comes out all guns blazing when there's errors on menus and blackboards,especially in the big chain companies, who have marketing departments.

This did make me laugh, I did the same a few weeks ago when I asked for the marinted lamb chops - fair play to them though, when we went back the menus had been corrected ...

 

[Dexydoodle]

I have a friend who writes were when she means we'll. She pronounces it that way too, I've never dared to correct her but it makes me cringe every time she does it!

 

[Nessa4]

Just love no 22 - but cannot begin to imagine what it actually means!!!

 

[el_Snowflakes]

Nothing in this world is as bad as would of/could of/should of.

You can't of anything! It's would have/could have/should have or would've/could've/should've.

<stabs self in eyes with fork>

Uuuuurgh!!......this is my pet hate too!!

 

[Summer pudding]

This did make me laugh, I did the same a few weeks ago when I asked for the marinted lamb chops - fair play to them though, when we went back the menus had been corrected ...

But were the chops marinated in mint?! Loving this thread, so many saddos like me out there. The use of 'off of' definitely a hanging offence and I'm a pacifist.

 

[Ruth17]

I can't stand brought instead of bought. It used to be just teenagers but now I see grown adults writing it. Hideous as well as having a completely different meaning.

 

[Alan's mum]

Anythink and somethink gets my goat.....

 

[Summer pudding]

My husband has just said 'At the end of the day'. Does this constitute grounds for divorce?

 

[Slightly Foxed]

Smirk!

 

[Capriole]

My husband has just said 'At the end of the day'. Does this constitute grounds for divorce?

That's a good one I listened to an entire conversation once, peppered with phrases such as 'at the end of the day', and 'he turned around and said...', 'then SHE turned around and said...', 'then HE turned around and said...'. Just had visions of these people spinning like tops and holding a conversation at the same time.

 

[Penny Less]

It totally amazes me when the Beeb have dreadful spelling errors in their subtitles and captions. Surely something that is going to be seen by millions of viewers should be spell checked first

 

[Lunchbox legend]

'Generally' instead of 'genuinely' seems to be creeping in at the moment. I want to gag people when I hear them saying things like "...and I generally don't understand". Yup - that's obvious!

Actually, I'd quite like to gag most people, if I'm honest

...and as for that blasted upward inflection at the end of sentences when people speak - grrrrrr. ...and while I'm at it, the use of a question mark instead of a full stop as in "I don't know what time it starts?".

...and breeeeeeeth! Put gags and shotgun away and breath!