The annoying child - How to deal with this ? Calling all parents

niagaraduval said:
She may be pony mad but she has never been near a horse, If she knew basic rules of safety it wouldn't be half as bad I don't think.

I see where you are coming from as I too was pony mad but I went and worked at the local stables for free rides where I learnt a lot.

Also, I'm not willing to baby sit, as sad as it is if I wanted kids I would have my own, but I don't and I want to make the most of my horses, Also, Not wanting sympathy but especially as my old boy is 25 and I'm not sure how much longer he will be around and I'm also considering taking the hardest decision ever of having my other horse PTS for health reasons, which I know this kid isn't responsible for but I do feel as if I am babysitting.
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So sorry to hear this .

If your time with your horses might be limited of course you want to enjoy them to the full while you can .
It 's surely much better for the horses too , to have a chilled out you around them , rather than a frazzled you and an ignorant ( however well-meaning ) child
 
Is there a localish RS you can direct her too, I was also a pony mad, pony less child so cycled a 10 mile round trip to help at the local riding school which is more set up for it (and more kids so more fun really!)

Our field at home is surrounded by houses, including some retirement properties who have grandchildren to stay. One is now about 12/13 and does come round to help occasionally BUT - she rides at home, it is always by prior arrangement with her Grandparents for one or two afternoons of her stay - ie when it is ok with us (she will bring one in/groom/help put jumps up etc ;) ). All others including a young permanent neighbour have only come round after 1) parents have checked it is ok and 2) usually had parents with them. Whether you want her there or not I think a chat with the parents/grandparents is in order.

- we also have some children on the current yard, they live in the caravan, oldest about 10 and they do like to say hi to the horses. But they are not allowed on the yard area without asking/an adult to supervise and if you give a reason they don't mind being told no.
 
I can understand your feeling frazzled by the child - been there. But I have also been that ponyless, pony mad child - I would cycle miles just to look at a horse in a field. If someone had let me poo pick I would have thought I had died & gone to heaven. I think I would go & see the parents & I would try & make a deal - she can come & poo pick (other chores available) once a week. She must follow instructions to the letter & a parent must come along as well to supervise (at least until the boundaries are established). You never know when it is going to be handy to have an extra pair of hands to help & it helps to cultivate neighbours to keep an eye on any problems. Explain that doing the horses is your relaxation time & that you must be left alone except at the agreed time.
 
Goldenstar said:
She sounds like a lovely talkative horse mad curious child .
And a lucky child to be able to have the chance to form a friendship ( one sided admittedly ) with a non family member once all kids could do this I cold and did now it's harder.
However it needs some boundaries and the younger one needs dealing with I would not baby sit a child as young as the brother .
Go and talk to the grand parents at once .
Explain you need some me time with the horses and try to it nicely it would be nice if you did not cut off contact completely that would hurt her however I would be strict with the grandparents and say that one of them must be with the boy .
If your horses are in a public place and people will come to talk to them you can't get round that .
Poor kid .
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This. I was probably once that kid and am eternally grateful to the adults who took me under their wing and let me 'help' and learn from them. I know things are different nowadays and you can get into all sorts of bother if anything happens and this child does sound like she hasn't got any boundaries but I can't help feel sorry for her.
 
If you were nearer N, i'd lend you my gelding. He'd corner the child (not in a nasty way, but he's super friendly and hard to get rid of) and keep her occupied and she'd probably not want to go near him again. ;)

On a serious note I understand where you are coming from and I think that the way forwards is to speak kindly to the grandparents and as mentioned, go armed with riding school details so that she can go somewhere that is set up for teaching novice children.
 
I really feel for you - I know what people are saying re horse mad kids but it is hardly the OP's fault the kid doesn't have access to horses. I'm a teacher so not exactly anti kids but they are very hard work and I totally would not appreciate having one hanging about in my free time - that is why i don't have any!
I don't think you are a grouch at all OP, in fact you have been nicer than i would be. I agree that the only thing you can do is tell both the kid and the grandparents that you don't want her around - although i am a wimp and hate situations like this so would probably just suffer and grump in miserable silence. Which soulds dreadful.
 
I can see both sides too. I was that little girl once. Our neighbour rented our fields and had event horses, but I was never allowed to go near them or touch them. She was quite grumpy and unfriendly. I had to put up with gazing at her horses from a distance! She moved about five years later and I got a pony after that. Years later she taught me at pony club camp and we got on really really well. Its a shame she hadn't given me a moment of her time earlier.

However I once lived somewhere where there was a child obsessed with my dog, knocking on the door every five minutes wanting to walk her or play with her etc, and the lack of privacy and time to relax did eventually drive me mad.

I think a compromise is needed. Meet the parents, tell them you're not getting a minute to yourself and its a nuisance, but perhaps arrange one or two evenings or an afternoon at weekend where she is allowed to come over under strict arrangements (ie, she follows your rules) and learn a bit and help out. Then when she does come, tell her she is not to touch anything without being told to, and if she does she won't be allowed back.

With a bit of work initially she could turn out to be a nice girl and helpful.

ps, I've met a few kids that lived with their grandparents and they seemed to be chatterboxes who didn't know how to speak to adults!
 
Honey08 said:
I think a compromise is needed. Meet the parents, tell them you're not getting a minute to yourself and its a nuisance, but perhaps arrange one or two evenings or an afternoon at weekend where she is allowed to come over under strict arrangements (ie, she follows your rules) and learn a bit and help out. Then when she does come, tell her she is not to touch anything without being told to, and if she does she won't be allowed back.
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Excellent advice. Much better than my 'plan'!
 
I love kids....but pony time is free time away from the stresses of life.... i wouldnt appreciate a kid coming over pestering....


Id have a word with her parents/guardian purely as if you dont when you arnt there a word with her may not be enough? go higher....


If you wanted a helper advertised for one...unless someone asks you "can i help"...then no sorry child is in the wrong... and yes i was that pony mad child! i was lucky to ask a few people if i could muck out for them (!) and help on trecking centres but i wouldnt dream of planting myself and annoying someone - my parents wouldnt let me!
 
amymay said:
Really sad........
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Agree. I was lucky as my parents bought me a pony. She may be lonely. And in a world where most teenagers sit in front of the tv or on Facebook, it's refreshing to hear of a 12 yr old who wants to get some fresh air outside
 
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I remember being that kid too...

But this is a different time and a different legal environment than when I was that young. (About 30 years different!) Liability and insurance are such that, tough though it is, I think you might have no choice but to write (and keep a copy) explaining that both kids must have no contact with the horses what so ever unless accompanied by you for safety and legal reasons. You can then visit and explain that you are not available to babysit on a whim (you'll have to put it nicer than that..) Once you meet the grandparents or whoever the responsible adult is you will be able to get a feel for what level of contact you can cope with. It might be that the family are great and responsible and willing to enforce supportive boundaries - in which case you might want to ask her to help a little etc knowing it won't be abused. But sadly the opposite could also be true and you will want to stop all contact for your own peace of mind.
 
I totally get the op's issue, chatterbox girls are the worse type of child and they drive me nuts too. Some are real know it all's too and don't listen if you tell them not to do x or y, we had the same issue again a public field, child hangs around, I'm not miserable and did talk to her, my sister, softer than me, let her watch help . Any-who the inevitable happened she's was found in the field with the horses one day and all he'll broke loose, she wasn't hurt but was given her marching orders, totally not safe as my old gelding was a mugger and could so easily have knocked her over if she was packing carrots.

So I do get it, she needs telling for everyone's sake.
 
I second the 'one day a week' compromise. I used to be like you (well, I still am really!) until I found my little sharer who is 11 and an absolutely lovely kid. However she is quiet, listens, and soaks up information like a sponge and I'm really enjoying teaching her. A chatter box who has an answer for everything would be given short shrift and asked to leave! I used to deal with one who, when I told her how to do something would always reply "but X told me to do it this way", my answer was "if you want to do it that way then you can do it somewhere else, these are my horses and this is how I want things done. It is your choice." eventually she got the hint and actually became quite pleasant to be around in the end.
Have you actually spoken to her (grand) parents about her?
 
I think it's really unfair saying this is sad and the kid only wants to help. It is not the OP's responsibility to teach every child who rocks up and shows an interest about horses !! I would certainly be extremely irritated and would have spoken to the grandparents a long time ago. My horse time is just that - horse time. Not babysitting time. OP - you really need to speak to who is responsible for this child otherwise you risk her getting too confident and entering your field when you're not there etc and that's just an accident waiting to happen. It's very unfair on you that your time is being spoiled, horses are expensive and hard work. You should be able to enjoy them on your own terms.
 
That would drive me mad too. I don't want kids of my own and I certainly wouldn't want to be baby sitting someone else's whilst trying to spend time chilling out and doing my hobby.

After a long day at work I look forward to a bit of peace and quiet up the yard and wouldn't want it ruined.

Yes I'm sure the girl does just want to be around horses, but it's not OP's responsibility to give her that. If it's ruining OP's time at her horses that she works hard for and looks forward to, then it unacceptable.
 
niagaraduval said:
My horses are kept in a field about 2 miles from my house in the summer. I check on them twice a day and have neighbors and farmer check on them too every day.

A few weeks ago I went to fill up the water bins as usual and this girl (around 12 ?) came out of her house and started talking to me, asking what my horses names were, their age etc.

Now I am really really bad with children, I just don't like them (not to offend anyone it's just the way it is).

So I sweetly told her their names, how old they were and answered her many questions. I finally got rid of her by saying I am about to go (which she questioned too).

However, each time I go up she suddenly appears from her house (I think it's actually her grandparents house) as I usually turn up in the morning and evening so she isn't at school.

She keeps bugging me and getting in my way, She keeps wanting to go in the field and asks me non stop if she can.
The first time I saw her I said she could if she stood next to me and she went and started stroking my oldie (didn't have a problem with that he is sweet as sugar) but from the start she has given herself rights. She likes the sound of her own voice and constantly talking at me and asking me every question she can think of.

It's not that I mind, but my horses are my getaway after a long day and her constant yapping just annoys me and stresses me out even more.

Now I fill up these big white water containers and carry them to the field (the tap is about 10 m from the field) and as I finished filling them up she just went and started carrying (struggling!) it over to my field. I took the container off her and told her I would do it (my field, my horses, my responsibility !).

However, I have tried ignoring her (I hate it), tried showing her I have no interest in her, tried telling her I don't want her in my field when I come, I don't need any help with my 'ponies' ( 16,2hh & 17hh) and have told her that horses are dangerous. But she has an answer to everything. It's got to the point where I dread going to see my horses every morning and night as I know she will be there waiting to pounce! Even my OH got so fed up he left me at the field and drove home saying he would get me when I was done !!

She came up yesterday as I arrived with her little brother, now the fence is barbed wire, and I have another electric fence round the whole lot so horses can't touch the barbed wire fence, but this little boy (around 6 ?) was climbing in and out of the wire and got his foot stuck and almost fell on the barbed wire. I got so angry that I ended up shouting at them just to get them away from me and my horses as I'm sure I would have their lovely parents on my back if they got hurt.

How can I deal with this situation? I am quite a patient person, but at the end of the day, too much is too much and I'm certain that me telling their parents will change nothing.

Thank you for any advice.
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I feel for you, I too don't like children (no offense to those who have them). I had these two irritating boys who's mum owned the place and they would always repeat questions even though I answered them, I left there in the end as it drove me mad.

All I can advise is speak to the adults, or just tell the child nicely to please leave you alone.
 
Ladyinred said:
Is it only me that finds this post rather sad? I was once that 12 year old, as was my daughter, and we both found lovely people who were very patient and kind to us.

Why not tell her that you don't want her there every day but she is welcome on specific days when she can 'help'? A little bit of patience and kindness might change that childs world.
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Totally agree.

I was the same at her age, just desperate to be around horses! I was 30 when I got my first horse as I was never allowed one as a child.
 
*sprinkles* said:
I think it's really unfair saying this is sad and the kid only wants to help. It is not the OP's responsibility to teach every child who rocks up and shows an interest about horses !! I would certainly be extremely irritated and would have spoken to the grandparents a long time ago. My horse time is just that - horse time. Not babysitting time. OP - you really need to speak to who is responsible for this child otherwise you risk her getting too confident and entering your field when you're not there etc and that's just an accident waiting to happen. It's very unfair on you that your time is being spoiled, horses are expensive and hard work. You should be able to enjoy them on your own terms.
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This completely ^^^^ It certain is NOT up to OP to offer free babysitting and coaching to this child, no matter how much people say "awww but she`s just wanting to spend time with horses". That is down to the parents/grand parents/childs family to sort out. I wouldn`t dream of expecting someone else to take my child on just because said "activity" is just over the road. It`s just plain Rude. I too was this child once, and I went and helped out at a local riding school as so many others have, mucking out and grooming in exchange for rides. I was lucky in that we had our own too, as my mum has always had horses, but even so, I would never have been palmed off onto a local who had them.

IF the parents/grandparents had approached OP to ask, or find out more, then fair enough, but they haven`t, and had this happened i`m sure the OP would have kindly given them the local riding schools details.

OP .. I do hope you get it sorted one way or another, and that you get back to the peace and quiet as soon as possible.
 
OP, I have a similar child that lives next to my horses.

I can completely understand why you would find it annoying and would want to limit the time. I spent 10 mins with this child and was left exhausted.

I was also the little girl that was obsessed with horses so felt sorry for her.

It is nice to find time to indulge the child but it has to be on your terms. Could you limit it to strictly at weekends and for a set amount of time?

I compromised and set some very clear boundaries. 1. She must not go into the field on her own and must ask me permission before she comes over. 2. She must ask permission from her parents every time she comes over so they knew where she was. 3. She was allowed to feed the horses one carrot each a day and nothing else (she had been putting her rabbit hay in for them..) 3. She must follow the safety rules that I had set out and that if she didn't then she wouldn't be allowed to come back.

This seems to have nipped it in the bud - particularly the asking her parents permission to come over. I think they realised that she was annoying and limited it on my behalf.
 
We had a child like this move next door to us. She got so persistent that we felt as if we were being stalked. Everytime I looked around she was there. She came down to help and while helping I started to ask her questions. "Why do you think we do this?" etc and then set her homework to see just how interested she was. Homework didn't materialise and then I said "No homework, no helping" That cracked it and she went and pestered someone else. I rather got the impression that, although she liked the horses, what she really wanted/needed, was the attention of an interested adult. Try the homework route, it might just put her off without you having to resort to being the bad cop, if you follow.
 
Shay said:
I remember being that kid too...

But this is a different time and a different legal environment than when I was that young. (About 30 years different!) Liability and insurance are such that, tough though it is, I think you might have no choice but to write (and keep a copy) explaining that both kids must have no contact with the horses what so ever unless accompanied by you for safety and legal reasons. You can then visit and explain that you are not available to babysit on a whim (you'll have to put it nicer than that..) Once you meet the grandparents or whoever the responsible adult is you will be able to get a feel for what level of contact you can cope with. It might be that the family are great and responsible and willing to enforce supportive boundaries - in which case you might want to ask her to help a little etc knowing it won't be abused. But sadly the opposite could also be true and you will want to stop all contact for your own peace of mind.
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I think this post is very good, If you are interested then ask to meet the parents

If not then nip it in the bud. Yes we were all that pony mad child once and some of us got excellent chances with wonderful people but not before we had lots of knockbacks. she will survive.
 
As a parent I'd be mortified if it were my child being this "helpful". But then I'd also expect to know where my child was so it's possible that she's told her parents / grandparents that you've said you're happy to have her there.

I fear you need to to go and have a chat to those in charge of her, and tell them that whilst you appreciate her position, having been that child yourself, you can't allow her to go there unsupervised and that having to supervise her is not your intention. As said before, if you can take some info about local riding schools etc that might help or if you can agree that she can, say, come and help you for a couple of hours at a set time once a week. She might yet prove to be an asset - and of course someone who can see your horses from their window / garden / walk to and from school or whatever could be a great reassurance to you if she notices something amiss.

And yes, I was that child too, but I would never have dreamt of speaking to the owners of the ponies I admired from afar. I was extremely lucky / dreadfully taken advantage of, depending on how you look at it, when a daft old woman in our village decided to "rescue" a load of unbroken Welshies and we were encouraged to get them handled and rideable one summer! The owner had no input whatsoever, just provided some scruffy bridles and a saddle or two and we got on with it from there, I don't think the owner saw them at all whilst we were involved with them.
 
Could you not give her a "day"? I think that she will be hard to get rid of, unless you move your horses or can get her parents/ grandparents to ban her from leaving the house. I would go and speak to the parents/ grandparents and explain that you are a bit worried about her being around the horses all the time/ that it makes it hard for you to get on and do things when you're in a hurry as you feel you need to supervise her. But maybe suggest she could have a set day where she actually comes and helps you out properly? Then she can do little jobs and maybe have a little ride etc, and you will keep the peace.
I do see both sides here. I can imagine it is annoying when you just want some me time and to get on with things without being hassled. But at the same time, I relied so much on the kindness of adults when I was a horse-mad child. I was lucky enough to have a pony on loan at 10, but goodness knows I'd have been stuck if it hadn't been for all the adults who were happy to take me hacking and run me home afterwards etc.
 
jemima*askin said:
As a parent I'd be mortified if it were my child being this "helpful". But then I'd also expect to know where my child was so it's possible that she's told her parents / grandparents that you've said you're happy to have her there..
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I'd be delighted. She sounds like a sweetheart. But I agree, as a parent I'd want to know where she was and who she was with.

However, given that she was yelled at on her last visit, I'd be surprised if the poor kid visited again.
 
I would certainly speak to the grandparents. They may be totally unaware that the child is even over with you. I suppose you could also point out that speaking to strangers is a no-no these days - if a man said would you like to come and play with my puppies, no parent or grandparent is going to agree to that, so why should it be any different with a woman and horses? It sounds to me like the girl is bored and lonely. The chattering is just part of that. I was that overtalkative child 40 years ago but at least I did listen. Having my own horse was just a dream until I was 32. I used to have a couple of young children pestering me on my old yard, despite the fact that their own family had 5 horses. But is was my horse that they were mad about! One was only 3, the other about 7. Both bright children who weren't getting the attention and stimulation they should have from their family members who basically just shouted at them all the time. I gave them jobs to do and took the opportunity to teach them the safe way to do things and they were as good as gold and quiet while they undertook their tasks, diligently I should add.
 
While it would be great if the kid could find some well meaning adult happy to be a horsey mentor, the OP doesn't have to be it, as WelshD says, even those that managed it weren't without their knock-backs.

(we used to borrow neighbours dogs too, but it took a bit of asking/politeness etc before a couple happily let us be involved/take them for walks etc)
 
amymay said:
I'd be delighted. She sounds like a sweetheart. But I agree, as a parent I'd want to know where she was and who she was with.

However, given that she was yelled at on her last visit, I'd be surprised if the poor kid visited again.
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Ah yes, that was a stupid choice of words on my part! In our house "helpful" is what the dogs are when you're trying to put your shoes on and everytime you bend down you get your route to your shoes blocked by large over-excited bodies or when you've just got out a load of crockery that you want to use for cooking and "someone" tidies it away or when you're trying to load a fallen branch that the horses have ignored for months onto a trailer - at which point it becomes the most interesting object they've ever seen. Pushy and interfering would have been a little stronger than I intended though.

However, imagine how you'd feel in your house if everytime you went into your garden the next door kids asked you what you were doing, whether they could walk the dog / brush the dog / cuddle the dog, what were you doing NOW, why you were doing that, with no apparent off switch. They might be being sweetly intereactive but they're also a bloody nuisance - especially when all you wanted was to sit quietly in the sun and read the paper.
 
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