The annoying child - How to deal with this ? Calling all parents

Personally see no reason why OP should be a free responsible adult babysitter because child wants horse fix. Be firm with gp, say you will not take responsibility for either child, horses can be dangerous & you are not prepared to be responsible for their safety. The horses are totally out of bounds. Lock the gate, put up no entry signs. Tell them to go to the local riding stables.

I used to ride a pretty welsh pony who had been beaten & abused by children so hated them to the point she would attack them given the chance. I was forever being expected out hacking to stop & let the darlings pet the pony (not unless you want them to loose their heads). Indeed if I nicely said no they would get really rude. I got to the point I'd be very gruff & tell them where to go, rather than wait for the abuse (bit like the pony really). Some children are so spoilt they think they can have everything they want, & there are plenty of 'parents' willing to indulge them. You are not a petting zoo! How irresponsible of the gp, you could be anyone. Just because you have a horse doesn't guarantee good morals wrt children. If the child is that desperate, they can do it safely & correctly through a rs.
 
putasocinit said:
reading the threads so - broke-but-happy you made a mistake once and learned from it, if no one is prepard to teach the child what she isnt being taught at home, then how is she going to know she is making a mistake.

one poster suggested she may get interested quicker in boys, well thats nice, just go and get yourself pregnant girl and lets have another unwanted child on this earth who would no doubt become like the girl its mother because how could she teach it when she wasnt taught herself.

with nothing to take your mind off your pain and misfortunes at home whilst you are doing the horses you are leaving yourself open to think too much, use this time to make a little girl happy, your 25yo might enjoy some attention from a little one too. Just my feelings

Amymay i agree with your posts. I do believe that everything we do on earth is seen from up above, and is recorded in the big book of life.
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I was that poster who JOKINGLY said if all else fails hope she gets interested in boys soon.
And for the record I have been interested in boys/men for nearly 40 years now and have managed to not get pregnant.
I never mentioned a 12 year old getting pregnant!!!!
 
I cannot believe that the OP is being accused of being mean spirited on this thread. She, like most of us, works hard to earn money to provide for her two horses and as such has the absolute right to enjoy them in whichever way she sees fit. I know I certainly use the yard as downtime after a hard day at work and would hate to be consistently pestered by someone whilst trying to relax.
 
OP I have not had time to read whole thread, but -as a mother of three-I totally understand your feelings. Your horses are your property etc. When I was younger I too was pony mad-my parents sent me to a riding school then bought me a pony when sure of my commitment. I would not have been allowed to pester a random horseowner. I would not allow my children to do this either. When I kept my ponies near a public path I was pestered by various people-adults and kids, and adults with kids-who seemed to think they could enter my field, feed/groom my ponies, stand and stare at me etc. etc. If there is an accident you will get the blame.
 
atropa said:
I cannot believe that the OP is being accused of being mean spirited on this thread. She, like most of us, works hard to earn money to provide for her two horses and as such has the absolute right to enjoy them in whichever way she sees fit. I know I certainly use the yard as downtime after a hard day at work and would hate to be consistently pestered by someone whilst trying to relax.
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Very well said.
 
I was in a similar situation with my guinea pigs (lol) - I used to have a lot of them and stupidly allowed the little urchins from over the road come and see them one day...well that was it. After that, they were hammering on my door ever day wanting to see them, running into the shed and opening up cages/poking them, and they brought more and more friends each time! The line was crossed when I ended up locking the outer gate to stop them getting in and they climbed over the wall!! I completely see where the OP is coming from. Not only is it a risk in case she is injured doing something she is not supposed to be, the OP has every right to enjoy her horses in peace. I do feel for the child but it is not OP's responsibility - suggest you find the parents/grandparents, let them know you aren't happy and express your concern about her getting hurt etc. Good luck!!
 
I've been in this situation before, at previous yard the YO rented out a house to a family with 3 kids, they watched out for my car morning and night then hurtled down the yard to "help" which usually ended up with them arguing an coming to me in tears to sort it out. I have no patience with kids an quickly retched the end of my tether, went to see their parents (who in my view were very irresponsible letting their kids spend time with someone they didn't know - I could have been someone very nasty) I told them the kids could only help if a parent came with them as I couldn't keep an eye on them at all times, they never came to help again think the parents couldn't be arsed to come with them! X
 
dieseldog said:
Amymay you live in South Wales don't you? A lady I work with has a ponymad 12 year old daughter who is desperate for some horse time - I live 50 miles away and the wrong side of the bridge so cant help, she is going to come help when I go to Broomies. Reading your posts on this thread can you PM me your number and I'll pass it on to her. Thanks!!
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I'd be happy too. However I'm no longer in South Wales. Sorry.
 
I'm appalled that people are suggesting that the OP allow the child to help and 'compromise' by telling her a certain day! Why on earth should she? In no way is she being unfair: horse time is precious, no way do I want to be bothered when I've finished work! I don't spend money keeping a horse for someone else to reap the benefit or to be pestered every time I go to the yard.

Send her a pic of my leg, Niagara! That'll send her away!
 
I can completely appreciate the OP's pov, especially having a field backed on to a footpath - had 3 little girls last week aged from 14 down to 7 all wanting to climb the stock fencing (thankfully being deterred by the barbed worse) who all got a lecture on horses who bite, kick and are on special diets to stop them getting ill.

However I do have a young helper, she is 14 this year but has been coming for 2 years - however from the off she was quiet, polite, and very quiet manner with the horses. She has become an absolute star and a real life saver when I put a nail through my hand and had to have surgery at short notice. But her manner is such I wasn't put off by her the second she opened her trap and she's obviously been brought up to respect other peoples property etc
 
OP i haven't read all of the replies but i would be the same as you that kind of child would drive me nuts !

i once was a horse mad 12 yr old who would loiter about at yards etc hoping some one would let me help muck out or groom them
BUT i'd have never entered a field without the owners consent , i wouldn't even have asked , i also wouldn't of dreamed of going through other peoples things

i did know a few children who would go into yards , pretend to there friends the horses were theres and even sometimes try and jump onto there backs and ride them :(
i would make it very clear that they are not allowed in the field at all , with or without me , i'd say one was naughty , had kicked/bitten etc
and stick to that like glue no way do they cross the fence line

then i'd find the details of the nearest riding school and take it to grandparents explaining that there lovely child was very interested in the horses but yours are not at all suitable to be around children , no insurance , naughty big horses etc
then hand them the riding school details , i'd also give the details to the child saying that they have lovely child friendly ponies and all the exciting things they do there etc

hopfully that should work :) good luck
 
What a depressing thread. Do some people really see children as a nuisance and not worthy of their time or kindness ?

Children don't only learn how to be decent human beings from their parents. It takes a community to help a child grow up.

I'm so thankful for the generosity and wisdom of people who left a life long impression on me when I was a young child. And, so glad my childhood was in a time when everyone in a village felt a responsibility for others from the infants to the elderly.
 
Sadly with the sueing culture and the gate being left open this is an accident waiting to happen. This child needs to be in an controlled environment with checked people ( sorry original poster I'm not applying anything at all) but no one should be on their own with a strange child, one comment and police would be involved guilty or not, sad world we live in.Horses are too big to play with , the guardians need to step up, it's as bad as letting children ride bikes on the main roads. Defo riding school, this is only going to get worst as Easter hols coming up. Padlock defo!
 
dogatemysalad said:
What a depressing thread. Do some people really see children as a nuisance and not worthy of their time or kindness ?
.
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Yep its true (puts hand up) I have never been maternal don't like children which is why I chose not to have them. I don't see why OP should give up some of her horse time to help someone else ankle biter when she does not want too. Now if she offered that is different, but clearly she doesn't want to be a baby sitter.

This reminds me of an incident a few years ago, we are a quiet livery yard and I looked out and saw strange children walking round the stables climbing on the kick bolts to see the horses, I asked can I help you and they said oh mummy said we could see the horses. Now mummy was in her car in the car park leaving the kids to roam and run around my yard. I was not happy and said they must leave as this was not a riding school but a private place that they must not wander around.
 
dogatemysalad said:
What a depressing thread. Do some people really see children as a nuisance and not worthy of their time or kindness ?

Children don't only learn how to be decent human beings from their parents. It takes a community to help a child grow up.

I'm so thankful for the generosity and wisdom of people who left a life long impression on me when I was a young child. And, so glad my childhood was in a time when everyone in a village felt a responsibility for others from the infants to the elderly.
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Yes some of us don't have a maternal bone in our bodies. Whether that's nature or nurture I do not know.
For many years I felt guilty for the way I felt about children (especially coming from an Italian Catholic family).
Yes I do find them to be a nuisance and as I only have one life to live, no I don't want to waste my time with them. That is why I chose not to have children, despite being told for 30 years I would change my mind.
That doesn't make me a bad person that just makes me, me.
I don't see why the OP or anyone else should feel obliged to look after someone else's child if they aren't comfortable with that.
There are many people who do enjoy children and their company you shouldn't be vilified if you don't.
 
I agree with the posts saying you should speak to the grandparents/parents. It's like you've told her, she's not insured to be there. Plus technically is she not trespassing onto your land?

I LIKE children (am mentally one myself so we get on great :D ) But I have been at my wits end with a friend 3yo telling me what to do and what not to do with my horse- everyone else found it amusing, and I did at first but it wears you down.

Your horses should be your priority not protecting a strangers child from danger. She should not be allowed to wander around and talk to random people IMO. If it is the grandparents, I wonder if he mother and father know...?

Ax
 
I can see where ND is coming from, that's her escape and this girl is there EVERY time, if it were just once a week or something it would probably be a lot more bearable but in this situation I think her feelings are reasonable.
 
twobearsarthur said:
Yes some of us don't have a maternal bone in our bodies. Whether that's nature or nurture I do not know.
For many years I felt guilty for the way I felt about children (especially coming from an Italian Catholic family).
Yes I do find them to be a nuisance and as I only have one life to live, no I don't want to waste my time with them. That is why I chose not to have children, despite being told for 30 years I would change my mind.
That doesn't make me a bad person that just makes me, me.
I don't see why the OP or anyone else should feel obliged to look after someone else's child if they aren't comfortable with that.
There are many people who do enjoy children and their company you shouldn't be vilified if you don't.
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^ agree

I too used to feel I was strange at never liking kids or babies. You know I only held one of my nieces when they were babies that was it and only 5 minutes and I said that is enough. I don't like the sound babies make and walk out shops if one starts (don't get me started on kids on planes) .

We can't all like kids or we would be more over populated than we are, friends say oh isn't my baby beautiful. I just smile, but inside I think its like all babies bald and fugly. That is me i cannot change like the rest of the non bearing children people. Having a kid is not the b all and end all.

I have had winging kids go on and on, I tolerate about 15 minutes then have to walk away. When your tired after a days work, all you want to do is chill- groom your horse and spent quality time of an hour or so. Not spend and hour answering mundane questions.

The sad truth is we get slated and labeled as mean etc to not liking children, and the people wanting kids wont see our point of view or understand why we don't like them.

I bet most of the non maternal group here understand why others want and love kids, but when the shoe is on the other foot, we are not given the same respect.
 
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Along with the padlock I would also consider putting signs on the gates/ fences maybe along the lines of "Danger--Strictly NO entry" or even "DANGER, horses can bite, do not touch" or whatever wording you think appropriate.

It is a shame, the fact that the grandparents are aware of the situation and are unfazed says it all, the little girl has clearly never been taught appropriate behaviour but it is not the job of the OP to do so, neither is it appropriate for her to do so.

Does your house insurance provider provide a legal advice service (if so they should be able to advise on your responsibilities even though the fields are apart from your house as the horses are your property) or even your horse insurance provider or the BHS. Just to make sure that you are fully compliant with any laws on signage, fencing etc. if any exist ( not to ask them what to do about the kiddie). That way, should anything happen, God forbid, you know that you have done everything you could to prevent it.

Hope it sorts itself out and you can soon get back to enjoying your horses.
 
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HGA-12 said:
^ agree

I too used to feel I was strange at never liking kids or babies. You know I only held one of my nieces when they were babies that was it and only 5 minutes and I said that is enough. I don't like the sound babies make and walk out shops if one starts (don't get me started on kids on planes) .

We can't all like kids or we would be more over populated than we are, friends say oh isn't my baby beautiful. I just smile, but inside I think its like all babies bald and fugly. That is me i cannot change like the rest of the non bearing children people . Having a kid is not the b all and end all.

I have had winging kids go on and on, I tolerate about 15 minutes then have to walk away. When your tired after a days work, all you want to do is chill- groom your horse and spent quality time of an hour or so. Not spend and hour answering mundane questions.
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I am fortunate that my friends understand my "phobia" as they jokingly put it.
My family now accept I will never change my mind and make sure in a restaurant, cinema or event of any kind I am seated as far away from the nearest child as possible in case "it starts"
They all think it's hilarious how I can coo over a foal/puppy/piglet but wrinkle up my nose at those little fingers and toes lol
 
twobearsarthur said:
I am fortunate that my friends understand my "phobia" as they jokingly put it.
My family now accept I will never change my mind and make sure in a restaurant, cinema or event of any kind I am seated as far away from the nearest child as possible in case "it starts"
They all think it's hilarious how I can coo over a foal/puppy/piglet but wrinkle up my nose at those little fingers and toes lol
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My *X* vet said I cannot have a coffee(when I invited her in), I said why? she said I am pregnant!!!!I said congratulations, what else could I say???? the truth??. I don't think so lol.
 
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To those who feel that the OP should encourage this badly behaved child, do you open your house to random children and allow them to rummage through your belongings, while they demand information about your life? If not why not?
 
YorksG said:
To those who feel that the OP should encourage this badly behaved child, do you open your house to random children and allow them to rummage through your belongings, while they demand information about your life? If not why not?
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Where has there been any description of a badly behaved child?
 
I am a teacher and I am totally with the OP on this one.
The chid is NOT her responsibility and should not be allowed to pester her neighbours. It seems that the grandparents are washing their hands of her. I do not know the law in France but if the chid got injured here, it would be considered that the op had allowed the child onto her land, as she has been talking to her and knows that she is frequently in the field with the horses.
I doubt that I would need to go to talk to the family because I would use my best 'teacher voice' to tell her to stay away from the horses but in OP's position, I would write to the grandparents, keeping a copy of the letter and hand-deliver it, so as to be able to make clear the contents and stress how dangerous and unpredictable horses can be.
 
Poor child?!?! Poor OP!!! What a horrible situation to be put in. Write a letter saying you are uncomfortable with responsibility, put up signs and put on padlocks. Hard on child to have dreams dashed but that burden should lie with guardians not you a random stranger. Aside from all the risks etc You are not a baby sitter nor a riding instructor, nor are you doing anything horrible. As YorksG said would you allow the same to happen in your house or garden even if child is polite etc? You have every right to say no! and I have 2 children myself and generally like children and love sharing my passion with friends children but it's on my terms and this situation would really really upset me.
 
amymay said:
Where has there been any description of a badly behaved child?
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I would consider a child who goes rummaging in a tack box without permission, who enters a field without permission or invitation, who asks the same question several times, to be badly behaved. Perhaps some people consider this to be acceptable behaviour, I do not.
 
It's all subjective though, isn't it? What one person adores the other one loathes, like someone else says - a fart.

I was a horse mad 12 year old - I had responsible parents. The future generation of equestrianism does not depend of lax parenting, IMO.

OP - I don't have a solution but I genuinely hope you find one, fun sponge you may be in some peoples opinions, but horses are an expensive hobby, and I've yet to see stray unmanned children on gold courses, race circuits or melestering mountain bikers - it is the parents responsibility to get them into sports and hobbies.
 
YorksG said:
I would consider a child who goes rummaging in a tack box without permission, who enters a field without permission or invitation, who asks the same question several times, to be badly behaved. Perhaps some people consider this to be acceptable behaviour, I do not.
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Surely not badly behaved. Just not understanding some of the boundaries and 'rules' around horses. The child described in the original post sounds eager to learn and eager to help.
 
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