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Patterdale

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Having noticed a lot of repetitive posts lately, I hope you all enjoy my handy time saving thread.

Got a question you need answered? Check here first!

Q: What should I feed my horse to make the transition to barefoot?
A: Glad you asked this, as no one else ever has. In fact, if you check the archives, I doubt you'll find a single post on the subject. Wait a mo, I'm sure some kind and knowledgable soul will be along soon to take time and trouble explaining the subject in detail, it's not like they've ever taken the bother before.

Q: What do you think of my horse's confirmation (sic)/constructive criticism please.
A: It's beautiful. A total babe, and perfectly put together. Anyone who says different is a bully/nasty/jealous/a hater.

Q: Am I too heavy for my horse? What's the correct percentage?
A: There is no correct percentage. You are totally fine to ride your horse wherever and whenever you like. As long as you love him, he'll be fine :). And anyway, in the olden days Shetlands used to carry 2 knights apiece into battle, in full regalia.
So don't let anyone tell you you're too heavy! They're just BULLIES!

Q: My YO won't let me feed hay in the bare field to my turned out horse/lets other liveries ride my horse/uses my tack on her horses/doesn't maintain fences safely/forgets to feed my horse. What should I do?
A: Well, one thing you definitely SHOULDNT do is move, if its at all difficult for you to manage. Your horse won't mind being hungry in the field or hurting himself on barbed wire, or being ridden around by every Tom, Dick and Harry. You don't need the stress of leaving your yard friends, or the expense of transport, so just stay put and whine on here every now and then. The horse will be fine, they're quite tough. Anyone who says different is a bully.

Q: Should I take my horse's rug off?
A: Well, I'm not sure where you live, but its sunny here so I'd say go for it. You're definitely right to ask though, strangers on a forum spread throughout the country will almost CERTAINLY have a better grasp of your local weather and your horse's hardiness than you do.

Q: My horse is injured. Should I call the vet?
A: As you probably know, vets are expensive, so it's a good idea to check with HHO before you put your hand in your pocket. Make sure you keep the thread going a few days before calling them though, if you do decide its worth it. That way we can see all the ups and downs to help you come to a decision.
Nb - if it's the weekend or after hours, just slap a sticking plaster on and go to bed. Horses are great healers.

Q: My horse bit me when I tightened his girth/bucked/tripped over/sneezed/lost weight over winter. What's his problem!?
A: He has gastric ulcers. Or kissing spines. It'll be one or the other, the horses on the forum always are, which is handy as its so easy to remember. You must scope for ulcers and get him a full body x-ray IMMEDIATELY. But if he coughs or farts before the results come in, or if he's over 10 I'd advise PTS.

If I've missed anything please do let me know :D
 
Oh yes - forgive me.

Q: Does my saddle/bridle fit?
A: Thanks for asking. I'm not a saddler per se, but I know that as long as you can fit 3 fingers under the pommel and the cantle doesn't rise to the trot with you, you should be fine. The main thing is, does it look good?

Q: I recently purchased a new horse. He hasn't been turned out for the last month while he settles in and I've been giving him some tasty new mix, but when I got on h he tried to take off! He was quiet when I tried him, what should I do?
A: Sounds like you've been had. He was probably doped. Ring the dealer and insist on a refund or exchange. If the dealer questions this, they're almost certainly 'dodgy.' But I can't say too much here. PM me.
 
Q: How do I get maximum attention on the forum?
A: Post frequently. Always make sure to bump your own posts, repeatedly. Have your horse, or a friend's horse or a livery's horse get an interesting condition and ask lots of questions. Then parrot back any information gained to ensure you are now seen as the expert on that condition. Not many people will notice that when you make a statement and one of the people who does know what they're talking about contradicts you you immediately change your stance - or blame a typo. Get involved in an argument or two, declaring it as fun. If all else fails get an interesting condition yourself, or arrange for a family member or friend to get one to explain any possible unpleasantness in your previous posts and ensure you get all the soothing vibes and attention you could possibly need.
 
jemima*askin said:
Q: How do I get maximum attention on the forum?
A: Post frequently. Always make sure to bump your own posts, repeatedly. Have your horse, or a friend's horse or a livery's horse get an interesting condition and ask lots of questions. Then parrot back any information gained to ensure you are now seen as the expert on that condition. Not many people will notice that when you make a statement and one of the people who does know what they're talking about contradicts you you immediately change your stance - or blame a typo. Get involved in an argument or two, declaring it as fun. If all else fails get an interesting condition yourself, or arrange for a family member or friend to get one to explain any possible unpleasantness in your previous posts and ensure you get all the soothing vibes and attention you could possibly need.
Click to expand...

Fabulous :D
 
Not a question but:

Ask a stupid question that is pretty much a welfare case , get stick for it so invent fake accounts that agree with OP and make them out to be gods gift :D ;)
 
Fanks Patterdale , its all become clear now. Between you and papa fritter who I ain't seen for ages , you have my every question answered

Oh sorry , why oh why oh why do people want to own Cobs ????
 
jemima*askin said:
Q: How do I get maximum attention on the forum?
A: Post frequently. Always make sure to bump your own posts, repeatedly. Have your horse, or a friend's horse or a livery's horse get an interesting condition and ask lots of questions. Then parrot back any information gained to ensure you are now seen as the expert on that condition. Not many people will notice that when you make a statement and one of the people who does know what they're talking about contradicts you you immediately change your stance - or blame a typo. Get involved in an argument or two, declaring it as fun. If all else fails get an interesting condition yourself, or arrange for a family member or friend to get one to explain any possible unpleasantness in your previous posts and ensure you get all the soothing vibes and attention you could possibly need.
Click to expand...

hehehehe, love it:D
 
Brightened up a dull day - thanks.

But you did forget a key one:

Q. i'm a fit yung lad wiv a couple of 'osses; i relly relly wud lik sum advise on my positoin. i hav put loads of pics.
A. Drooling, sycophantic drivel for pages....and pages....and pages by ladies who really should know better! ;)
 
Dave282B said:
Fanks Patterdale , its all become clear now. Between you and papa fritter who I ain't seen for ages , you have my every question answered

Oh sorry , why oh why oh why do people want to own Cobs ????
Click to expand...

Cos they're cheap to keep and perfect beginners horses ;)
 
Brilliant Patterdale, was wondering where you had got to, now I know, you've been doing this wonderful self help style thread! Could you pop over to mumsnet and sort them out as well?:D:D.
 
:D:D:D Dear Patterdale - THIS thread was the reason I decided to "man up" and actually join forum. Haven't laughed so hard in years:eek::eek:

Must just reread the bit about how get maximum attention!!!

Thanks again for the fun:D:D:D
 
=Orthe's Daystars;11666603........reread the bit about how get maximum attention!!!
Click to expand...

Post on an angle not touched on by any others - despite it being a glaring one sided affair.

Works especially well if you're a bloke!
 
Don't forget the old classic....
Shall I breed from my mare who is unrideable due to her less than perfect conformation leading to long term lameness issues and her aggressive temperament.....
And the answer being.... absolutely she will breed a fine foal.... lol
 
Excellent thread, OP.

I'd like to add one:

Make sure you title your threads in such a way that people have no idea what it's about. The unfinished sentence is always a good one. Then everyone has to click on it to find out what it's really about and the vast majority won't even be interested! Something like:

'Don't you just hate it when...'

User clicks on thread to then reads:

'You realise you have put the wrong boots on...'

WTF?! Grrr!:mad: Why can't you put what it's about in the title?
 
Brilliant, from now forth I will only take advice from Patterdale - the Oracle of Horse Ownership.
Now just for a starter maybe you can help me :-

My horse hates me, I mean ears back, whites of eyes, teeth bearing then a swift turn to kick me? Why? I have tried corporal punishment but to no avail :confused:

All the girls on my livery yard laugh at me and call me names its really getting me down, one even said I should be reported for cruelty? How can they be so mean?

My horse is always hungry, by the time I get there at 11 - 11.30 in the morning he's not pleased to see me but kicking the stable door down, maybe he's lonely so should I consider buying a rescue 2 yr old for backing?
 
cambrica said:
Brilliant, from now forth I will only take advice from Patterdale - the Oracle of Horse Ownership.
Now just for a starter maybe you can help me :-

My horse hates me, I mean ears back, whites of eyes, teeth bearing then a swift turn to kick me? Why? I have tried corporal punishment but to no avail :confused:

All the girls on my livery yard laugh at me and call me names its really getting me down, one even said I should be reported for cruelty? How can they be so mean?

My horse is always hungry, by the time I get there at 11 - 11.30 in the morning he's not pleased to see me but kicking the stable door down, maybe he's lonely so should I consider buying a rescue 2 yr old for backing?
Click to expand...

Aw... I think you've been a yard where I was once!
 
jemima*askin said:
Q: How do I get maximum attention on the forum?
A: Post frequently. Always make sure to bump your own posts, repeatedly. Have your horse, or a friend's horse or a livery's horse get an interesting condition and ask lots of questions. Then parrot back any information gained to ensure you are now seen as the expert on that condition. Not many people will notice that when you make a statement and one of the people who does know what they're talking about contradicts you you immediately change your stance - or blame a typo. Get involved in an argument or two, declaring it as fun. If all else fails get an interesting condition yourself, or arrange for a family member or friend to get one to explain any possible unpleasantness in your previous posts and ensure you get all the soothing vibes and attention you could possibly need.
Click to expand...

:D:D:D
 
:D:D :D Wagtail I LOVE the tapering obscure post.................. gets them every time. However, to clear up any mistakes in my query for how to get more attention (obscure one-sided question) the last time I looked I wasn't a bloke!!!

Here's to the only thread we need!!!!!:D:D:rolleyes:
 
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