The Grumpy Old Fart, Really Arsey, Tell It Like It Is Thread...

[Mistletoe-Kiss]

You know what really gets me about Russian dressage riders? They can spend about £30000 on a valuable talented horse, and do no work on it, do no training, don't try to improve it's skills. Then on your way to competitions boot it up to the eyeballs, all the safety equipment.

... However, on the way home, you just throw it in the wagon and drive off as fast as possible if you aren't in the ribbons

 

[Rosehip]

Can I join in? I need some catharthis too!!

The fat, sorry, freaking obese, pony that I am paid to ride ONCE a week will NOT get any thinner/fitter/more balanced if YOU dont ride the damn thing too!
I cannot teach the table-whale to canter in a balanced outline without motorbiking and dodging corners if you dont do the following:
1)STOP FEEDING HAYLAGE
2)Ride more often, and CANTER
3)Stop pandering to her - she DOESNT need to stop everry 2 mins for a 'rest' - thats YOU!
Im sick and tired of being paid to ride a lovely but lazy,fat and unbalanced pony once a week, only to feel like Im banging my head repeatedly against a brick wall because I spend the entire session trying to get the horse back to the point we left it at last week!
Jesus, please, Im not a miracle worker, I ride her strongly between hand and leg to keep her slightly more balanced, if you cant do that then Im sorry, this is pointless!!!

I dont think I have made any sense...have I?? PF - can I come on the barmy shelf? I promise not to rock and clap too loud!

 

[Halfstep]

You know what really gets me about Russian dressage riders? They can spend about £30000 on a valuable talented horse, and do no work on it, do no training, don't try to improve it's skills. Then on your way to competitions boot it up to the eyeballs, all the safety equipment.

... However, on the way home, you just throw it in the wagon and drive off as fast as possible if you aren't in the ribbons

Not just Russian dressage riders, have seen that a few times here too.....

PS. Meow-Kiss, I feel the need for a gratuitous picture of Horsk, just to cheer me up on a gray English day! x

 

[PaddyMonty]

BS corses are not generally built OVER height, they are built UP TO height.
If the BS 80cm open or BN looks huge to you compared to the 3ft unaff you normally jump then I suggest you measure the height/width of the unaff course.
Little tip. Oxers should be as wide or wider than they are high. A 3ft fence with an 18" gap between front and back rails is not really a spread.

Oh and if you are good loooking, slim, blonde with legs up to your armpits and a great looking ass then you may cut me up at the practice fence as often as you like. If you aint, dont get upset when I point out your error.

 

[PaddyMonty]

Then on your way to competitions boot it up to the eyeballs, all the safety equipment.

... However, on the way home, you just throw it in the wagon and drive off as fast as possible if you aren't in the ribbons

And your point is?
Comp is over, next one probably a week away. Most cuts/grazes will heal in a week.

 

[ThePony]

I knew there was someting else;
Left to left, red wing on the RIGHT. That's better - some proper idiots out last weekend.

 

[Mistletoe-Kiss]

Not just Russian dressage riders, have seen that a few times here too.....

PS. Meow-Kiss, I feel the need for a gratuitous picture of Horsk, just to cheer me up on a gray English day! x

Get yourself over to the photo gallery

And your point is?
Comp is over, next one probably a week away. Most cuts/grazes will heal in a week.

However if you drive so recklessly you have an accident, and break poor horsies leg
a) it won't heal in a week
b) dressage judges occasionally frown upon three legged horses

 

[*hic*]

b) dressage judges occasionally frown upon three legged horses

However it is a permanent cure for the comment "4time canter"

 

[Halfstep]

However it is a permanent cure for the comment "4time canter"

Classic!!!

 

[c2b]

Ahhhhhhhh the thread I have been waiting for

1) don't tell me your horse has tanked off and you can't stop it while I can clearly see you kicking the bloody thing on.
2) No I don't want my horse brought in because it is raining. Ditto putting a rug on my super hairy fat native.
3) No I am not cruel for putting a muzzle on my fat native when it's needed. Thankyou so much for pointing out that your fat horse with laminitis is loved and mine clearly isn't.
4) No my previously mentioned fat native doesn't need hard feed. It wears a muzzle to cut down on how much it is eating I don't need to replace that with hard feed.
5) Not rugging my fat very hairy native will not cause it to die of kidney failure.
6) My fat native will not die of malnutrition because it doesn't have a bucket load of hard feed.
7) No her legs won't drop off because I don't hose down her very hairy legs to get the mud off. Amazingly with pig oil and stabling it dries and drops off overnight. Since employing this regime she has not had a single bout of mud fever unlike yours.
8) Riding on the road without shoes never caused her hooves to drop off.
9) Thankyou but I will continue to employ my lovely farrier to trim her hooves rather than pay 4 times the price for the person you use who just hacks off bits of hoof leaving your horse lame. Trust me it is not normal for your horse to be lame after having it's hooves trimmed.
10) If you are going to lie to me about something please remember to be consistant. It's very annoying when you change your story every time you tell it.
11) Yes I have locked my feed bin. It may only be a bit of chaff but I pay for it. If I wanted to pay for your feed I would give you the money so you could choose what you wanted to feed it.

Better stop now or I might be here all day...........

 

[PapaFrita]

Sorry - I forgot "Put to Sleep".
Domestic pets get "Put to Sleep"................Horses, and other large animals get "Put Down".

I didn't know that. But then I am 'forin' Will not make the same gaffe again

 

[PapaFrita]

And obviously my Newforest pony was totally taking the piss out of me when it took me 2 months to say he was handled after coming off the forest as a colt, he had only 6 months on the forest yet a poster said she had handled, tacked up and rode hers in 1 week after having 5 years running feral. Where did it all go wrong for me ?

There that feels better.

It took me longer than that to persuade the Little Cigar the headcollar wasn't a foal-eating python AND he was 24 hours old and weighed less than me at the time!!!!!!

 

[tallyho!]

Please can I have a go...
You have a cracking, handy cob. Well, it would be if it weren't twice the size it ought to be and if you hadn't let it find out yonks ago that it is stronger (and probably more intelligent) than you. Your horse was MADE for hunting and riding club fun. It is sound as a pound, has brilliant movement, is totally fearless and will jump anything. Well, on the rare occasions that you let it out of walk, it will jump anything.
Your cob is also bomb proof. That is BOMB. PROOF. The odd sideways step out of the way of a piece of blowing plastic bag on the lane is not it 'going mental'. You step out of the way of blowing plastic bags on the lane because you don't want them wrapped around your foot. The cob is exercising the same logic. This does not count as a 'spook' either.
If you are intending for a 'hack' to be your cob's primary source of exercise for the day, I would suggest that you try to make it a bit longer than 20 minutes. That might help it to get a bit fitter, and also probably add some variety to its life. There are some lovely hacks around the vicinity, not all of them require road work. You should try them sometime.
If I was your cob and my morning routine consisted of walking and trotting round the school for half an hour, doing the same thing day in and day out, I'd probably also be a little disinterested. Perhaps if you gave the horse a bit more stimulation, it might reward you with a bit more spring in its step.
If the cob leaves half a net of haylege, it is because it is not hungry. It is not because it needs more.
I am guessing though, that you probably don't want the cob to be any fitter, slimmer or more interested in life, because it suits you to have it lazy, fat and bored. I suspect you are basically scared of horses and would probably rather not be riding.
May I suggest that you find an unrideable rescue that is looking for a good home and wants a bit of pampering? Your stable management is second to none - your horse has the best of everything. There are so many deserving horses out there that would love to spend the rest of their days in the pampered luxury you could provide them. And there are lots of very talented riders out there who would just love to get their hands on your cracking little cob.

And breathe...

God, that is really cathartic, isn't it??

Do you know the same person as I do?

 

[PapaFrita]

I dont think I have made any sense...have I?? PF - can I come on the barmy shelf? I promise not to rock and clap too loud!

Yes you have, and yes you can

 

[PaddyMonty]

However if you drive so recklessly you have an accident, and break poor horsies leg
a) it won't heal in a week
b) dressage judges occasionally frown upon three legged horses

Not an issue as could get a new horse quicker than the lorry would be repaired and I'm not gay so dont do dressage

 

[spaniel]

Thank goodness for this thread.....I was beginning to think I was abnormal.

 

[appylass]

Sorry - I forgot "Put to Sleep".
Domestic pets get "Put to Sleep"................Horses, and other large animals get "Put Down".

I didn't know that. But then I am 'forin' Will not make the same gaffe again

I didn't know that either and I aint 'forin'

 

[Rosehip]

Yes you have, and yes you can

Thanks! I'll bring a hot water bottle and some hot choccy and marshmallows! x

 

[PapaFrita]

Thank goodness for this thread.....I was beginning to think I was abnormal.

Maybe we are...

 

[PapaFrita]

Thanks! I'll bring a hot water bottle and some hot choccy and marshmallows! x

For that you get life membership

 

[martlin]

I just wanted to say:
I HAVE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES, NO, MY HORSES ARE NOT SKINNY, THEY ARE 2.5-3 CONDITION SCORE, UNLIKE YOUR'S, WHO IS 75!

Thanks, that's better

 

[nativetyponies]

Thanks! I'll bring a hot water bottle and some hot choccy and marshmallows! x

Creep.......

 

[glitterbug]

Can I have a moan too,
please don't enroll on an equine college course if you are likely to make the following comments:
'I don't want to be taught how to pull a mane cos its cruel'
'I will sue the college if anything happens to me during this session she's not a qualified instructor' (said during a teaching practise session)
'I don't like horses I'm scared of them I'm only here cos my mum made me'
also having a hysterical tantrum when asked to trot being led and then crying for 20 minutes having got off and thrown hat on floor when 6 other students are patiently waiting to learn something doesn't endear you to your instructor.

many more I can't remember now
no wonder I gave up

 

[PapaFrita]

Creep.......

Aww, NP, don't be jealous; I've saved you your own spot up here

 

[TinselRider]

I think I need to ask permission for the rant I am wanting to post!

so PLEASE PF can special permission for a super angry-keyboard smashy- steam coming out of earholes rant please

 

[*hic*]

Aww, NP, don't be jealous; I've saved you your own spot up here

Creep!

 

[spaniel]

* If you want to arrest the growth of winter coat its no good slinging three heavyweights on it FFS.....leave the bloody lights on all night.

* Its winter....there WILL be mud.

* No, magnets do not do magical things to a horses bloodstream, cannot mend ligaments, relax muscles or make Santa come any bloody faster.

* No matter how complicated or expensive you make your horses feeding regime....he is STILL designed to eat grass and has survived many years by doing this.

* If he is footsore for months because you have taken off his shoes....put the fecking things back on again.

* Rain does NOT make horses dissolve.

* Pink and fluff will not turn your one eyed donkey into Milton at your local show.

 

[PapaFrita]

I think I need to ask permission for the rant I am wanting to post!

so PLEASE PF can special permission for a super angry-keyboard smashy- steam coming out of earholes rant please

Yes, do go ahead. I look forward to it. I used to remember when I was known for my rants on HHO. I'm a much happier person now though

 

[PapaFrita]

Creep!

And you can have your spot on the Huggly Horsemanship shelf...

 

[nativetyponies]

Aww, NP, don't be jealous; I've saved you your own spot up here