The ordinary horse owner Olympics

[SEL]

My horses would like to volunteer for speed haynet eating and the Appy would win cleanest bucket by a mile.

I'm also putting the lot of them forward for who can get the wormer into the horse fastest

 

[ownedbyaconnie]

How filthy can your grey pony get within 5 minutes of being turned out after a very lengthy bathing session.

How loud can your mare squeal at other horses in a 500m radius that dare to look in her general direction.

How quickly can your pony stand on your toe on the one day you wear inappropriate footwear.

How many times can you punch yourself in the face when doing up your girth.

The Poo Toss

Equipment: A shavings fork, a wheelbarrow, a nugget of poo

The Aim: Who can hit the wheelbarrow with 100% accuracy at increasing distances/angles to the wheelbarrow.

I have got this down to a fine art because I am lazy and don't move my wheelbarrow, I don't even need to look to see where my wheelbarrow is. This arrogance bit me in the backside the other day though when I threw the poo at what I thought was my wheelbarrow...it was my baby in her pushchair.

 

[AntiPuck]

Trickle net toss - which hungry horse can rip their trickle net from the wall and fling it the furthest across the yard using only pure, unbridled hanger

Longest stand still hack - A nail-biting endurance event, which horse and rider combo will out-plant them all

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

I have got this down to a fine art because I am lazy and don't move my wheelbarrow, I don't even need to look to see where my wheelbarrow is. This arrogance bit me in the backside the other day though when I threw the poo at what I thought was my wheelbarrow...it was my baby in her pushchair.

Does laughing out loud at this make me a horrible person? I'm also confident I would get gold, although I am more out of practise than previous so it could be quite the competition!

 

[w1bbler]

Fastest collection of a trailer of hay unloading at home and stacking in barn before the impending storm

 

[SOS]

Dead or alive, final event of the day AFTER the prize giving, just as you are exhausted and want to get back home.

You must determine if the flat out horse half way down the field is dead or alive. One name call allowed (as they will always ignore it anyway). Person who disturbs the horse awake with the least amount of steps wins.

 

[Palindrome]

Cross a field of draught horses with a bucket full of poney nuts.

 

[Annagain]

Dead or alive, final event of the day AFTER the prize giving, just as you are exhausted and want to get back home.

You must determine if the flat out horse half way down the field is dead or alive. One name call allowed (as they will always ignore it anyway). Person who disturbs the horse awake with the least amount of steps wins.

What if it is actually dead? Is that a win or a disqualification?

 

[Peregrine Falcon]

Roll up 100m of electric fencing tape using hand/elbow method, then reattach it to the posts, fastest time wins. Points deducted for swearing and cutting the tape! ?

Variations include windy conditions and length of tape. We could have the 100, 200 and 400m sprints.

 

[ownedbyaconnie]

Does laughing out loud at this make me a horrible person? I'm also confident I would get gold, although I am more out of practise than previous so it could be quite the competition!

Nope because I, her mother, giggled to myself as I picked poo out of her hair.

It's all good for the immune system right?

 

[Goldie's mum]

Here are the official instructions for the worming triathlon.
The competitor shall signal readiness to begin by saying "Oh give it here I'll show you".
Standing beside the horse's head he/she shall spray wormer over their own face. Marks will be added for spitting.
An extra mark for degree of difficulty can be added if the second syringe is more expensive or borrowed.
At the commencement of the second syringe phase the competitor utters the war cry "No walking dog meat makes a fool of me" while approaching at speed.
On returning from casualty, phase three commences with team cooking. Competitors shall vie with each other to concoct the most unlikely recipe in which to conceal the contents of syringe 3.
The competition ends when someone says "What about the vet - he's paid to do it".

The Triathlon is then usually followed by The Freestyle Horse Laughing.

 

[Midlifecrisis]

This thread is brilliant….may I suggest “speediest location, retrieval and replacing of the plank on the muck heap..(after it has been completely covered once again by unthinking twonks at the yard).

 

[limestonelil]

Fabulous thread for LOL, picturing it all. Thanks all and Annagain for being so creatively bored??

 

[ycbm]

I have this to a tee now. It's not very BHS and you need a sensible horse. Undo front straps, undo neck, undo x-surcingles, undo rear leg straps.

Hold rug around top of tail area and pull off horse. Once on floor do up front breast strap, lift off floor whilst holding breast strap so open part of rug is in front of you (therefore not getting you dirty) and put over hook with done up breast strap, whilst twisting body away from muddy outer as you do so

Excellent technique!

.

 

[WBGG]

Not sure there would be many competitors lining up for the "World sheath cleaning championships" ?

 

[Surbie]

Hoof poulticing/wrapping challenge.
Wrap a waving abcessy foot without assistance despite the horse's reluctance to cooperate. Try not to swear/cry when they stand on you, snatch the foot away and plonk it in dirt, break the baler tie and bog off down the barn with vetwrap trailing behind. Points added for a wrapping they don't chew off, stand on & remove like a 70s fluffy slipper and which doesn't use an entire roll of duct tape to secure.

(The event qualifier is the hoof foot soak - points deducted for horse refusing to put their hoof in, whipping it out the minute you've stood back up, tipping the the trug over and dancing around their stable. Points also deducted for you crying)

 

[catkin]

Not sure there would be many competitors lining up for the "World sheath cleaning championships" ?

Be a very, err, entertaining live commentary if it was ever a televised 'sport' ........

 

[littleshetland]

The hay soaker challenge.

Who can soak, drain and tie up haynets while staying the most dry.


The muddy rug challenge.

Who can remove and hang up to dry a mud covered rug from a 17 hand horse, winner is the cleanest person, no ppe allowed.
.

If there's one thing I hate more than dealing with haynets.....it's dealing with wet haynets.

 

[Fraggle2]

The clipping challenge.... winner is the one who has the least of amount of hair within there bra, underware areas....

 

[smolmaus]

From the horses point of view, Escape room. How far can you get if you untie yourself when tied in the barn while person is in the stable mucking out. Points for how many other stables you can visit and haynets you can sample before you're caught. Points lost if you knock over something alerting humans.

Someone has spread news of the horse version to my yard

Mum Forgot the Bottom Door Bolt - Speed Round: can you undo the top bolt, break out of your stable and make it to the mare who doesn't like you before someone saves you from your terrible mistake? If you win you get your face ripped off.

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

Someone has spread news of the horse version to my yard

Mum Forgot the Bottom Door Bolt - Speed Round: can you undo the top bolt, break out of your stable and make it to the mare who doesn't like you before someone saves you from your terrible mistake? If you win you get your face ripped off.

And the final section: How quickly can the horse owner release themselves from the stable, after the kickbolt dropped when the door banged shut.
Bonus points for emerging without cuts, scrapes or swearing.

 

[millikins]

Reverse the Trailer. Through a gateway, round a cones course and parking between two other vehicles. Penalties for knocking balls off cones and number of attempts at parking. Elimination for jack knifing.

 

[GoldenWillow]

As a variation of this 'discus' style event, may I propose the 'Poo putt'. Similar to shavings fork and wheelbarrow, but a full scoop of poo hurled over a hedge or fence. Points scored for distance and/or height of putt (I have so got the gold in this one).

Are there extra points available for the hedge throwing it back at you and hitting you in the face? Asking for a friend ?

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

The clipping challenge.... winner is the one who has the least of amount of hair within there bra, underware areas....

I'd lose that one hands down! Speed clipping 10-12 tbs a day does not lend one to non-hairy underwear of any description ??

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

Cross a field of draught horses with a bucket full of poney nuts.

I counter that with trying to even get in the gate of a field full of Shetlands can smell the handful of 10yo pasture mix in your pocket!

 

[criso]

Someone has spread news of the horse version to my yard

Mum Forgot the Bottom Door Bolt - Speed Round: can you undo the top bolt, break out of your stable and make it to the mare who doesn't like you before someone saves you from your terrible mistake? If you win you get your face ripped off.

Sounds like mine. He adores the mare next door and has to actively stopped from heading towards her flattened ears and gnashing teeth with pricked ears and a big smile on his face.

 

[Cowpony]

Mucking out on a windy day - who can keep the most hay/shavings in their barrow without laying tools across the top

 

[blitznbobs]

Equine clipping challenge, winter games.

Each entrant to complete a hunter clip in fastest time, bonus points given for neatest finish.
Initial rounds will be held at one of the horse sales, the ones who come out unscathed and with horses that have a recognisable clip, go onto finals.

Penalty points for hair inside bra…

 

[Gloi]

Cleg splatting.
Most splatted on grazing horse in fixed time.
Progressing to splatting on ridden horse at various speeds. Can the rider splat the one on horse's cheek at a canter? How about the one on the chest or under the belly?

 

[blitznbobs]

Horse buying - first person to find a horse that matches the pre determined description and get it to pass a vet and it be the height advertised… first to find wins … this is of course the marathon event