The things I have learned.....

SatansLittleHelper

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.....since trying to buy a bloody horse...!!!!
(Still no horse, still attempting to save...please no links to horses, much as the help is appreciated my brain is fried..!!!)

1. People are full of 💩. The blatant lies I've been told and excuses/reasons for sale make me truly believe that alot of these people missed their calling in the creative writing sector. Seriously.
Example: Viewing horse...owner says yeah she's lovely but can have the odd moodswing, you know what mares are like. Friend wanders by and says to owner you sold that crazy f+cker of yours yet? Owner laughs it off as "friend" (probably EX friend at this point) procedes to tell us how this "lovely" mare wouldn't be too shabby a rodeo horse from time to time. Owner says it was just once...blah blah no thank you very much..!!!🙈🙈🙈

2. People will sell ANYTHING.
Example: Went to view horse, and as I'm trying it out my accompanying friend spots a sad looking horse being led past. She comments he looks sweet etc and owner proceeds to tell her that it's 27 years old etc and if my friend is interested she can have it for £300..!!!!😥😥😥

3. People LOVE their horses...until they don't.
Example: 345,5677,775 adverts everywhere of "much loved, soul mate, horse of a lifetime" types that are 400 years old and need more medication than your incontinent, diabetic, asthmatic Granny that need a "loving, forever home" because the owners either don't give a shit or dont have the balls to do the right thing.🤬🤬🤬

4. People do NOT sell ugly horses. Ever. Clearly the thought of selling a horse with a face as rough as a badger's arse is incomprehensible, not to mention that ugly horses are clearly very untalented ...
Example: No good horse ad starts with "ugly as sin/face only a mother could love/suit blind person". No siree, horses that are sold are ONLY "stunning/beautiful/eyecatching/talented/incredible" etc etc...as a nation of horse lovers we are clearly committed to saving the eyeballs of the local community by keeping the ugly, mediocre and/or talentless mules under wraps...where they belong. 👍😳

5. Alot of people wont know this but an awful lot of sellers are actually highly qualified undercover vet assessors/critics etc...you know, bit like a mystery shopper. This is kept firmly to themselves right up until their horse "fails" the vet....then they leap out in all their glory...surprise..!!!!!
Example: Your vet talks shit/doesn't know what he's talking about//vettings are a waste of money....you get my drift 🙄🙄🙄

6. People have no idea how big their horse really is.
Example: I went to view a 3/4 ID that was "definitely" 16.3hh. Great, thinks me...gets to yard and is greeting by Bilbo Baggins and his trusty steed. All 15.2 of him 🙄🙄🙄 Also, I think his mother "might" have been sniffed by an ID once but clearly he swiped left...

I'm sure others will have had equally "interesting" experiences....feel free to add yours, I could do with cheering up..!!! 😂😂😂😂😂
 

Rosiejazzandpia

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Sorry that you haven't found the one yet, but your list really did make me cackle, how true it is of horse buying/selling 😂

When I was looking for my mare I encountered all the clueless owners trying to offload a problem horse. The horse that was "definitely 15.3" was a 13.2 overweight cob. The one that was brilliant to handle, didn't pick its feet up without kicking out and was a bargy bastard in the the stable.
We had the "oh he's never done that before" as the poor thing bronked across the school throwing some impressive shapes.
Oh the joys of the horse shopping 😂
 

Annagain

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I’m just starting the process now. It doesn’t fill me with excitement. I’ve not actually had a viewing yet but I’ve already had “he probably won’t pass a vetting on a circle on a hard surface...but only because vets are so fussy these days.”

Thanks to some input from some very helpful people on here I think I managed to sound enough like I really knew what I was talking about for the seller to tell me the truth as she thought I’d find it out anyway!
 

Bob notacob

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Where you are going wrong is trying to buy a horse . I have stumbled across horses . Fallen in love ,bought and been happy. I have loved and lost ,but am grateful for the time they chose to share with me. They find you. When I first met Bob he looked so miserable , not a good reason to buy a horse , but then I saw him being ridden by a ponyclub A test trainee and he did something (which I fail to remember) but it impressed me that this was an inteligent horse.I insisted on a 5 stage vetting knowing he would fail . He didnt . Vet was actualy quite impressed ,said he was an ugly duckling and could either be a beautiful swan or a big Duck.Fortunately I got the swan. Nothing went smoothly , and in hindsightI would do a lot of things differently .(most of all not riding at a solid fence on bad ground ,rotating and subsequently loosing my nerve) What I would not change for a moment is the fact that when Bob hears my footsteps on the yard he goes ballistic ,shouting his head off. He is gentle and kind ,it is odd that he is also the undisputed herd leader , No one messes with him , I think they cant face the look of disappointment he would give them . Probably none of this is relevant but its my way of looking at horses.
 

Auslander

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My all time favourite is "he/she has never done that before!" As it proceeds to try and kill you in a very sophisticated practiced way! I feel your pain for buying horses at the moment, hope you soon find the perfect one for you.

I genuinely had that happen once! I was selling a little New Forest mare, who had NEVER bucked with a rider on. Buyer got on, and pony proceeded to bronc like a good un, and plastered the poor girl on her face in the dirt. I have NEVER been so embarrassed! Pony thought it was so much fun that it became a bit of a habit!
She eventually sold to someone who is making a bit of a name for herself as a decent 5* event rider - I like to think that that pony gave her a solid all round education in how to deal with cheeky ones!
 

HobleytheTB

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Horse failed the vetting, 1/10th lame on one leg on the trot up, and two failed flexions. Vet repeated flexions after the ridden portion, and horse was more lame. The dealer had buggered off somewhere at this point, so the groom went to tell her the news and get my (cash) deposit back. Dealer had already spent my cash apparently, so gave me £40 cash and the rest on a cheque 🤐

Then of course, dealer called me and hour later to say she'd had her vet out to look at the horse and he couldn't find anything wrong!! Needless to say I didn't return the call.
 

HashRouge

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I've had my eyes opened to the height issue recently. I always assumed that people told you their horse's height based on having measured it, but it turns out this is not the case! I have been riding an Arab gelding whose owner told me one the phone he was 15.2hh - when I went to see him, she said she thought he was maybe closer to 16hh. She hadn't measured him - she was using that reliable method of the guesstimate instead! Fortunately, like any normal person (!) I carry a measuring tape in the car - he's just shy of 15.3hh.
 

windand rain

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Yes all of those and more trying to buy but trying to sell is far worse. Standing about for hours with no shows, people who read an ad for not a novice horse and cannot rise to trot, Getting insulted if I ask them to ride a safe horse before trying a youngster, big people wanting an adult child share of a 12.2 pony. Not reading the ads so turning up with silly obvious questions and statements like "he is just what I want" until I point out it is a she then run for the hills. Needless to say I rarely sell anything and if I do it is usually to someone who knows and loves said pony
 

Tiddlypom

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I’ve been the potential purchaser testing out the patent safety ID from a reputable dealer, who ended up doing unintended laps of the arena in a very fast canter for what seemed like forever, but maybe 5 minutes? I had been out of the saddle for a while and was slightly surprised that I didn’t come off.

‘He’s never done that before’.

It turned out later after vet investigations by the dealer that he had navicular and was riddled with arthritis, and the poor chap was so sore in his back that my aid to canter was the final straw. He was a 5yo.

I do believe her when she said he hadn’t done it before, but eek.
 

Bernster

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Michen that’s bonkers!

I had a ‘never done that before’ moment with a horse I had on trial. Reared on the first hack. Didn’t unseat me and couldn’t work out why but did find a big fly bite lump on her belly. Ins quite rightly said I should walk away but I genuinely believed the seller that it was the first time. Bought the horse, never did anything like that again!
 

asmp

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Some are honest in their adverts. One I've seen recently:

Now I am the queen of standing still. My quirk is that when someone is on me, I point blank don’t move. I don’t move forwards, I don’t move backwards and I don’t move sideways. It’s really quite an unusual talent, but I am so unflappable that I just don’t move! If someone leads me then I will walk and trot beautifully, and I will walk, trot and canter on the lunge like a dream, but put a rider on me and leave me to it and I can guarantee we’re not going very far. I have been ridden previously, and I have been professionally started and ridden away. I was previously jumping courses and competing in dressage, however I have just lost my love for it. Because of this my owners are selling me as a broodmare or project pony. Apparently I have very nice breeding.
 

The Fuzzy Furry

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My all time favourite is "he/she has never done that before!" As it proceeds to try and kill you in a very sophisticated practiced way! I feel your pain for buying horses at the moment, hope you soon find the perfect one for you.
Lol, like Auslander I had that too!
Plod of a recycled TB, was so easy to hack at 5 yrs I led daughter from him, exemplary on ground and on board, never went anywhere quickly, poddled round in paddock in 3 gears in an outline.
Person A turns up with trainer, trainer rides and pronounces horse just what client needed.
A gets on, walks up long side, thumps horse hard and he obliges into trot (i call out that he doesn't need thumping and kicking) a couple of circuits later she changes rein and clumps him hard on the turn and slaps him with whip, he pogos off across the diagonal and she lands in a heap at X.
Horse stops immediately, I'm bloody embarrassed but her trainer was incandescent at horses reaction..... rider ok and as I shooed them off the yard I suggested more lessons might be required.....

Lovely idle lad sold the next week to a 70+ rider and did a great turn at low level dressage and hacking for a number of years without putting a foot wrong for her :)
 

cornbrodolly

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Try looking for a specific thing for the ultimate in wasted time/ effort/emotional drain - coloured show cobs have been my wish since the 1980s. My first one was quickly found, and was the Horse Of A Lifetime we all strive to find.
But when he was older , trying to find another led to 30 viewings over 2 years , anything from private sales [ one 200 miles away and horse was 'suddenly lame that morning , but you can walk him around the block' , a visit to Balinasloe, auctions , 14.2 s rather than full up 15.1 s, a gypsy stallion , nothing near a show cob. After the full 2 years, we found my next horse word of mouth , and he took me to HOYs in straight cobs for 4 years ! So he became my second H O A L .
When that horse was older , I began the search once more. 3 bought over a decade - 1 got curbs, 1 was too hot for the showring, 1 was a bolter. End up with a friend s gypsy cob to keep me riding . I buy 2 youngsters from the Welsh hills , and am currently riding 1 of them - she is wonderful, but not a show cob[ and she will be my horse until I can no longer get on board!].
So last yr we start again, as I would like one last go at county level cobs - 2 fail vet , , 1 at the other end of the country, 1 in Ireland. Then we buy from Ireland a young horse with vet cert , only to find he s not the unbacked 3 yr old, but a damaged 4 yr old [ story ongoing with that one - he s a lovely boy, but has problems both physical and mental].
I will never look at anything but a foal/yearling again.
I have a young friend looking for a horse to jump nicely around small x country courses /showjumps etc , and she is finding it impossible. Horses that buck /tank/wont be mounted , and of course nothing like their adverts. I cant work out whether some sellers are liars or just plain ignorant of how horses should be schooled!
 

JanetGeorge

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Yes all of those and more trying to buy but trying to sell is far worse. Standing about for hours with no shows, people who read an ad for not a novice horse and cannot rise to trot, Getting insulted if I ask them to ride a safe horse before trying a youngster, big people wanting an adult child share of a 12.2 pony. Not reading the ads so turning up with silly obvious questions and statements like "he is just what I want" until I point out it is a she then run for the hills. Needless to say I rarely sell anything and if I do it is usually to someone who knows and loves said pony

lol, I could add a dozen to those. The lady who wants a nice, quiet, sensible 17hh mare - actually managed to stay on top as mare plods around with a puzzled look on her face. Her expert adviser told her the mare would be great for her and rings me later - somewhat embarrassed - to tell me: "She wanted something with a bit more va va voom!" He was relieved when I nearly dropped the phone laughing - and joined in - and asked: 'do you reckon 2 lbs of oats a day would give more va va voom than she could manage". A very definite yes - luckily found a rider who was very happy with a horse that had not had ANY concentrestes in the 5 years since she was weaned. Or the one who bought a very nice IDSH mare and for 5 months I didn't hear a word - then she was on the phone demanding I take this buckjumper back. Hell, didn't want her money back - just to 'get rid'. So I said yes. And it took 1 minute to figure out the cause - close to a fistulous wither from an ill-fitting saddle that allegedly fitedt her fine for months before mare decided enough was enough when it came to acute pain every time anyone got on her! Hell, she even loathed being patted too near the wither when she arrived. Took 4 months to heal the wither and get her accepting that being ridden didn't hurt - and new owner (who bought her knowing her FULL history has just won her first dressage test and adores her.) Finding the RIGHT buyer is a non-stop worry for a responsible breeder - SO much can go wrong. Even just obvious separation anxiet when a horse arrives at a new home where he/she knows no-one - and inadvertently scares potential friends. I confess a couple of would-be buyers have been asked to dismount within 2 minutes of getting on a horse - because you can SEE they are years from being the experienced rider a young horse needs (even when it has not put a foot wrong in its first 3 months of being ridden!)
 

rabatsa

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I went with someone to look at a horse. I commented to a groom that it looked a bit lame and the reply came back that was why they were selling it. I wonder how long that groom had a job.

When selling a 10yr old PC pony it took off from the jumping field and bolted back to the stables. We arrived back breathless to the yard for the girl to have a huge grin and say "Buy it Grandad". He did.
 

Trouper

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Oh dear SLH - you really are going thro' it. However, with your writing talents you will probably be able to make your first million by writing a best-seller!!! Seriously though, think about re-homing from one of the charities - apart from the warm glow of giving a horse a good home and the financial benefit, there are some really good horses out there whose background and temperament are known or have been rigorously tested. Plus, there is the on-going support for the future should your circumstances change. Just a thought.
 

Pippity

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Ah, yes, the 15.2hh cob that turned out to be a 14.2hh spindly thing. I carried on with the viewing enough to let the groom hop on board, but stopped it when the poor horse was hobbling round the arena. "She doesn't feel lame," said the groom, but agreed she was when I showed the video. (The owner was nowhere to be seen.)

The 16hh 'suitable for beginners' that turned out to be closer to 16.2hh, and the owner paid a pro rider because he wouldn't get on board. (Gorgeous horse - just needed advertising differently.)

And, once the horse failed the vet, "I knew that vet would fail it because they don't like me. It's absolutely sound!" (I still wonder where that one ended up. She was so sweet. If I'd had my own land and therefore could take on a field ornament, she'd have come home with me.)
 

w1bbler

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Im another seller in the genuine 'never done that before' camp
I sold a sensible cob & got a call a couple of month later declaring her dangerous. Instantly told them to bring her back. Buyer arrived on the yard with my mare, talking about her dangerous behaviour - bless my fellow liveries, they fell about laughing.
Buyers had taught her in that time to rear & spin when being asked to leave the yard. Took 1 ride to cure the behaviour & she spent the rest of her life as a spare horse being borrowed by many for novice friends to ride.
 

scats

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I went to view a mare that was described as able to go out now and do a decent prelim test. After the rider had trotted around (a lot!), she went to bring it over to me. I asked her if I could see it canter, to which she replied, “it doesn’t really have a canter”. Slightly taken aback, I asked if I could see what it did have. The rider shrugged and headed into trot, she put her leg on for canter and the horse imploded and then performed a fantastic rodeo display down the long side with its head between its knees, whilst rider desperately tried to get its face off the floor.
I politely declined the offer of a ride...
 

vhf

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Oh so many stories. One of my favourites was going to view a "16hh approx" with my 5 ft in her heels friend, and trying to explain to seller that if I could see her face over the top of him when we stood either side, he wasn't anything like 16hh. Then there's "Oh, I didn't bring the tack, I didn't think you'd want to ride..." "Yes, she is a bit lame, but it doesn't bother her so we didn't mention it" "I thought it would be easier if he was already tacked up and worked in..."
 

Fransurrey

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Sorry, but your post had me roaring with laughter. I think I was quite lucky in that I only went to view 3 horses and had to choose between the second 2 as they were both great. The first though was a lovely looking black cob up for £4500. My total budget including vetting was £5000, so this was ok, but for that money, I wanted something that was safe, not lame and good to handle. Wasn't bothered about any competition record as I just wanted a safe hacking horse. I went to view her and all seemed fine, although I was annoyed that they'd already brought her in. Seemed fine to groom though and tack up, but she was at a haynet. I tend to do this, so whilst not ideal at a viewing, it wasn't a deal breaker. First ride was fab. Good on roads, comfortable. Seemed made for me! So, I arranged a second ride, to take her out alone. As I didn't know the area, I asked the owner to walk with us. Mare wouldn't leave the yard initially, but without giving me a chance to work on it, owner grabbed bridle and led her out, after which she was fine. At this point I'm starting to wonder, as I mostly hack alone. Rest of hack was fine, though, so I put in an offer of £4200 including tack, conditional of her passing the vetting.

Vetting was arranged for two days later. Vet of course needed her away from haynet to check eyes, teeth and so on, in stable. That's when it all unravelled. She had clearly never had anything done without her gob full of hay. We moved on to trot up and flexions, although at this point I was already planning my awkward no thanks speech...she trotted up slightly lame on one front and one hind leg. I saw it, the vet saw it...he did flexions on two legs and this didn't exaggerate the lameness, but she wouldn't even flex the third! Vet stopped at that point and said 'this is not the horse for you'. I didn't need to be told. By this point I wanted to run and was very cross with myself. Vet gave his honest opinion regarding attitude and I agreed. No way was she worth £1000 in that state, nevermind £4500! Vet left and the excuses kept on coming - vet was very harsh, aggressively handled her, she was a little footy the other day on a hack, so perhaps needed shoes. They wanted me to take her on trial and they'd pay for re-vetting. Not a chance. They knew my circumstances (planning to put my old boy to sleep - needed a nice horse, NOT a project). I even got a message that evening to say they were very unhappy with the vet's attitude and re-iterated they'd like me to have her. I replied to say I was very pleased with the vetting and no thank you. Same vet was the one who pts my boy and he said he went back there a week before the pts appointment. The horse wasn't there, so clearly sold/got rid of, but he told me they really didn't like him. We had a laugh about that.

There was one horse that was up quite cheap (£1500), that I had an appointment to view, until I mentioned that I wanted a vetting in a message. No reply, so I left that one!
 

J_sarahd

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I’m very lucky in the fact that the ponies I tried out when looking were all more or less as I was told they were. Obviously a few “white lies” but nothing crazy.

It was when I was looking for a loan/share pony for several years before that I experienced a lot of lies. “Forward going and safe” turned into bombing around the school with no control. Had a horse bronc down the road with me on a hack with the typical “she’s never done that before”
 

Annagain

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I genuinely had that happen once! I was selling a little New Forest mare, who had NEVER bucked with a rider on. Buyer got on, and pony proceeded to bronc like a good un, and plastered the poor girl on her face in the dirt. I have NEVER been so embarrassed! Pony thought it was so much fun that it became a bit of a habit!
She eventually sold to someone who is making a bit of a name for herself as a decent 5* event rider - I like to think that that pony gave her a solid all round education in how to deal with cheeky ones!

We did too with my friend's kids' pony. Before they came to try him, we had already explained that he had gone to a new home and came back because they said he bucked but that he had never bucked with us and we could provide references to say that - we genuinely could, they'd had him 3 years he'd been to pony club, riding club, lots of kids had ridden him and he'd never bucked with any of them. Exactly at the moment I was saying "We think he was too forward for the little girl but we had sold him as forward so they couldn't return him for that so they made up the bucking," he spooked, the rider got up his neck and he bucked her off! She got straight back on him and within 10 minutes was jumping over 1m on him. They bought him and he's now flying as a BS pony and hasn't bucked once with them.
 

J_sarahd

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We did too with my friend's kids' pony. Before they came to try him, we had already explained that he had gone to a new home and came back because they said he bucked but that he had never bucked with us and we could provide references to say that - we genuinely could, they'd had him 3 years he'd been to pony club, riding club, lots of kids had ridden him and he'd never bucked with any of them. Exactly at the moment I was saying "We think he was too forward for the little girl but we had sold him as forward so they couldn't return him for that so they made up the bucking," he spooked, the rider got up his neck and he bucked her off! She got straight back on him and within 10 minutes was jumping over 1m on him. They bought him and he's now flying as a BS pony and hasn't bucked once with them.

Ah you sold him? That makes me happy! He is a lovely pony
 
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