What to do you when things have gone wrong yet again...

blitznbobs said:
By heck there are some negative comments here...

Anger and jealousy are normal human emotions and it’s not what feelings you have it’s what you do with them that matters . Personally I think venting to a load of strangers on a forum is a pretty healthy way of dealing with them.

It’s ok to feel crap but what helps me is imagining that those people who are in a happy place have probably been through similar to me and that will be me in a year or two. Then focusing on what I need to do to get to be ‘them’ by this time next year... I’m not always successful but it helps me thru the dark times.

Physical activity certainly helps with the physical feelings to do with anger (I take a kick boxing class which is amazing for this cos you can imagine punching whoever whilst burning off the adrenaline and not hurting anyone - and you get a better workout cos you put more Umph into it...

Two contrite things that genuinely help me in the bad times

‘When you’re going through hell, keep going’

And

‘This too shall pass’

Chin up, I hope today is a better day.
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Agreed, feelings are never wrong. They just are what they are. As you said, it's how you act on them.
 
blitznbobs said:
I don’t believe in luck either - only that that you make yourself - but to suggest that lameness is usually the cause of the owner is just - how can I put this - wrong.
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Some lameness is probably caused, or exacerbated by owners. Some by genetics, conformation, field injury, freak accidents etc...

It's entirely possibly to be "unlucky" with a few horses suffering from the latter.
 
blitznbobs said:
I don’t believe in luck either - only that that you make yourself - but to suggest that lameness is usually the cause of the owner is just - how can I put this - wrong.
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JFTD-WS said:
Some lameness is probably caused, or exacerbated by owners. Some by genetics, conformation, field injury, freak accidents etc...

It's entirely possibly to be "unlucky" with a few horses suffering from the latter.
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Indeed .
 
mule said:
Go somewhere where you have some privacy. Bring a pillow and imagine it as the source of your anger. Scream at it, shout at it, verbalise everything you're felling and beat the crap out of it. Letting out all the emotion in a safe place will help a lot.
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This with bells on - hugs to you OP 💐
 
Cortez said:
Feelings are very often wrong, which is why there are laws to prevent people acting on some of them.
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And feelings of anger towards a completely innocent party going about their own business are wrong. That is why there are anger management classes for those who do act on the feelings in a way which is against the law.
 
But there aren't laws to stop people feeling them - because that's absurd.

At the end of the day, the OP feels how they feel, and it's not wrong to be upset, or even jealous of other people - provided they acknowledge that's the situation and deal with it accordingly.

Running is good. Hitting (inanimate) things is also good. Boxing, kick boxing, or the full Basil Fawlty works for me.
 
Quite off topic, but is it wrong to feel sexually attracted to children, would you say? Or hatred towards people with a different skin colour? I have seen studies that refute the "it's bad to repress your anger; better act it out" dictum. I think civilisation is all about learning to process and rationalise your feelings in an appropriate way.
 
I'm not sure it's "wrong" to be attracted to children if you never act on it and avoid being around them as far as possible, to be honest. I think the "rational" part of your brain is the bit that decides what you do, not how you feel about things.

But I'm not convinced that's ethically right of me to feel that way...
 
Anger is definitely a healthy emotion, but when it affects a person to the extent that they want to physically attack everything (but not people, fortunately) and scream at everyone, then that is not a healthy.

If I were the OP I would try to look at how I could regulate my emotions and my temperament. Not for any one else’s benefit, just my own. The only person who is suffering is the OP and the intensity doesn’t need to be as it is.
 
Cortez said:
Feelings are very often wrong, which is why there are laws to prevent people acting on some of them.
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Feelings aren't wrong. They are not something within a person's control. They don't affect others unless the person acts on them. Without action they are just in a person's thoughts. Having unpleasant feelings or thoughts doesn't lead to law breaking.
 
JFTD-WS said:
I'm not sure it's "wrong" to be attracted to children if you never act on it and avoid being around them as far as possible, to be honest. I think the "rational" part of your brain is the bit that decides what you do, not how you feel about things.

But I'm not convinced that's ethically right of me to feel that way...
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I agree, it's ridiculous to condemn people for their thoughts. Actions are all that matter.
 
I think anger - and jealousy of others - is a perfectly natural reaction, as long as you don't act on it.

OP, give yourself some slack and take some deep breaths. Things may be different in a week's time.

As for those with "perfect" horses, you know that in reality they may be facing the same issues as you tomorrow - that's horses!
 
moleskinsmum said:
As for those with "perfect" horses, you know that in reality they may be facing the same issues as you tomorrow - that's horses!
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Only you and the OP referred to ‘perfect horses.’ I think other posters recognise there is no such thing. That’s the point of the irrationality of the OPs anger and jealousy.
 
Snitch said:
Only you and the OP referred to ‘perfect horses.’ I think other posters recognise there is no such thing. That’s the point of the irrationality of the OPs anger and jealousy.
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Ironically, it's irrational for you to think that all anger and jealousy should be rational...
 
I sincerely hope that OP is a typically drama-prone teenager and with age and experience recognises that blaming other people for your own problems is counter-productive.

What happened to some of the other, older posters, I'm not sure;)

All the best with your horse, OP
 
Snitch said:
Only you and the OP referred to ‘perfect horses.’ I think other posters recognise there is no such thing. That’s the point of the irrationality of the OPs anger and jealousy.
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I'm sure many of us could relate to having a flash of anger when faced with bad news out of the blue.
As OP hasn't elaborated and probably has been put off doing so now, its quite possible this was written right in the heat of a moment 🤷‍♀️

Any extrapolation about their general behaviour seems a bit OTT.

I get irrationally jealous now and then of other people who seem to have things better than me... what can I say other than I'm not perfect? I'm a grown up so I know really that's just too bad. but when you suddenly get kicked down by something it can be hard to keep your emotions in check 100%..
 
milliepops said:
I'm sure many of us could relate to having a flash of anger when faced with bad news out of the blue.
As OP hasn't elaborated and probably has been put off doing so now, its quite possible this was written right in the heat of a moment 🤷‍♀️

Any extrapolation about their general behaviour seems a bit OTT.

I get irrationally jealous now and then of other people who seem to have things better than me... what can I say other than I'm not perfect? I'm a grown up so I know really that's just too bad. but when you suddenly get kicked down by something it can be hard to keep your emotions in check 100%..
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I wasn’t extrapolating, merely commenting upon the original post:

jainque said:
When your horse has broken down and you are so fed up with everything, you want to hit everything and scream at everyone....
Especially those people having perfect horses ?
How do you let steam off ?
Any good idea to let the anger out ?
Thanks you in advance
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Feeling like you could hit everything and scream at everyone, particularly those whom YOU perceive to have perfect horses cannot be very comfortable, otherwise (s)he wouldn’t have posted as she did. People are offering good suggestions of ways to release her anger. Others are suggesting that becoming more resilient and learning to regulate one’s emotions would be a healthy thing to do long-term. All positive I think.
 
OP never said she actually went around screaming at people and hitting things. She just felt like it. Possibly briefly in the flash of the moment.

As someone that suffers with anxiety and tends to catastrophise I can see where her reaction came from. I highly doubt she had any intention of acting on her impulse.

And even if she does have proper anger issues that’s not her fault!

Always be kind, you don’t know what else is going on in her life .
 
From the OPs previous posts I believe they are not in the UK and possibly english is not a first language from some of the phrasing. In which case it also might be a bit of a translation thing.
I just think when you feel really down in the dumps about something, and probably just need to offload how you're feeling, then a load of people telling you that you need anger management is possibly not that helpful!
 
OP perhaps another way to look at those people with their 'perfect' horses is that doesn't it give you hope?
They have found their horse of a lifetime - so it's possible that you will, too, eventually.
Maybe just a way you could put a positive spin on things, though I understand that it's not always easy to do.
 
milliepops said:
From the OPs previous posts I believe they are not in the UK and possibly english is not a first language from some of the phrasing. In which case it also might be a bit of a translation thing.
I just think when you feel really down in the dumps about something, and probably just need to offload how you're feeling, then a load of people telling you that you need anger management is possibly not that helpful!
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I have just reminded myself that OP works in a racing yard in Switzerland. I certainly wouldn't want someone with anger management issues working on my yard - and particularly not with racing TBs. I would expect someone who works with horses to know that these things happen with horses - and that none are 'perfect'.

MP may be correct that something has been lost in translation.
 
Jeez, we are only human and having bad thoughts doesn’t make us bad people.

I groomed for two friends competing at an event three months after I lost Basil. I remember absolutely dying inside, sad, bitter, jealous, angry with life, you name it. But not for one minute did I let on I was feeling all that, big smile and jolly nature (I did have a private sob in the lorry when I was alone).

You are entitled to feel whatever you want, its your actions that define you.

And btw OP, those with seemingly perfect horses- you don’t always know what those people have been through with said horses. Sometimes all is not what it seems.
 
Snitch said:
Just generally, if somebody has proper anger issues, whose responsibility is it to do something about it?
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It’s her responsibility to do something about it but it’s not her fault she has them. And hasn’t she done just that by asking for advice? That’s assuming that she actually has anger issues and wasn’t just frustrated in the heat of the moment
 
The OP clearly isn’t sanguine with the feelings she harbours, otherwise she wouldn’t have posted asking for help.

I’ve already said that I think she has had some good advice on here in terms of ways to release anger that won’t hurt her, or anybody else.

But suggesting you want to hit everything and scream at everyone doesn’t strike me as a person in control of their emotions. That’s not a criticism, by the way. Merely an observation and if you don’t address your ability (or inability) to regulate your emotions, then this kind of problem will most likely repeatedly resurface rendering you pretty miserable and unhappy I would have thought.
 
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