When is mentally damaged too damaged

[SOS]

Bar your perceived/guesses at the horse having a rough past and being sensitive what does he actually do wrong? All I can read is that he can be difficult to catch and a little worried on the ground.

The catching you need to work on so it isn’t stressful for you both. Don’t set yourself up to fail with the catching by turning away in a big field, keep a field safe headcollar on with cut rope attached, catch with feed, stick to a routine.

As for the worrying, yes he should get better in time but some are just like that. My horse is a big ISH who is a very good boy and quiet on the ground. But is a huge internal worrier about life. I have known him 9 years and he’s been in my full ownership (I was his last owners groom) for two years. He has got better since a young horse but will still freak out if you raise your hands, drop something or raise your voice around him. Unfortunately I don’t know his history before a 5 year old and being imported to the UK from Ireland but neither me or his old owners were ever nasty to him, yet he still worries at times. We just adapt our handling and are quiet around him. Everyone always says he is such a good horse on the ground, and he is because I read him and react accordingly.

He doesn’t do head fusses, or cuddles. But he shows his trust in me in other ways like not stopping eating as soon as I enter the stable, as he would with a stranger, or not tending when I put a rug on him as he does with some.

I don’t personally “need” a horse that is very affectionate or full on, so I think we have a good understanding, I’m quiet with him and he’s quiet with me. In fact I like the horse much more than some of my previous horses that mugged people for attention.

I drag hunt with him and he has jumped some seriously big and tricky country with myself and I trust him implicitly to make the best decisions for us. I feel our “bond” more that way. I also think he’s quite special for being so quiet, and admittedly plain, yet so talented and can jump the moon.

Horses for courses I suppose but I think you are thinking too much into how your horse is supposedly down and worried rather than just accepting him for who he is and adapting your behaviour. Not many horses are perfect to ride so don’t take that for granted. Tbh the opposite type of horse is my worst nightmare - clingy, greedy, muggy, potentially bolshy.

 

[Cortez]

It sounds like you need an emotional support prop, not a horse. It also sounds as if you are angry with the poor horse for not "loving" you. Horses are like people in that they have very different characters and personalities, if yours is of a reserved type then you either adapt to that or sell him on and get a different model. I wouldn't give two figs for his backstory, which is entirely speculation and irrelevant.

 

[DabDab]

Sounds very similar to a friend's horse who also came from an Irish hunting existence, via a sales here. When she turned up she was stoic, well mannered, completely shut down, jumpy and spooky, and was basically uncatchable in the field. She also had the the worst tongue scarring I've ever seen on a horse. ?

I cannot tell you how many times my friend considered selling her (it was almost every week at one point), but then the horse went mildly lame in the hoof and was on box rest and then rehab for 4ish months. And it completely changed their relationship for the better. All the handwalking really brought out a different side to the horse.

Not saying that she is perfect now (I think she is still very occasionally tricky to catch), but they adore each other and my friend is very glad that she didn't sell her.

So I agree with the posts above - keep trying, find another way and just keep being kind and consistent.

 

[Annagain]

I know you can take people being blunt as it's an approach you've taken with others in the past. Forgive me if it's a little too raw for you at the moment.

I think it would be fair to say from your posts over the years you're not that much of a winter rider. Could the time of year be colouring your view on ownership? If you don't want to do it any more, there's no shame in saying that but I don't think the fact that he's a bit shut down but generally well behaved is a valid reason. I suppose what I'm saying is if you want to sell him, sell him but don't blame him for that and make b100dy sure his next home is a permanent one.

 

[TPO]

Have a look at Richard Maxwell. He's doing UK wide demos shortly.

His books Maximise your Horsemanship and 20mins a day to unlock your horse's talent are probably the most relevant.

Using his circling groundwork turned my uncatchable (5hrs to walk down after being left out alone to "encourage" her to be caught was the record) into am easy to catch. After doing that work if she ever made to walk off I could just circle her and get her to turn in to me.

I know how frustrating it is having an uncatchable and how it can affect the tone of the rest of the time spent with the horse.

Agree with the others that a year isn't long especially with a horse used to being passed around.

To go against the grain I think a fi Al permanent home is a much better option than a retirement home. He sounds like a very useful sort and seems almost a shame to retire him.

 

[Honey08]

I’m another who can’t understand what exactly you want from this horse. He sounds a good, solid chap.

I have two Irish imports. One is very aloof and doesn’t want or like cuddles. She’s obviously had a beating at some point, and will still flinch if you move suddenly, despite being with us for ages. She does exactly what I ask her, both ridden and on the ground, albeit with a bit of attitude! She is my horse of a lifetime. I’ve owned her 17 years (my avatar). We know and trust each other. My husband’s Irish horse is a big, soft cuddle monster. Incredibly affectionate. Very easy going. Doesn’t worry about anything.

If I was riding them and a lion was chasing us I know my husband’s horse would buck me off and save himself, while she’d try to get me out too!

 

[IrishMilo]

I think you're thinking about it too much! And projecting what you think he's thinking onto him. Saying that, a good friend of mine is looking for a horse of just his type, so if you are thinking of shifting him, please PM me!

I wouldn't give two figs for his backstory, which is entirely speculation and irrelevant.

I also agree with this. I've had and known horses who are so spooky and nervy you'd think they'd had a lifetime of being battered but it's just how they are.

 

[Quigleyandme]

Two experiences to relate. First, the big grey horse in my avatar. Came to me age 11 broken down but rehabbed enough to hack and jump smaller and less technical courses. Polite to handle but shut down and appeared to find my touch abhorrent. I literally made his skin crawl. He would excrete at least 7 stress poos in the time it took me to efficiently tack him up. I was going to keep him for the summer and then send him to kennels. One day I was poo picking and he had thought up this game whereby he would creep up and nudge my elbow and then spin and gallop away. He did it repeatedly and he was all lit up and fizzing. He was like a different horse altogether. He stayed with until death parted us 9 years later. Second, my 18hh three year old ID. Bought as a foal and I couldn’t get near him. He was crammed into this foal rug which he was rapidly outgrowing and I couldn’t catch him to remove it. The breeder had to come over from Offaly and corral him between a wall and a gate with brute strength and I spent hours talking to him and stroking him and leading him around. I could only catch him with food following that but one morning I went into the shed and his nostrils fluttered a greeting. That horse is a big dote now that puts up with any amount of kissing and fooling with.

 

[Glitterandrainbows]

Do you not know anyone with there own yard who has a herd he could go in for a while so it doesn’t matter if he’s caught or not ? Sooner or later he’s realise the others were going for a feed he could go or not his choice

 

[meleeka]

Not that I’d recommend it but my cob gelding didn’t really bond with me until he had an op and was on box rest for a month. I’d owned him for two years at that point. He’d never had a bad home and didn’t do anything wrong, but just didn’t have much character.

I have a mare now that’s very aloof and seems moody. She’s slowly coming round but again that’s been two years.

In answer to your question I think all horses would learn to trust and show its character eventually, but some take much longer.

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

If he wasn't a 'big strapping' horse I would be pm'ing you right now with an offer and arranging a very hasty return to Ireland for him. Exactly the sort of horse I will be looking for (but smaller!) when I return to riding next spring and I cannot believe what I am reading on your post about this poor boy.

My now retired mare was a hunt hireling for the first 10 years of her life, and yes she was aloof and rather stand offish when she first arrived. Very similar to how you describe your horse, and very typical of either ex hunt hirelings or ex riding school horses.

Lovely ride, if somewhat reluctant to hack alone due to always being with the hunt, but that was easily overcome with time and patience. I never expected or asked her to display huge amounts of affection, I never expected or asked her to coming running across the field to me, I never had much bother with her reluctance to be caught, I simply brought another horse in with her the first few weeks until she just gave up that quirk and allowed me to bring her in alone, because she knew there would be a small treat waiting in a bucket for her. Bribery works wonders in my experience.

I would say it took 2 years before she started to display any real preference and affection for me, within the limits that a horse is able to do so. The catching thing didnt last long at all. But I would never, ever have kept this mare in a field on her own, no matter how hard she was to catch, you are just piling anxiety on top of anxiety by depriving him of anytime just being a horse with other horses.

She is now happily retired after giving me 10 years of fabulous riding, and eventually became bold enough to show some real character and affection for me and other family members, and yes she does now shout out for me and gallop across the field to see me, on a good day! I can only weep at the thought of her being sold on to someone else all those years back, and being so misunderstood and dismissed out of hand by a new owner who is so very lucky to have a safe and well mannered ride.

I do get sick to the back teeth of reading so many posts, especially about horses brought over from Ireland, that must obviously have been beaten, abused, neglected etc. etc because new owner is finding some small issues in their handling/riding or whatever and is totally incapable of seeing what the horse needs and just getting on with the job and dealing with it! And probably most important of all asking yourself what you might be doing wrong?

Obviously there probably are some that have been badly treated, exactly as some UK horses might have been beaten before arriving at your yards. But don't just jump to the load of guff and delude yourselves that you are dealing with 'damaged', 'beaten' and 'abused' horses.

Many dealers and producers here breed and produce horses in a very matter of fact way, not cruel or abusive, but very much just get on with the training and get the job done, they do not waste precious time babying horses and faffing around them giving them kisses and cuddles. They are dealt with firmly and fairly and most go on to be fabulous eventers, hackers or hunters.....in the right home.

 

[honetpot]

I am a great believer in what the horse does in it spare time is non of our business, a horse that is supposed to live in a herd with its own kind, if it choses not to communicate with us after work, that is absolutely fine.
Our old PC pony that I bought from a friend had spent its younger days in a riding school, and liked a crafty nip, in fact the first time I met him he grabbed my arm hard enough to bruise it. You could put anyone on him, a 14.2 cob type, that I could my then eight year old daughter in the ring at a show, and he would totally behave, she wasn't big enough to make him do anything. He didn't want fuss, about the only thing he seemed to actually like was being clipped, you could clip him lose in the stable, he only wanted your presence if you had some sort of food.
The other ponies who I have left and had from youngsters have probably got too much character for most people, given space for an opinion they will take it. It never occurs to me that I need them to be my friend, all I need them to know is I am not scary, and that even if something looks as if it could be a threat, if I say am not afraid the chances are it's OK.

 

[Goldenstar]

Yes I have had horses like you describe .

Bad catching is a curse and I would really consider getting someone like Richard Maxwell to help you with this .
Make sure the stable is haven of lovely bedding and give nice food when they first come in .
Summer may solve your catching issue I leave them out until the flys are driving them mad and then bring them in they sharp learn that the stables are cool and pleasant.
In winter I turn them out in a wet nasty paddock with no extra forage and then they sharp learn to eat you have to come in .
This is the type of horse I would use treats with probably mints at first .
Spend time with him find out what he likes read a book in his stable when you can .
Routine is important to horses like this they need to know what’s going to happen when until their confidence improves .
Both Tatts and H where in a poor shape emotionally when I bought them they both became extremely trusting happy horses .
Tatts was difficult to catch ( l discovered later he had run out feral for two years after issues with the initial start to his working career ).
I get as much pleasure from watching horses like this become happy and confident as I do from having a lovely competitive horse .

 

[limestonelil]

I've not read all the replies Antw. I'm just wondering if you look back to when he first arrived, how much better does he seem now?

 

[stangs]

Do you think he enjoys his work? If not, and if him not enjoying it makes you feel guilty/unhappy, stop riding him.

If it’s the catching issue that upsets you and sets off the spiral of guilt/unhappiness/etc, then address that as the training issue it is.

Otherwise, carry on as you are. I’ve known many a stoic horse to become more friendly - they never became up in your face, happy to see you, type friendly but they had their small ways of showing it. All just needed time. You can’t make him like you, but you can show him through how you handle him that you are not a bad thing to be around.

ETA: if he’s not turned out with other horses, he ought to be. Spending time with herdmates is always going to better for a horse than spending time with people. And imo it’s better to have a horse who considers people < herd rather than vice versa, for the simple reason that most of his time is spent with his herd, not you.

 

[southerncomfort]

Just musing really...but I'm wondering if some Irish horses have been in homes where expectations are very black and white and perhaps they've had a very strict routine.

Going from that to a home where things are very relaxed and their is no clear routine could be a bit bewildering I imagine and could even lead to a loss of confidence. I can see how that might lead to suspicion of previous abuse but it could just be a very deep insecurity.

Maybe once Spring arrives getting him in to a routine of turnout and riding might help him feel a bit more secure..?

 

[Goldenstar]

Other things to think about ,teach him a trick something simple like stepping back to a cue then give a treat .
I taught Tatts to take my bobble hat off ( although this was not issue free he liked doing it a lot ) , but he grew in confidence and would do with out a cue and it took confidence to do that he had to watch me work then sneak into my space to steal it .
Clicker training is a good thing for horses like this as it’s likely no one has done this during the unpleasant part of their lives .
H was different he was very frightened and had been pushed to fight back he was big and scared and very easily would have been dangerous .
He was so miserable we gave him happy friends who trusted us and just loved him into happiness .
For the catching I would try a different coloured bucket for catching and use high value tasty food he needs to alone in small paddock go into the paddock give a treat then leave and do this over and over and over .
I would also experiment with moving him around and only stopping when he comes towards you but this might be too much for a horse like him at first .

 

[Cortez]

I'm wondering if some Irish horses have been in homes where expectations are very black and white and perhaps they've had a very strict routine.

Eh? Irish horses are mostly treated like horses, not lap dogs. Expectations are that they will be horses, not lap dogs, and routines are just like anywhere else; entirely variable from one place to another. Honestly, you people need to get out more.....and also not assume that the UK is the be all and end all of horse husbandry (it most certainly is not). I was once told in the UK that all Irish horses were rescues because they were routinely starved and beaten, which was amusing since the person telling me this had just spent 20 minutes whacking the hell out of her horse as it refused every jump (because she was jobbing it in the mouth and had all the riding ability of 12 stones of raw sausage meat).

 

[Nasicus]

Sounds to me like he's just a reserved horse that's a bugger to catch.
If you're not gelling with him, then you don't need to weave complicated justifications for parting ways. It's an expensive hobby to not be enjoying it.

 

[southerncomfort]

Eh? Irish horses are mostly treated like horses, not lap dogs. Expectations are that they will be horses, not lap dogs, and routines are just like anywhere else; entirely variable from one place to another. Honestly, you people need to get out more.....and also not assume that the UK is the be all and end all of horse husbandry (it most certainly is not). I was once told in the UK that all Irish horses were rescues because they were routinely starved and beaten, which was amusing since the person telling me this had just spent 20 minutes whacking the hell out of her horse as it refused every jump (because she was jobbing it in the mouth and had all the riding ability of 12 stones of raw sausage meat).

I was following on from Mrs J's post where she felt their was an unfair view that all horses from Ireland have been mistreated in some way.

I was musing that they might be more used to being in a routine. That is all.

Since my family is Irish I'm not speaking from a place of complete ignorance.

 

[vhf]

Horses have long memories, a strong survival instinct and probably no real concept of the future. So the kindest thing you could do for this horse, in my opinion, is to start building new memories that suggest physical/mental survival is no longer a daily battle. I'm guessing it might take years if the horse's picture of 'normal' was shaped over a long time.

I had a traumatised youngster (had had several changes of location mostly not positive) who completely panicked and reverted to Day 1 the first time I took her somewhere in a trailer. Tried to bolt for the hills on unloading. She seemed to quickly learn that travelling didn't mean a change of home (my best guess?), seemed to thrive on outings, and I forgot about it. I sold her and the same thing happened the first time the new people took her out. I felt awful - I guess to her, she thought the cycle was starting over... It never happened again, though she has never been rehomed since either.

A different type of mental damage, but I have one who had a horrendous field accident which I am positive left her with PTSD. If she was a human, I think she would now be diagnosed with Anxiety (5+ years down the road). I try and provide as normal a horsey life as possible but I have discovered she 'copes' better on valerian, so whenever I/the world is going to ask anything of her that could be a trigger (many things), she goes onto that for a while. It means I will probably never be able to compete unfortunately but at least she is happy. I think she would have got over it by now if she was going to so I guess in her case, you could argue that was 'too damaged'.

Edited to add, of all the horses I've had, these are the only 2 that stand out as having any kind of mental issue to explain a particular behaviour. Most have had poor starts, bad experiences, or more usually dealt with big changes in their lives. All of those things are common enough to be normal horse experience, right or wrong.

 

[Highmileagecob]

Sounds very similar to a friend's horse who also came from an Irish hunting existence, via a sales here. When she turned up she was stoic, well mannered, completely shut down, jumpy and spooky, and was basically uncatchable in the field. She also had the the worst tongue scarring I've ever seen on a horse. ?

I cannot tell you how many times my friend considered selling her (it was almost every week at one point), but then the horse went mildly lame in the hoof and was on box rest and then rehab for 4ish months. And it completely changed their relationship for the better. All the handwalking really brought out a different side to the horse.

Not saying that she is perfect now (I think she is still very occasionally tricky to catch), but they adore each other and my friend is very glad that she didn't sell her.

So I agree with the posts above - keep trying, find another way and just keep being kind and consistent.

I suppose all the posts are asking you to seriously consider if you will make a commitment to this horse? Do lots of groundwork. Are you able to safely walk out in hand? Talking, wither scratching, ear scratching. Have a picnic in the menage and include the horse, chat with friends on the yard, and include the horse. Basically anything you can think of that is non threatening, doesn't involve being ridden just yet, and allows the horse to process that being around people is ok and that maybe you are different to the others.
This was the route I took with my cob as a seven/eight year old. He was very similar to yours, had come through the horse sales/dealer route and was throroughly unsettled. The only area I have never been able to crack is being around loud or angry male voices - his ears go back, the eye fixes and he goes into defence mode and would definitely kick. Twenty years on, I have just retired him, and he is one of the family and has a home for life.

 

[PipsqueakXy22]

This might ramble a bit so bear with me.
I've owned my horse for a little over a year, he's a big strapping 13yr old ID from Ireland and his history is unknown. He is very sensitive and was very shutdown when I got him (we think possibly ex hirling!)

On the outside he can be very stoic with perfect manners and a very safe, nice ride (mainly hacking, he has an easy life with me) and he makes me feel safe and gave me my confidence back after a few bad falls on a previous horse! I've always said that we very much found each other just when we both needed a break in life. He is what he is, he's a sensitive tit but he's very kind and there is no malice but you get the overwhelming impression that life has not been kind to him and he is very much a 'glass half empty' kinda boy and always assumes the worst will happen. To me its pretty obvious he's had a few beatings in his life from his reaction to certain things.

I've thrown everything at this horse to make him feel good, look good and be happy and comfortable but nothing seems to work in my favour and I feel he'd rather just be left alone. The only thing I wont do for him is put him in a large field with other horses because quiet frankly, I would NEVER see or touch him EVER again! He can be a bugger to catch and gets himself in such a tiz because he assumes im going to beat him for not being caught and it becomes this vicious cycle!

Recently, I sent a hair sample to a lady who does this 'reading' thing and after she had looked at his pic and waved a crystal over his mane hair, she gave me a call to talk about what she found out about him. Yes a bit wacky and not my usual thing but she came highly recommended from equestrians more professional than me, so I thought worth a go. Now this woman was spot on about this horse, she described him down to a T and she knew things about him physically she simply couldn't have known, that my horse had 'told her'. Honestly I don't take things like this seriously but she was so spot on it had me in tears. (FYI this post isn't for you to tell me your a believer or not) essentially he is happy with me but very emotionally blocked and always assumes anything good will end and he is resigned to the fact he will be moved on again so no point trusting anyone ... there was a lot more mentally but you get the idea. The physical things she described were too spot on, it was very weird!

This horse is damaged, much more than I ever thought and its because of his well natured, good mannered stoic character that he has put up with life and probably been passed from pillar to post. I love him but honestly I'm not really feeling the love right now and its breaking my heart. I want what's best for him but he is making me miserable with his lack of trust, being unable to catch him and his emotional outlook on life being so doom and gloom.

So, hating myself for thinking he will be right, and that I will be yet another face in his life that didn't last, I am thinking about moving him on. I feel like giving up on him! I wont sell him, I owe him a secure future so I am thinking a loan or even maybe just sending him to a nice retirement place to live out his days in a herd in a big field .. anything to make him happy and make me feel less miserable!

Does anyone else have emotionally damaged equines? any come good stories? I suppose I'm dreaming of the day I turn up and he calls from across the field and comes over knowing he is loved ....... Disney Fairy-tale ending inserted here!

i think I’m time it will get better, I’ve had my ex racer 9 years now and I’d say it took me almost 6 years to build a bond with my ex racer, as I remember the feeling when for a couple months we just starting “clicking” and I cried tears of joy from several good outings in a row. He wasn’t as bad as your horse, but the first 6 years I struggled to click with him at all and get him to trust me. Most rides felt like a battle, it was 2 steps forward one step back. He was scared of everything. Scared of poles, scared to be groomed, scared to have his tack on. As with many ex racers I think he just got used to having a saddle flung on at 2 years old and made to work, he was also scared of the stick, and incredibly spooky all round. I think unfortunately people were harsh with him in his last home he never really knew love before he came to me. He used to bite me/ pin his ears back every time I came near him with a brush or a saddle (and yes he was scoped and had every test imaginable) left me with a bruised arm several times!
But the past few years he’s been like a different horse. He longer tries to bite me, he even gives me cuddles. Let’s me brush him, rack him up no issues, comes running to me, riding wise he trusts me so much more, from our xc schooling where he used to refuse everything to now jumping confidently and he used to nap out hacking and no longer, he’s come out of his shell so much more. It’s actually amazing when i think about how much progress we’ve made.
i think just over a year isn’t a long time, in time you may find he gets better and better. I think any horse needs more time to settle into a new home, let alone a horse that’s been mistreated. Sounds like you are already doing an amazing job with him. But in time I think he will come out of his shell even more.

 

[Daughter of the Moor]

I had an Exmoor mare many years ago who came to me at age 14 having had 8 different homes in that time. I have kept Exmoors for a long time. She was about my 5th at the time and joined another three. It took several years for her to really relax and for a long time it felt as though she was keeping part of herself back but eventually she became one of my all time favourites and I still miss her now, I lost her about 12 years ago. All I can say is give your boy time, a year is not long if he has had a rough time. With patience and understanding you will get there.

 

[oldie48]

My old boy came to me at aged 12 with a warning, never to turn him out with other horses as he was impossible to catch. I don't do individual turnout so he got turned out with the others and yes, he was a pita to catch but tbh I didn't blame him as he'd been on individual turnout. Even leaving him to last to catch was very tricky and unreliable, he wasn't the most affectionate horse, could be grumpy and in certain situations had zero brakes and a filthy stop. I took him cross country schooling and he put me in hospital with quite serious injuries that kept me off riding for quite a few weeks. On my return to riding he went lame so I turned him away and bought another horse which my daughter broke hunting so Mr grumpy, now completely sound, got dragged out of the field and brought back into work. I sorted the catching out in one afternoon of just walking him down, decided not to jump him as I was not competent enough to deal with him rushing his fences then slamming the brakes on and started to do dressage, which he enjoyed. Looking back, I think he was uncomfortable and having a few months in a field to recover was what he needed. He also settled down with the other horses, stopped being anxious and although never a cuddly horse just became settled in our routine, got to know me and was content with his lot. He was with me to his end aged 28 and although I had other horses to ride alongside him, he was always my "go to" when I needed a confidence boost, he also taught a number of youngsters to ride and do a bit of fancy footwork! He was just a horse that needed time to feel well and settled to give of his best, like a lot of people, I guess!

 

[Britestar]

Another example.
I bought a 7yr old from a dodgy dealer. I was his 8th home.
I was told he was broken in, but I have my doubts.
I don't think anyone bar the last place has been coarse to him, but equally I don't think anyone has been particularly nice to him.
I've had him 3 years now. Still totally impossible to catch, but he's happy to trot to his stable if you open the gate. In the summer he'll stand at the gate, I open it and he'll pop into the stables to get his fly mask on.
After a few months of owning him, I took him out in the trailer, with a friend just for a walk. Every gate we passed he stopped, as if to say, is this my new field.
When we loaded him and took him home, his face was a picture to come back to the same place. He walked back to his stable and literally touched all his 'things', then turned and just looked at me. He could comprehend that he'd come back to the same place.
He loves a day out now.
I always say he'll have his bagpacked and ready in the corner, but these days its covered with dust and bedding. But it's still there.

He's the cheekist little monster out, and I adore him. He's just needed plenty of time to settle in.

 

[Winters100]

Have you tried to fix the catching issue OP? It takes time, and it is no good just thinking 'I've caught him now, so time to ride'.

One of mine is super, but the groom of the previous owner told me that he was 'impossible' to catch. All I did was entered the field many times a day when I first got him, 9 out of 10 times just giving a treat and leaving. Progressed to giving a treat, slipping a rope around his neck, leading him a few metres, another treat and then leaving him be. From that we moved to putting on a headcollar, then bringing in for a small feed and turning out immediately. It did not take long, and now he is super easy in this regard.

It is no good expecting horses to understand that we love them and are not a threat to them, we have to show them that if they behave in a certain way then good things happen.

You have a horse who sounds suitable for you and you enjoy riding him, so I just cannot think why you would want to sell him or send him away.

 

[HashRouge]

It sounds like you need an emotional support prop, not a horse. It also sounds as if you are angry with the poor horse for not "loving" you. Horses are like people in that they have very different characters and personalities, if yours is of a reserved type then you either adapt to that or sell him on and get a different model. I wouldn't give two figs for his backstory, which is entirely speculation and irrelevant.

This.

I'm sorry if I've missed something OP, but I don't actually understand what is wrong with the horse other than being hard to catch? I've one that's a toad to catch, always has been and always will be. I've got my strategy for catching him now, which always works, so I don't worry too much that sometimes he acts like he thinks I'm going to murder him if he comes to close. Some days he walks right up to me in the field and practically puts the head collar on himself, some days I have to get creative. I certainly don't get offended because he won't always be caught. He's just a funny character, and he really likes the field!

 

[scats]

I’m a bit confused by your post. Do you not want to keep the horse? I can’t really work that out.
Is the catching issue putting a dampener on it do you think? Because otherwise it sounds like you enjoy him.
Forget about the backstory and what may or may not have happened, that’s irrelevant and I actually think quite unhelpful in this instance because I feel it has put human feelings on him and you are now struggling to see past it.
He’s a horse. He does horse things. Not all horses have a fabulous zest for life but it doesn’t mean he’s unhappy and I can guarantee that he’s not spending his days worrying about the day he gets passed on again.
Treat him well, give him safety, food, some pals and be someone constant in his life.
Is he turned out with a friend to get some scratchy time etc?

 

[Winters100]

I just went back to re-read OP's post, and what strikes me most is how unhelpful this....I don't know what to call her.....'horse communicator'....I am being generous giving her that title...has been.

Seems to me that before you had a horse who you enjoyed riding, but who you felt some irritation with because of the catching issue. Had you had a trainer, rather than this woman, you would most likely have got some helpful tips to address the catching problem and would be well on your way to solving, or at least managing it. Instead you have a lot of nonsense about the 'emotions' of your horse. You say that you have a problem with his "emotional outlook on life being so doom and gloom." You have no reason to think this, other than some woman has told you a load of tosh about the horse being worried about moving on again - she had a piece of hair and a photo! Do you really think that someone could tell your secret worries from a piece of hair and a photo? I assume not. And there is a reason that these people always seem able to communicate with animals rather than people, quite simply because animals cannot correct them and tell others that it is nonsense.

OP you need to look at this for what it is. Horses do not 'love' us, they can see us as something positive in their lives based upon how we treat them, there can be an element of trust, but a horse calling to you and trotting over is not an expression of love, it is simply that he thinks that you might have something good for him based upon his experience of you. If you like the horse apart from the issue of catching him then find a way to solve or manage that and keep him. If he is not the horse for you sell him, I am sure that there is a good market for a safe and steady hacker, even with a catching issue. The only thing you should not do is move him on because of some nonsense that you have been told about his 'emotions', horses are just not like that.