Who is being unreasonable?

[Tiffany]

Oops pressed too soon but can't think of 4th option at moment.
Joking aside I'm sure you'll.both come up with some ideas if you sit down together.
Good luck

 

[Queenbee]

Agreed. That's why I think this is a symptom of wider issues that they need to address as a couple. Need to stop focusing on the animals and look at the relationship as a whole. Also Op - I think you need a plan to systematically reduce that debt. If it's built up as a result of your animals then you may need to think harder about that than he does, if not then it's a joint concern. Maybe have a read on Moneysavingexpert.

I know one thing, if someone thought that they could ultimately decide that one of my animals had to be put to sleep, we'd probably have some fundamental issues that couldn't be resolved.

My sister was in a bad relationship and ended up with 12 cats, 2 dogs, 3 goats, lots of chickens and ducks.... she still wasn't happy... since her divorce, she has lost 7 1/2 stone, only got 3 cats... others were rehomed, 1 dog... rehomed as it wasn't happy living in a town so now has a lovely older couple with a small holding to live with. She has a lovely OH, happy children and is happy and is now doing her teacher training at nearly 40... you are right, sometimes we surround ourselves with things that will give us love and affection when times are troubled... not saying this is the case with OP but it certainly does happen.

 

[Honey08]

Oh heck, in the four years I've been married I've acquired three more horses (resold two once grown out of!), two dogs, two cats and fifteen hens - and I have a thread in AAD about how I fancy another dog!! (and a couple of stones too). Should I get divorced?

 

[JennyNZ]

I'm probably the last person to be commenting on marriage. Mine was an epic failure, but I look back now with no regrets.

Someone (maybe Mum) told me "start as you mean to go on", and I actually think that is good advice.

I always thought that a marriage was meant to be a partnership, not a dictatorship, with give and take on both sides. Does he have any expensive hobbies or habits? I know several who think that $100 a week on smokes, beer and Sky Sport is quite justifiable.

That's not to say that you are completely in the right either, however, you should be able to sit down and talk about it together - rationally. If not then .....

Good luck.

 

[Gingerwitch]

Has he heard any rumours at work ie short time, redundancy that has sparked him off ? is he stressing about Christmas, or is he worn out and stressed ?

 

[Grumpy Jewel]

I know he has a lot if pressure put on him at work and he does have the odd stress flare up, but never like this. He is the newest in the office, but by far one if the most experienced, hence the extra work and pressure. I have told him before in no uncertain terms that he is not to take out his work related stress on me. I support him when I can see he is struggling and make sure there are no jobs for him to do at home so he can properly unwind. I'd not thought about the work stress having an affect.

 

[jrp204]

I know he has a lot if pressure put on him at work and he does have the odd stress flare up, but never like this. He is the newest in the office, but by far one if the most experienced, hence the extra work and pressure. I have told him before in no uncertain terms that he is not to take out his work related stress on me. I support him when I can see he is struggling and make sure there are no jobs for him to do at home so he can properly unwind. I'd not thought about the work stress having an affect.

Maybe as the newest to the office he is very aware of last in first out? That would be hellish stressful IMO especially in this economic climate.

 

[Grinchmass]

Maybe as the newest to the office he is very aware of last in first out? That would be hellish stressful IMO especially in this economic climate.

Companies are not actually supposed to use last in first out any more, they are supposed to use a wider selection criteria.

 

[Grinchmass]

Companies are not actually supposed to use last in first out any more, they are supposed to use a wider selection criteria.

What I mean is they can, but should use a wider range of selection if they are a well respected company.

Also using last in first out can raise issues with unfair dismissal claims as if only young people have been taken on recently say aged 20-25 then these would be the only ones being made redundant. And as such could claim discrimination.

And now I'm rambling..,

 

[sarahann1]

Your OH is being unreasonable.

A sit down discussion where, between the two of you, you work out all the available options and come to a joint decision that works for both of you is reasonable.

I'm sorry if this is out of turn, but for you OH to dictate to you the options is wrong and not how a relationship should work.

I hope you manage to come to a resolution which in the ends works for you all.

 

[Grumpy Jewel]

That's how he lost his job just after we got married but because of how experienced he is in this position he thinks he is ok, unless there's something he's not telling me.

 

[catembi]

OMG, horrible situation!

Our menagerie is 2 cockatiels, 2 rottweilers, 3 horses & a cat, & even tho our finances have been stretched v v seriously over the past year/18 months (house needed urgent structural work; we had a few unexpected large bills, etc) there is no way my o/h would have issued ultimatums re any of the pets! In fact, he encouraged me to get Adrian back from loan when I was dithering over the additional expense.

I would struggle with a husband who saw the pets as add-ons rather than part of the family. If we really were in dire straits, then we'd decide together about loaning/rehoming. It's all about being a partnership!

Hope you get it sorted.

T x