Why can’t I just do stuff with my horse? Is there a good calmer to help?

I'm probably one of those people you'd see out and about doing stuff. For context I got my lorry 3 years ago when my gelding was 5. Our first Intro dressage test was spent on 2 legs with a rodeo at X. Our first in hand show was mainly spent with him on his back legs.

It took time..... lots and lots of time. We went through a stage where he was so bad to load I got professional help in. Every time I had an issue I paused and came up with a plan to move forwards - some of that was at home, some at external venues - but it felt painfully slow when it felt like the world was out enjoying themselves!

And all that without the complications of a foal and mare hormones.

So slow down. It'll be worth it in the end.
 
Onemorefling said:
As others have posted, slow right down. Yes it's difficult seeing others going out enjoying themselves, (I'd give my soul to be able to have one more ride on fynn ). You'll get there, there's tonnes of owners out there in worse situations.
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It definitely is difficult! I got my mare backed and riding away last year, we had literally just got to the point where our rides were enjoyable and stressfree, and then my body crapped out on me. I've spent a lot of time getting upset and frustrated on all we could have been doing and enjoying, especially at the start of it all. I don't even know if I'm going to be able to go back to doing just stable chores, let alone ride again.
What I'd give to be able to just have another one of those crappy hacks with her again!
 
Kirstineridesagain said:
As for spring grass, it’s been really slow and she’s eating mostly hay still. But yes, good points.
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Do bear in mind the horses are eating any fresh growth, you may well be but you have to judge by ungrazed fields and even then they may not be growing the same.

I wouldn't fit a saddle to a horse if it was stressed like that, and that's 1.5-2.5 hours, at home, without asking what you'd be asking of this mare. I always explain that it's not worth it to set a horse back that much in its training and emotional wellbeing. I would cancel.
 
OK ........ so you might not appreciate me for saying this, but this is how I'm seeing it.

Firstly, YOU as the owner/rider are stressed to sh!t over this mare. This comes across loud and clear. 'Tis easy to see why; she obviously isn't easy, and there's been a lot going on for her right now. But I'm really picking up on your stress OP, and this won't be helping your mare one bit.

Secondly, the mare herself has had a lot of change to deal with; and I would agree with others that she's not "over" the foal at the moment, and this is adding to the mix as well. As someone else has observed, she just isn't seeing you as her Herd Leader and someone she can trust when she's away from the yard, she's totally thinking of her foal and whether they are safe or not. It isn't her fault, but the mother-instinct is far outweighing anything else for her right now.

Meanwhile, you are obviously stressing over her behaviour and the fact that you want to get to a clinic tomorrow! Really...... sorry but as others have said, I think you just need to slow everything down.

You know what I'd do?? And please, take this "advice" however you will: but firstly, forget about the clinic tomorrow. Let that go, there will be another time. If this were my mare I'd forget about doing anything with her right now and chuck her out with her foal for a few weeks. Let her chill. What I will say is that being the breed she is, you may have to beware of letting her have too much grass and her intake might need to be restricted (I use a grazing muzzle), but this is what I'd do.

Leave her be with her foal for as long as it takes, then at some point in the future I'd see how she is; and I would also recommend that you may benefit from getting a professional to work alongside you both at some point.

Good luck!
 
Until last year you had never owned a horse before. Your imported mare arrived in January last year and spent the next ten months at a full livery yard where you weren't allowed to visit her much. Then in November you moved her and her foal along with your newly-acquired second mare and foal to a field you found and have had them there on DIY since.

That's less than six months of being (in your own words) "a real horse owner".

Do you have much support by your field? Is it part of a DIY yard or is it a privately rented field? Are there yard owners, experienced liveries or other professionals who are able to be on hand to give you advice? And most importantly, are YOU able to take advice from others?

You seem to have expectations of doing things that others are doing, but many of those others are on livery yards with a horse they've been riding for years, or have their own yards and are very experienced.

You have two foals, an unbacked mare and an imported mare who until two (?) weeks ago still had her foal with her. And less than six months experience of being "a real horse owner". No, you can't just do stuff with your horse, and no, there is no good calmer to help.

You want to go to a clinic for a few hours tomorrow, with a 2+ hour round trip, and don't want to waste the opportunity because it was expensive to hire the lorry? No.

You have received so much good advice on this forum over the last couple of years, but you seem determined to do things the way you want. Your mare is now telling you that's not how it works.

Please, get some local support, and adjust your expectations.
 
I once didn't go to a clinic I'd paid for because I didn't like how my mare was standing on the box. I could have loaded her up and gone but I felt this was going to create more issues.

Welcome to horse ownership. Others will always have 'better' horses and be doing more. You have to work with the horse you have and your horse does not sound in the right place for this.

At some point you do need to make a choice about whether the things you achieve with your horses are more important than the horsemanship you develop. Thats not to say they are always mutually exclusive but horses ownership is full of choices like these and you have to decide which way your values lie. I don't mean to sound harsh more philosophical.
 
You've had some great advice already on this thread. And I know how well you've been doing with your little herd since you've got them home. You've so much to be proud of. And of course this is just another of those learning curves. But to add my voice - it's just too soon post weaning to be taking the mare out and about. The time will come. But it's going to be summer, rather than spring.
 
Why the desperation to make her travel? If she's not settled in general riding/at home yet, you're then trying to make her travel potentially 2 days in a row.

Definitely cancel tomorrow.

I never even tried to travel mine because he was a massively Welsh stresshead and if id even got him on the thing, i think it would have then sent him into complete meltdown for a few days after. Yes it was frustrating, but thats just what it was.

Id work on building up the hacking first without bombarding her with travelling
 
JenJ said:
Until last year you had never owned a horse before. Your imported mare arrived in January last year and spent the next ten months at a full livery yard where you weren't allowed to visit her much. Then in November you moved her and her foal along with your newly-acquired second mare and foal to a field you found and have had them there on DIY since.

That's less than six months of being (in your own words) "a real horse owner".

Do you have much support by your field? Is it part of a DIY yard or is it a privately rented field? Are there yard owners, experienced liveries or other professionals who are able to be on hand to give you advice? And most importantly, are YOU able to take advice from others?

You seem to have expectations of doing things that others are doing, but many of those others are on livery yards with a horse they've been riding for years, or have their own yards and are very experienced.

You have two foals, an unbacked mare and an imported mare who until two (?) weeks ago still had her foal with her. And less than six months experience of being "a real horse owner". No, you can't just do stuff with your horse, and no, there is no good calmer to help.

You want to go to a clinic for a few hours tomorrow, with a 2+ hour round trip, and don't want to waste the opportunity because it was expensive to hire the lorry? No.

You have received so much good advice on this forum over the last couple of years, but you seem determined to do things the way you want. Your mare is now telling you that's not how it works.

Please, get some local support, and adjust your expectations.
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Very well put.

All I can add to this, is that it usually can take 3 to 6 weeks for a mare to fully dry up after foal weaning. I have never bought any of my mares back into any work for at least a month post weaning, even then it would only be a light pootle or in hand to gradually start getting riding fit.
Also, being on any good grass can prolong the drying up.

K, please rethink this trip, give her time.
 
As you have now weaned the foal (yearling I suspect) rather than it coming back and being near the mare which will only upset things more, I suggest that you take the mare to a good yard and trainer and base her there in order that both she and you can receive some good help and training. Maybe, just maybe in 6 months time she will be good enough to take to clinics and be based back at your own yard. Maybe too, she wont ever settle to that situation.
 
Do people just do stuff with their horse? Who are these people? 😂

If I take mine out before he’s been turned out he’ll throw a fit. But if I turn him out first he has to go out for at least an hour or I can’t catch him again. If I wait until he comes in I can’t take him out before he’s had his dinner or he’ll be furious. If I take him with a friend he’ll have a breakdown when his friend leaves him, if I take him without a friend he’s an idiot to travel. I make it work but it really feels more hassle than it’s worth at times, but that’s horses!

Honestly at this stage I’ve accepted it’s his world and I just live in it :oops:🤣
 
KikiDee said:
Do people just do stuff with their horse? Who are these people? 😂
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Absolutely, nothing is ever that easy with a ~450kg (in my case) giant, flighty, self-destructive herbivore! 🤣

I’ve had Erin for almost a year now and we’re still very much in the ‘getting used to each other and her new place’ phase, and I’m really not pushing her massively. We’re mainly sticking to short hacks (sometimes in-hand), gentle schooling at home in summer, and groundwork. However, it’ll be worth it in a few years when I really might be able to sometimes ‘just crack on’.
 
I am one of those people that just go and do things with my horse. But bear in mind that when you see me at a 2 day camp, having a lovely time, you haven't seen me practicing loading at home with no pressure and a friend to help, or boxing 10 minutes up the road for a quiet hack with a sensible friend, or the multiple arena hires, or lessons with my regular trainer where I know I'll be helped with any problems that come up, or outings to my local comp centre for a quiet dressage test. And before any of that, my horse will be calm and easy at home, because if they aren't settled and happy at home then there is no way they will be at a comp.

You can stack the deck in your favour by getting an experienced competition horse that you know is used to regular outings, travelling etc. But you haven't done that so now it will all take a lot longer. She sounds very unsettled and I don't blame her, you need to set her up for success.
 
KikiDee said:
Do people just do stuff with their horse? Who are these people? 😂

If I take mine out before he’s been turned out he’ll throw a fit. But if I turn him out first he has to go out for at least an hour or I can’t catch him again. If I wait until he comes in I can’t take him out before he’s had his dinner or he’ll be furious. If I take him with a friend he’ll have a breakdown when his friend leaves him, if I take him without a friend he’s an idiot to travel. I make it work but it really feels more hassle than it’s worth at times, but that’s horses!

Honestly at this stage I’ve accepted it’s his world and I just live in it :oops:🤣
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Well, to be fair, not many leisure horse owners would be content with that, although it is working happily for you and your horse, which is good.
The OP should be able to do all those things like attend clinics, pleasure rides, shows etc, with minimal fuss - but progress does require better timing and habituation for optimal success. Too much too soon is not the same as ‘never’ being able to calmly do the things you want, when you want, or when you need to, with your own horses
Hopefully they’ll settle back down again soon enough, horses are very adaptable when we make it easy for them😀
 
Matafleur said:
I am one of those people that just go and do things with my horse. But bear in mind that when you see me at a 2 day camp, having a lovely time, you haven't seen me practicing loading at home with no pressure and a friend to help, or boxing 10 minutes up the road for a quiet hack with a sensible friend, or the multiple arena hires, or lessons with my regular trainer where I know I'll be helped with any problems that come up, or outings to my local comp centre for a quiet dressage test. And before any of that, my horse will be calm and easy at home, because if they aren't settled and happy at home then there is no way they will be at a comp.

You can stack the deck in your favour by getting an experienced competition horse that you know is used to regular outings, travelling etc. But you haven't done that so now it will all take a lot longer. She sounds very unsettled and I don't blame her, you need to set her up for success.
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This is a lovely, eloquent description of the amount of work it takes to get a horse or pony really settled and enjoying it's job, whatever that job might be.
 
New Forests Rock said:
This is a lovely, eloquent description of the amount of work it takes to get a horse or pony really settled and enjoying it's job, whatever that job might be.
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Never mind the time.

When you buy a young horse you are committing yourself to years of work to produce an animal you can 'just go out and do stuff with'.... And that's without adding the complications of a foal, extremely inexperienced owner, Draconian livery yard that won't let you even see the horse, etc.

They are not robots and should not be treated as such.
 
KikiDee said:
Do people just do stuff with their horse? Who are these people? 😂

If I take mine out before he’s been turned out he’ll throw a fit. But if I turn him out first he has to go out for at least an hour or I can’t catch him again. If I wait until he comes in I can’t take him out before he’s had his dinner or he’ll be furious. If I take him with a friend he’ll have a breakdown when his friend leaves him, if I take him without a friend he’s an idiot to travel. I make it work but it really feels more hassle than it’s worth at times, but that’s horses!

Honestly at this stage I’ve accepted it’s his world and I just live in it :oops:🤣
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But what a great owner you are!
 
Pearlsasinger said:
However a mare whose foal has only been weaned 2 weeks ago, isn't any where near ready to learn. More work, less food isn't really relevant in this case where 'fewer demands, more empathy' is more relevant.
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I'm not saying you are wrong (I agree 210%)... But You could argue this is learning. She is learning to no longer be a unit of 2 that she has to keep safe. For a prey animal that spends a long time with its offspring, this a big change, even moreso when you have human demands on top .... Even wear this headcollar, go through this gate, pick your feet up now, are demands we make of them everyday which are unnatural.

I would just focus on remaining a safe space for the mare as she deals with the changes.
Her hormones are going to be very out of kilter and she will be sore/sensitive around her teats, certainly not mentally or physically in any place to attend a clinic - which is a big demand for any young horse.
 
KikiDee said:
Do people just do stuff with their horse? Who are these people? 😂

If I take mine out before he’s been turned out he’ll throw a fit. But if I turn him out first he has to go out for at least an hour or I can’t catch him again. If I wait until he comes in I can’t take him out before he’s had his dinner or he’ll be furious. If I take him with a friend he’ll have a breakdown when his friend leaves him, if I take him without a friend he’s an idiot to travel. I make it work but it really feels more hassle than it’s worth at times, but that’s horses!

Honestly at this stage I’ve accepted it’s his world and I just live in it :oops:🤣
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Oh my gelding can be a real drama queen if his food has been interrupted! Spring grass time especially...
 
Exasperated said:
Well, to be fair, not many leisure horse owners would be content with that, although it is working happily for you and your horse, which is good.
The OP should be able to do all those things like attend clinics, pleasure rides, shows etc, with minimal fuss - but progress does require better timing and habituation for optimal success. Too much too soon is not the same as ‘never’ being able to calmly do the things you want, when you want, or when you need to, with your own horses
Hopefully they’ll settle back down again soon enough, horses are very adaptable when we make it easy for them😀
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Eh I jest, the world alas doesn’t actually revolve around his whims, much as he’d like it to. But my point is even the people who appear to be out doing stuff with no drama have probably had to make adjustments and put some work in along the way and sometimes there’s always a compromise. For example I’m always jealous of the people who can just ask the yard to leave their horses in the barn alone in the morning for ease if they’re going out somewhere later in the morning, I know that will always be a non negotiable for my horse, and that’s fine it’s who he is and what he needs in life. I just work around it and ask for an early time or plan a later class, if it’s a complete clash we just leave early and hang around a bit.

You’d think if you saw him at a clinic or a show though that I was one of those lucky people who just drags their horse out for a lovely day out, but he used to be an absolute car crash. He couldn’t stand on the box between classes without having a melt down, he’d turn himself inside out if another horse left the warm up, and once threw himself on the floor in the box because a horse walked past us on the yard as we were loading 🙃 but a lot of time, consistency, practice and finding a routine that works to keep him settled means he’s now generally easy peasy stood on the box munching on a net. But it was a journey to get there!
 
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