Why do people want to own cobs?

Natch

Natch

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I think its my finest work to date :D

... in fact, I don't think I can top it.

d045.gif
 
Natch

Natch

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A cob walks into a pub. This involved a lot of effort, since he had to trek across 3 fields, and as we all know boys and girls, cobs are fat and unfit. In fact, by the time he got to the bar, he was quite out of breath. We also know that cobs have short legs, so he has to stand on tip toe to see over the bar, and he does so, waiting to catch the barman's attention.

Barman: "Blimey horse, you look parched, what can I get you?"

Cob: *whease* "I'm not a horse" *cough*

The Cob has a coughing fit and the barman waits until this is over before continuing.

Barman: "Yes you are, I can see you are, you've got horse written all over you. What do you think you are then?"

Cob: *splutter* *Whease* "I'm a Cob, mister. And I'll have a pint of larger, if its all the same to you" *cough cough*

Barman: "Right you are then sir, one pint coming up, but i'm not believing you're a cob for one minute. You look like you're a little hoarse to me"

:D
 
Natch

Natch

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You know when there's a beginner on the hunt with you. As you ride your magnificent 17.2hh hunter, look down and see the novice. What a silly little novice, on their 14hh squashed beast. Marvel at how quite often these pathetic excuses for equines could be quite nice horses really, if only they'd grow their manes out and grow longer legs.

Still, smile anyway, knowing that you can always look down on them.

*scratches head desperately trying to think of something better than this pathetic one*
 
Natch

Natch

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Shilasdair said:
Reading Natch's uphauling jokes, I am sorely tempted to press the button.
S :D

PS Do you think this thread will make it to the top 5 list in HHO mag? I think not. :p :D
Click to expand...

:mad: You wouldn't dare push the button. This thread is worth too much to you. And besides, quite a lot of the jokes are supporting your cause :p

As for the top 5, It hasn't done so far, but if it makes it in this week then the glory is all mine! :D
 
Three

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A cob walks into a pub. This involved a lot of effort, since he had to trek across 3 fields, and as we all know boys and girls, cobs are fat and unfit. In fact, by the time he got to the bar, he was quite out of breath. We also know that cobs have short legs, so he has to stand on tip toe to see over the bar, and he does so, waiting to catch the barman's attention.

Barman: "Blimey horse, you look parched, what can I get you?"

Cob: *whease* "I'm not a horse" *cough*

The Cob has a coughing fit and the barman waits until this is over before continuing.

Barman: "Yes you are, I can see you are, you've got horse written all over you. What do you think you are then?"

Cob: *splutter* *Whease* "I'm a Cob, mister. And I'll have a pint of larger, if its all the same to you" *cough cough*

Barman: "Right you are then sir, one pint coming up, but i'm not believing you're a cob for one minute. You look like you're a little hoarse to me"
Click to expand...

This one was nearly worth reading all the others for. Made me laugh anyway.

:D
 
Natch

Natch

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Just for MMW :D

Bob the cob, Totilas and Kauto Star are in a pub one day, having ordered dinner,* comparing notes on their various achievements. It has to be said, that sadly Totilas and Kauto are a little bit unimpressed by Bob's list.

*Some lah de dah posh salads for the picky eaters, and a burger and chips for Bob.

Totilas: "I've won the very greatest competiton in Dressage. I can prance like a good 'un. How high can you lift your knees, Bob?"

Bob: "A little bit. Not as high as you Tote." *Bob speaks with his mouth full, munching some crisps*

Kauto: "I've won more steeplechases than you can ever dream of. How fast can you rub, Bob?"

Bob: *shrugs* "I can do a bit of everything, K. I'm not as fast as you though." *The sound of Bob's voice is a little muffled as he scoffs some peanuts*

Totilas: "Its Totilas if you don't mind, commoner. Well can you jump then?"

Bob: "A little bit. About 3 ft." *The sound of Bob's voice is muffled because his mouth if full. The portion of chips they have ordered to share had arrived*

Kauto: "Insolence! You won't call me by my stable name, You're nowhere near quality enough to be my stable mate. And there's no way you can jump 3 ft, and certainly not at any speed."

Bob: "Tell you what K, I bet I can. I bet you your dinner I can jump that bar over there, whizz around the block, doing some fancy high knee action in between that Edward Gal would be proud of, and be back in less time than it takes you two."

Totilas and Kauto exchange glances, and say in union "You're on!"

Bob has disappeared. All that remains is a breeze of wind which disturbs the candle flame for a moment.

Amazed that they didn't even see his departure, Totilas and Kauto rush over the bar, and out of the door, sure that they will see Bob having fallen flat on his face at any second. There is no sign of him outside. Forgetting to even prance, they race around the block, still no sign of him, and finally they get back to the pub, where they find Bob sat calmly at the table, which is full of plates which promise they did have food on, but are now empty, bar the odd bit of salad garnish.*

*Cobs don't eat salad. Its too healthy.

Bob: "Alright chaps, what took you so long?"

Totilas and Kauto can't understand it.

Kauto: "But... but you can't have done that. It must have been a trick. We know it was a trick."

"Yup, I hid under the table. Can't believe you chaps fell for it. And dinner was served while you were out, it was lovely chaps, but I prefer cuisine de cob to any of your fancy lah de dah choices." *Bob lets out a satisfied Belch*

"But.... the breeze when we thought you'd gone.. what... I mean how?" Spluttered Totilas, flustered at having been conned by a cob, and unwilling to believe he could have been that stupid.

"Ah, well that was easy," said Bob. "I'll show you."

Bob lifted his tail, and let rip. This time, the resulting wind was strong enough to blow out the candle on the table.

The end.

Epilogue. Kauto gropes around in the darkness, finds a match and re-lights the candle. By which time the barman has brought over the bill, and Bob really is nowhere to be seen. Cobs are not only all rounders, but they are smater than other horses too ;)
 
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jhoward

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Moragulous Mulled Wine said:
Is it true all cobs are called "bob"?;)
Click to expand...

nope mine was called buster, although i tend to call him cobby..

he gets buster when hes being a sod.. like the other day when i left him tied eating hay and popped round the back of the lorry for a pee, he untied himself, nudged the gate open and legged it.. cue me chasing the sod whilst holding jeans up.. shouting BUSTERRRRRRRRR
 
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Millyard Rejects

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jhoward said:
nope mine was called buster, although i tend to call him cobby..

he gets buster when hes being a sod.. like the other day when i left him tied eating hay and popped round the back of the lorry for a pee, he untied himself, nudged the gate open and legged it.. cue me chasing the sod whilst holding jeans up.. shouting BUSTERRRRRRRRR
Click to expand...

chasing horses in a state of undress is not good thing to admit to?;):D

I <3 My Teddi said:
Shils...... Strike you down with something or other...

I <3 My Cob!!!

so there! :p thats it!
Click to expand...

weirdo! ;):D
 
Natch

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Ok, one final story before bedtime children. This is actually a pre-written one, based on 3 welsh cobs I knew at the time. The background is that there was a man missing, and the local area was being combed by the local police. This kindof needs the personnality of your average welsh cob to be taken into account when reading.

INCIDENT REPORT TO THE HEAD OF THE LOCAL POLICE FORCE

Dear Sir

I am sorry to inform you that our attempt to search the local area had to be abandoned in one particular field. However, I can assure you that I do not believe the missing man to be hiding in that paticular field, since he is believed to be sane, and no sane man would stay there, not alive at any rate. The following is a report on what happened.

0500 hours: The high tech search squad enter an innocent looking field, containing 3 Welsh Section Ds.
0501: The horses appear to be eating, and do not lift their heads.
0505: Colleague A's keys rattle, and the horse's heads immediately go up and they notice the squad for the first time.
0506: 3 men are down and are being squashed against the floor by the beasts. 1 officer is unconscious due to noxious emissions, and a further 2 are unconscious because they didn't get out of the creatures' way fast enough, and appear to have been run over.
0510: Mayday signal is sent via radio for reinforcements. Many casualties. Most appear to have been trampled by the horses, who appear to have mistaken this essential mission for a game of rough and tumble.
05.11: One officer is chased out of the field - it appears the horse was either trying to eat him, or his radio, which generated considerable interest from the equine. he is unable to re-join the mission, since he caught his pants on the fence post and is dangling, and is giggling quite histerically as a pair of vicious looking whiskery lips probe him for the radio.
05.12: Radio contact is lost. The following part of the report had to be put together from the surviving colleague's garbled stories.
05.14: Female officer looses her nerve, runs, and is chased by a vicious beast. Her bra is twanged by said beast's teeth: a lucky escape, I am assured.
05.15: A forensics officer who is bent over a footprint trying to take an image of the evidence, is pushed over from behind. he says the smell of manure has still not washed out of his clothes.
05.16: A brave heroic colleague tries to rescue the fallen officer from the vicious horse. his attempts to shoo the horse appears to cause the horse amusement, and the pair engage in what can only be described as "tit for tat".
05.17: Another officer who has been cornered by one of the beasts, who was waving their backside to and fro in front of him in a manner most threatening, is sat on. The horse's owner assures me that the man would have been fine, had he just scratched the horse's buttocks. I must insist sir, that our colleagues get training in the art of horsemanship, in order to prevent such dangerous situations.
05.18: A colleague so traumatised by the whole event, he stood frozen to the spot is preyed upon by one of the 3 horses. He does not know which one, because it approached from behind, and picked him up by the boxer shorts. I'm afraid I am led to believe that this man was left dangling by the seat of his pants for quite some time. he is a slight man, and the beast seemed to enjoy traumatising him by waving him back and forth.
05.19: A colleage who had been lying in the grass in an attempt to avoid the equine danger is almost stood on by a half tonne of hoof, but narrowly misses it. Unfortunately this is not a happy ending, as he feels a warm sensation from above, and realises that he is being urinated on, by no small means. The brave soul stays still, only moving when the flow of warm wee stops. As he attempts to get up sir, he was whacked in the face by a warm w***y. The man requires extensive counselling.
05.29 The squad run from the field, and are followed by the thundering of hooves. The three beasts persue them, and its man against beast sir, he who is fastest survives. Well sir, I mean horses have 4 legs and can travel quicker than man, and they are thundering towards the bravely fleeing squad. The squad managed to get a fenceline between them and the horses sir, but it looked as if the horses were going to crash through, or possibly go over the fenceline...
05.30am: A bucket rattles from a nearby gateway, which stops the beasts dead in their tracks. I am pleased to report that the squad escaped sir, and 2 of the 3 horses went thundering off to investigate the sound of food. With this in mind Sir, I propose that we do not sue the owners, as would usually be our policy, and bear the cost of the exercise ourselves. the third horse did indeed stop at the sound of the bucket, but remained facing the squad, glaring at them and gnashing his teeth at the grass in a most disconcerting manner.
 
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Naturally said:
Ok, one final story before bedtime children. This is actually a pre-written one, based on 3 welsh cobs I knew at the time. The background is that there was a man missing, and the local area was being combed by the local police. This kindof needs the personnality of your average welsh cob to be taken into account when reading.

INCIDENT REPORT TO THE HEAD OF THE LOCAL POLICE FORCE

Dear Sir

I am sorry to inform you that our attempt to search the local area had to be abandoned in one particular field. However, I can assure you that I do not believe the missing man to be hiding in that paticular field, since he is believed to be sane, and no sane man would stay there, not alive at any rate. The following is a report on what happened.

0500 hours: The high tech search squad enter an innocent looking field, containing 3 Welsh Section Ds.
0501: The horses appear to be eating, and do not lift their heads.
0505: Colleague A's keys rattle, and the horse's heads immediately go up and they notice the squad for the first time.
0506: 3 men are down and are being squashed against the floor by the beasts. 1 officer is unconscious due to noxious emissions, and a further 2 are unconscious because they didn't get out of the creatures' way fast enough, and appear to have been run over.
0510: Mayday signal is sent via radio for reinforcements. Many casualties. Most appear to have been trampled by the horses, who appear to have mistaken this essential mission for a game of rough and tumble.
05.11: One officer is chased out of the field - it appears the horse was either trying to eat him, or his radio, which generated considerable interest from the equine. he is unable to re-join the mission, since he caught his pants on the fence post and is dangling, and is giggling quite histerically as a pair of vicious looking whiskery lips probe him for the radio.
05.12: Radio contact is lost. The following part of the report had to be put together from the surviving colleague's garbled stories.
05.14: Female officer looses her nerve, runs, and is chased by a vicious beast. Her bra is twanged by said beast's teeth: a lucky escape, I am assured.
05.15: A forensics officer who is bent over a footprint trying to take an image of the evidence, is pushed over from behind. he says the smell of manure has still not washed out of his clothes.
05.16: A brave heroic colleague tries to rescue the fallen officer from the vicious horse. his attempts to shoo the horse appears to cause the horse amusement, and the pair engage in what can only be described as "tit for tat".
05.17: Another officer who has been cornered by one of the beasts, who was waving their backside to and fro in front of him in a manner most threatening, is sat on. The horse's owner assures me that the man would have been fine, had he just scratched the horse's buttocks. I must insist sir, that our colleagues get training in the art of horsemanship, in order to prevent such dangerous situations.
05.18: A colleague so traumatised by the whole event, he stood frozen to the spot is preyed upon by one of the 3 horses. He does not know which one, because it approached from behind, and picked him up by the boxer shorts. I'm afraid I am led to believe that this man was left dangling by the seat of his pants for quite some time. he is a slight man, and the beast seemed to enjoy traumatising him by waving him back and forth.
05.19: A colleage who had been lying in the grass in an attempt to avoid the equine danger is almost stood on by a half tonne of hoof, but narrowly misses it. Unfortunately this is not a happy ending, as he feels a warm sensation from above, and realises that he is being urinated on, by no small means. The brave soul stays still, only moving when the flow of warm wee stops. As he attempts to get up sir, he was whacked in the face by a warm w***y. The man requires extensive counselling.
05.29 The squad run from the field, and are followed by the thundering of hooves. The three beasts persue them, and its man against beast sir, he who is fastest survives. Well sir, I mean horses have 4 legs and can travel quicker than man, and they are thundering towards the bravely fleeing squad. The squad managed to get a fenceline between them and the horses sir, but it looked as if the horses were going to crash through, or possibly go over the fenceline...
05.30am: A bucket rattles from a nearby gateway, which stops the beasts dead in their tracks. I am pleased to report that the squad escaped sir, and 2 of the 3 horses went thundering off to investigate the sound of food. With this in mind Sir, I propose that we do not sue the owners, as would usually be our policy, and bear the cost of the exercise ourselves. the third horse did indeed stop at the sound of the bucket, but remained facing the squad, glaring at them and gnashing his teeth at the grass in a most disconcerting manner.
Click to expand...

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D::):):):):):):):);););):eek::eek::eek::D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
 
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