Why do time wasters make a hard decision harder?

Eh the op keeps her horse on her husbands family farm where she has to pay for the privilege and isn't allowed to turn it out half the time. Her oh doesn't sound like he wants the baby or the horse frankly.

To me it's not unreasonable to be married to a farmer and expect to keep a horse on the farm for nothing while she rears the child and grandchild of the family fgs. The fact she can't in its self points to a controlling relationship.

I am in agriculture and I can just imagine the situation the op is in with some of the farmers I come across. A large proportion of them don't like their own children never mind their children's spouses.

And GW your posts could push someone in despair over the edge. Maybe you should think about that and avoid emotive threads. Do you enjoy being this wound up.
 
Farmers where do they get off. I recall one farmer whom I asked if my horses could go in his field, he told me that horses just eat all the time and damage the grass, what the ***** do cows do then.
 
I am appalled by certain respones, I think it's disgusting & you should be bloody ashamed. The poor OP has come on here for help & a bit of support, she clearly loves her horse hence why she is trying to do right by him.

I love my horses & would do anything for them, but if I had to choose between my daughter & them sadly they would have to go & that is because I love them & woudln't want them to loose out.

I really hope things work out for your OP :)
 
Yeah well to be fair horses do wreck the grass but if you have cattle and sheep to rotate the grazing it's easier to control it :D. (cattle don't crap in one place and the refuse to eat grass there anymore)

And cattle make milk and beef. Horses make erm dung and not much else. Lol
 
Completely off topic but a neighbouring farmer's cows frequently escaped onto my front garden where I would help to round them up. Same farmer complained bitterly when my shetland escaped onto her fields as "he was eating all the grass!!.
 
FW - I'm afraid I couldn't agree with that being a "farmer " thing tbh - there are many disfunctional families from all walks in life - certainly no more are farmers than any other profession or minority. However I agree, her husband and his family should be supporting her while she brings up HIS child/children - it should be a partnership and if she is home-making then he should be providing for all of them.
I haven't read all of the thread - I stopped after GW's vile posts however I am sorry to hear she has received vile PMs. I don't see why anyone has the right to torment another. Doesn't change how she comes across though , nor my dislike for her. If you read her posts, every mishap or disaster has to be someone else's fault. Time to take her own advice, stop whining, get up off her ass and get on with it.
 
GW are you having a bad day because I haven't noticed these sort of posts from you before?

Its a shame that the op seems not to have come back but I can understand why.
 
glenruby said:
FW - I'm afraid I couldn't agree with that being a "farmer " thing tbh - there are many disfunctional families from all walks in life - certainly no more are farmers than any other profession or minority. However I .
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It's probably a different kind of dysfunctional. Father in his 60s won't let 40 yr old son make any decisions and 40 yr old son has worked on farm whole life for no wage just pocket money then father leaves farm to the cats home or the other son who never worked on it. That's the sort of thing I mean.
 
Gingerwitch said:
I certainly have not had a perfect life - i have had more loss and heartache than most of you put together.

Yes i am bloody angry - I am angry that she has something she says she loves but wont get her life sorted out to keep him.
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How dare you presume that - just most of us deal with loss with more dignity that you have. I just had to read your post about your Big Lad and can not beleive that with the amount of support you received you feel that you can lay into another poster who is having such a bad time.

Surely it is better that the OP is trying to find her "beloved" horse a home than can keep him in better circumstances that she currently is in a position to do so - doesn't make the horse any less "beloved" - in fact more so, as she is thinking of his future rather than being selfish in insisting she keeps him for herself. Sometimes letting go is the best and kindest thing you can do
 
Horses may not make beef but they make hearts beat faster which is good for the system and can turn the most hardened heart to tears, cows can't, lol
 
Gingerwitch said:
I certainly have not had a perfect life - i have had more loss and heartache than most of you put together.

Yes i am bloody angry - I am angry that she has something she says she loves but wont get her life sorted out to keep him.
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TBH I don't think you've had much of a life at all,clearly not enough experience to have grown up responses or opinions on things anyway.
I don't think you'd know real loss and heartache of they jumped up and bit you on the backside.I would put money on the fact just by your ridiculous replies that nothing you have been through even comes close the life long struggle,sacrifice and commitment of bringing up a child.

It's a horse,beloved or not it does not even come close on the a priority scale with a human child,get over yourself seriously.

OP I didn't even consider having horses whilst my 3 children were young as I knew with working as well I simply wouldn't have the time to enjoy them.My OH is fab but he had to work too and damned if I was sacrificing family time and money for a hobby.
Horses are a hobby and yes maybe pets for some of us,but as someone else said your child is far more important,not even a comparison for most normal people and parents I shouldn't think.

Lower the price of you have to,and keep the faith that someone will come along who can provide a good home.
Get rid and enjoy your little person and sort out your personal life if that's appropriate (sorry don't know your circumstances but am guessing you don't have the best relationship with babies dad??).Most of all completely ignore all the people on here telling you to 'get on with it'.

Holding a good thought for you that it get's easier and you find a resolution you are happy with:).
 
I am truly quite puzzled by the tone of some of the posts on this thread, people seem to be suggesting that unless you "move heaven and earth " to keep a horse when it is simply not do-able, then you are somehow a lesser person.
I loved big Ruby and owned her for many yrs, but when the costs of managing a retired, aged, arthritic horse began to seriously impact on my ability to provide for my child ( and this after taking on a second job), she was PTS because as a parent my primary responsibility was the safe keeping of my child.
Stuff happens in people's lives and they have to make tough decisions, but surely common sense dictates that the needs of dependant children come before animals.
 
rubysmum said:
I am truly quite puzzled by the tone of some of the posts on this thread, people seem to be suggesting that unless you "move heaven and earth " to keep a horse when it is simply not do-able, then you are somehow a lesser person.
I loved big Ruby and owned her for many yrs, but when the costs of managing a retired, aged, arthritic horse began to seriously impact on my ability to provide for my child ( and this after taking on a second job), she was PTS because as a parent my primary responsibility was the safe keeping of my child.
Stuff happens in people's lives and they have to make tough decisions, but surely common sense dictates that the needs of dependant children come before animals.
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i couldnt agree more xxxxxxx
 
I used to love rounding up the cows on horseback, note on horseback, so as much as we may like cows we still our good old steed to carry us, and they also need grass to eat.

Sister was married to a farmers son, life was just as you explained it, worked his fingers to the bone and got nothing out of it not even a decent salary.

I hope the OP does come back and read this post because amongst the thorns there are some very valuable posts, some may agree some may not, but even god couldn't please all the people all the time.
 
I've been and read some of the OP other posts. I hope she won't mind me saying she seems to be in an awful situation with a financial controlling and (I'm sorry, but he is) emotionally abusive partner. She must be heart broken and so so tired trying to deal with him, a baby and horses without any financial or emotional support whatsoever. She is just fighting a losing battle full stop, from what I can gather he doesn't help around the home, doesn't help with the child, and isn't interested and won't have anything to financially do with the horses.
Fair enough about working, but how is she meant to do that when he won't have anything to do with the child, or around the house? Stuck between a rock and a hard place
OP - do you have any good friends that would take horse on grass livery for a while? I would hate to think you chose to sell and realised a few years down the line you had made a massive mistake. I also think you need to look at your OH - life is not meant to be this hard sweetie, he should be crazy about you and your child, and helping at home is part of being a family. I hope you find the strength to tell him to man up, or get rid, because he is being an emotionally leeching parasite
 
EllenJay said:
How dare you presume that - just most of us deal with loss with more dignity that you have. I just had to read your post about your Big Lad and can not beleive that with the amount of support you received you feel that you can lay into another poster who is having such a bad time.
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This!
 
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Gingerwitch said:
I certainly have not had a perfect life - i have had more loss and heartache than most of you put together.

Yes i am bloody angry - I am angry that she has something she says she loves but wont get her life sorted out to keep him.
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HOW DARE YOU make this assumption. Why be as nasty, sanctimonious and downright condescending and rude? I am quite disappointed, most of your posts seem to contain reasonably sensible advice.

I love my horses but if I could not keep them in the manner they are accustomed to I would not be so stupid and SELFISH as to keep them and let them go without basic needs. I am wasting my time with this reply I know. All I can think is that you are a deeply unhappy person who needs to get out of your bubble and get a grip on reality.
 
GW if you are so moved by the plight of this young horse offer it a home. Apparently you have time and money for horses as well as an empty stable so help the OP out and give this story a happy ending.
 
rubysmum said:
I am truly quite puzzled by the tone of some of the posts on this thread, people seem to be suggesting that unless you "move heaven and earth " to keep a horse when it is simply not do-able, then you are somehow a lesser person.
I loved big Ruby and owned her for many yrs, but when the costs of managing a retired, aged, arthritic horse began to seriously impact on my ability to provide for my child ( and this after taking on a second job), she was PTS because as a parent my primary responsibility was the safe keeping of my child.
Stuff happens in people's lives and they have to make tough decisions, but surely common sense dictates that the needs of dependant children come before animals.
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^^^ this





OP i feel really sorry for you - if im honest id find a way (if you can) to keep him on grass livery - it can be pretty cheap depending on where you are etc...

just for a few months until you have sorted with the baby etc and id hate to see you regret it - but i would be kicking the OH into place - your his partner, not his workmate or beneath him....i read on a diff thread how you did night lambing etc trying to justify another horse a long time ago... i would never attempt to justify anything that i wanted - if i could afford it and it was for me etc....




good luck - tough decision - but bear in mind - grass livery! youngster love living out - mines also two and she lives out 24.7!!! hates it when it rains but she wont melt! :)
 
GW I very rarely feel the need to do this, but I do now - button pushed.


OP I hope you manage to get something sorted, perhaps you could put your location as someone here may know someone looking for a youngster who can help. I do also think you need to really think about the situation with your OH. I can appreciate that the idea of being a single mum can be scary, but from what you have said it wouldn't be much different than where you are now. Thinking of you and sending big hugs your way.
 
Wow, Ginger Witch, what a fantastic display.

I sincerely hope you're just hurting rather than this is your true colours.

Pathetic.

OP: sorry to hear your predicament. I'm absolutely no help with regards to selling the foal but I know what it feels like to be between a rock and a hard place. Chin up. Xx
 
littlelegs said:
As said I'm usually the first to say shut up & get on with it, but op can't magic money out of her backside, regardless of how much effort she puts into daily jobs. And as to tax credits, iirc they were mentioned in reference to ops husband not being willing to pay for childcare. If op finds a job tomorrow, she'll have to pay childcare before receiving a wage. Which means either husband or tax credits in her case. And neither is an option.
I'll also happily admit to keeping a horse whilst on income support for a few months & later on tax credits. And I don't give a flying **** who knows or judges me for it. I sold one horse, but no way was my pet going because my ex happened to be scum. And as for tax credits, you receive them up to a reasonable income. So the majority of recipients have luxuries, like cars, mortgages, new clothes etc. If my luxury happened to be my pony, its no different. Incidentally I once totted up what I have received from the taxpayer, including education & healthcare, versus how much tax I have paid. And I'm very much in the black still thanks!
And agree with all smokeys posts too.
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Thank you Littlelegs, honestly, the small minded ness and judgemental behaviour of some people is quite depressing. Lack of empathy is such an unattractive trait! :)
 
Gingerwitch said:
I certainly have not had a perfect life - i have had more loss and heartache than most of you put together.

Yes i am bloody angry - I am angry that she has something she says she loves but wont get her life sorted out to keep him.
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I am sorry, I was accused earlier by another poster of itching for a fight. I'm not, but to be perfectly honest I think you may be.
How bloody dare you tell anyone here that you have suffered more than them? What do you know about anyone here? Only what they have disclosed. Do you only have empathy if someone lists their personal tragedies in chronological order so you can decide if they are worthy of it!
I understand you have had your share of tough times, we all have. Doesn't mean we have to be immune to someone else's pain. :mad:
 
Wow...

Um anyway, OP I hope you can get yourself sorted and find happiness no one deserves to be unhappy people and animals alike.

I wouldn't blame you if you didn't return, but you've had some great advice and support off some members! The great thing about forums is you can pick and chose which advise or posts to take on or posts you just bypass :).
 
I have to say that I am thoroughly shocked by your posts on this thread Gingerwitch :eek:.
As someone who has just loaded up and said goodbye to a VERY much loved youngster due to circumstances outwith my control, I actually find your replies here extremely hurtful.
Yes, you had a very hard time with Big Lad. I was completely in awe of you for the commitment and dedication you gave to do the best you possibly could for him. That and the outstanding support you had not only from your OH, but your vet and farrier and everyone on HHO who supported you all the way through your tragic circumstances.

Ok, so, just over a year ago I had the most beautiful pony grazing in a field less than 2 miles from home. She was due to foal in May 2011. ONE phone call, and MY life was turned upside down. My 5 year old mare was seriously ill. Her foal, a beautiful palomino colt, was born 4 weeks early and died an hour later. By 1.30pm the following day, my beautiful mare was DEAD.
They were very cruelly taken from me at 5 years old and 1 hour old by acute grass sickness !
That mare was my life. I bought her after being dumped by text by my boyfriend of 3 years after I was diagnosed with arthritis of my spine and both SI joints. Not only that....I was being BULLIED in my workplace BECAUSE of my back condition. My pony kept me strong when it felt as if the entire world hated me.
I bought another pony, then a 3 year old Welsh D. Still working full time in a workplace full of bullies. A few months later, my lovely employers decided that I was no longer of any use to them. They very kindly "put me out to pasture" on ill health retirement. What hope in hell do I have of any employer wanting to employ ME now, when I have a permanent, degenerative condition of my spine ? Feel worthless or what ?
My IHR lump sum slowly ran out, and I tried my damndest to find a new home for my BELOVED Welsh D filly. How hard do you think that was, when her date of birth was 1st April.....The date my beautiful colt foal died ?
She was advertised for MONTHS with not even a hint of any interest, which got me into debt with my livery. I can not say how grateful I am for the help and support I had (and still do) from my YO. I finally found the best home ever for her through replying to a wanted ad. I settled my debt with my YO, and my BELOVED Welsh D stayed on the same yard until I loaded her up yesterday to see her away to her new home. BOY did I cry like a baby when the box pulled away !
Thankfully, I am able to keep my 3 year old New Forest filly. Especially as having experienced first hand the DEPLORABLE attitudes of so called human beings !
Stop feeling sorry for yourself Gingerwitch, and please have a bit of compassion and understanding towards others....especially since you know yourself how quickly life events can turn bad and there's not a lot you can do about it !
 
GW, for a start you would do well to learn how to grieve with a bit of dignity.

Also you are not the only one to have experienced loss and it's not an excuse to behave the way you have.

OP, selling is hard at the best of times and you seem to be in a really difficult situation. Fwiw I think you are doing the right thing given the circumstances, but please do have a good think about your current situation. From what you have said here (and I apologise if I have this wrong) but your husband sounds very controlling. I'm not suggesting you just walk away as with a young baby I know it's not that easy but he needs to change his ways. For starters it sounds like you are going to really end up resenting him and your child if things carry on the way they are and it's just not fair for you to be doing everything, have no money and have to give up your horses.

I hope everything works out for you.
 
Gingerwitch said:
Sorry to be harsh - but when folks are loosing "beloved" animals that they would move heaven earth and go to hell and back a 100 times over - you really need to work out if it is "beloved" or not!

I would have worked 24 hours a day to find the money to pay for my big lad.

You choose 3 years ago to put the mare in foal, and you choose to do the same for yourself - so get off your butt, stop your winging and deal with the bed you have made.
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Might be harsh but this is how I feel too.

Too many horses ending up slaughtered through irresponsable breeding.
 
niagaraduval said:
Might be harsh but this is how I feel too.

Too many horses ending up slaughtered through irresponsable breeding.
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Unbelievable! Have you read the whole thread? Previous posts by OP? Or indeed the horrible posts by GW?
Walk a day in the OP's shoes before you jump in and make a sweeping statement.
I notice the poor girl hasn't come back, I don't blame her. :(
 
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