Would you PTS in this situation?

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BlueSkye

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Looking for clear advice as my head is in a total muddle and I can’t see the wood for the trees.

My husband left a few months ago (I thought it was a happy marriage so I have been in shock and grieving the relationship). He was the far higher earner, although I work full time with a decent-ish income. Luckily we had no children.

I am now trying to cover the mortgage and bills by myself (the deposit was from my savings so we have agreed that I will keep the house, we have only had it for a few months). We were first time buyers and it would cost a lot of money to sell, I couldn’t afford to buy on my own and renting would cost what the mortgage costs so selling up isn’t a viable option right now. And frankly my home is the only thing I have left.

Anyway, my husband had bought me a new horse and a horsebox, both of which have now been sold.

My old boy is 23 years old, retired due to arthritis for 3 years and (mostly) happily living out with a few others. They are a stable, happy herd of mostly old/retired horses. The grass livery is cheap, however it is a 20 mile round trip (25 mins each way) so petrol costs add up.

Old boy is on 1 bute a day - last winter was horrible and he couldn’t get up a few times, each time he was box rested for a couple of weeks. He really struggles now in the cold/wet and can be uncomfortable some days regardless of weather. Mostly comfortable enough.

In the summer he has a horrible combination of feather mites and mallenders/sallenders. Despite regular treatment he will have new sores on his legs every few days. He has always been prone to them but this year they seem to be resistant to treatment.

These are things that are manageable with time, energy, money and motivation. I have very little of all. I simply cannot afford emergency vet bills or cost of box resting if he needs it again. I am completely dreading the winter.

I have had him since he was six years old. It might not sound like it but he is my best friend, my soul mate, my horse of a lifetime. I owe him everything. Before the separation/money issues I would never have dreamed of even considering PTS at this point.

I have reduced outgoings in all other ways - I have a lodger, have given up Sky TV/netflix etc, switched all energy suppliers, swapped the 4x4 for a small Fiat, sold everything that can be sold on Ebay etc etc. I have a strict budget which I can just about manage, with nothing at all left over for savings/emergencies/luxuries.

Please no bashing, things are hard enough.
 
I really didn’t want to read and run, I can only begin to imagine what you are currently facing.

I think it would be incredibly easy for the forum to say, with what you have written that yes we would PTS, but I also know it’s not always that straight forward and easy in real life. You have to try and weigh up; does he have more bad days than good days, or is it even close to that. I think that in that instance then yes hand on heart I would. Otherwise, whichever choice you make is not the wrong one!
 
I am so sorry to hear your situation. I have two old horses & I worry a lot about one of them. How often did your boy need box rest? It sounds as though you might have made the decision but are there any changes that could be made at the retirement yard? If not it sounds as though he has had a very happy & much loved life with you. You should be proud of that.
 
I too would pts. My daughter and I have just had to make the same decision, though money wasn't the issue for us. 23 yr old first pony, very much loved who has been retired/semi retired for 2 years who we'd owned for 15 years. She was deteriorating week by week with arthritis and other age related conditions. I am very sad she's gone, and miss her very much but don't regret the decision. It's very tough, especially with all the other bad things happening in your life right now.
 
ycbm said:
He's would have been PTS after, or maybe even before, the first time if he had been mine.

I'm sorry you are going through a tough time, but yes, lighten the load on yourself and have him PTS before winter.


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I have to agree with this. i think his physical struggles totally justify letting him go before the winter. While that will be very sad, to me it's the right choice. I hope this would also give you a bit of time & extra brain space as well as cash to get yourself back on an even keel.
 
So sorry to hear of your situation. I have been there and it's horrible, but well done for being pragmatic and thinking practically out of the situation. It's incredibly hard, but moving forward is the only way forward.

In your situation, I would PTS- it will be a weight off your mind. You have enough to worry over!

If you still need your horsey fix and are on a restricted budget, see if you can find a share for nominal cost- I know there are lots of horse owners who could use and appreciate the help. I needed my horses to get me through a tough time, so try to keep your hand in if you can, it might really help. X
 
Another one who didn't want to read and run. i'm so sorry to hear about your relationship issues and the problems with your beloved old boy. I think the only fair and reasonable solution is to PTS before the winter really sets in. Given his health issues, his age and the potential for him to need more and increasingly expensive vet interventions, then I think it's the sensible decision. Having said that, sensible never equals easy in my experience and I really feel for you being in this position. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
 
I am really sorry to hear about all the uphevel in your life recently and equally sorry to say the below.

BlueSkye said:
last winter was horrible and he couldn’t get up a few times, each time he was box rested for a couple of weeks.
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But off the back of this I would not winter him again and would PTS, sometimes the best decision is the hardest one to make.
 
I also have an old boy that is on borrowed time and if something happened to change my circumstances I would pts rather than wait until he went down and I had no option, mine has had a struggle to get up on wet slippery ground but has never needed box rest to recover so he is getting longer because he is not a problem to me in any way, if I were in your situation I would not wait any longer, you have given him a great life, you need to be able to move on and get your own life back on track, it is tough enough without getting into debt trying to keep him going.
 
Older horses need more care rather than less, and a long retirement can turn out to be expensive and emotionally draining. There comes a tipping point where the horse's immune system doesn't work as well as it once did and that's when things like sores and weather related skin and hoof problems start to take a hold. As hard as it is, given that he's your best friend, perhaps the time has come for you to open up your life to the potential of a new and different best friend, someone who will signal your future rather than your past. You have to let some things go from your life in order to make room for new things to come into your life. I also think that once someone asks the question about whether to PTS here on the forum, essentially they have already made the decision, whether consciously or sub-consciously, and that articulating it here helps them to crystalise it in their mind.

If you do decide to go ahead with PTS, please make sure you don't neglect your own emotional needs and that you have someone with you if that's what you feel will help, or that you have somewhere to go or someone to turn to for comfort. Given everything you're dealing with, don't expect too much of yourself and accept that it's ok to feel miserable.

Take care of yourself
 
In your situation, I too, would PTS now. You have said you will struggle to find any extra money for emergencies so dont let an emergency happen. Dont risk something happening which you cant afford to pay for and which may cause him to suffer, do it now whilst you still have some control. Many many years ago I was in a similar situation, husband left me and our 5 year old son, I had to sell my horse and even rehome our dogs money was so tight so I do know what an awful situation you are in. At least you are going to do the right thing by him, not advertise him as "free to good home as a companion" dont beat yourself up about it. Hope life gets better soon
 
TBH, I would have pts last winter, when he struggled to get up and had to be box-rested. IMO that is ill health impacting on quality of life.

I am sorry you have been placed in this position but I think you should pts without even considering the financial implications for continuing through the next winter.
 
In your situation I would PTS before the winter.
My worry for you would be that in your current situation grieving the loss of your marriage you are not emotionally strong enough to make the decision. Having made the (right) decision and seen it through you will give yourself a very hard time, regret your decision. You may feel you have made the decision for your convenience rather than the welfare issues that we can all see.
The loss of your dear horsey friend and soulmate would be hard at any time at this time in your life it will be a million times harder.
If you make the decision prepare to address the feelings that may follow. Do you have a good horsey (human) friend you could talk to who could remind you why you made the decision and reassure you you may the right choice. Failing that print out this thread and re-read all the reassurance on here that you are doing this out of love not for practical/financial reasons.
 
I would pts before the winter it sounds like it's time especially if his struggled getting up a few times, it's never easy and I am sorry your going through this, I hope your other situation get better x
 
I would definitely PTS before winter, hopefully you have a friend who can help you make arrangements. Although there is no rush, you may feel relieved once the decision is made, obviously very sad.
 
I'm really sorry you are in such an awful position. It sounds like finances have forced you to confront a decision you have not wanted to consider. But PTS sounds to me like the right choice regardless of the finances. Another winter would be unkind I think. You would be acting in HIS interests not yours to ensure he went while still feeling safe and content rather going when stressed, in pain and anxious after a crisis.
 
I am so sorry that your world as imploded so badly. Realistically he will not winter as well this year than last. As tough as it is the kindest thing to do is PTS this summer. Do have any friends who can support you through this??
 
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