A Note to eventing lot about to invade BS

From my observances being an event photographer...

When walking the course you must have a tiny toy dog rat thing that is no bigger than a squirrel, that you pull behind you because it's not used to being on a lead and is out of puff by the time you reach fence 3.

You must always blame the photographer if your round doesn't go to plan, even if they are stood at the side of the ring whilst you're jumping.

When there are nearly 200 in your class and it's been going on for 8 hours, it's still acceptable to make the judges wait and threaten to close the class in 2 minutes no less than 4 times.

It's illegal to look like you're having fun whilst jumping, smiles are banned!
 
pigsmight:) said:
BOOOM :D That is more like it a bit of sport :p right back at you eventer folk! I think that whatever equestrian sport you partake in you are officially insane, so why not wear a bit of slap and sparkle... infact go crazy :cool: and then at least the tweed wearing folk have something to mock and look down on :p
Click to expand...

Well thats the only thing they can comment on, I think collection is something that eventers think only exists within the white boards, it doesn't occur to them that their dangly legged ex racer might need some time to organise itself before its hurtled at the fences, because you know, the faster your approach, the cooler is it :cool:

And of course when their horse does have a cricket score, it will be because

- the depth of the arena adds to the height of the fences, at least 2"
- the corners are too tight
- the course is too twisty
- fillers are too scary
- they got lost
- distractions from the cafe/warm up/bling on other competitors :p
- etc etc etc etc, I think BE must send out a list of excuses with their rule book ;) :D
 
These posts do make me laugh. I've done plenty of BS and BE over the years yet my partners father who is a BS judge always feels he needs to comment that I'm an eventer whenever I win a class at BS, usually along the lines of "just shows that some eventers can show jump"!! Which I always find slightly insulting especially as my horse is very multi-talented and actually has won a lot of BS classes, although I dont really care as I find it more fun that an "eventer" can beat the BS lot regularly... My horse is now broken but I used to quite enjoy turning up at BS competitions with him who was usually a slightly grubby grey (grubby because I kept him out 24/7 unlike the immaculate showjumpers who rarely see grass) and with my basic eventing tack to then do well ;) I'd hate to look the part because then people EXPECT you to do well, I'd rather be the unexpected!
 
I can just imagine some 10 year old reading this and saying to their parents...
"Muuum, when I get my 18.2hh black stallion, remember I need 'bling' and sheepskin...whatever they are! Oh, and a little doggy, and proper tack! Don't bother teaching me rising trot they don't do that....oh I can't wait to get out BSing!! Whatever that is...."
;) :D
 
pearcider said:
brilliant thread :-)

just to confirm will I be eliminated if I wear beige jods...

.just off top prep for sunday this will include a spray tan and false eye lashes...
Click to expand...

Noticed a fashion emerging for khaki green coloured ones if that helps?
Also snake-skin/ patent combo on boots and matching hats :P I quite enjoy the plethora of different coloured jackets and matching combos of belts, saddle cloths, brow bands, fly veils etc..

Oh and if your a man you can get away with a tie but only if it's worn over ones shoulder.

Can an someone explain to me why eventers seem to have grey velvet hat silks? I can't find these anywhere.

Finally not only do the practise jumps have to be hugely high but also at least a metre wider than necessary. If some poor unfortunate (me) has the ordacity to try and move the oxer in a bit you are entitled to jump them as well whilst they are in the middle.
 
So, if I've got this right, D1 will need....

A couple of dead sheep? Oh what the heck, lets go for half the flock and be done with (seat saver, under seat, under saddle cloth, girth cover, tendons boots, noseband, rein covers).

Bling: Lots and lots of bling - Rider: round the hat (must it be one of the Gatehouse hats, or have I got that mixed up?!); gloves; nose; and ears. Horse: across the horses nose/brow/along the reins. Can we get any on the saddle? There might be some bits showing in amongst the dead sheep :cool:

Hair (rider's): It's long and purple... Hm. Hair extensions. Definitely no hair net - it must be all nice and ready to whap her in the face when she looks round quickly.

Tack: saddle - as hard as a plank of wood; over-reach boots; tendon boots; complicated bit; fandangled noseband.

Fag: hm. She doesn't smoke. Will the Nicorette type thing do the trick?

Attitude: tick.

Horse: Whappy - tick.

Breeches: tight - tick; white - tick. Will have to find red g-string...

Grooms: half a dozen - tick (must remember to have jackets embroidered).

Lorry: sign-written. Hm. Will a trailer with peeling paint do for now?

Exercise sheet? Have a Thermatex in her colours, but is that okay? Do we need to bling it up?



Am just wondering if, to pay for all of the above, we can start a Pimp My BS business...
 
This whole thread is brilliant, and oh so true, but this comment

Stencilface said:
I think BE must send out a list of excuses with their rule book ;) :D
Click to expand...

is by far the truest of all! There even used to be an 'Eventer's Excuses' T-shirt (do they still make those?) but some of the ones I've heard are unbelievable!

As for the original post, I really wish I'd known all that before I went back to BSing years ago, because I was the lone person in the collecting ring trying to warm up on both reins occasionally, NOT cantering circles across the landing sides of the warm-up fences, NOT jumping them from both ways, etc etc... you see, Eventers have Etiquette... ;) ;)
 
MrsMozart said:
Bling: Lots and lots of bling - Rider: round the hat (must it be one of the Gatehouse hats, or have I got that mixed up?!); gloves; nose; and ears. Horse: across the horses nose/brow/along the reins. Can we get any on the saddle? There might be some bits showing in amongst the dead sheep :cool:

Am just wondering if, to pay for all of the above, we can start a Pimp My BS business...
Click to expand...

You forgot the bling stirrup irons

and bling round the collar of the riding jacket (saw that last weekend :eek:)
:D
 
ArcticFox said:
You forgot the bling stirrup irons

and bling round the collar of the riding jacket (saw that last weekend :eek:)
:D
Click to expand...

Blast!

Will add to the list :D

Ah, along the pocket flaps as well? And the lapels?

Maybe along the stictch line of the breeches? Will it fit in amongst the emboridery of her name?

And why do they need their names embroidered on everything... Is it in case they get whapped in the face by their pony tail and forget who they are? :eek::cool::D
 
Don't forget the cigarettes (for those old enough to smoke if they REALLY must..!) - held over-casually in left hand (mobile in right) and wafted around in the faces of anyone within several feet. Low-rise jodhpurs with diamond-studded belt (to match over-large solitaire on left hand). This person exists, because I saw her at Hickstead last week..... ;-))
 
Cloball said:
Finally not only do the practise jumps have to be hugely high but also at least a metre wider than necessary. If some poor unfortunate (me) has the ordacity to try and move the oxer in a bit you are entitled to jump them as well whilst they are in the middle.
Click to expand...

On the other hand, getting your groom to walk into the middle of the oxer is a perfectly acceptable method of sabotaging someone else's warm up ;) (I have fallen victim to this!)
 
Mike007 said:
Just one further point regarding those of us who have to put the poles back up after your eventing elephant has strewn them over half the warm up areas. This is ok! What is not ok is to make me spill my cup of tea while diving for cover , or worse still ,TO FLICK SAND IN IT:eek:
Click to expand...

:):):)
 
Gamebird said:
Show-jumping in Yorkshire (the home of show-jumping) probably requires a whole new thread, but even up here it's customary to at least try to remember to drop the fag before you go in the ring.

It is generally compulsory to bring a wagon-load (6 in each class when there's only 12 entries in total), be male, 5'2, have a jacket that might have fitted your size 20 mother, have a fag glued to your lower lip, have won the Cock o' The North in 1974 and speak (if at all) in monosyllables, none of which would be allowed on the BBC before 9pm.

If (heaven forbid) you happen to be an eventer and between you and your fellow eventer you've managed to come 1st and 2nd in two consecutive classes it's generally considered to be the done thing to pack up and go home and let the 'proper' jumpers have a go at the next few classes ;)
Click to expand...

So *like* this ;)
 
MrsMozart said:
Bling: Lots and lots of bling - Rider: round the hat (must it be one of the Gatehouse hats, or have I got that mixed up?!); gloves; nose; and ears. Horse: across the horses nose/brow/along the reins. Can we get any on the saddle? There might be some bits showing in amongst the dead sheep :cool:
Click to expand...


My Dressage Saddle has bling on it :D It has silver trim :p So you are only doing bling half arsed if you haven't any on your saddle!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top