Absolutely Terrible Day

[Regandal]

I work nights and would be homicidal if wakened. Forget the wine, go for the hard stuff. A nice malt. And seize the chance whilst your horse is behaving and set real boundaries. Get a control head collar and do ground work.

 

[Princess16]

What's done is done so no point over analysing it all now.

I would keep your head down, leave them alone and go about your business. Creeping round giving gifts etc will only make things worse IMO.

Really hope they let you stay for the sake of your horse if nothing else.

 

[Nativelover]

I have worked many, many nights and the only thing you think about is getting sleep. Some people really struggle sleeping through the day, so I sympathise with him completely. I too would be like a bear with a sore head if I was woken. However the YO should have said not to disturb the house as he would be sleeping.
That said, I don't know what your sharer was thinking!!?? Walking into a strangers house and shouting??? I'd be furious, nights or not!!
Was there any other liveries around to ask??

Still whats done is done, I know moving yards is stressful but you all sound like it was made worse by your drama queen attitudes ( as someone else put it).
I'd go with the letter/card with profuse apologies in it, plus the wine and beer/whiskey and keep out of their way. Hopefully by the time the OH has slept and thought about it he will say his threats were just a reaction and not his real feeling. Good luck OP as the yard sound perfect for you!

 

[shannonandtay]

Although I can understand him being angry about what happened, I really do think he over reacted and if he doesn't calm down and they do tell you to go, then I would say this is not the right yard for you. Would you want to be on a yard where the owners can be like this over a genuine mistake. Would he rather the lorry backed into his car? Sometimes these things have a funny way of happening for a reason, but I do think it will calm down and be ok in the end. I did once look at a yard with a lovely lady yard owner, met her husband and he was a rude ogre, I dint go for that reason even though he didn't directly have much to do with the yard. Let us know what happens and good luck.

 

[el_Snowflakes]

I think the man probably overreacted a little, but he's within his rights to be annoyed. Woud it help to pop round with a wee card & wine just to let him know you are truly sorry & to clear the air? He might have had a chance to calm down as It would be a real shame to spoil things over something so silly!

 

[xspiralx]

So sorry you've had this experience OP. I know exactly how stressful it can be to move a horse, and can imagine just how terrible you're feeling right now.

For what its worth I think the whole situation has been blown way out of proportion. In hindsight perhaps your sharer shouldn't have gone into the house and shouted for the yard owner - however it's hardly the crime of the century. This was very badly managed on their end - YO should have been around or have told you how to get hold of her if there were any problems when you arrived - particularly if she wasn't going to be home. She should also have let you know that her husband works nights and therefore not to go near the house during the day. The husband should have had the door locked, and it would make sense to have a note on the door to advise liveries not to knock or disturb.

I also think he has massively overreacted. It was a genuine mistake and you all apologised profusely. Demanding that you leave the yard is a ridiculous overreaction in my view - a clear instruction not to knock at the house or enter without permission again would be all that is needed. If you then disregarded this instruction I could understand them asking you to leave, but this was a silly mistake in a stressful situation and you had not been informed that the YO was not home and that the husband works nights.

Giving some wine/beer is a nice gesture - if he refuses to accept it then to be honest I'm not sure it's the kind of place I'd want to keep my horse at anyway. Hard as it is, I'd try not to keep dwelling on it - you really haven't done anything that terrible.

 

[peaceandquiet1]

So sorry you've had this experience OP. I know exactly how stressful it can be to move a horse, and can imagine just how terrible you're feeling right now.

For what its worth I think the whole situation has been blown way out of proportion. In hindsight perhaps your sharer shouldn't have gone into the house and shouted for the yard owner - however it's hardly the crime of the century. This was very badly managed on their end - YO should have been around or have told you how to get hold of her if there were any problems when you arrived - particularly if she wasn't going to be home. She should also have let you know that her husband works nights and therefore not to go near the house during the day. The husband should have had the door locked, and it would make sense to have a note on the door to advise liveries not to knock or disturb.

I also think he has massively overreacted. It was a genuine mistake and you all apologised profusely. Demanding that you leave the yard is a ridiculous overreaction in my view - a clear instruction not to knock at the house or enter without permission again would be all that is needed. If you then disregarded this instruction I could understand them asking you to leave, but this was a silly mistake in a stressful situation and you had not been informed that the YO was not home and that the husband works nights.

Giving some wine/beer is a nice gesture - if he refuses to accept it then to be honest I'm not sure it's the kind of place I'd want to keep my horse at anyway. Hard as it is, I'd try not to keep dwelling on it - you really haven't done anything that terrible.

Well said

 

[Flicker]

So sorry you've had this experience OP. I know exactly how stressful it can be to move a horse, and can imagine just how terrible you're feeling right now.

For what its worth I think the whole situation has been blown way out of proportion. In hindsight perhaps your sharer shouldn't have gone into the house and shouted for the yard owner - however it's hardly the crime of the century. This was very badly managed on their end - YO should have been around or have told you how to get hold of her if there were any problems when you arrived - particularly if she wasn't going to be home. She should also have let you know that her husband works nights and therefore not to go near the house during the day. The husband should have had the door locked, and it would make sense to have a note on the door to advise liveries not to knock or disturb.

I also think he has massively overreacted. It was a genuine mistake and you all apologised profusely. Demanding that you leave the yard is a ridiculous overreaction in my view - a clear instruction not to knock at the house or enter without permission again would be all that is needed. If you then disregarded this instruction I could understand them asking you to leave, but this was a silly mistake in a stressful situation and you had not been informed that the YO was not home and that the husband works nights.

Giving some wine/beer is a nice gesture - if he refuses to accept it then to be honest I'm not sure it's the kind of place I'd want to keep my horse at anyway. Hard as it is, I'd try not to keep dwelling on it - you really haven't done anything that terrible.

^^^. Was going to say almost exactly the same.

 

[SO1]

Difficult situation sharer definitely in the wrong to enter someone's house without their permission the fact he was sleeping was irrelevant.

In hindsight you should have called the YO rather than just going straight to the house and if the YO did not answer just turned off the lorry until you could get someone to help be it a more experienced driver or managed to get hold of YO.

I can understand that the husband was angry that your sharer had entered his house without permission and not tried to contact his wife first and that it was not an emergency either. His first impressions of you are not going to be great, ultimately if the yard is his home as well and it is understandable that he does not feel comfortable having people on his property that would consider entering his home without his permission.

If they don't have trouble finding good liveries then there is no reason for them to have people on the yard that they do not feel comfortable with.

I have only been on the 3 yards in the eight and half years I have had my pony but in all cases the YO or a member of staff was there when I bought my pony on to the yard to welcome me and help us settle in. I would normally have expected someone to be there when you arrived to make sure everything was ok or see if you need any help.

Hopefully they will calm down and let you stay but I would not surprised if they said the sharer was not welcome in future.

 

[Sandstone1]

I can see why he was angry, I'd be furious if someone walked in to my house and shouted. Very rude and thoughtless.
Just think what she may have walked in on!
However a apology, gift and card may smooth things over.
Hope you get it sorted.

 

[PerfectCoffee]

I think you need to get things into perspective, I was expecting dead or badly injured horses or people from the title of the thread. You are OK, your horse is Ok and the YO husband is likely to calm down and relent. If the worst comes to the worst you can find another yard with an outdoor school for the summer whilst you keep looking for one with an indoor.

I'm sure it will work out fine in the end

 

[EstherYoung]

I think you need to get things into perspective, I was expecting dead or badly injured horses or people from the title of the thread. You are OK, your horse is Ok and the YO husband is likely to calm down and relent. If the worst comes to the worst you can find another yard with an outdoor school for the summer whilst you keep looking for one with an indoor.

I'm sure it will work out fine in the end

I agree. One of three things will happen:
You and/or sharer will be asked to leave, which is annoying but not insurmountable. Alternatively, you will be allowed to stay but the chap will turn out to be a massive tool and you will spend the next X years/months walking on eggshells at the yard until you decide to leave. Alternatively, he will calm down and all will be right with the world, albeit he may gently rib you about it and your collective inability to manouevre horse boxes for years to come.

Hopefully you've calmed down a bit with some sleep too. I'm not great with conflict either, but as they say up here in Yorkshire, it'll be reet. Good luck.

 

[catroo]

To be honest it sounds like the three of you were flapping, not being able to get the lorry out is not an emergency and I can see how he'd been annoyed at the combination of being woken up, intruder and having to sort out the situation which the driver of the Horsebox should of been more than able to do.

I do think you apology is more than sufficient though and I'm sure time has helped put things in perspective.

 

[Nancykitt]

I'm another one who thinks that leaving the door open was not the best idea. I can totally understand someone being very angry if they were sleeping but there's no way I'd be leaving my door open, full stop. In theory, anyone could have walked in and stolen something - who would they have blamed?
Sounds like a very uncomfortable day but it's the sort of thing that will diminish in time because at the end of the day no harm was done.
Let us know what the outcome is.

 

[Crystal-Rio]

So many thanks for all the positive replies.

I have been down to Rio this morning and managed to catch my YO. I left a gift bag at the gate with some wine and beer with a card - I do appreciate people saying that this might be creeping, but in the circumstances an apology of this sort is the least I could do.

she has not managed to speak to her husband at any length, as he was on nights again last night and when I got there this morning just after 8 - he had come home and gone straight to bed, but she did say that he was not at all happy. She still couldn't give me an answer as to whether I can stay or need to go. She did look harassed to be honest and the thing that I feel badly about is causing her all this stress when I have been there 5 minutes. I have been on my previous yard for 15 years without a minutes problem with anyone in all that time.

She said that she will try and talk to him later today, but still couldn't say what the outcome will be, so I'm just waiting with fingers crossed.

I have spoken to my previous YO and she is more than happy to have me back - my stable has been taken now (one of the nicest ones on the yard) but there is another that I can have. Despite the yard closing this will be 6-8 months down the line, so if the worst comes to the worst - I will go back and try and find something else in the meantime.

Will update when I have an answer from new YO.

Thanks to you all again.

 

[Flicker]

Husband sounds scary. Not sure I'd want my horse on a yard with someone so volatile, quick to anger and with so much control.

 

[Red-1]

So many thanks for all the positive replies.

I have been down to Rio this morning and managed to catch my YO. I left a gift bag at the gate with some wine and beer with a card - I do appreciate people saying that this might be creeping, but in the circumstances an apology of this sort is the least I could do.

she has not managed to speak to her husband at any length, as he was on nights again last night and when I got there this morning just after 8 - he had come home and gone straight to bed, but she did say that he was not at all happy. She still couldn't give me an answer as to whether I can stay or need to go. She did look harassed to be honest and the thing that I feel badly about is causing her all this stress when I have been there 5 minutes. .

As I said before, I would not be pushing for an answer. As it stands you do not have to leave. Push and you may be told what you do not want to hear. It would be better if she does not feel pushed to ask while he is still on nights (from personal experience), and it also gives you chance to prove you can fit in.

I would not be trying to catch the YO at all, and hoping that she does not ask for a day or two

 

[Sandstone1]

You've done what you can now. I'd be keeping my head down and not pestering the yard owner now. Leave things be. You will just have to wait and see.

 

[Illusion100]

In your shoes, I'd be moving back to your original yard and looking for somewhere else in the interim.

The husband and wife appear to have a bit of a stormy relationship and it is spilling over into the livery business that seems to have little to do with the husband in the first place. I think this incident has given insight as to how things might be more often than not and for me, it wouldn't be worth the hassle.

 

[peaceandquiet1]

Husband sounds scary. Not sure I'd want my horse on a yard with someone so volatile, quick to anger and with so much control.

yes to this

 

[sarcasm_queen]

He was probably mad at your friends' inability to drive her lorry...

 

[mytwofriends]

I think the husband was totally out of order. Ok so he may have been woken up and wasn't thrilled at someone (a client for goodness sake) in his house asking for help, but the fact that he was so very angry wouldn't sit well with me in the slightest. He sounds vile, especially as OP and sharer have bent over backwards to apologise.

I'm not sure I'd want to keep my horse on his property.

I'm sorry for your situation, OP, and I know your horse isn't the easiest to keep settled, but in your position I'd be thinking of moving on and taking your poor sharer with you.

I have no time for bullies.

 

[MotherOfChickens]

Husband sounds scary. Not sure I'd want my horse on a yard with someone so volatile, quick to anger and with so much control.

you don't know what else is going on tbh, could be that this is the nth time he's been woken up by a livery. honestly, so much drama over nowt though, makes me glad I am not on livery anymore.

 

[Dr_Horse]

Jeez i hope this all comes right for you eventually!

 

[Goldenstar]

Tbh if you keep your head down I think this will come right .
And you have learned a big lesson about boundaries on your new yard .
Just be mega polite in a quiet sort of way and fingers crossed the dust will settle .

 

[Nightmare before Christmas]

I wouldn't like my liveries to pester me. I would rather they sorted moving a Lorry them selves. It's really not that hard. But he does sound a mardy ****** too

 

[Boulty]

Fingers crossed that once he's calmed down, had some sleep and had his wife talk to him that he will relent and realise he was being a bit daft and over-reacted. Can understand him being peed off at being woken up but perhaps he needs a sign for the door for when he's asleep stating that nobody is to knock unless the place is burning down or something. Here's to hoping a bit of common sense prevails

 

[Clannad48]

Ok sticking my head above the parapet here..... We recently moved to a new yard, the yard owner is lovely and asked us to tell her when we were on our way so she could meet us and the horses as we arrived, very friendly and a lovely set-up, she and her husband live on site. Now she has told us that if we need anything and she is not around to go to the house and knock, if no reply to open the door and give her a call.......
At a previous yard the YO was a competitor who was out competing the day we arrived so we just got on with it, we had arranged it and got the keys etc the night before, and the day we left she was out competing as well so when we left, we cleaned up, loaded up and locked up leaving the keys in a pre-arranged place.

I must admit that if the YO husband worked nights it might have been a good idea for the YO to let the new livery know in advance that the house was out of bounds due to his working nights except in an absolute real emergency. Not in any way excusing either the sharer going in and calling out, or the husband going mental but sometimes it is a good idea to step back and think before doing anything.

I hope it all gets sorted and calms down.

 

[Princess16]

You have done all you can now so I would leave it be.

TBH if it were me I would be looking to move as I wouldn't feel comfortable or secure there thinking that one more slip up and that would be it. Think you may be living on a knife edge there. Just my opinion.

 

[YorksG]

If you go into a shop and there is no one behind the counter, would you go into the living area to find someone to deal with an issue you had in the car park? If the answer is no, then why on earth would you go into someones house to ask them to sort out the problem caused by the driver of the waggon being unable to sort out turning the vehicle round? As for saying they should lock their door if they don't want random people going into their house, that beggars belief IMO!