HollyWoozle
Well-Known Member
OP, there is a lot of great advice posted on here already but just wanted to reiterate this. It seems like your equestrian sisters (and brothers!) have your back on this.
Ahem...lady area (downstairs hair!) and riding........
- Thread starter Flyingsolo
- Start date
OP, there is a lot of great advice posted on here already but just wanted to reiterate this. It seems like your equestrian sisters (and brothers!) have your back on this.
Birker2020
Well-Known Member
I think that was what I was trying (unsuccessfully to put across).
paddy555
Well-Known Member
this. Make sure your passport, driving licence, birth cert and any other documents are quickly to hand and are safe. Make sure if he has the log in details on any of your accounts you change them. That you have a small stash of cash if needed. Anything you might need if you decided one day you would leave. Know where you would go. Hotel, friend, parents. If you have a dog etc would you take it. Don't write it down, keep it in your head. Your business. What you would take, clothes, mementos, photos etc.
Hopefully it will never come to that and a compromise can be reached on the gardening.
Pearlsasinger
Up in the clouds
GreyMane
Well-Known Member
For many of us grey ones, it wasn't the norm at all when we were in our 20s. I've often wondered when/how the balance shifted and it started to become the norm. I think "Sex and the City" may have had a lot to do with it, I think it was the first time I was aware of discussions about Brazilian waxes etc, but I've admittedly had a rather sheltered life!
I would not like to link it with porn, that seems lazy ... but do feel there's been a standardising of something that used to be one choice among many, and am wondering if the, literal, narrowing of acceptable options came from women or men. Oh dear, am not expressing this very well.
Someone sent me a cartoon showing the interesting contrast between men's beards (getting bigger) and women's front lawns (getting smaller). Wish I could find that again.
PurBee
Well-Known Member
Absolutely agree, thats why i quoted the word fun as its a word often used to masquerade shallow, dysfunctional mentality towards relationships - akin to ‘tinder dating’ which is ‘fast and fun’ dates based on 1 picture of somebody.
A family member refused to go near his gf for not bothering to shave her legs for 2 weeks….i was shocked, really.
It’s easy to be in an unhealthy relationship and not fully realise it…until we tune into our spidey red-flag senses better.
I hope your friend discovers a better life - this stuff can bring on illness eventually.
Birker2020
Well-Known Member
The bit in red was so the OP could see the question! Passive agressive, you couldn't make it up, nothing could be further from the truth. Why the hell was I rubbing salt into the wounds?????? I never said it was about me either, I don't understand where you got that from???? Honestly I gave my opinion, just because it doesn't agree with yours doesn't make it any less worthy you know?
You are not the only one allowed to comment or entitled to an opinion, you are no more worthy than me.
How have I criticised??? You state "you have come crashing in" - have you heard yourself???? God you can be very patronising at times, I don't think you realise.
I was just trying to bring the post back down to earth, I actually felt sorry for the OP who asked one question and got completely another answer from the one she was expecting.
I'm going to 'step away from the keyboard' as you put it, but not because you, all hollier than thou, think that I should.
But because I can't be bothered with all the drama and your strange reaction towards my reply.
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Andie02
Well-Known Member
Good advice Paddy almost suggested the same myself, ' wrote planning paramount ' instead.
Cannot quite see a compromise being reached though.
PapaverFollis
Well-Known Member
She didn't "ask one question". She divulged information about her relationship that people responded to.
I felt very bad for you, Birker, when your thread went off topic and went south into unnecessary criticism of you...and said as much at the time... but that is not what is happening here and I think you are being reactive because of your recent experience. The OP has made it quite clear that she is happy that the discussion has been had, so maybe just leave it now?
I felt very bad for you, Birker, when your thread went off topic and went south into unnecessary criticism of you...and said as much at the time... but that is not what is happening here and I think you are being reactive because of your recent experience. The OP has made it quite clear that she is happy that the discussion has been had, so maybe just leave it now?
Birker2020
Well-Known Member
I'm not being reactive though. I'm just explaining why I wrote in red because the explanation that was given by Red-1 was laughable.
Oh and like I said, I am entitled to my opinion too. And I'm glad you felt bad for me, because anyone with a thread of decency and empathy would do, I would feel bad if someone had been spoken to like that by another forum member and would have no hesitation in speaking up. It was a disgusting thing to say to someone who had recently lost their horse.
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AShetlandBitMeOnce
Well-Known Member
I honestly can't imagine being in a relationship (well, these days anyway, I have been previously) where the person doesn't just love me however I am.. I make an effort half the time, to make myself feel better and because it's nice to look nice for him, but equally sometimes if I am hungover or the like I will genuinely look like the before of some sort of hideous 'before and after' documentary - and I know my OH doesn't think any differently of me.
Yes, if I suddenly put on 40 stone he may think different, purely as he is active as am I, and I would be unable to have the same interests as him any more - but I am pretty sure I could sprout a horn tonight and he wouldn't be that fussed (or probably even notice
)Being in the bodybuilder community for several years, I have known many many relationships built largely on aesthetics and not a single one has lasted. One even broke up with his fiance for getting fat when she was pregnant - which is hideous.
You do you OP, I'm sure you're perfect any which way you come - I don't have much to add to the plethora of brilliant advice already posted; all I can say is that I hope you look back on this post in a years time and think 'thank god I'm not in that situation any more'. Be it that you have sacked your OH, or you have bashed some sense into him!
PapaverFollis
Well-Known Member
By the way young men being steeped in readily available porn IS contributing to changing sexual dynamics in real life that are actively damaging to young women. No, that is not the full story of removal of pubic hair but I do believe it us a large part of the picture. Not as important as young men strangling and slapping women without discussion beforehand and expecting them to enjoy it, or that there are an increasing amount of young men who are unable to get an erection without incorporating humiliation and violence into their sexual activity because they have just absorbed way too much violent porn. But part of the same culture.
It's a real thing. Not a lazy assumption. And just because young women become complicit in their objectification and pornification doesn't make it good, right or liberating.
Sexual politics are a mess at the moment and women are not winning.
It's a real thing. Not a lazy assumption. And just because young women become complicit in their objectification and pornification doesn't make it good, right or liberating.
Sexual politics are a mess at the moment and women are not winning.
paddy555
Well-Known Member
so men need to be on gardening duty as well. As another "grey" one so much more to think of than in my day.
paddy555
Well-Known Member
sorry but you just seem to want to argue for the sake of it. I remember your last thread. The arguing seems to go back to the Applecart/HB days. If you want to argue then fine but it is no use complaining if you don't like the comments,
I am sorry you lost your horse a while back. I too have lost animals, just about everyone on here has so I don't see the relevance of your last sentence.
Birker2020
Well-Known Member
You know what I am talking about so please don't pretend otherwise.
Of course people have lost horses but to be criticised about how their animal was looked after or the care they were given by a complete stranger who hasn't got any facts to base such a thing on so soon after losing their horse with such lack of empathy or compassion being shown towards that person was just evil. But maybe you would let the comment below wash over you.
"I'm sure you are a good person at heart and would be a good home but you are so wilfully ignorant on this and other welfare and management issues that I won't knowingly put an animal in discomfort or danger with you"
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PapaverFollis
Well-Known Member
Birker the point I was trying to make was that your whole response on this thread (not your response to Red-1) seems to be a reaction to your recent threads going off topic. Your telling people off was disproportionate as people have not actually overstepped here. I think you are projecting your response to people overstepping on your threads onto this one. It's not appropriate. This thread is not about you.
AandK
Well-Known Member
Please step away, this isn't your thread, it's not about you.
Birker2020
Well-Known Member
Oh grow up
Andie02
Well-Known Member
so men need to be on gardening duty as well. As another "grey" one so much more to think of than in my day.
Laughable innit ? As if there isn't far more important stuff to be doing like actual gardening, house stuff etc etc. beggars belief
Each to their own !
AandK
Well-Known Member
Hilarious... I don't usually bite but I will today, several others have said the same as me. You need to learn to walk away.
GrassChop
Well-Known Member
AandK
Well-Known Member
Wow...
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Birker2020
Well-Known Member
deleted
AandK
Well-Known Member
OP, I am sorry your thread has been somewhat derailed. You have been given some great advice on here, please take your time and have a good think about things. And take care of yourself.
PapaverFollis
Well-Known Member
Come on now. ?
The OP of this thread needs support. I'm sorry for my part in it actually starting to go off topic.
I was just defending the general feel of responses as not an overreaction (as they were being portrayed) as I think it is really important that that is clear for the OP.
The OP of this thread needs support. I'm sorry for my part in it actually starting to go off topic.
I was just defending the general feel of responses as not an overreaction (as they were being portrayed) as I think it is really important that that is clear for the OP.
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Miss_Millie
Well-Known Member
I'm very fortunate to be in a long term relationship with a wonderful and very respectful man. He loves me unconditionally, and even when I was ill a couple of years ago and quite frankly looked like a washed out zombie, he still told me that I was beautiful and helped me through that dark time.
OP, I hope you can find someone who loves you for who you and who wants to put your happiness and personal comfort first. You deserve it. Sending you hugs.
OP, I hope you can find someone who loves you for who you and who wants to put your happiness and personal comfort first. You deserve it. Sending you hugs.
The Fuzzy Furry
Getting old disgracefully
Its absolutely not but I wont be so crass to drag up the threads (indeed some have been deleted anyway) , do listen to the others, please keep your insults to yourself, no need to drag things down, again.
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Spot_On03
Well-Known Member
My OH wouldn't dream on commenting on anything like that. He's happy with whatever I choose to do with myself as long as it safe. If it makes you uncomfortable I would sit him down and tell him straight as to how his comments make you feel. His reaction may tell you what's best going forward.
Pearlsasinger
Up in the clouds
I think we had more important things to think about tbh!so men need to be on gardening duty as well. As another "grey" one so much more to think of than in my day.
Upthecreek
Well-Known Member
I don’t think it does any harm to remind someone that doing something for the sole reason of pleasing a partner in a relationship is not the way it should be.
Birker you should not take it upon yourself to make assumptions on how people’s responses are received by the OP, particularly when she has volunteered additional information following her initial post in response to comments made.
Birker you should not take it upon yourself to make assumptions on how people’s responses are received by the OP, particularly when she has volunteered additional information following her initial post in response to comments made.