Ahem...lady area (downstairs hair!) and riding........

[TPO]

OP in all seriousness do you have friends or family that can help you leave/be available while you have a chat with him?

If you were scared to bring up the pain that being hairless causes you and how it affects your hobby then I'd hazard a guess that a "it's not working" convo won't be any easier for you.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

 

[cauda equina]

Exactly - your own choice
What a person does to their own body (any part of it) is up to them
It's no one else's place to say You must look like this or I won't love you

Hey even before I met my guy, now husband of 8 years , I removed all from down there simply because I felt fresher and was my choice. I never have felt like a prepubescent child. But it has to be your choice. And that’s the cut and dry of it. Your choice.(never had chaffing riding?)

 

[lynz88]

He does tell me when i haven't done it, that being intimate with him obviously isn't that important to me then!

This is pure manipulative behaviour. All I see is red flags and you should be running....or telling him to run away and fast. And I really deeply mean this...it will get worse if you don't do something. Am speaking from experience.

 

[HollyWoozle]

@Flyingsolo you deserve better than that.

OP in all seriousness do you have friends or family that can help you leave/be available while you have a chat with him?

If you were scared to bring up the pain that being hairless causes you and how it affects your hobby then I'd hazard a guess that a "it's not working" convo won't be any easier for you.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

This is great advice.

 

[AmyMay]

OP your OH sounds very shallow and I’d have a good think about whether you are wasting your time with him, or what the next thing will be that he ‘doesn’t do’.

Have the conversation and let that guide you.

I wouldn’t even have ‘the’ conversation. If and when it comes up a simple ‘sorry love, I prefer a little fuzz’ should suffice.

 

[lynz88]

I wouldn’t even have ‘the’ conversation. If and when it comes up a simple ‘sorry love, I prefer a little fuzz’ should suffice.

?? that's exactly what I would do while holding the door open and telling him to get the eff out and never come back. No conversation needed. Job done. (Might have done something similar to someone when I got sick of his behaviour)

 

[TPO]

It's all fine and well "us" saying he would need to watch the door didn't hit him on the way out but OP is now a year down the line and living with him.

I would doubt that this is the only aspect of the relationship that must be his way or else.

OP was scared to tell him that following his instructions was causing her pain and he's previously shamed/gaslit her into "gardening".

I get the feeling that it won't be as simple as "he's a ₩@¥$r" and OP leaves/puts him out and moves on.

OP have you got any close friends or family that you have been, or could, talk to about his behaviours and have support you through this?

 

[Velcrobum]

Hey even before I met my guy, now husband of 8 years , I removed all from down there simply because I felt fresher and was my choice. I never have felt like a prepubescent child. But it has to be your choice. And that’s the cut and dry of it. Your choice.(never had chaffing riding?)

If it is your choice it's your choice but OP is effectively being bullied to capitulate to her male's desires. Very very large red flag to me IMHO. As TPO says it is probably just one aspect of the relationship that is determined my his expectations/demands.

Having been there (up thread #65) it was scary plucking up the courage to end the relationship, engaged but not cohabiting so marginally easier. I had to do it all by my-self I was 21 and my mother hated the guy so I got zero support. OP please engage with close friends/family for support before you get trapped any further.

 

[Archangel]

He does constantly remind me to 'do my gardening'

Outrageous.

He does tell me when i haven't done it, that being intimate with him obviously isn't that important to me then!

What a prick.

 

[Pipps]

I was originally going to just come and put a recommendation for shaving (FFS subscription for anyone who is interested) as my legs used to always get irritated and sore from shaving but the razors and products from them have put a stop to that.
Having read all this now I really do feel for you and it's so easy for us to all say leave, but it's never that easy in the situation no matter how strong and confident we think are.
Speaking from experience please get talking to someone, friend, family, even someone here, they'll help give you the strength and support to get things sorted because you may feel it's just about shaving now but it really is a precursor to other controlling and manipulative behaviours, you need to nip it in the bud before you're sat here telling us he doesn't like you riding at all or seeing people etc etc. nobody wants to see that and you deserve better

 

[lynz88]

I agree saying to leave is a lot easier than doing. It depends on where OP's head is at. 12 months isn't very long in the scheme of things and I know a few people that got up one morning and went "enough is enough." while their then husband was at work they packed everything up and had the locks changed. When said OH got home, the message was "get out - here's your stuff" but it took time for them to get to that place mentally.

I think for anyone that has been in a manipulative relationship of any kind (platonic or romantic), it makes it easier to spot red flags in a person and immediately detach yourself and run for the hills - mostly because you know how "freeing" (even if still emotionally painful) it is to rid your life of such a problem.

 

[PurBee]

He should be thanking his lucky stars he's allowed to be be in your naked presence... not dictating to you what personal grooming you should do. The entitled pr*ck.

PF - i always love your direct, no messing responses in threads….especially this one! ?

 

[Goldenstar]

FS , please get shot of him before you are in any deeper , doing things that you both find fun is not the same as what this man is up to .

 

[pistolpete]

I’m always so amazed how pandered to some men are! Who’s body is it? If your question is does anyone else have issues riding with a bare ‘foof’ I think the answer is yes. If you didn’t want a million opinions would have been wise not to mention the deal breaker bit. Up to you of course but do you make him do anything that causes him discomfort? I suggest he gets something shaved or waxed regularly see what he thinks!

 

[OldNag]

Channelling my best Mumsnet.... LTB !

 

[scats]

Good grief OP, I can understand a bloke telling you how they prefer it, but then leaving it up to you to make that choice... but actively using it to blackmail you rings alarm bells.

I am hair free down there by choice. It doesn’t cause me any discomfort in the saddle though. All my partners have been happy to leave it up to me to have it how I like. Some have said they prefer no hair, some have said it doesn’t bother them. But either way, they take me as I am or they don’t get the goods!

 

[Lipglosspukka]

You need to bin the p**** off.

 

[Sossigpoker]

Please listen to all these comments saying how unhealthy this sounds !
This man wants to control your body for his own pleasure and uses manipulative tactics to do so. Meanwhile you are in pain but are scared to take action to minimise the pain in case it doesn't please him!
If your friend confided in you like this , what advice would you give them ?

I hate to tell you but also feel like I must. Physical violence always starts with mind games. He's already playing mind games to control you.
Will he criticise your dress sense next ?
Say you spend too much time with friends? Or at the yard ?

I know practically you can't just kick him out , but I couldn't just give advise regarding the irritation without encouraging you to really examine your relationship.

What would happen if you just said no and let it grow? Are you scared of that confrontation?
Again , what would you tell your friend in this situation ?

 

[Leam_Carrie]

If you want to keep removing the hair trying professional waxing with comfort wax and careful knicker choice (personally find men’s boxers good). If that doesn’t work a seat saver or different shaped saddle might help.

If your would rather not, then that will solve the riding problem. Appreciate it then causes other problems - which I know lots of other have given advice on.

Hope you find a solution x

 

[neddy man]

From a Male point of view, i have just read the full thread and was going to press like from number 5 but decided to read on before I did, I would have hit the like symbol dozens of times, my thoughts are there's a couple of words to say to him **** *** or bye bye, yes it's not easy leaving a relationship but I think it's best for you.

 

[Muddywellies]

He does tell me when i haven't done it, that being intimate with him obviously isn't that important to me then!

Oh bless you. As many others have said, this relationship is only going to make you very miserable. In the words of Bridget Jones, you need someone who "loves you just the way you are". Stick with the horses for now.

 

[Birker2020]

Everyone is missing the point. The poster asked if people shaved down there.

She didn't ask for relationship advice however well meant.

Its amazing how these posts start off well meaning and then denigrate into a slagging off of a much loved partner, who up to this point had been in a positive and happy relationship.

 

[rextherobber]

Everyone is missing the point. The poster asked if people shaved down there.

She didn't ask for relationship advice however well meant.

Its amazing how these posts start off well meaning and then denigrate into a slagging off of a much loved partner, who up to this point had been in a positive and happy relationship.

How can a relationship be in any way positive given some of the phrases quoted by OP?

 

[Auslander]

Everyone is missing the point. The poster asked if people shaved down there.

She didn't ask for relationship advice however well meant.

Its amazing how these posts start off well meaning and then denigrate into a slagging off of a much loved partner, who up to this point had been in a positive and happy relationship.

Read the thread. OP is engaging with people who are pointing out that it's not ok for anyone to dictate what happens to someone else's body. She thought she needed help with razor burn, but maybe now, she's realising that she should only have a problem with razor burn if it was her choice to inflict it on herself.

 

[PapaverFollis]

A relationship where one person expects something, entirely cosmetic, of the other that causes pain and discomfort and reduces enjoyment of a much loved hobby AND the person in pain is scared to raise the issue is NOT "a positive and happy" relationship.

 

[poiuytrewq]

Hi All,

Thank you for your replies.

I actually think it may be a deal breaker for him and I'm really scared about bringing it up, but all I want to do is enjoy my riding again.

Really?! He sounds bit of a di**

 

[Cloball]

I think the red flags have well and truly been covered. I have in a situation where I relied on someone for rent in order to have somewhere to live and it does make the whole situation more difficult to the point where I just put my head in the sand. This is not something I advise.

I have once tidied the area for a man but only because the sneezing was off putting when the hair went up his nose. ?.

It is a very individual topic as anatomically we are all very different, skin sensitivity varies, thickness of hair etc. What is fine for one person may not be for the next. Ingrown hairs and skin infections can be no joke. I have trichotillomania and an odd relationship with hair in general and some of the stories I could tell about hair removal that I have learnt the hard way will make you go green so I won't put them here.

The body is amazing and if wasn't broke don't fix it!

 

[Birker2020]

Really?! He sounds bit of a di**

I agree but its not for us to say is it? She didn't ask our advice about her O/H. That wasn't the question.
Her original post said "it doesn't really matter to me" in relation to him wanting it all off downstairs.

 

[ycbm]

Everyone is missing the point. The poster asked if people shaved down there.

She didn't ask for relationship advice however well meant.

Its amazing how these posts start off well meaning and then denigrate into a slagging off of a much loved partner, who up to this point had been in a positive and happy relationship.

I don't think we're missing the point at all. If the OP had only wanted advice about creams or knickers, she wouldn't have volunteered the additional information which resulted in people suggesting that she's in an abusive relationship.

She wasn't forced to write that the manipulative richard has said that if she hasn't shaved her pubes she can't have sex with him, and blames her for that.

That isn't a positive or happy relationship for her, it may be for him.
.

 

[ycbm]

I agree but its not for us to say is it? She didn't ask our advice about her O/H. That wasn't the question.

It's the same as when people write asking what to do next about their sick horse when what they really want, but can't bring themselves to say it, is to give themselves "permission" to put the horse down.

Are you only reading her first post? Because she's been back several times giving more information about the relationship, she clearly wants to talk about it.