Anyone just can’t/hasn’t achieved their horsey dreams...

fredflop said:
if the horse I owned was established and riding, life would have been far easier. As it was I simply didn’t have the facilities to give the project horse the education it needed. The earliest I could get to the yard was 1830 due to work, and after a demanding stressful day. Just made it virtually impossible to do anything
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My point is that you choose your life - you choose your work and you choose how you balance everything. I've backed multiple horses without facilities, and worked youngsters through all kinds of circumstances. I used to school one of my horses on bridleways in the dark, and he was a complete pillock. Heck back when I was doing my PhD I used to ride my horses at 2am some nights because it was that or they didn't work, and I wanted to compete so they needed fitness. Would I do that now? No, I'm old and broken, but I did it because I had no other option, and now I make choices that mean I don't have to do this stuff.

I don't know what your circumstances are - and they're not my business to know. But it's your life and if you aren't happy with it, you should change it. There's no rehearsal - this really is it.
 
JFTDWS said:
My point is that you choose your life - you choose your work and you choose how you balance everything. I've backed multiple horses without facilities, and worked youngsters through all kinds of circumstances. I used to school one of my horses on bridleways in the dark, and he was a complete pillock. Heck back when I was doing my PhD I used to ride my horses at 2am some nights because it was that or they didn't work, and I wanted to compete so they needed fitness. Would I do that now? No, I'm old and broken, but I did it because I had no other option, and now I make choices that mean I don't have to do this stuff.

I don't know what your circumstances are - and they're not my business to know. But it's your life and if you aren't happy with it, you should change it. There's no rehearsal - this really is it.
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All of this. as Daffy also said we all have different views of what's genuinely important in life. I don't have the career I want, I dont own a house, I am fortunate to have a very supportive husband now but spent a long long time single just trucking along doing my horses as there was no time for anyone else.
Because that was the most important thing in my life.

Life is way, way too short. My parents completely disagree with the way I live, its hand to mouth a fair bit of the time and i wonder whether we'll ever get on the housing ladder but my god i wouldn't give the horses up unless it was a case of do or die.
 
JFTDWS said:
My point is that you choose your life - you choose your work and you choose how you balance everything. I've backed multiple horses without facilities, and worked youngsters through all kinds of circumstances. I used to school one of my horses on bridleways in the dark, and he was a complete pillock. Heck back when I was doing my PhD I used to ride my horses at 2am some nights because it was that or they didn't work, and I wanted to compete so they needed fitness. Would I do that now? No, I'm old and broken, but I did it because I had no other option, and now I make choices that mean I don't have to do this stuff.

I don't know what your circumstances are - and they're not my business to know. But it's your life and if you aren't happy with it, you should change it. There's no rehearsal - this really is it.
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unfortunately, although yes you make your own choices, I was stuck in the situation. I couldn’t move jobs (can explain by PM if required), couldn’t sell the horse, but the horse wasn’t really in the PTS category
 
JFTDWS said:
My point is that you choose your life - you choose your work and you choose how you balance everything. I've backed multiple horses without facilities, and worked youngsters through all kinds of circumstances. I used to school one of my horses on bridleways in the dark, and he was a complete pillock. Heck back when I was doing my PhD I used to ride my horses at 2am some nights because it was that or they didn't work, and I wanted to compete so they needed fitness. Would I do that now? No, I'm old and broken, but I did it because I had no other option, and now I make choices that mean I don't have to do this stuff.

I don't know what your circumstances are - and they're not my business to know. But it's your life and if you aren't happy with it, you should change it. There's no rehearsal - this really is it.
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Couldnt agree more. If the horses are not your priority, thats fine, to be honest its probably more healthy! But if its what you really want, then you have to make it happen, simple as that really, and recognise jut how hard it can be, and its down to you to decide how far you are prepared to push yourself.
 
Yes I achieved my horsey dream. As a child I lived in the middle of a city, had non-horsey parents who had no money. I used to read books about ponies and dream about being able to ride and have a pony of my own. Aged nearly 50 I finally got my own horse and over the years I've been fortunate to own some very nice ones. I'll never win anything, struggle with confidence and have had my share of the sadness that can come with horse ownership. I am still a bit envious of those of you who rode as children, went to pc and did all the things I dreamed of as a child but that's just how things are. I just feel very lucky to have finally got my dream even if it was a very long time coming.
 
milliepops said:
honestly? if I wanted it enough I'd have spent the 3 hours to ride one hour I think!
often it all boils down to priorities of some kind. i will move mountains to keep riding my horses, they've all been projects of some kind, from charity rehomers, to giveaway feral monsters, to sad auction purchases to ex racers off the track. it's hard, it's bloody hard there's no denying it, and some days it's impossible not to feel a bit negative especially if you get hit by an injury somewhere or worse.

but for me it's worth all the graft and the sacrifice and doing nothing else at all with my life because it's all I ever think about and the good days are amazing. and it's easy to forget the awfulness of winter when you're in the middle of a wonderful springtime ;)
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I really admire that. I remember reading Charlotte Dujardan's autobiography, it showed the amount of hard work she's had to do to get where she is. It sounds exhausting. I couldn't do it.
 
fredflop said:
unfortunately, although yes you make your own choices, I was stuck in the situation. I couldn’t move jobs (can explain by PM if required), couldn’t sell the horse, but the horse wasn’t really in the PTS category
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Sometimes you just need to accept that you're either riding out a period of time until you can make different life choices - and then you either decide to use the time, by working the horse at stupid o clock, in the dark, in whatever situation you need to, to get it done, or you decide you don't have the energy / desire to do that. No choices you make are fixed forever - sooner or later you can choose to change your priorities, and you can make the best until then. We've all been in these situations, for sure.
 
Yes, as in I sweated blood and tears to get my first horse which was my dream and no because every year for the last 8 years I have had the same goal (very small ODE) and I consistently fail. This year I decided not to have a goal and just do what I wanted.....lucky really and it's why have handled lockdown quite well :)
 
When I got my first horse I had no competitive dreams whatsoever, just having a horse was a horsey dream in itself. He was a super horse but I was a total novice, he was 19 when I bought him and by the time I was ready and realised I wanted to event he was a little too old.
Bought my second horse mainly because he was the most gorgeous palomino, that I'd always dreamed of owning. He was a difficult horse to school although he had a super jump. After owning him for 1 year he had a fall in the school, damaged his stifle and was never ridden again, i had to have him PTS less than a year later.
Third horse was George, he'd done some eventing already and was going to be the one to take me to my first BE. Took a few months to get to know him, then he did a tendon at the start of our season. Few months later I was rehabbing him when he spooked at a horde of pheasants and I came off him and did my ACL. By the time I was recovered I'd lost my confidence, and bumbled for several months until I had to stop riding due to a slipped disc.
After surgery my confidence returned and we had a super time together for a few months, then he had some tendon sheath problems, then he started stopping with me. We did out first event, although eliminated on the xc, it was fantastic. Then he went bilaterally lame behind, had surgery but came back more lame and hasn't been ridden since.
Then I got Nelson who was supposed to give me back my confidence as he's such a steady safe pair of hooves. Except I put on a shit load of weight and have hardly even ridden him in the 3 years I've owned him.
 
What an inspiring thread.

I want so badly to be better than I am. I have aims to compete at higher levels, but that’s not my driver. I want to be a better rider for my horse, she gives me a lot and she deserves the world. Being in lockdown has made me reevaluate, and if I want to achieve becoming better, I need to put more work in.

No delusions of grandeur here anymore (I certainly had them in past years). I count myself as incredibly lucky to have a sound, mostly sane horse, as well as a supportive husband who never moans about the cost or time spent at the yard. We are stabled at a gorgeous yard with top notch facilities, I know plenty of people who don’t have that privilege.
I don’t think I have horsey dreams as such, but I have realised recently how much I do want to improve, and I need to keep putting the effort in even when I’m shattered and can’t be arsed.
 
catembi said:
Yup, me. I accidentally ended up with a brilliant horse, Catembi, & as quite a wet rider got to compete up to 1 m 15 BS, v competitive at 1 m 10 & ready to havve a crack at 1 m 20, also we amassed 9 or 10 BD points...then he got protein losing enteropathy & after a hard-fought 6-month battle, I lost him. So my last season competing 'properly' was 2006, when everything was going totally brilliantly & 1 m 10 was starting to feel like a riding club clear round. He died in Feb 2007. I replaced him with Adrian, whose 1/2 brother came 2nd in the Hickstead Derby in 2007 & whose full brother retired after the water jump. I spent all my redundancy money on him, he was jumping Disco at 5, then it all went horribly wrong - EPSM. Then I got Trev the ex-racer who was a serial self harmer & impossible to keep sound & in work. KS, ulcers, KS surgery that didn't work. Then husband no 3 who embezzled a lot of my money so I had to sell my lorry, Adrian, the dr flaps for my Wow. Got divorced again, moved on, got myself back in a good place... Then Summer, bought unseen from Ireland, undisclosed shiver, bad tempered, spooky. Then took my time looking for Cody, had a fab summer with him doing all sorts, started having behavioural & performance issues - DNA tested & he has n/P1 EPSM. Aaaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhh...!!!!!! I am now riding as my main horse a rising 5 New Forest that I backed last year because I was bored & had never backed anything before. She is no more than about 12.2. I look stupid on her, but luckily only weigh 49kg & I'm 5 ft 1. We did some loading practise this evening as realistically she is going to be my horse for the summer. I have 4 here already (Cody, Trev, Florence the shetland & Tiffany the NF) and I will get shot if I get a 5th. I have spent SO much money & SO much effort, & every time I get the tiniest bit of success in any direction - it all gets snatched away. I try so hard to get everything absolutely right, and... **sighs** Pony squishing it is :-(
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:( That's a lot of bad luck. I hope things go better from now on.
 
I've come to the conclusion that to be successful competitively with horses you need to be fantastically rich and have a supportive family/parents, there's literally no other way of doing it

If you look at the top competitors in any discipline they all got there with a significant leg up from their parents whether they born into landed families or daddy wrote a blank cheque
 
Michen said:
Nope. Couldn't give a damn about results competing even though I do (did) compete and train. But I LOVE making a partnership and I adore seeing the heads over the stable door more than anything else.
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I love this, you have been really honest with yourself, identified what truly drives you, and you are achieving it, I call that real success.
 
Frumpoon said:
I've come to the conclusion that to be successful competitively with horses you need to be fantastically rich and have a supportive family/parents, there's literally no other way of doing it

If you look at the top competitors in any discipline they all got there with a significant leg up from their parents whether they born into landed families or daddy wrote a blank cheque
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I don't think this is a helpful attitude to have ?‍♀️
 
Frumpoon said:
I've come to the conclusion that to be successful competitively with horses you need to be fantastically rich and have a supportive family/parents, there's literally no other way of doing it

If you look at the top competitors in any discipline they all got there with a significant leg up from their parents whether they born into landed families or daddy wrote a blank cheque
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I think that depends on your version of success. I know a number of riders that have reached top levels without having rich families or blank cheques. But they have had bucket loads of grit and determination
 
mule said:
I really admire that. I remember reading Charlotte Dujardan's autobiography, it showed the amount of hard work she's had to do to get where she is. It sounds exhausting. I couldn't do it.
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Well it's a funny thing because no amount of hard work is going to put me on Carl's yard or valegro's saddle. But it gets me a lot closer to what I can personally achieve ? there's no point getting a pouty lip about not being as good as her, I will settle for the best I can be instead.

The way I look at it is no one is going to improve my horses for me, I have to keep going if I want to make it happen. Each time I show up and ride them gets us one day closer to what I hope each of them will be capable of. And me! One day closer to what I can learn to do.

Like the article I linked to earlier says, this does mean that it's not fun sometimes ("riding is meant to be FUN"!) For some people that would mean it was a no-deal situation but I'm ok with that, there are little pay-offs dotted all over the place that make the effort worthwhile for me.
 
Yes and no

Firstly yes, I've had dreams of doing X, Y and Z and none of them happened. They mostly centred around wanting to event.

I bought horses "properly" with all the vettings and then had the most obscure things go wrong. I've bought horses with heart over head and paid the price. I've learnt a lot of things the hard way ?

External factors just with life and work in general sapped a fair bit of motivation along with tending to constantly broken horse.

I thought a change of tact might help so got a QH to relive my days working on outback cattle stations. I thought that I would quite like to do a new X, Y and Z with a Stetson on but nope...

Secondly, no. If being successful, or even having a go, at eventing really mattered to me then I would have done it. I would have made the time, found the motivation and worked my arse off for it.

I've been fortunate to have had good jobs and been able to afford to keep more than one horse. If certain things really mattered to me I could have bought something doing what I wanted to be doing. If I really wanted to I could have travelled for lessons with pros on school masters and at the very least contributed time, effort and willing to achieve what I thought I wanted...but I didnt ??‍♀️

At the root of it I must never have wanted it badly enough. Where there's a will theres a way. Not necessarily a way to will yourself onto an Olympic team or a stable yard full of top level purpose bred horses ready to load into your brand new Oakley but there is a way to work towards realistic goals...
 
Sprat said:
I think that depends on your version of success. I know a number of riders that have reached top levels without having rich families or blank cheques. But they have had bucket loads of grit and determination
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[/QUOTE]

Agreed
On both counts, those who have followed daffy on this forum will know she has trained horses to GP success having done it all herself and coming from a non-traditional horsey background.

And I define success *for me* as trying to climb the levels, do the best I can do with horses that enjoy their work, compete against myself primarily but also enjoy winning now and then. There's more than one version of success imo.
 
Frumpoon said:
I've come to the conclusion that to be successful competitively with horses you need to be fantastically rich and have a supportive family/parents, there's literally no other way of doing it

If you look at the top competitors in any discipline they all got there with a significant leg up from their parents whether they born into landed families or daddy wrote a blank cheque
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I'm afraid I disagee. I think what you have said is true for a lot of people, but not all. It also depends on how you quantify "top competitors", International, Olympics, high levels within the discipline etc
 
Well, I certainly have! I was born with a love of horses and dogs and all I craved as a child was to have a pony. I was riding from about 7 yrs old and then my mother died, they sent me out riding to get over it and that has been my life line ever since. As an adult I had a dream to be able to see my horse/s from my bedroom window and that is what I have, at last, at 70 + years old! In between I have ridden and owned some wonderful ponies and had great experiences even though I have never jumped much over 3 ft or done more than one elem dressage test. We have had years with a dresser full of trophies and other years with out, I am still a child riding a pony at heart, as I said to some one the other day, 73 going on 13! and I'm not done yet.
 

Agreed
On both counts, those who have followed daffy on this forum will know she has trained horses to GP success having done it all herself and coming from a non-traditional horsey background.

And I define success *for me* as trying to climb the levels, do the best I can do with horses that enjoy their work, compete against myself primarily but also enjoy winning now and then. There's more than one version of success imo.[/QUOTE]


Thats very kind MP, but I really dont think I'm anything special, just very stubborn, and not afraid of hard work.
 
oldie48 said:
Yes I achieved my horsey dream. As a child I lived in the middle of a city, had non-horsey parents who had no money. I used to read books about ponies and dream about being able to ride and have a pony of my own. Aged nearly 50 I finally got my own horse and over the years I've been fortunate to own some very nice ones. I'll never win anything, struggle with confidence and have had my share of the sadness that can come with horse ownership. I am still a bit envious of those of you who rode as children, went to pc and did all the things I dreamed of as a child but that's just how things are. I just feel very lucky to have finally got my dream even if it was a very long time coming.
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Yep, this would do it for me. If I manage to have my own happy horse by 35 I'll count that as dream come true. No need for anything other than happy and healthy.

Frumpoon said:
I've come to the conclusion that to be successful competitively with horses you need to be fantastically rich and have a supportive family/parents, there's literally no other way of doing it

If you look at the top competitors in any discipline they all got there with a significant leg up from their parents whether they born into landed families or daddy wrote a blank cheque
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Well that certainly makes it a lot easier! It's probably possible to do it on a modest starting budget if you find good contacts? Which takes a lot of luck. But yeah, you're not getting anywhere without people to support you.

Coming from a single parent family where a lesson a week for the both of us was a genuine stretch at times, having a horse and competing at anything was so far outside my imagination that it was never going to happen.

No point being bitter about it, I still have 30-odd years in me, fingers crossed, to just enjoy myself and it'll be sweeter having done it all by myself (30 is too old to try and convince my dad to use his retirement money to buy me a pony... right?)
 
daffy44 said:
Thats very kind MP, but I really dont think I'm anything special, just very stubborn, and not afraid of hard work.
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It's a good kind of stubborn ?
Its people like you that inspire people like me to keep trying.

Dont know about anyone else but I really enjoy watching the not-top riders at top shows, I like the PSG class at the winter champs for instance, because they are by definition successful riders but they aren't always TOP riders. they make some mistakes like I do for instance, that makes it relatable and aspirational in a more realistic way , compared to the "I wish I could ride valegro" thoughts ?
 
When my old boy was younger we spent weekends away doing low level endurance, often just me & him. Sometimes we did well & others not so well - now he's gone all I remember is happy adventures with my best friend, the placings have paled into insignificance, the photos mean more & the memories - priceless.
 
I think horse sport can be a very difficult one and dreams are frequently unachievable or crushed through no fault of the rider.

We all face our own mental and physical issues whatever sport we do, but skis and golf clubs don't go lame just when you are in sight of your dreams, do they?

.
 
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