Boggle- USA bound!

Sleighfarer

Sleighfarer

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I'm so sorry, Michen. I don't have my own horse so I have to live vicariously through posters like you who generously share their escapades. Look after yourself. Xx
 
Michen

Michen

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Hey HHO team, thank you. I wanted to let you all know the circumstances in very sadly having had Boggle put to sleep. A few things had been niggling at me over the last few weeks, he was a little too well behaved perhaps. A little more grumpy, his eyes a little less sparky. I saw a couple of significant trips that were bigger than a misplaced hoof. He’d become possessive over the hay feeder. I could justify all these things, the grass having truly gone, the weather, the change in daylight. But ultimately, these were the things I was always going to have to watch for. My decision was made when after several enthusiastic rolls he stood up and “begged” with his hoof. Something he does when he wants something, or he’s in pain. Again I could reason that maybe it wasn’t a pain reaction but I knew deep down that things were shifting. It wasn’t lost on me that this happened during a period of heavy snow when it was very cold.

I cannot even tell you (though many of you have experienced it) the absolutely agonizing back and forth that followed, this is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. Especially as he did seem to rally again when the temperature went back up, but I knew it would be short lived. I didn’t want to find him down in the snow unable to get up one day. Every time I went to change my mind he gave me a reason not too. And I considered everything, what if I flew him to California after all, what if I towed him to Arizona. What if, what if. None of those options felt like the right thing to do for him, just me trying to hold on. So what was I waiting for, for him to continue to decline and it to be so blindingly obvious that he was suffering rather than heeding the signs I was seeing that he was? And I know my horse, I knew he was suffering, he’s as tough and stoic as they come but I could just see that suddenly he was not ok. I knew winter would be a tough ask, he’s had an amazing, happy, thriving summer in a beautiful sanctuary for us both where I’ve never had to question his comfort. He made it easy for me to know it was OK to keep him going. I couldn’t have hoped for a better time with him to say goodbye. And by the last day, ten days after I had booked the vet, I just knew without any doubt in my mind I was doing the right thing.

His last week were full of polo mints (very glad I saved 25 packs from the UK for this situation), love, scratches, me hanging out with him every minute I could when I wasn’t on a work call. He was bright and Boggley But f***, it hurts so much. I can’t even explain how much it hurts but I know you know because most of us have experienced it. I guess I just feel like it’s another kick but this time it’s the worst one. With the arrival of Atlas life finally felt good again and I got complacent and hoped I would have more time with Bog, that I’d have this happy little herd for years to come maybe.

But I could not put my own fear of how I’m currently feeling and how I would cope above what I felt, deeply, was the right thing for my horse that I loved so much. In true Boggle style, he had two vets from two different practices, both I am lucky to call friends. It says a lot that he was so special that it was important to his vet at the hospital who treated him both times, to be there at the end. It was, bizarrely, beautiful. Because of his neuro issues we gave him GA first and had everything go in by a catheter. I was with him as he was sedated, then I turned to let my vet friends guide him down. Once he was down he looked like he was sleeping, he was of course still breathing and he just seemed really peaceful. I know he wasn’t really conscious at that point but my friends and I sat with him and cradled him and we all told him how amazing he was, how much we loved him and how special he was. When the pink stuff was actually administered he went with my cheek against his and me kissing his nose. So I got to be with him quite literally through to the end, I am so grateful for that even though it was the hardest thing ever. I sat with my friends after and we drank to him and cried because we all tried so hard to fix himand it was truly the worst day of my life so far. But I also felt relief. Relief that my best, best friend was no longer in pain. Relief that it wasn’t an emergency where I had to wait for the vet with him in distress, that I had time to say goodbye, that it was calm and peaceful and that he went looking like the magnificent horse that he was. Still shoving me firmly in the chest with his nose for another polo.

I am very lucky to have had Boggle in my life even if it wasn’t for as long as I wished. I got to experience what it was like to have a soulmate of a horse for nearly 8 years and I learned and grew and laughed and cried and I just loved that horse so, somuch. It didn’t matter to me if he could jump, be ridden, any of it, just having him around was enough and I’d have cherished him every day for as long as he was comfortable in his retirement. We were a perfect match, yes we should be their leaders, they should respect us, etc but with Boggle we were just best friends, truly. I know horses don’t love us the way we love them, and Boggle was not a particularly lovey horse on the surface. Except he was, he just reserved it for moments where it really mattered. His quivery nostrils when the ramp dropped and he saw me at the end of his long 10 day journey to Colorado. His whinny to me when he was led across the parking lot when I picked him up to bring him home after 3 weeks ICU care for the pneumonia. The way he would ever so briefly drop the “Boggleness” and rest his muzzle against my cheek for a few seconds and breathe deeply. He was proud and brave, vulnerable and sensitive all at the same time, wrapped up in a ball of relentless energy. I got another 18 months more with him than what science said I should have had and I’m so, so grateful for that.

I know these tears will take some time to stop, I know there will be many nights ahead of crying myself to sleep and days where everything feels so bleak and pointless because I miss him so much, but I also know that there will be happiness and laughter and that I have a beautiful life which I was so lucky to have Boggle in for any amount of time, and which Boggle helped create. Some of the most important people in my life have come into it through Boggle. Best friends. Godchildren. A support network and real friendships in a new country. And in some ways his acceptance of Atlas was almost like he was telling me it’s ok to live without him and move on. And thank goodness I found Atlas when I did, my happy little spunky baby horse who wants nothing more than to follow me around and be loved and cherished, too.

I also put this on my FB, I’ll post seperate ans running out of space, and I think that says everything I needed to say- sorry it was a long chapter ending. Thank you HHO for coming on this crazy, rollercoaster journey and for every bit of support you’ve given. Truly- it has meant so much and helped me keep my head above water during some unbearably tough times. The headcollar with Boggle’s name on it from you guys will have pride of place in my bedroomwherever I am. I promise I’ll be back with adventures of Atlas, I have a ton of love to give a horse or three and I know, know it won’t be the same, but I hope it can still be special. For nowplease forgive me for going a little quiet for a bit. I hopped straight in the car and started to drive over to Tuscon, Arizona to my friend’s empty house. So I’m writing this at 4am from a random hotel I think somewhere in New Mexico! There is something very healing about the rhythm of the desert, and I just couldn’t do “normal life” and the other horses so soon without Boggle there. Genevieve xx



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Michen

Michen

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Thank you, Bogalog. For coming with me on this crazy move across the ocean, for setting me up with my life here and the friends I’ve made and experiences I’ve had. I always smile when people say it was brave to move to the other side of the world alone, because really I didn’t when I had you with me. For letting me cry into your mane on the very worst days of my life, for keeping me grounded and putting one foot in front of the other during unimaginable trauma, for shoving me with your head when I needed to buck up. For knowing what I needed, when.



For carrying me safely across every cross country course we ever did when I was scared and unsure, hunting fields when I was many glasses of port under, gallops across the welsh moors, crazy snowy rides along the sides of Colorado mountains.I knew you were special from a single moment off a blurry sales trot up video and from the day you arrived off that boat from Ireland you set about teaching me to be a better horsewoman, person, rider.



Thank you for giving absolutely everything in life 110%, and throwing humour into all of it. For being my very best friend. My greatest motivator. A true example of what it’s like to partner with a horse rather than dominate, and an unconditional love that doesn’t rely on the sport or the the riding opportunities. For fighting so, so hard whatever life and medicine threw at you and for doing that with your ears endlessly pricked and your spirit high. I swear you just knew I really needed you to stay with me that little bit longer and you did.



Thank you for 8 years of letting me be your person and being mine. Every single moment of it. You bought so much joy and adventure, fun, love, laughter into my life. And you found me many of my very favorite people.



Rest easy my little firecracker, force of nature, one in a billion of a horse. I couldn’t have loved you or cherished you more fiercely. It was a privilege to have been your person for your time on this earth.



Go run with Basil. I know you two are going to be best buddies, after all he sent you to me when he left all those years ago 💕
 
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