Bullied and Accused to the point of ending everything. Help

[little_critter]

Just checking in to see how you are. Have you thought more about seeing your doctor? Your comments about not wanting to wake up one day really worried me.
If you see your doctor don't be all British-stiff-upper-lip about it and say you've just been a little down. If you've had those thoughts then please tell him.

 

[ebonyallen]

Just checking in to see how you are. Have you thought more about seeing your doctor? Your comments about not wanting to wake up one day really worried me.
If you see your doctor don't be all British-stiff-upper-lip about it and say you've just been a little down. If you've had those thoughts then please tell him.

Thank you so much for asking......... I have already got an appointment for next week as my Transplant clinic want me checked again as when they saw me blood pressure was high and very anemic, so that has prob not helped how I had been feeling. I will try hard to be honest trouble is they always see the happy smiley me who just gets on with life and most of the time I do. Had a lovely couple of days with the girls in the nice weather having a bit of us time and no one was around which was lovely, so feeling much better and now in the mind set she will not get the better of me. Thank you so much for caring Chrissie x

 

[Luci07]

We do. Stay strong.... And padlock your field ...

 

[Echo Bravo]

And at least the other livery now knows what can happen, does the farmer not realize that he could be libel if the horses get loose as it's his reponsablity for the the fencing and gates security

 

[Goldenstar]

And at least the other livery now knows what can happen, does the farmer not realize that he could be libel if the horses get loose as it's his reponsablity for the the fencing and gates security

I don't think so,the livery owner is responsible for providing a infrastructure that's fit for purpose .
The strict liability ruling means an owner can be held responsible for injury to a human caused by a loose horse even if they had taken every reasonable precaution to prevent the horse becoming loose .
OP ,
Hang in there make notes every day of any thing that happens watch your back and think a step ahead of her .
Vary the times you go to the yard and remember you can buy a wildlife camera that triggers with movement very cheaply now might you hide one to film the field gate .

 

[hackneylass2]

Please do not confront her, she sounds like she could have socio/psychopathic and or narcissistic problems.
Memorialise the convo you had with the livery owner, and any further convos directly/indirectly involving her or her actions. Put everything, even if you don't feel at the time it is relevant, in writing.
Great advice regarding wearing shades (it does work) and keeping a smartphone to record any eventuality.

People like her are often pillar of the community types and are seen by many to be beyond reproach, not so. They can be expert at hoodwinking people! She will have her downfall in the end, in the meantime, stay stong, take the advice you have been given but please please be honest, totally honest with your medical folk. Put yourself first, your health cannot be monitored properly if you are putting on a brave face to them.

Kudos to you, you have many folk rooting for you xxxxxx

I wish you the best,

 

[ycbm]

Can you explain why she shouldn't confront her? She's a bully and bullies often back down if confronted. She doesn't sound to me like she's suddenly going to turn into an axe murderer if someone asks her for a crime number for the theft of her saddles. She's a sad individual, for sure, but if someone stands up to her she'll probably just leave the yard.

Best of luck OP, stay strong.

 

[Princess16]

Can you explain why she shouldn't confront her? She's a bully and bullies often back down if confronted. She doesn't sound to me like she's suddenly going to turn into an axe murderer if someone asks her for a crime number for the theft of her saddles. She's a sad individual, for sure, but if someone stands up to her she'll probably just leave the yard.

Best of luck OP, stay strong.

^^ this I too would confront the bi atch as bullies don't like confrontation especially as she is in her own and not with a gang per se.

Hang on in there Ebony. Glad you had some fun times with the girls - we all need those kind of days hope things are resolved soon x

 

[Wundahorse]

Sorry to hear this woman is treating you so badly. Sadly bullies target vulnerable people as they are essentially inadequate people themselves.
I would report her to the police for harassment to show her there is a consequence to her behaviour.
You gave done nothing that can validate or justify her conduct in any way. Hard though it is,try to distract your unhelpful negative thoughts. Challenge the validity of the spiteful things she is subjecting you too and focus instead on positive thoughts and experiences. It's sounds as if you have already overcome hurdles. Try to muster the strength you had in those bleak times to recall past coping strategies and progress.
Make small daily goals and ensure they are achievable.
Try to ignore this ghastly woman if you can. Bullies hate being ignored as they like a negative reaction that validates their thoughts and beliefs.
Google Mindfulness. This can be helpful.
Good luck.

 

[Mince Pie]

Ebonyallen I am so angry for you that I could hardly eat my supper. First of all remember you are the better human being - she is worthless scum which is why she needs to bully people. However it is time to take control!!!!! You need to find out her exact address and phone number and then you plan a long, long, long course of revenge. There are so many way to do this without it ever being linked to you - just put 'revenge websites UK' into Google and you will see what I mean. If you feel you can't do this then PM me with her details and I will undertake the whole operation for you - this may be your best option. I used to be an international journalist so I have plenty of tricks up my sleeve. I won't tell you anything so it won't be linked to you but be assured she won't get away with what she has done to you. I hate bullies and have dealt with many in my time. Please call the Samaritans if you feel really desperate - they are excellent, very kind and talk a lot of sense. I will truly help you fight this woman if you need me to - but DON'T let her drive you to the brink. It is always best to take action rather than feel afraid - in fact it is very empowering to fight back.

Can I take you up on that? lol!

 

[Spotsrock]

I don't think so,the livery owner is responsible for providing a infrastructure that's fit for purpose .
The strict liability ruling means an owner can be held responsible for injury to a human caused by a loose horse even if they had taken every reasonable precaution to prevent the horse becoming loose .
OP ,
Hang in there make notes every day of any thing that happens watch your back and think a step ahead of her .
Vary the times you go to the yard and remember you can buy a wildlife camera that triggers with movement very cheaply now might you hide one to film the field gate .

The land owner is liable for anything that escapes from their land from livestock to flooded rivers if it causes damage or injury

 

[hackneylass2]

For those who said OP should not confront this weird woman.

I agree, bullies mostly will back down if confidently confronted. However, have you read how OP has been affected by this woman? IMO confrontation is the last thing she needs for the sake of her health at the moment. She has enough on her mind without having to think of confronting the person who has caused her so much worry and upset. 'Confront her' is easy to advise if you are not the one who has to do it. Do you really think that someone in such despair has the gung ho confidence to square up to such a weirdo?

 

[ycbm]

For those who said OP should not confront this weird woman.

I agree, bullies mostly will back down if confidently confronted. However, have you read how OP has been affected by this woman? IMO confrontation is the last thing she needs for the sake of her health at the moment. She has enough on her mind without having to think of confronting the person who has caused her so much worry and upset. 'Confront her' is easy to advise if you are not the one who has to do it. Do you really think that someone in such despair has the gung ho confidence to square up to such a weirdo?

She has squared up to the loss of a leg. Yes, I think she can square up enough to ask her for a crime number for the theft of her saddles or tell her if she continues to post about her she will report her for harassment. And I think she'd feel a lot better about herself if she did.

Your original post, though you may not have meant it that way, read as if you were warning her that the woman might harm her if she confronted her, and sounded scary.



OP how are things going?

 

[luckyoldme]

For those who said OP should not confront this weird woman.

I agree, bullies mostly will back down if confidently confronted. However, have you read how OP has been affected by this woman? IMO confrontation is the last thing she needs for the sake of her health at the moment. She has enough on her mind without having to think of confronting the person who has caused her so much worry and upset. 'Confront her' is easy to advise if you are not the one who has to do it. Do you really think that someone in such despair has the gung ho confidence to square up to such a weirdo?

I really do agree with hackney on this one. ive come up against a couple of people like this and confrontation is playing right into their hands, they love it. In my experience all that happens is that they manage to use the confrontation to convince those around them that they are a victim. Not rising to their pathetic behaviour and distancing yourself from their warped minds and mind games is the only thing that works.

 

[Goldenstar]

I really do agree with hackney on this one. ive come up against a couple of people like this and confrontation is playing right into their hands, they love it. In my experience all that happens is that they manage to use the confrontation to convince those around them that they are a victim. Not rising to their pathetic behaviour and distancing yourself from their warped minds and mind games is the only thing that works.

I think this too, why lower yourself to their level .
Standing up for yourself does not mean confronting nut jobs , and I totally agree these people are very adept at turning situations like that to their advantage .

 

[Ladyinred]

I really do agree with hackney on this one. ive come up against a couple of people like this and confrontation is playing right into their hands, they love it. In my experience all that happens is that they manage to use the confrontation to convince those around them that they are a victim. Not rising to their pathetic behaviour and distancing yourself from their warped minds and mind games is the only thing that works.

I agree. OP is not in the right place to do this at the moment. She is an extremely brave lady but, if you read her first post, this, and other things, have badly affected her. I would hesitate to suggest any confrontation that could potentially make her feel worse than she already does..

In my mind she has a few options: Not rising to the behaviour; having someone else speak on her behalf; insisting the YO involves himself and sorts it out or moving to a new yard. Moving would be a shame as she has been there a long time, but if it is a decision between moving and her health then that is what she has to do. Really, the YO should step up and intervene before this gets totally out of hand.. he has happily taken hr livery for years, now is the time to show some loyalty back.

 

[Toby_Zaphod]

I've read through some of the posts & this woman is a real headache. She seems to only be happy if she is making someone else's live miserable. She mentions that the Police had been up & fingerprinted everything. This is unlikely as fingerprints can only be taken from a clean surface. The dust etc at a stables means it would be unlikely fingerprints could be lifted. Additionally when fingerprints are looked for areas are dusted with aluminium powder. It's extremely messy & you would see that this had been done anyway. If you haven't noticed the powder everywhere then they haven't been.

I believe that you should keep a diary of things happening at the yard & what is said or implied. Ensure that you are accurate with times & dates & if something needs photographing then take a photo but ensure it is date & time stamped. When you are experiencing harassment etc you need to evidence what happens for future use. Without this accurate information you would be unlikely to get a successful pprosecution with either ensuring successful prosecution or gathering enough evidence to convince the landowner that she is the problem.

The landowner seems an idiot allowing her to get so far behind with livery, at some point she'll vanish leaving him with a large unpaid livery?

 

[skint1]

I really do agree with hackney on this one. ive come up against a couple of people like this and confrontation is playing right into their hands, they love it. In my experience all that happens is that they manage to use the confrontation to convince those around them that they are a victim. Not rising to their pathetic behaviour and distancing yourself from their warped minds and mind games is the only thing that works.

I agree very strongly with this. There is nothing to gain from confronting people like this because they will twist it back on you and perpetuate the cycle, they thrive on it and don't care about collateral damage so to speak. Not to ill wish the YO but lets hope she does do a flit owing some money because that might wake him up to the fact that sometimes he does need to step in, and of course the OP, who is certainly a strong person, can continue to enjoy the yard in peace.

 

[YorksG]

Different people perceive strength in different ways, imo the strength to ignore twits like the woman on the yard is greater than the strength to wade in and confront this worm. The OP has shown immense courage over the years, something that the worm doesn't understand, and never will. The worm probably only ever sees the world as it relates to her and has no empathy for others, so to ignore her will be the only way forward, she will move on in time, no doubt to cause havoc someone else, as she sounds to be one of those people who has no internal reference, feels bad about herself and can only feel better if she perceives that she feels better than those around her, so tries to make them feel bad (this is a very destructive method of thinking and probably could tell professionals something about her own history, but will only change if she wants it to). Such toxic people are best avoided, I would suggest to the OP that she reports the harrassment to the police and then have no more to do with it all.

 

[Damnation]

Such toxic people are best avoided, I would suggest to the OP that she reports the harrassment to the police and then have no more to do with it all.

Echo YorksG. If she still doesn't let up then (and I hate to say it) I would be moving my horses. I know you have been there for a very long time but to be honest, if you have been a good, loyal, well paying livery for the 20 odd years you have been there and the YO "won't get involved" then I wouldn't want to give them my money.

I don't expect YO to come wading in to your defence but he should be taking a more proactive stance against this sort of behaviour.

At the end of the day it is his reputation on the line too. It doesn't look very good on his part if "tack goes missing" from his yard, or "horses are interfered with" again on his yard, it makes his security look incompetent. (Just to put another spin on it to maybe get your YO to take action).

Otherwise, I would be moving. Life is too damned short to be stuck dealing with toxic people and sometimes we have to just cut our losses and get out of the situation for our own sanity's sake.

 

[luckyoldme]

Echo YorksG. If she still doesn't let up then (and I hate to say it) I would be moving my horses. I know you have been there for a very long time but to be honest, if you have been a good, loyal, well paying livery for the 20 odd years you have been there and the YO "won't get involved" then I wouldn't want to give them my money.

I don't expect YO to come wading in to your defence but he should be taking a more proactive stance against this sort of behaviour.

At the end of the day it is his reputation on the line too. It doesn't look very good on his part if "tack goes missing" from his yard, or "horses are interfered with" again on his yard, it makes his security look incompetent. (Just to put another spin on it to maybe get your YO to take action).

Otherwise, I would be moving. Life is too damned short to be stuck dealing with toxic people and sometimes we have to just cut our losses and get out of the situation for our own sanity's sake.

Damnation i love your last sentance! i moved my horse to get away from someone just like the op describes...i have a happy life with a good husband and she was ruining prescious days, i just did nt have the time to waste sitting round waiting for others to see through her, im glad i did because it took a further 2 years before they did and she got the boot. By then both me and my horse had moved onto a small holding with a simply delightfull owner and funnily enough the horse totally chilled out too as soon as i moved him. these people are dangerous, playing games with other peoples mental health because they fail to admit they have serious problems themselves.

 

[Achinghips]

Move yards. Your yo isnt helping you and your horses and sanity are at risk. Get out of there, leaving the whole mess behind, move on and don't look back.

 

[hackneylass2]

Ycbm,

I did not mean to scare the OP but it was a warning of sorts, because folks with such behavioural problems as OP's tormentor can and do behave irrationally. As Luckyoldme siad, such people are dangerous, and experts in the fields of manipulation and know exactly how and where to hurt people. They also can have huge meltdowns and well, you just cannot placate or reason with such people.

 

[ycbm]

I understand. And when I used the term confront, I meant no more than other people who are saying she should 'stand up for herself', but not 'confront' her. Ignoring someone in a yard of three is a pretty difficult thing to do. It's a sad situation and the bully is a disturbed woman.

OP how are things going?

 

[ladyt25]

Right. I have not read all the replies but, I am going to be brutal. F@*k 'em! People like this are not worth you worrying about. You were happy before she arrived on your yard so just continue being happy. What's she does is not of your concer.. What she may or may not accuse you're of is not your concern. Who gives a rat's arse about Facebook and what is said on there? Before Facebook what avenues did people have to slag each other off?
There's always going to be people like her. I will never understand their motives or what they think they'll achieve bit you just have to not care. They are of no consequence in your life so, unless they affect your of your horse's safety then just ignore them.
If you feel you needed to say something then bloody say it to her face. I am no confrontational person but over the years I have learnt to just think sod it, what's the worst that can happen?
I am pretty sure you've faced and overcome the 'worst' well before now so just rise above it and f@*k her! 😀

 

[hibshobby]

Right. I have not read all the replies but, I am going to be brutal. F@*k 'em! People like this are not worth you worrying about. You were happy before she arrived on your yard so just continue being happy. What's she does is not of your concer.. What she may or may not accuse you're of is not your concern. Who gives a rat's arse about Facebook and what is said on there? Before Facebook what avenues did people have to slag each other off?
There's always going to be people like her. I will never understand their motives or what they think they'll achieve bit you just have to not care. They are of no consequence in your life so, unless they affect your of your horse's safety then just ignore them.
If you feel you needed to say something then bloody say it to her face. I am no confrontational person but over the years I have learnt to just think sod it, what's the worst that can happen?
I am pretty sure you've faced and overcome the 'worst' well before now so just rise above it and f@*k her! ��

Oh yes .... this and more this. Pain in the bum to move (and in theory and after all why should you ?) but in reality and for your sanity - get out of there and away you go. Live your life, not the one she wants you to have. You've done brilliantly to put up with it so far, but b*gger it,. why should you ?

 

[hackneylass2]

Ycbm
Thanks for your reply, yes, I get your drift. I hope OP is making progress!

 

[ebonyallen]

Hi everyone, sorry late replies from me. Well here is the update I have confronted her in the past over the saddles and one other matter in the past and she does not have anything then to say for herself, she has and will never say anything directly to my face just behind my back to other people in the area and in the local show circuit. I think I said she told everyone how cruel I was taking Dallas out to a fun show because she has cancer, the vet told me not to label her and to have fun with her while I she was still well enough and this is what I have been doing. The vet has been out to give Ebony injection and Dallas was on the yard so asked if she could just look her over as she was so worried about her.,,,,,, I am so pleased to tell you that they are over the moon with how well Dallas is doing and she is looking stunning with no outward sign of any illness and long may this last. So I have to say I have better things to think about now and the vile woman is not one of them. Ebony is going out to first show of the year on Easter Sunday so we hope to have a great day out so my whole mindset has now changed for the better the girls are my focus. I am going to another yard on Monday to see because I heard they had two places coming up and they also do Riding for the Disabled there so I think it would be a great place for me to go with far more support than I have at the moment. I do now just ignore her and it really is quite easy to do she normally comes down with her children and its quite funny really she gets them to spy on us, which they were doing tonight. Now where the other week was at the end of my teather I now find it funny, I am really excited about Mon but I am not going to get down if there is not any room will just carry on. Have a lot to do to get Ebony sorted for the show, and Dallas has now just started to be brought into work and is doing really well so all in all life is not that bad really. Again I have to thank you all for your advise, support, private messages and sorry for the delay in getting back to everyone I am working my way through everything. So fingers crossed for us for Monday I will let you know how it goes. Thanks Chrissie x

 

[ycbm]

That is so great to hear! Thanks for the update.


PS her poor kids!

 

[Dave's Mam]

That is so great to hear! Thanks for the update.


PS her poor kids!

Brilliant. Head up, walk on!