Dog driving me nuts at night

[ArklePig]

So normally I go to bed earlier than Mr AP so he puts the dog to bed and she goes no problem. We had a bit of a tricky period getting her to bed but she's over that now. We realised it was a problem him doing it all the time given previous trickiness so I've been making an effort to do it more. When he's in the house she will go fine when I tell her but when he's not it's a different story. I've just popped her to bed and she was whingeing for 5-10 mins. I don't really believe in cry it out so after a short time I just went and sat with her and didn't interact and she did lie down and go to sleep. She didn't need anything she has water and had just been out for a pee nd poo, and her bed is cosy, and she's definitely not cold. She's done this a few times when he's been out. Tbh I'm a soft touch and would just take her up to my bed if it weren't for the fact when he does come in she'll wake up and get all excited and bark me awake.

I know it's natural for her to prefer to have us all here but it's really irritating. When we first got her she used to get upset when one of us left and she was left with the other one but she overcame that quickly enough. (oddly she was fine say for example Mr AP went to work and I took her for a walk and back in and he wasn't there, but she'd be annoyed if we're all home doing nothing and one of us left).

She goes to bed fine when she's with the dog sitter, or when we take her to my parents house and my dad puts her to bed.

Any suggestions? I know I'll probably get told to let her cry it out but I won't, she's pretty clingy/sensitive in ways and I won't risk making her worse. She is crated and we just close the door over and don't lock it. I assume if she was properly distressed she would get out or rattle the bars?

I hate the thought that she's actually upset and I can't fix it. Not the biggest dog issue I've ever had but I'd love some ideas. I've definitely over explained too but I thought I'd preempt the inevitable follow up questions.

 

[DabDab]

If she settles if you sit with her for a bit then could you just make sitting with her part of the routine rather than doing it only after she whines? So put her in the crate a bit ahead of when you want to go to bed, then sit with her until she in lay down and seeming to be in sleep mode, and then leave her.

Apart from that, speaking from having multiple dogs who often have had to deal with a change in sleeping routine due to various factors, I find that sleeping routines are much easier to bed in (no pun intended) if you give them little things to latch onto so they know that they are winding down to sleep time. I tend to find going out to do business, vocal cues and a couple of small treats in the crate (or dog bed or nominated sleep chair) all good things for framing a going to bed routine. Depends on the dog a bit as to what works best

 

[SAujla]

Clover has Lily's Kitchen bedtime biscuits (don't know if they actually help her sleep though) and once she's had one she knows it's time to sleep, you could try that. When she was crated I got some advice on here to make it more den like, cover the top for example. She was a lot better in it after that

 

[Patterdale]

Honestly, you are pandering to her and prolonging the stress for all concerned. Leave her for a couple of nights and she will learn to settle and that will be the end of that.
Carry on rewarding the crying and she will carry on crying, and you will carry on being stressed by it.
It is very telling that she sleeps fine for other people.

Sorry if this comes across as harsh, but it’s true. Letting her learn to go to sleep and therefore endure 10 mins of crying will be far better for her in the long run than this ongoing nightly stress.

 

[Highmileagecob]

Just be wary of you being 'trained' by the dog to respond when she whines!

 

[Goldenstar]

You training her to train you by going to her .

 

[ArklePig]

A lot of research shows that if you allow a dog to cry and for that crying to escalate they panic sooner next time. I also know this to be true in her case because I made the mistake of letting her cry previously and it really set her back. Also, some of us have neighbours and I'm not going to inflict a crying dog on them.

 

[AmyMay]

Let her get on with it. Close the door and ignore.

 

[ArklePig]

Sorry forgot to reply to the other ones - yes she gets a bedtime biscuit every night and all the usual routine and is usually fine. Perhaps I haven't explained very well, it's like she's in waiting mode for Mr AP to come home, because she never behaves like that when we're both home.

 

[AmyMay]

Sorry forgot to reply to the other ones - yes she gets a bedtime biscuit every night and all the usual routine and is usually fine. Perhaps I haven't explained very well, it's like she's in waiting mode for Mr AP to come home, because she never behaves like that when we're both home.

Daisy ‘waits’ for me when I go out. So totally get what you’re saying.

But this sounds to me like ‘daddy didn’t put me to bed’ whining rather than distressed whining. So I wouldn’t be concerned at all about letting her get on with it.

 

[KittenInTheTree]

I'd tuck her in and stay with her until she's fully settled down for sleep.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I know some will think this is anthropomorphic but my view, having had multiple dogs literally all my life, is that Fodhla knows that you are not well and thinks that she should take care of you when Mr AP isn't there. She doesn't think she can do that in a different room. You need to be clear that her job is to stay where you say. I would follow DabDab's advice and change your bedtime routine slightly, so that you sit with her quietly before leaving her to go to bed yourself. Does she understand 'stay'? If so I would say that to her when she is in her bed.

 

[ArklePig]

Thanks I appreciate the responses. I'm just concerned with the line of letting her get on with it/letting her get actually distressed and of course neighbours as she sleeps in the kitchen which is a party wall. And I fully admit that I'm soft but I don't really care
If he is away for a weekend or whatever she's no bother either to put to bed, it's like she's not expecting him, but if he's just out for an evening she waits.

It's definitely dad didn't put me to bed whingeing. Don't know why she's so obsessed with that when she spends most of her time in the house glued to me

I think PAS is on to something. Last week she kept sniffing my infected ear and wouldn't let me out of her sight. I don't think that sounds anthropomorphic at all. I would bet my house that she knows my mother is sick too by her behaviour towards her both before her diagnosis and after. The dog knew she was sick before any of us did.

I will try putting her to bed and letting her settle before leaving for now and see how that goes. She waited til I went upstairs to start crying last night so I didn't walk out when she was crying if that makes sense.

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

Both of ours moan and mutter if any of us go out 'out' and lay on top of their cage looking out of the window watching for the car to return.

We forgive them as they both had quite a bit of disruption in the three years before they came to us we, plus they were both very close to my late son so we did have a few problems with them for awhile after he died. Whoever is left indoors with them just ignores them and consequently their moaning is far less now, just a quiet grumble amongst themselves at the cruelty and dog abuse they have to contend with.

They sleep downstairs at night and very rarely cry as we have also put a strict bedtime routine in place. They both used to cry some nights when they first came to us (understandable) but sticking to the routine soon settled them in.

 

[KittenInTheTree]

We call it "Other human has been eaten by WOLVES and nobody but ME cares!" whingeing when the Labrador does it.

 

[I'm Dun]

I've got drama queen whippets, one of whom had separation anxiety so badly he had to have 2 different types of medication and it still didnt work. Hes very sensitive and hes my medical assistance dog so very, very tuned in to me. He gets worried if I'm unwell or upset. I absolutely wont put them in a crate and leave them to cry it out, and I know what that terrfied panic reaction is like. But in this instance, I would leave her. Its hard, believe me, I know! But sometimes they do have to be slightly inconvenienced and get over it.

I'm working on my boat so outside a lot. I dont want the dogs out milling about a lot of the time. For the first few times I left them inside there was outraged crying. Bearing in mind they are in bed with duvets and toys and can see me through the flipping windows! I put headphones on and left them too it. They now know to settle. If I'd kept going into them, they would have kept doing it. They werent panicking, they just wanted to be with me. I hated doing it, but it was absolutely the right thing to do.

 

[DabDab]

A couple of further thoughts:
1) how does she know that Mr AP is coming back vs staying away? Are you sure it isn't you anticipating his return in some way and inadvertently communicating that to the dog? Maybe you need to be in a slightly more resolute mindset when putting her down for the night
2) the only thing that seems noticeably different about your routine with her vs Mr AP's is that when he does it someone in the house has already gone to bed. Maybe you could try leaving her to do your bedtime routine upstairs and then coming back down just to close her in her crate and do her bedtime routine

 

[planete]

Not sure where I stand on this kind of problem any longer. Our two old bitches now have the run of the house and sleep where they like day or night I am afraid. They can be kept off our beds easily and are not worried about being left for a few hours whenever needed. They were both super anxious rescues when they arrived ten years ago. I now think there are many ways of making dogs feel secure depending on all parties' likes and dislikes and temperaments. You know your dog and how you both feel is important in order to find a satisfactory solution. For instance my whiney bitch needs much reassurance but strict boundaries. The other one is happy whatever we decide so different treatment for each one. Sorry not much help but good luck sorting this out.

 

[gunnergundog]

If she goes to bed fine for everyone else apart from you, perhaps the problem is you and not the dog??!! (Do not take offence, as none intended.)

In your first post you say that you are a soft touch. Dogs can spot a soft touch a mile off and are very adept at pushing buttons. Bear in mind they do what works for them!

Generally, if you ask her to do something, does she obey or do you have to ask her two or three times before you get a response?

Perhaps looking at your body language, tone of voice and requiring an immediate response to cues on a general basis may help with the bed time situation.

She may well be waiting for your OH to return but she can do that QUIETLY!

 

[ArklePig]

Lots of food for thought here!

Yes if I tell her sit/stay/stop/off/ recall she will do it. It's just this one particular thing that she doesn't take me seriously with
She is also a very clingy dog who likes reassurance.

 

[Clodagh]

I’m definitely of the let them get over themselves camp. Equally none of my rescues and rehomes have not been neurotic so perhaps I’ve missed it. To me, my sleep is more important than any canine inconvenience.
Have you tried saying ‘shut up’ or ‘be quiet’ from bed without actually going back to be with her?
Ours are all a PITA if someone is out and we have a lot of Mr Nobody turning up. I yell ‘STFU’. If I’m with them it’s point and glare, if I’m not it’s just a bellow.

 

[Goldenstar]

I will admit my dogs sleep where I do , I feel that’s more natural for them but if you do the shut in sleeping thing you need to mean business if the dog settles for everyone else it’s you that needs change something good news that’s easy.

 

[ArklePig]

I’m definitely of the let them get over themselves camp. Equally none of my rescues and rehomes have not been neurotic so perhaps I’ve missed it. To me, my sleep is more important than any canine inconvenience.
Have you tried saying ‘shut up’ or ‘be quiet’ from bed without actually going back to be with her?
Ours are all a PITA if someone is out and we have a lot of Mr Nobody turning up. I yell ‘STFU’. If I’m with them it’s point and glare, if I’m not it’s just a bellow.

No I haven't tried shouting from bed, but tbf if she's in another room barking at nothing I do tell her shut up (well, what I actually say is stop being a melter) and it normally works. Unless it turns out she's barking at the neighbours cat in our garden

I guess the real reason I'm so worried about letting her crying it out is incase we inadvertently set back her separation training. It's really nice being able to leave the house together again.

@Goldenstar I'd have her in the bed if I thought it wouldn't end in divorce. But she is totally content to sleep by herself 95 percent of the time.

 

[Clodagh]

In that case I’d say ‘stop being a melter’ if it’s a term she is used to and stay under your duvet!

 

[ArklePig]

Meant to say I will try this next time. It's been so long since I had an experience like last night I forgot she did it, but sadly my husband has just bought a multi game pass for ulster rugby so I've a lot of nights at home with her in my future. Aside from this I love being home alone with her, she gets a pigs ear I get a baileys and we watch shite TV under a blanket together

 

[DabDab]

Yeah I have to admit that although I've never had a whiner, the terrier attention seeking bark could appear of a nighttime in years past, and "will you be brief and go to bed!" used to get shouted from my bed, which always had the desired response as far as I remember.

 

[Goldenstar]

So perhaps she does not want girls night to end ?
Withdraw from her attention wise half an hour before lights out give minimal attention put to bed and give her the pigs ear then .
If she where mine I would take out and walk in the paddock just before bed so she’s tired but I love being out at night .

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Yes I would leave her with the pigs ear.

 

[CorvusCorax]

When I put my dogs away anywhere (kennel, crate, box) they get a handful of food or a chew or Kong etc, then I walk away and shut the door.

Any gurning or messing about that I can hear from my room, apart from the wailing that means a dose of the shits is imminent, gets an OI/NO/AH AH!

My old one used to put himself to bed when he heard the kettle boiling as he knew it was coming. It's all about cues and at the minute she's cueing you

 

[Clodagh]

My kennelled lot have been trained to start howling when I flush the loo, as it’s that corner of the house. .
And the best noise to get a quick reaction… a house dog building up to a vomit.