Feeling like leaving the horse world !

[Midlifecrisis]

Upsetting to read about...but stop being a victim and take control. The area you are looking at has many livery yards..quietly make your plans and move. Use whatever excuses you need to stop using the instructor and facilitating the child’s riding...COVID and Christmas ought to help provide the excuses. I wish you well and hope you can post in a month or so to say all has improved.

 

[deicinmerlyn]

I agree with what has already been said, not read all, but you really need to move away from this yard. It’s amazing what a different environment can do for your general well being and happiness. If you allow people to bully you they will continue to do so.
you are worth more than this. Start being more assertive and stop letting people walk all over you. Please don’t give up just because a few people are nasty bullies. Stand up to them and they will back off.

 

[AmyMay]

Obviously the common theme here is to leave, and I advised this in my post earlier. But telling people to fk off?

Leaving the yard is a short term solution, but does nothing to prevent others from speaking or treating one in a rude and disrespectful manner (if thats their general manner). There doesn’t ever have to be a confrontation, just a simple statement of fact (ie what will or won’t happen). And of course, telling someone to F off is never the answer, but it can always be done metaphorically and politely ?

 

[Micropony]

Nothing to add to previous advice, just wanted say how sorry I am you're having to deal with such dreadful people at the moment! I am sure as soon as you've got yourself and your horse out of this horrible environment you'll look back and wonder how you put up with it for as long as you did!
It's entirely within your power to sort this unpleasant situation out, best of luck doing so quickly!

 

[Vodkagirly]

If you aren't allowed to go to clinics, ive never heard that before makes not allowing outside instuctors almost reasonable.
Maybe you should going to "hack" with a friend. Ok its hacking around an arena but.... silly rules make a silly excuse

 

[Leah3horses]

I've replied to your post re possible livery yards in area, given several suggestions of good yards that offer what you need...if they have space at this time of year, you'd have to enquire. Another idea, could you temporarily move them home and employ a good freelance rider to do schooling hacks and transport to facilities nearby for arena work maybe? With enough work it's possible to keep a horse stables temporarily with little/ no turnout in an urgent situation at this time of year. Not something could do with 1 of mine but 2 would be fine for a few weeks. Worth considering? Best of luck with getting away from the toxic yard. I left a very toxic YM and sub standard yard last month, best thing I ever did, so happy now.

 

[Winters100]

The thing is that you can't control how these people behave towards you, but you can control what you do about it and how you let the situation affect you.

You said that you are looking to move, which is positive. In the meantime I would just stop having lessons, be straight with the instructor and tell her that it is a hobby for you and that recently you have not been enjoying the lessons.

Regarding the child I would have a frank face to face with the Mother. Tell her that you are willing to offer a ride from time to time, but only when it suits you, and that you will not be informing them in advance of your plans. If she does not like that just tell her that they need to find another horse for the child to ride.

Sure they will be upset, sure they will probably bitch about you, but who cares? You don't in any case value their opinion. The instructor thinks that you do not ride well? So what? Compared to who, because all of us are just somewhere on a scale, better than some and worse than others. The instructor herself would be considered a very poor rider if compared to those more skilled and experienced.

Final piece of advice when you talk to them stand up straight as if you own the world. Look them in the eye and do not apologise for anything. You are not asking their permission, just telling them how it is going to be going forward.

Good luck and try to have some confidence in yourself, because very often people will change their behaviour when they see that you will stand up to them.

 

[Leam_Carrie]

Not a good situation. Hope you can find a new yard. In the meantime perhaps be clear with the other livery either that you’ll let them know on X day each week when the horse is available or that you’d rather the horse was professional schooled so are terminating the arrangement. In terms of lessons if you don’t want to stop perhaps you could focus on prep for your dressage comp and pole work exercises.
Hope you find a solution.

 

[Dave's Mam]

Whereabouts are you OP? You say Notts, feel free to pm me. I am at a lovely yard in Nottingham.

 

[SatansLittleHelper]

Sorry you are going through this
I don't have much to add except to suggest that when you sack off the "instructor" make sure you tell her that you agree with her that you are terrible....then sweetly explain that, as you clearly aren't progressing, that you need an instructor who actually knows how to teach ?

 

[Keith_Beef]

It’s now in the contract that they can only go for PC or if she give approval. If we do she could kick us off and she is the type to do so. I can’t risk it as my field at home is part flooded and my oldies are on a small part that’s not and having to come into the stables now because of how poor the ground is this year ?

The more I read, the more I think that the yard owner needs to be retired to grass somewhere she can do no more harm.

You're not "allowed" to clinic? If you have some way of taking your horse to a clinic, you go to a clinic. It's your bloody horse.

Absolutely.

Somebody on here with some knowledge of contract law might be able to tell us if this constitutes an abusive clause or renders the whole of the contract null... And I don't believe that English law allows one party to unilaterally modify a contract.

But from the rest of your posts, I don't think that threatening legal action will help at all. The yard owner will, if anything, just become worse.

You're going to have to move one day. I would suggest that you move everything off the yard that you can, find somewhere new, and one day just turn up with the trailer and leave. No notice, but with a letter stating that since the yard owner has unilaterally your contract with her is now null and void. Calculate how much you owe up to the moment of leaving, and pay her that amount; put in the letter that this payment is in full and final settlement of all outstanding charges.

 

[Arzada]

OP. I really hope that you are in touch with the people are are offering to help you find a new yard posts #93 and #99. I hope you can find somewhere where you and your horse are happy and that you enjoy riding again.

 

[Reacher]

I am astounded by what the YO / instructor is doing - to the extent that I almost question whether it is a wind up - however I have the luxury that I haven’t liveried for many years so insulated from what (occasionally) goes on in liveryland. (However about 25 years ago when I was a student and had horse away with me at uni at a livery where I wasn’t happy and wanted to leave- the YO threatened to disappear the horse - my parents and I went in with the police to remove the horse. Fortunately YO was out when we got there and YM was there said we were perfectly entitled to take our horse. So there are loony YOs out there.)

I don’t know your situation obviously (why your horse needs daily work etc) but in your shoes I would contact the yards that have been recommended on here and move ASAP. @BronsonNutter recommended a couple of yard I think. Even if they aren’t ideal in terms of travel /schooling etc, you are much better out of that toxic yard and then you can at leisure look for somewhere closer / that provides the schooling livery if you need to.

There are some rather unsympathetic comments up thread saying it’s up to you to not let people walk all over you - clearly those posters have never been bullied and suffered the effects on their confidence, esteem and mental health. They are lucky and do not have the right to be judgemental about someone finding it hard to stand up to a bully.

 

[tristar]

i`d start by getting the trainer on the horse and see if they can do any better

 

[irishdraft]

Very sorry to read this post OP I am astounded that anyone running a livery yard can impose these ridiculous limitations on what you do with your own horse and also instructs ( I use the term loosely ) in such an demeaning way . It's surprising she has any clients . Please don't give up because of this woman . I would move my horse pronto back home and find someone to do the work if you are unable whilst looking for somewhere else .

 

[sarahann1]

Not allowed to have lessons elsewhere?! Sod that for a game of toy soldiers, I think that now ranks as one of the barmiest rules I’ve heard of on a livery yard.

Get moved ASAP!!