Getting your partner interested in horses... any success stories?

[milliepops]

I'd prefer a partner who had practical hobbies. Horsebox repair, a love of general DIY tasks around the yard, etc. And if they could be a (good) farrier or equine vet as a day job, that would be perfect.

yep, i reckon I got myself Mr Perfect there! the problem is he's a bit too helpful so does everyone else's jobs before ours , hence horsebox is perfectly sortable but been off the road since August, etc etc... at least the fields got rolled at the ideal time this spring

 

[Widgeon]

In my way of thinking getting a partner interested in horses if he isn't makes just as little sense as with children. They either are interested or they aren't.

Mmm I think I'd agree with this. My partner isn't interested. He's supportive and kind and helpful (patting me on the back in bemusement when something else has gone wrong again, telling me to just buy the trailer, helping me shovel muck) but he has zero interest in sitting on a horse. Which is fine. It just means I have to be careful not to take advantage of how helpful he is, and how tolerant he is of me spending huge amounts of money and time on a ridiculous and nonsensical hobby!

 

[marmalade76]

I think i have got the right balance. He drives and fixes the lorry, helps round the yard doing the practical stuff, films all my lessons and shows, can do the basics like put on a head collar or bridle, lead, rugs etc, doesn't mind coming up in all weathers, loves my horse and is super supportive of what i do. He quite likes the country life and wants us to get somewhere with land to have her at home eventually. He has no desire to ride one (quite likes the idea of driving thou) and has his own hobbies. He is a mechanic by trade and loves old stuff so has a vintage tractor to play about with and will spend time making things out of old horse shoes.
It works really well considering how much our lives revolve around horses but he takes himself off to what he likes, i just make sure i supply the baked goods to keep him sweet!

There's loads of horse helpful toys available if they're into tractors, definitely something worth encouraging ?

 

[fredflop]

Cant think why you’d want to do it, unless your the needy clingy type that has to constantly be with your boyfriend.

don’t get me wrong, it helps if you have one that is supportive. One that constantly moans about your hobby, provided that your not spending excessive amounts of time and money, is just as unhealthy as clinging to a boyfriend.

 

[windand rain]

Trouble is we are both getting old and some of the heavy work is getting beyond us both so could do with a younger model of OH interested but not overly so. Sons are neither interested nor able as both work long office based jobs. Son in law is willing but has serious problems with his back. Might have to either adopt another more suitable one or find a not too expensive handy man for the heavy stuff. Mind you OH will struggle on he is not inclined to accept help or ask for it

 

[vam]

There's loads of horse helpful toys available if they're into tractors, definitely something worth encouraging ?

I think this has a large part of why he wants land, he gets to have a roller, harrow etc he does enjoy that side of it!

 

[DirectorFury]

I think this has a large part of why he wants land, he gets to have a roller, harrow etc he does enjoy that side of it!

My OH wants land so he can have an ex army tank ?. I think I'd prefer the tractor and toys!

 

[Jumoro]

Yes - OH had never had anything to do with horses. He started off back-stepping for me on the carriage - which he found terrifying (don't blame him - I wasn't the best driver). When I started riding more than driving he decided to have some lessons at a local RS. He was starting to get a bit bored of trotting in circles when began having jump lessons with a different instructor who taught him to jump. OH hasn't looked back since - he is a natural.& absolutely loves jumping. He doesn't have time for his own horse but is very happy with a weekly schoolmaster lesson & I join him on my own horse. Best of both worlds for me - I can spend the rest of the week working on fitness, flatwork & technical stuff (that would bore him silly) but then at the weekend we have great fun together sj or xc. We have horses at home and he enjoys spending time with them and taking care of the practical stuff like fencing and lorry maintenance - he finds it a welcome relief from his job which is quite full on (and gets to potter around the farm on his tractor )

 

[shanti]

No, thank goodness! I would go mad. He does the fencing, slashing and builds stables for me instead

 

[vam]

My OH wants land so he can have an ex army tank ?. I think I'd prefer the tractor and toys!

Oh he would like a tank too. I think the ideal is land and stables for me, big barn for him to tinker in. Unfortunately he is a bit of a space filler and likes old junk, i mean vintage vehicles. We have a old Cargo horsebox and if we had space, when i upgrade to something newer eventually, he would like to convert it so he can travel the tractor in to shows

 

[Keith_Beef]

Nope.

I managed to get OH to go on an all-day ride through the forest in Pennsylvania (I've mentioned this in several posts; if you're interested just use the search feature to find my posts mentioning Pennsylvania), and on a "ride" through the desert in a National Park (more like a donkey ride; each horse tried to bury its nose in the tail of the one in front, to keep flies and the sand out of its nose and eyes).

She has come up to the stables once, and that was because a friend of hers was staying with us for the weekend and wanted to see the horse, OH came to keep her company while I was busy tacking up, and it was too cold for them to stay and watch the lesson.

Three friends have shown an interest in learning to ride, but they all have some obstacles to get over (pun intended): they live an hour away, are short of money, have a "demanding" young child or some combination.

 

[teddypops]

I wouldn’t like my husband to ride. We have our own interests. He is very good at levelling the school, fixing fences, topping, poo picking and paying for stuff (including ponies!) he’s not very keen on the actual animals, but if I’m ill or injured he can change rugs and get horses in etc but he doesn’t want to be doing that.

 

[j1ffy]

My ex got very into horses early in our relationship and started riding, but it didn't last so I ended up having two horses to ride and he'd complain about me spending too long at the yard as a result ?. He then met someone who loved the gym so he became a gym buddy...we're now divorced and they're together! Lesson learned.

Current OH has his own competitive and time-consuming hobbies, which is perfect. He understands why I want to spend time and money improving and competing, likes to talk through the coaching approaches and mental challenges of competition (he's coached to a high level in his own sport) and also now enjoys spending time with the horses. He's gone from being so terrified that he wouldn't get within a metre of their potential reach to loving giving them cuddles, and he finds them very relaxing to be around, he'll get on one eventually but only to overcome his fear - it will never be his 'thing'. He's a builder so that should help if we get our own land one day...although I did find myself watching a stable tour online the other day and focusing more on the high-quality brickwork than the high-quality dressage horses ?

 

[paddy555]

I'm lucky. Mine is into horses. Learnt as a child, we bought our first horse together when I was 18 and then of course we had to get married as neither of us was willing to give up the horse. He exercises 2 in the morning and then moves onto repairing what they have managed to break and destroy.
As he rides and loves them money is never a problem. The horses come top of the list and we get whatever is left. Never any argument about how much they cost.
Luckily he is not into computers and has never been on social media or more importantly "for sale" sites. I have learnt never to mention horses for sale or show him any adverts. We have 8 and really don't need any more.
I went to work one day about 14 years ago. When I came home another one was in the field. On 3 legs with a sad sob story attached which I was expected to sort out. We still have him..

 

[PurBee]

My OH is brilliant around the horses. He can care for them full time if he had to. He‘s not really an animal lover, but is really good with animals.
He’s given riding a go and liked it. First ride being at a welsh trekking centre and galloping on the beach! Bless him, he held on , as i looked back to check on him, the pony i was on loved water and was shooting straight to the ocean, he reminded me of a cowboy from the movies, legs and arms flapping around ? so proud of him he stayed on!

Having no prior experience with horses, or bhs knowledge, his unassuming neutral manner around them has actually taught ME a lot.

My brother has mostly had horse-owning girlfriends, but he’s scared of horses and always kept well clear. There’s no way he’d ride one. Interestingly those relationships, despite yrs long, always ended. The current longterm gf is non-horsey.

 

[PurBee]

I'm lucky. Mine is into horses. Learnt as a child, we bought our first horse together when I was 18 and then of course we had to get married as neither of us was willing to give up the horse. He exercises 2 in the morning and then moves onto repairing what they have managed to break and destroy.
As he rides and loves them money is never a problem. The horses come top of the list and we get whatever is left. Never any argument about how much they cost.
Luckily he is not into computers and has never been on social media or more importantly "for sale" sites. I have learnt never to mention horses for sale or show him any adverts. We have 8 and really don't need any more.
I went to work one day about 14 years ago. When I came home another one was in the field. On 3 legs with a sad sob story attached which I was expected to sort out. We still have him..

lovely story! ?

So funny you got married because neither was willing to give up the horse...like when people stay together for the sake of ‘the kids’!

The other day, i pointed to all the non-horse access areas where loads of grass is growing, complaining “why aren’t the fields like that!?” (we have deer herds grazing our land - perpetual problem)
My OH replied “we’ll have to get a mini (horse)”

I was reeling - did he just actually suggest getting another horse!? ??

 

[EchoInterrupted]

Yes - OH had never had anything to do with horses. He started off back-stepping for me on the carriage - which he found terrifying (don't blame him - I wasn't the best driver). When I started riding more than driving he decided to have some lessons at a local RS. He was starting to get a bit bored of trotting in circles when began having jump lessons with a different instructor who taught him to jump. OH hasn't looked back since - he is a natural.& absolutely loves jumping. He doesn't have time for his own horse but is very happy with a weekly schoolmaster lesson & I join him on my own horse. Best of both worlds for me - I can spend the rest of the week working on fitness, flatwork & technical stuff (that would bore him silly) but then at the weekend we have great fun together sj or xc. We have horses at home and he enjoys spending time with them and taking care of the practical stuff like fencing and lorry maintenance - he finds it a welcome relief from his job which is quite full on (and gets to potter around the farm on his tractor )

See this sounds like a great middle ground. I definitely wouldn't want my partner around all the time as the yard is (especially right now with both of us working from home) one of the few times I get to myself. I would also get stressed/annoyed if someone was standing around impatiently wishing I would finish up faster.

That being said, I like spending time with my partner and we enjoy trying each other's hobbies and sharing things we enjoy with each other (it goes both ways and I also have spent quite a number of hours playing his video games with him). He is very aware of and fine with with the fact that I will never become a full on gamer and I know/am happy with him not becoming horse crazy. I have no interest in trying to get him to do something he isn't interested in/doesn't enjoy, but if every month or two he said he wanted to come on a long hack with me on the weekend I would definitely enjoy it (or if he eventually wanted to join a jumping lesson with me occasionally like in your case). I think if I had a partner who truly became a horse person and wanted to be at the yard with me every day of the week that I go up, I would get sick of it pretty quick.

While there are definitely non-horsey partners out there (as evidenced by this thread) who are happy to do yard work, drive lorries to shows, etc I 100% know my partner has no interest in this side of things and that is A-OK. Asking him to do anything like that would just feel like me asking him to do my chores for me

 

[EchoInterrupted]

In my way of thinking getting a partner interested in horses if he isn't makes just as little sense as with children. They either are interested or they aren't. I've seen it happen many times and I believe most people do themselves a great disservice trying to alter their spouse in any shape or form.
I think if you're looking to your partner to help you achieve anything you wouldn't achieve on your own you're setting yourself up for failure to begin with. Quite frankly I've never wanted a horsey partner but then I am a vet as well and wouldn't want to mingle my private life into my profession there either. Guess it's a matter of personal preference. I do appreciate the voice of reason / grounding factor my non-horsey partners have given me over the years. If they want to do anything or help on their own volition that is great but I'd never try to get them interested unless they truly are.

"Getting him interested" may have been the wrong terminology on my part. I have no desire to push my partner into a hobby he's not interested in (not that it would even be possible, as he would just say "no" if he was not interested haha). What I was more curious about was whether anyone's partner actually ended up somewhat interested after trying it once. With my own partner, he was the one who wanted to come out and meet my current loan horse and now surprisingly wants to try going for a hack (seeing photos the same day of a male friend of his on a hack may have had something to do with it haha). We're both quite clear on the fact that he's just giving it a go once and will probably never come to the yard again. Like I said in the original post, it's not that I want him out at the yard all the time or want him to *actually* get into riding (I think that would drive us both crazy). Something more along the lines of joining occasionally in the summer for a nice hack and maybe having enough of an interest to sometimes come watch a show was more where my head was at.

Thankfully he has his own hobbies that he is perfectly happy with and that keep him busy. I occasionally join him in his hobbies because I know he likes doing them together and I find them enjoyable enough to do now and again . And luckily for me, he has a mum who rides, so he understand the time commitment and is supportive, while still being non-horsey enough to be that voice of reason.

 

[Sprout]

Yes!?
I started riding when very young, and encouraged both my daughters, who loved it, and eventually my OH felt a bit left out, and so when we ended up living in a place with our own grazing, we found him a horse, taught him to ride and it's just brilliant sharing such an amazing passion with him.❤

 

[GinaGeo]

Mine dabbled in riding and had undertaken riding lessons of his own fruition before we met.

I haven't got anything particularly suitable but he has ridden my Connemara a few times and enjoys the odd hack. He will help poo pick if he's around, will help me roll a haylage bale and will hold a horse if required. He did manage to administer first aid to a daft four year old with me giving instructions over the phone whilst I was away. He does come to shows to support and enjoys taking photographs.

He doesn't want to commit to one of his own, doesn't want to do the daily jobs or do the hard work of keeping one fit. He is happy to get on the Connemara on a nice day and come for a pootle but that's about it.

It suits me. He has his own time consuming and expensive (less so than mine) hobbies to keep him occupied - which I encourage him to partake in regularly!

 

[Pinkvboots]

When I had Grace 16.3 warmblood oh would ride her on a short hack only in walk he never really learned to trot and canter, I did try teaching him once on her on the lunge but she found it highly exciting and buggered off doing the wall of death round the school how he didn't fall off I will never know so we just stuck to a quiet walk out occasionally, I have 2 Arabs now and he has got on them but he says he doesn't feel safe on them, they basically move to quickly so he hasn't ridden for years now.

 

[FlyingCircus]

I have a non horsey bf. He was adamant 4 years ago he was NOT going to be involved.

...he poo picks, mucks out, lunges, does walking for rehab work, grooms, gives many pets and is my mares favourite person.

Still can't put a rug on first time, or a headcollar. But he is definitely not not horsey anymore....

 

[Bonnie Allie]

Be careful what you wish for.............I got my partner into riding when we met 30 years ago. He was super sporty and athletic but due to family circumstances had never been exposed to horses. He loved it and predictably be ame a very good rider very quickly.

He loves to learn so became and instructor when he gave up his career to look after our children full time while I worked. He is British, French and Australian qualified and just loves training horses and riders.

Downside...........his spending on farm equipment, all weather arenas, horses, travel to other countries for teacher training clinics is exponential.

Very proud of him as he unique in his offerings, has a really good business background so knows his market well so it is highly profitable.

For me - I get access to perfectly trained horses so I really enjoy my riding and he has turned our acreage from a run down small holding into an equestrian dream.

 

[FlyingCircus]

Be careful what you wish for.............I got my partner into riding when we met 30 years ago. He was super sporty and athletic but due to family circumstances had never been exposed to horses. He loved it and predictably be ame a very good rider very quickly.

He loves to learn so became and instructor when he gave up his career to look after our children full time while I worked. He is British, French and Australian qualified and just loves training horses and riders.

Downside...........his spending on farm equipment, all weather arenas, horses, travel to other countries for teacher training clinics is exponential.

Very proud of him as he unique in his offerings, has a really good business background so knows his market well so it is highly profitable.

For me - I get access to perfectly trained horses so I really enjoy my riding and he has turned our acreage from a run down small holding into an equestrian dream.

I'm still not seeing a downside...!

 

[Caol Ila]

Be careful what you wish for.............I got my partner into riding when we met 30 years ago. He was super sporty and athletic but due to family circumstances had never been exposed to horses. He loved it and predictably be ame a very good rider very quickly.

He loves to learn so became and instructor when he gave up his career to look after our children full time while I worked. He is British, French and Australian qualified and just loves training horses and riders.

Downside...........his spending on farm equipment, all weather arenas, horses, travel to other countries for teacher training clinics is exponential.

Very proud of him as he unique in his offerings, has a really good business background so knows his market well so it is highly profitable.

For me - I get access to perfectly trained horses so I really enjoy my riding and he has turned our acreage from a run down small holding into an equestrian dream.

Is he for sale?

 

[orangepony]

Totally non-horsey OH decided that corona lockdown was boring enough that he'd like to have a go at riding. Of course, no riding schools open meant that he's had a haphazard introduction to riding, despite studying for my teaching quals a few years ago, its hard trying to teach your beloved - so I entirely agree with previous posters who say best to set something in motion and then be a bit more 'hands off'. Let them learn, wobble, fall off, get back on. repeat. He is enjoying learning to ride bareback, and has earned the favour of my old hunter who I would never have described as a novice ride.

Either way, its given him an appreciation of horses from a different perspective, and boosted his confidence handling, leading and groundwork.

 

[Winters100]

Laughing about this today as for the first time since last summer my other half came to ride. I prepared and warmed up the horse, had his helmet and gloves waiting for him in the arena, and took the horse from him to cool down when he was finished. We had a lovely time, but I really cannot imagine getting him interested if he had to groom, tack up etc etc etc. I suppose what I am really saying is that if you would like your partner to enjoy riding best to have realistic goals, they might come to enjoy it from time to time, but imagining that they will come out to poo pick in the rain is maybe a bit over optimistic!

 

[Melody Grey]

My OH had a horse on loan many years before I met him so was already a ‘rider’ (on further investigation, turned out that it was full livery and the horse must have been robotic/ on rails!). An opportunity to loan and then buy a nice although green cob came up last year on our yard, so he has a horse of his own. I teach him and bring on the horse in return for having a spare horse for my friend to come and hack out with me occasionally. We’re a year in, they’re making great progress and all good so far ;-)
It’s a good way of getting an extra pair of hands to the yard since one of the horses is his!