How would you react in this situation?

[Muddywellies]

I would have been very annoyes. Once i had calmed down, I would have very gently/tactfully explained that it's safer if I'm around if they do this. They sound very sweet and I wouldn't want to come down on them like a ton of bricks. But I'd been keen for it to not happen again.

 

[lynz88]

It amuses me how parents always assume the cute small pony is the safe one.

The cute small ones are, probably 98% of the time, the ones I wouldn't trust if you paid me. I would say most *people* think the small ones are cute and safe.....

OP, I think you were far too nice to her and I wouldn't be waiting to see them to speak to them. It's just utterly unacceptable and would be very concerned about whether they will attempt again.

 

[AmyMay]

Well, thank you for all your replies. I was pretty speechless to be honest and didn't reply until Monday when I had a bit of time to calm down and consider my response (which was pretty noncommittal - along the lines of "I'm glad she enjoyed it") . Whilst I don't want to fall out with anyone over this, I will be having polite but firm words when I see her next, to make sure there isn't a repeat performance and further liberties are not taken in my absence.

So as far as she’s concerned it was fine…..

 

[AmyMay]

I would have been very annoyes. Once i had calmed down, I would have very gently/tactfully explained that it's safer if I'm around if they do this. They sound very sweet and I wouldn't want to come down on them like a ton of bricks. But I'd been keen for it to not happen again.

Lord, you’re more polite than most of us.

Gently and tactfully? I don’t think so!

 

[tda]

I'd have been fuming, and replied similar to what Fuzzy Fury said.

 

[splashgirl45]

I would have found out where she lived and explained very forcibly that on no account was she to go in my horses stable and definitely not feed him.. what a bloomin cheek!!!

 

[ycbm]

Greylegs, what you wrote wasn't non-commital, it will almost certainly have been read as full approval. You sound far too nice and nice people are constantly taken advantage of in life. You were 100% entitled to be angry.
.

 

[Greylegs]

Well .... I've clearly been far too nice in my response to this issue. I can assure you that I was pretty p'd off when I got the pictures. I certainly do not want my noncommittal response to be read as "Great ... any time you like!!!"

I have not seen the other livery since the incident, but will have a chat with her next time I see her, and have also got the YO on board as far as making sure there is no repeat of this. The pony in question is as solid as a rock temperament wise generally, but certainly not a little pony - he's a full up 14.2 and built like a tank, bless him - but he is a bit of a teddy bear so I can see why they thought it would be OK.

Firmer words will be had when I see the woman in question, and there will be no repeat performance, I can assure you. Thank you all for your views.

 

[Wishfilly]

The thing is, if this lady get the idea that it is okay to sit her child on random ponies, her child will very likely get hurt one day, perhaps seriously (never mind potentially harming a pony). What if she gets it into her head to do this with an unbacked horse or similar? For that reason I think you need to be strong and explain how potentially dangerous this is.

I get not wanting to fall out with people, but I would send something along the lines of:

I'm glad nobody got hurt! X has not been ridden for 3 years as he is retired due to injury, sitting a child on him is potentially dangerous for him and everyone involved. Don't do this again, and in future you must ask before sitting your child on any ponies for their own safety!

I would also let the YO know because there are potential liability concerns involved for them if a serious injury happens on the yard.

 

[poiuytrewq]

You could send a follow up text saying you were quite shocked at the time and wasn’t really sure what to say but that In future please don’t ever do that again, that’s still polite but not letting her get away with it or giving the idea that it was ok and therefore maybe ok to do again.

 

[asmp]

They literally shouldn't have even stepped foot inside his stable. Nevermind anything else!!

Exactly was I was going to say. No one should be anyone’s stable unless with permission. The YO really does need to be told.

 

[Sandstone1]

There would be a problem if the child got hurt, something could startle pony and child could fall or get stood on etc. Would you be covered by insurance if that sort of thing happened. Your reply would seem to give the go a head I am afraid.

 

[commandcontrol]

Accepting I'm in the minority, I wouldn't have cared. Nothing happened

 

[xTrooperx]

Not ideal, I would be fuming but at least they told you I guess, and (not as a friend had) seen your semi retired horse grazing in field with some stranger sat on with no consent or hat/headcollar and no idea till they saw the photos on social media.
Some ppl are bloody stupid.

 

[Fjord]

I'd be furious. If a friend who was a livery had done it, I wouldn't be so bothered, assuming they knew me and my horse well. But a virtual stranger? Definitely not.

 

[twiggy2]

I am shocked that anyone thinks its ok to go in someone else's stable regardless of what the pony is like. As for feeding someone else's pony def no no.
I would have been fairly blunt,
''I mind the fact that you thought it was OK to go in the stable with my pony and feed him, putting anyone on him is also definatly not OK.''

 

[Melody Grey]

There would be swearing and they wouldn’t be doing it again!

 

[Lurfy]

Totally unacceptable from every angle. There are so many red lines she crossed, entering the stable, feeding pony, putting child on pony, taking photos. That's a no on every front. You don't need to explain why, just make it clear she crossed the line and never do it again. I have a retiree and am angry just thinking about what she did.

 

[Caol Ila]

I think I’d have gone full Malcolm Tucker on their ar*se.

 

[Kaylum]

She might not tell you next time unless you tell her now with a very firm no it's not OK. YO might not be there when she comes up.

Someone started feeding my horse snacks over his stable door. I don't feed snacks to him. I explained this to them and they were very apologetic. But you have to tell them ASAP.

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

Let's hope you are as chilled and forgiving next time. You know, the time when child falls off, breaks her neck and you and YO are sued for everything you own. Including the roof over your head.

Shakes head in bewildered fashion and shuffles off muttering at the collective folly of the world in general.

 

[AppyLover1996]

Why on Earth would you be polite? No part of this demands a polite/people pleasing response in any way.

Because I believe in being polite first and then escalating the situation if needed, not running in like a bull in a china shop first thing.

Yes it shouldn't have been done in the first place and I totally would be pissed off too - however going in like a bull in a china shop is not always the best approach. I've had a similar thing happen to me in the past and found that a polite but firm approach worked a hell of a lot better than going in all guns blazing.

 

[lynz88]

Agree that going off may not always be the best approach but this is outright potentially dangerous especially if this may ir may not be the only time they may have done this or similar, perhaps with other ponies or horses. It's a bit like not scolding a child that's about to run out in front of an oncoming car....you don't gently approach the situation - the child is likely to ignore and you need to grab the attention of the child and damn well make sure the kid knows how dangerous the behaviour is/can be.

 

[AppyLover1996]

Agree that going off may not always be the best approach but this is outright potentially dangerous especially if this may ir may not be the only time they may have done this or similar, perhaps with other ponies or horses. It's a bit like not scolding a child that's about to run out in front of an oncoming car....you don't gently approach the situation - the child is likely to ignore and you need to grab the attention of the child and damn well make sure the kid knows how dangerous the behaviour is/can be.

I totally agree and see your point

I'm a non-confrontational person by nature so try and do things in the best way that won't cause any upset, but at the same time gets the message across for how serious the situation could have been etc...

When I had a similar situation a while ago, I started off polite but firm and when the message obviously wasn't getting through, I then escalated to blunt and to the point which got the message across and luckily it hasn't happened again

Perhaps I'm too forgiving/considerate of people but I like to go the polite route first and then hit them with everything afterwards if the message hasn't gotten through - I'll bear your comment in mind if anything like this happens to me again in real life

 

[Polos Mum]

Well, thank you for all your replies. I was pretty speechless to be honest and didn't reply until Monday when I had a bit of time to calm down and consider my response (which was pretty noncommittal - along the lines of "I'm glad she enjoyed it") . Whilst I don't want to fall out with anyone over this, I will be having polite but firm words when I see her next, to make sure there isn't a repeat performance and further liberties are not taken in my absence.

Sadly I think this could well be seen as you accepting the situation. You have now consented to anyone on the yard sitting on your retired horse and feeding them whatever they like.
the next time it will be "I just took him for a little potter down the road - they loved it" or "I just fed him a bag of apples for being so good"

Really think through how "I'm glad she enjoyed it " could be interpreted.

That's all you have in writing so if she falls off next time you have accepted the liability of her kid riding your horse.

If you really don't mind then crack on as you are - if you mind you have to make that clear to them and YO in writing.
If he gets colic from a bag of carrots then presumably you're OK to foot the vet bill?

 

[lauragreen85]

If she tried that stunt with my Appy cross, she'd have ended up with a child needing an ambulance ride.

If you want/feel the need to reply, I would reply with something along the lines of :

"Hi, I appreciate that your little one loved the opportunity to sit on my pony, however I'd appreciate you letting me know what you were hoping to do, just so that I could be there My lad is retired so not really used to being ridden anymore and I would hate for anything to have happened. Thank you for rewarding him with some treats - I bet he enjoyed them!"

I agree with this

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

It's interesting seeing different ways of responding. I would keep as much of my anger out of the actual response to prevent escalation, but remember to actually say what I do or do not want the person to do. Very clearly, and not buried in language that gives a mixed message. If I'm not glad/happy/appreciating something, I'm not going to say I am. I think it's actually a bit unfair to the other person who genuinely may have no clue how I actually feel about the situation.

It's not impolite to say "no" or to ask someone not to do something. And it is possible to do these things without being rude or 'all guns blazing' even if that is how we feel.

I'm realising just now that my people pleasing tendencies are much reduced!

 

[lynz88]

I totally agree and see your point

I'm a non-confrontational person by nature so try and do things in the best way that won't cause any upset, but at the same time gets the message across for how serious the situation could have been etc...

When I had a similar situation a while ago, I started off polite but firm and when the message obviously wasn't getting through, I then escalated to blunt and to the point which got the message across and luckily it hasn't happened again

Perhaps I'm too forgiving/considerate of people but I like to go the polite route first and then hit them with everything afterwards if the message hasn't gotten through - I'll bear your comment in mind if anything like this happens to me again in real life

I'm all for doing exactly this route if the situation warrants it. But in this case, it doesn't IMO. The "next time" it happens because the message didn't get through could be serious injury to any or all parties involved.

 

[luckyoldme]

Younger me would have made a right scene out of it and lost my temper big time., old me on a bad day might still do the same.
The best version of me would bite my tongue till I had cooled down and then tried to deal with it politely explaining that they have crossed a line.
If they then got arsey young me would come back.

 

[meleeka]

I am shocked that anyone thinks its ok to go in someone else's stable regardless of what the pony is like. As for feeding someone else's pony def no no.
I would have been fairly blunt,
''I mind the fact that you thought it was OK to go in the stable with my pony and feed him, putting anyone on him is also definatly not OK.''

This. I’d be cross if somebody thought it ok to just go into the stable without good reason. Feeding treats is also very bad manners imo.