Goldenstar
Well-Known Member
I would text curtly saying don’t ever ever do that again .
How would you react in this situation?
- Thread starter Greylegs
- Start date
misst
Well-Known Member
So my take is influenced by what I saw when this went wrong. Friend who is non horsey took horse loving 5yo to another friends yard to visit her sons pony. Said pony was a fiesty little kids SJ. Not big and fine for the child who owned it but not a plod in any sense. Owner knew they were visiting but not what would happen next. Non horsey friend put headcollar which was on gate on pony in field and sat her hatless child on pony. Cue pony deciding this was not for him and pulled away and took off round field at a pace. Kid fell off of course. Knocked out cold- no brain injury luckily but fractured arm and femur from fall.
This is what happens in these situations and for that reason alone I would not allow this to happen.
There were massive reprocussions for everyone involved not least the child. Friendships were lost and lessons learned a very hard way. The child made a full recovery but was in hospital for 2 months and had surgeries and had some emotional after effects too. The childs mother blamed the pony and to this day can't understand what she did wrong!
This is what happens in these situations and for that reason alone I would not allow this to happen.
There were massive reprocussions for everyone involved not least the child. Friendships were lost and lessons learned a very hard way. The child made a full recovery but was in hospital for 2 months and had surgeries and had some emotional after effects too. The childs mother blamed the pony and to this day can't understand what she did wrong!
Arzada
Well-Known Member
That doesn't sound non committal. 'I'm glad ...' sounds like you're pleased and I can't see an already entitled mother reading it any other way. People don't remember everything which is said to them so follow up your conversation with a very clear, totally unambiguous, text so that there is absolutely nothing to misunderstand and hope that any confusion caused by the 'I'm glad ...' and then a totally different response in person doesn't come back to bite you in the future.
Mrs. Jingle
Well-Known Member
Yes absolutely and also kept copy of text message indefinitely, should it be needed for any future high jinx and ensuing court actions.
lynz88
Well-Known Member
That was my thought as well Mrs. Jingle as I wouldn't trust said person around pony ever again
AandK
Well-Known Member
Whilst I would be very angry, I also agree there is no need for going batsh1t at her. I think TFF summed it up perfectly.
A couple of years ago someone who lives on the lane my yard is on had a FB cover photo of their children stood with my two horses (late gelding and current one), someone saw it and made me aware. The bottom gate was on the lane, although I had tape up to stop the horses getting right up to the gate. The kids had climbed over the gate to stand with the horses at the tape. I know they weren't behind the tape but still, who knows if they had gone into the field with them or fed them? I wrote the mum a message explaining that no one should be entering the field without my permission etc, and how risky it is going in with loose horses etc, especially as my late gelding only had one eye and was easily spooked due to being completely blind on one side so could knock over or hurt someone who is not aware. I was polite but firm (all I got back was 'sure' and a thumbs up
). It was always a concern of mine being in that field, I found people feeding them over the fence on the odd occasion over the years (at least they didn't go in the field), but now I only have one horse I am on a different field on the yard nowhere near the lane.
A couple of years ago someone who lives on the lane my yard is on had a FB cover photo of their children stood with my two horses (late gelding and current one), someone saw it and made me aware. The bottom gate was on the lane, although I had tape up to stop the horses getting right up to the gate. The kids had climbed over the gate to stand with the horses at the tape. I know they weren't behind the tape but still, who knows if they had gone into the field with them or fed them? I wrote the mum a message explaining that no one should be entering the field without my permission etc, and how risky it is going in with loose horses etc, especially as my late gelding only had one eye and was easily spooked due to being completely blind on one side so could knock over or hurt someone who is not aware. I was polite but firm (all I got back was 'sure' and a thumbs up
). It was always a concern of mine being in that field, I found people feeding them over the fence on the odd occasion over the years (at least they didn't go in the field), but now I only have one horse I am on a different field on the yard nowhere near the lane.
TheOldTrout
Completely Unknown Member
I think that woman's behaviour was unbelievably rude. I might have replied with something like 'I thought he seemed a bit off colour. He's on a strict diet so if he needs the vet after you gave him all those treats, I will send you the bill'.
southerncomfort
Well-Known Member
For those worrying about upsetting the woman....she wasn't very concerned about upsetting the OP was she?
She gave no thought at all as to how the OP might feel about it, otherwise she'd have done the right thing and asked permission first.
She gave no thought at all as to how the OP might feel about it, otherwise she'd have done the right thing and asked permission first.
Tiddlypom
Carries on creakily
Reacting politely and quietly to situations such as this results in the perpetrator thinking that you are a door mat and that they can continue to do as they please with your horse.
I would go in nuclear from the off.
I would go in nuclear from the off.
Burnerbee
Well-Known Member
It does sound like she isn’t a very horsey person - she rides sure but clearly doesn’t know the crimes she’s committed (she might have only started riding a couple of years ago as a casual hobby) else she wouldn’t a) probably have told you b) be so casual about it. So maybe bear that in mind.
FestiveG
Over the hill and far awa
What do these people think! Would they go into your house to stroke your cat? Drive your car, because they haven't got one? Let their dog into your garden, because yours is bigger and better fenced than theirs?
It is beyond me why people consider horses to be almost communal property. I would have gone ballistic at her, we are the only advocates for our animals and I believe we should advocate for them.
It is beyond me why people consider horses to be almost communal property. I would have gone ballistic at her, we are the only advocates for our animals and I believe we should advocate for them.
Arzada
Well-Known Member
It has nothing to do with being very horsey or not. It's about lack of boundaries, respect for others and their possessions, in this case also lack of respect for a sentient being. Do you go around sitting on someone's motorbike because there it is temptingly parked roadside and you just can't control yourself?
blitznbobs
Well-Known Member
The world is so f’in entitled these days - id probably say that the reason he isn’t ridden is that he has a bad back and she probably caused him a huge amount of pain sitting any weight on his back - it’s not ok and he is also on a special diet . Please never touch any of my horses again .
Ratface
Well-Known Member
Not necessarily. If the family was known to the Local Authority Chidrens' Services it might be a further block in building information about the parent's inability to judge risk to her child/ren around animals of any type - domestic or otherwise.
Pearlsacarolsinger
Up in the clouds
That's fine if both parties are polite but the parent in OP was far from polite or considerate. As a horse-, dog- and sheep-owner, I prefer to put my animals' welfare above the feelings of p!ss-taking idiots.I totally agree and see your point
I'm a non-confrontational person by nature so try and do things in the best way that won't cause any upset, but at the same time gets the message across for how serious the situation could have been etc...
When I had a similar situation a while ago, I started off polite but firm and when the message obviously wasn't getting through, I then escalated to blunt and to the point which got the message across and luckily it hasn't happened again
Perhaps I'm too forgiving/considerate of people but I like to go the polite route first and then hit them with everything afterwards if the message hasn't gotten through - I'll bear your comment in mind if anything like this happens to me again in real life
AmyMay
Situation normal
Why should anything be born in mind?
Some of the replies on this thread are just so odd
Polos Mum
Well-Known Member
I think the earlier analogies are useful.
If you came home from work and found someone in your garden sitting in your sun lounger or paddling their kids in your hot tub - would that be OK?
Or having a go on your kids push bike or feeding your dog sausages. Or if someone picked your dog up out of your front garden for a nice cuddle and then fed them 'treats' - is that OK (not for me)
At a livery yard you rent your stable - it's your space - not dissimilar to if you rent your house.
There is no way someone would get in an open car parked on the street - just so see home comfy the seat was or what the windscreen visibility was. And if they got caught sitting in someone's car they would be really embarrassed not justifying it that there is no harm done or it was open so presumed it was OK to help myself.
If you came home from work and found someone in your garden sitting in your sun lounger or paddling their kids in your hot tub - would that be OK?
Or having a go on your kids push bike or feeding your dog sausages. Or if someone picked your dog up out of your front garden for a nice cuddle and then fed them 'treats' - is that OK (not for me)
At a livery yard you rent your stable - it's your space - not dissimilar to if you rent your house.
There is no way someone would get in an open car parked on the street - just so see home comfy the seat was or what the windscreen visibility was. And if they got caught sitting in someone's car they would be really embarrassed not justifying it that there is no harm done or it was open so presumed it was OK to help myself.
9tails
Well-Known Member
Hooo-weeee! That woman would need a nuclear bunker to survive my wrath.
Clodagh
Well-Known Member
I’m not sure which way you are going but I see no need to go mental, just be firm but fair.Why should anything be born in mind?
Some of the replies on this thread are just so odd
Which may be what you meant, I find a lot of replies on this thread are confirming my opinion about people at livery yards.
AmyMay
Situation normal
Mental internally, firm in response.
Clodagh
Well-Known Member
LadyGascoyne
Well-Known Member
I would write back, now.
Apologies for the brevity in my previous text, I needed to take the time to compose my thoughts.
As I can tell from your text that you are already aware, borrowing and feeding a horse without the owner’s permission is something that people tend to worry a great deal about, and it leaves both the horse and its owner open to risk if there is an accident or if the horse becomes unwell. It may also place you at risk, in that if something totally unexpected happens, you would be in a situation with an injured horse that you have no permission to have been handling.
I am very glad that nothing went wrong, and neither the horse nor child have been harmed, but I must ask that you don’t to put me in this uncomfortable position again.
I don’t wish to put a damper on the child’s happy experience, so let’s leave it at that but, in the future, please take it as read that my default position on liability is that my horse is not to be handled by anyone who does not have my explicit permission, clear responsibility and duty of care, and appropriate insurance.
Apologies for the brevity in my previous text, I needed to take the time to compose my thoughts.
As I can tell from your text that you are already aware, borrowing and feeding a horse without the owner’s permission is something that people tend to worry a great deal about, and it leaves both the horse and its owner open to risk if there is an accident or if the horse becomes unwell. It may also place you at risk, in that if something totally unexpected happens, you would be in a situation with an injured horse that you have no permission to have been handling.
I am very glad that nothing went wrong, and neither the horse nor child have been harmed, but I must ask that you don’t to put me in this uncomfortable position again.
I don’t wish to put a damper on the child’s happy experience, so let’s leave it at that but, in the future, please take it as read that my default position on liability is that my horse is not to be handled by anyone who does not have my explicit permission, clear responsibility and duty of care, and appropriate insurance.
Burnerbee
Well-Known Member
I get all of that because I’m a reasonably intelligent, ‘horse aware’ person. I totally agree what she’s done is a bit dense and entitled. I’m just attempting to point out she perhaps doesn’t know what she’s done because she doesn’t apparently realise horses don’t appreciate this sort of thing for all the reasons others have outlined. By all means throw the book at her but be aware she may not realise it’s not normal in the horse world. Like tourists standing on the left don’t know we all think they’re absolute pillocks.
NB. Fwiw I don’t ride anymore because I’m decreasingly keen on anyone sitting on sentient beings.
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nutjob
Well-Known Member
She DOES know that this pony doesn't belong to her so she should just leave other peoples stuff alone. I also think it's the wrong message to give a child that if they want something that belongs to someone else they can just help themselves
.Arzada
Well-Known Member
In what other worlds is using other people's things normal?
On the left of what?
'we all think ...' is something of a sweeping generalisation. Don't include me because I haven't any idea what you're talking about!
Roxylola
Well-Known Member
Again, I absolutely think she knew what she was doing. She had the OP's contact details and messaged after the event to say she'd done it. She could have asked beforehand which is what any civilised person would have done before using something expensive that's not theirs
She was hoping the treats and cute pics would lead to OP saying it was ok.
She was hoping the treats and cute pics would lead to OP saying it was ok.
PinkvSantaboots
Well-Known Member
I would be extremely rude because just deciding to put a child on someone's horse without permission is extremely rude in my opinion.
SaddlePsych'D
Well-Known Member
That is also my opinion.
Being extremely rude in response is a choice. One which I personally would avoid because I think I can say something strongly and clearly enough without needing to be rude about it, and not have the hassle that could bring by escalating things (I'm thinking particularly being on a livery yard). "I'm not happy that you have done X, please do not under any circumstances do X again" does the job just fine.
AShetlandBitMeOnce
Well-Known Member
On a similar note, this thread has made me question it, when it was that 30 degree weather last year I was keen to make sure Dex was drinking, especially as the auto-waterers can get quite warm, so I popped a bit of apple juice in a big double size bucket of water and offered it to him. I then offered it to all on the yard, would any of you be upset if someone did this?
ETA: I know that none have lami or metabolic issues.
ETA: I know that none have lami or metabolic issues.
9tails
Well-Known Member
The tube in London. *Most* people who travel regularly in London thinks tourists are pillocks. In the same way that *most* people that own horses think this woman is a pillock for sitting her child on an unknown pony.