How would you react in this situation?

[9tails]

I wouldn't be surprised if she was caught doing it and was told to tell you.

 

[LadyGascoyne]

On a similar note, this thread has made me question it, when it was that 30 degree weather last year I was keen to make sure Dex was drinking, especially as the auto-waterers can get quite warm, so I popped a bit of apple juice in a big double size bucket of water and offered it to him. I then offered it to all on the yard, would any of you be upset if someone did this?

ETA: I know that none have lami or metabolic issues.

I probably wouldn’t be madly keen about my horse sharing a bucket with a whole lot of other horses but I wouldn’t class it as nearly the same thing as putting a child on a horse. I don’t think you ought to worry about it to the same degree.

What is worth considering, is that if one had colicked or become laminitis through sheer coincidence or due to heat stress, and you’d given them something without the owners knowing, would you feel awkward and concerned about it?

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

I probably wouldn’t be madly keen about my horse sharing a bucket with a whole lot of other horses but I wouldn’t class it as nearly the same thing as putting a child on a horse. I don’t think you ought to worry about it to the same degree.

What is worth considering, is that if one had colicked or become laminitis through sheer coincidence or due to heat stress, and you’d given them something without the owners knowing, would you feel awkward and concerned about it?

There are 'only' 8 of them, none have medication, the only one which goes offsite to shows etc I didn't offer it to - that being said they're all field mates or cross fence mates so I suppose it wouldn't make much difference in the grand scheme of things. I mentioned it in passing to the owners I saw, we're all very friendly, but if something happened coincidentally I would be concerned yes, I would also tell them of course. Hmm... food for thought.

 

[Clodagh]

I would actually be as cross as someone giving my horse water with an additive in a communal bucket as I would a randomer feeding treats. I think.
In the OP’s shoes I’d be more cross about the treats than the child, although I would have told the instigator it was not to happen again.

 

[twiggy2]

I probably wouldn’t be madly keen about my horse sharing a bucket with a whole lot of other horses but I wouldn’t class it as nearly the same thing as putting a child on a horse. I don’t think you ought to worry about it to the same degree.

What is worth considering, is that if one had colicked or become laminitis through sheer coincidence or due to heat stress, and you’d given them something without the owners knowing, would you feel awkward and concerned about it?

Yes I would be as if my horse drank a lot of what you offered I would be wondering why they had drunk less of what I had offered, I dont expect anyone to interfere with my animals.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

fair, won't repeat it in that case - I'd be quite pleased that someone had encouraged my horse to drink on a baking hot day while I wasn't there. I didn't think twice as it's just water, the amount of apple juice in it is neglibile compared with volume of water and size of animal, but point taken.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

fair, won't repeat it in that case - I'd be quite pleased that someone had encouraged my horse to drink on a baking hot day while I wasn't there. I didn't think twice as it's just water, the amount of apple juice in it is neglibile compared with volume of water and size of animal, but point taken.

So long as there was water available to all the horses I would not expect a fellow livery to interfere. If the water bucket had been knocked over, I would appreciate a text asking if i would like the livery to sort that out, with plain water or the fellow livery could notify the YO.
I must admit that I am.particularly touchy about randomers feeding my horses as we have had several that react badly to a number of common foodstuffs. The cob has suffered particularly badly recently with skin problems while the WelshDxTB who first alerted us to food reactions had numerous problems including a persistent cough.

 

[Lois Lame]

Sadly I think this could well be seen as you accepting the situation. You have now consented to anyone on the yard sitting on your retired horse and feeding them whatever they like...

Really think through how "I'm glad she enjoyed it " could be interpreted...

That's all you have in writing so if she falls off next time you have accepted the liability of her kid riding your horse.

This is the way I see it too.

Plus, this person was a sharer of someone else's horse at your yard, so not even someone who knows you well; nor do you know her well. She had the gall or the 'defect' (and i mean that kindly, having a few defects myself) to think doing what she did was all right. Or maybe she was covering her derriere by sending you photos. Who knows what her motive was? But she needs to be made clear in no uncertain terms, that what she did is, in the words of Supernanny, unasseptable. (I love Supernanny.)

So it's not about being nice and kind and blah blah blah. It's about being clear. It's about having proof that you made your feelings clear. Texts are brilliant for this.

I'll get off my my soap box in a minute...

That loaner is probably the sort of person who will blame others if things go pear-shaped.

 

[fidleyspromise]

On a similar note, this thread has made me question it, when it was that 30 degree weather last year I was keen to make sure Dex was drinking, especially as the auto-waterers can get quite warm, so I popped a bit of apple juice in a big double size bucket of water and offered it to him. I then offered it to all on the yard, would any of you be upset if someone did this?

ETA: I know that none have lami or metabolic issues.

Do you know all allergies these horses have?
I know a horse that was allergic to apples so I'm not sure how she'd be with apple juice.

I understand you were being thoughtful there and looking after the horses wellbeing rather than your own interests so it wouldn't bother me as I'd think it sweet of you.

What did bother me was when my pony was super hyper and I struggled to contain her explosions riding one evening. A couple weeks later a fellow livery confessed that a different livery had left my pony literal handfuls of sugar cubes.

A different livery yard I noticed hay over the fence, assumed the wind blew it over and threw it back to original horse. Next day come up and there's a huge pile of hay my side. Too much for it to be the wind. One of my ponies was on a diet but luckily in a different field. I mentioned hay to the owner and got back that her horse liked company so basically she put hay there to encourage my horse to stay beside hers. I put an end to it when my horse was diagnosed with asthma.
I've had walkers throw chunks of carrot over my fence and I lobbed them back over. They took the hint as there have been none since.

 

[Lois Lame]

I think the earlier analogies are useful.

If you came home from work and found someone in your garden sitting in your sun lounger or paddling their kids in your hot tub - would that be OK?
Or having a go on your kids push bike or feeding your dog sausages. Or if someone picked your dog up out of your front garden for a nice cuddle and then fed them 'treats' - is that OK (not for me)

At a livery yard you rent your stable - it's your space - not dissimilar to if you rent your house.

There is no way someone would get in an open car parked on the street - just so see home comfy the seat was or what the windscreen visibility was. And if they got caught sitting in someone's car they would be really embarrassed not justifying it that there is no harm done or it was open so presumed it was OK to help myself.

Exactly.

As someone said upthread, it's about boundaries - the lack thereof.

My mother had a neighbour who was somewhat clueless - but i think it was more to do with what suited the neighbour, and it suited her to ask my mother to walk up to the local shops and buy cigarettes to give to her rather than to walk up and get her own cigarettes. Mum couldn't take the thought of walking up and would ask someone else to do it, but if my brother or I were around, we'd say, 'Why doesn't Mrs Hunt go up herself and get them. It would do her the world of good.' (I have left out the insults.) (This was not said in front of Mrs hunt. Mrs hunt had scuttled off home to await her fix.)

One day my mother came downstairs after an afternoon nap on a summer's day, walked into the lounge room and stopped dead, quite alarmed for a moment. There was Mrs Hunt sitting on the couch, waiting for mum to have finished her nap and be ready to walk up to the shops to buy her, Mrs Hunt, some cigarettes. Mum told me about it later, and the next time I saw Mrs Hunt I told her that she mustn't do that again, come in the house and wait. "Oh but the door wasn't locked..." That's not the point, I told her. I think she thought I was rather mean. So be it.

 

[Lois Lame]

I’m not sure which way you are going but I see no need to go mental, just be firm but fair.
Which may be what you meant, I find a lot of replies on this thread are confirming my opinion about people at livery yards.

Firm but fair. That reminds me of the man who was reminiscing about his school days, and the teacher who was 'firm, but fair'. Said crisply with that British stiff upper lip.

"Didn't he nail your head to the floor?"
"Well, yes, but-"

 

[asmp]

I probably wouldn’t be madly keen about my horse sharing a bucket with a whole lot of other horses but I wouldn’t class it as nearly the same thing as putting a child on a horse. I don’t think you ought to worry about it to the same degree.

What is worth considering, is that if one had colicked or become laminitis through sheer coincidence or due to heat stress, and you’d given them something without the owners knowing, would you feel awkward and concerned about it?

This reminds me of the time I was at a yard in Germany. One of the fellow Brits was ill so wasn’t coming up to the yard. We had ad-lib straw and I noticed that her horse’s bed was looking rather grotty so I very nearly put some fresh straw in it. I found out later that the horse had been showing signs of colic so the staff had been deliberately leaving the bed dirty so he didn’t eat it. I could have made the situation worse by trying to be kind.

 

[DabDab]

I’m not sure which way you are going but I see no need to go mental, just be firm but fair.
Which may be what you meant, I find a lot of replies on this thread are confirming my opinion about people at livery yards.

See for me this one doesn't really come down to fairness, or being reasonable etc. - those things are for when some just does something that you don't like.
But this situation isn't that, it's not about me having my nose put out of joint.

This is an unknown child in unknown circumstances being put on an animal of mine while I'm not there. I would have responded deliberately over-the-top sharply because, put simply, I cannot afford to be sued because a child has sustained lifelong injuries involving my horse. So I want them to fear the wrath of the crazy lady in the hope it thoroughly dissades them from repeating. I don't know if my third party insurance would cover that kind of situation, but I'm fairly certain that they would have more of an issue with covering it if I had given a response similar to the OPs, because that's tacit agreement in my book.

 

[Archangel]

On a similar note, this thread has made me question it, when it was that 30 degree weather last year I was keen to make sure Dex was drinking, especially as the auto-waterers can get quite warm, so I popped a bit of apple juice in a big double size bucket of water and offered it to him. I then offered it to all on the yard, would any of you be upset if someone did this?

ETA: I know that none have lami or metabolic issues.

If I knew you and trusted your judgement and knew it was a one off, then I wouldn't be bothered.
I would rather it was plain water just to avoid that thing where horses think up unusual ways to incur a vet bill.

 

[DabDab]

fair, won't repeat it in that case - I'd be quite pleased that someone had encouraged my horse to drink on a baking hot day while I wasn't there. I didn't think twice as it's just water, the amount of apple juice in it is neglibile compared with volume of water and size of animal, but point taken.

I'd have been appreciative of you offering mine the water, but I guess I know that none of mine are particularly vulnerable and water and buckets are shared in the field anyway.

 

[ester]

I've found this thread really interesting on the basis that I really don't think I'd have given 2 hoots , it's so unusual for me to be the chill one

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

That is also my opinion.

Being extremely rude in response is a choice. One which I personally would avoid because I think I can say something strongly and clearly enough without needing to be rude about it, and not have the hassle that could bring by escalating things (I'm thinking particularly being on a livery yard). "I'm not happy that you have done X, please do not under any circumstances do X again" does the job just fine.

My hormones don't always allow me to filter the rude response now

 

[sarcasm_queen]

Never been so glad to not be at a livery yard

 

[marmalade76]

I wouldn't be surprised if she was caught doing it and was told to tell you.

Yep, I was thinking the same, someone witnessed it and she thought she'd better fess up before she was grassed on.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

Do you know all allergies these horses have?

We are a very small, friendly section on a bigger yard so in this instance I do know that none of the horses have any severe allergies or similar and I would hope that if a horse was allergic enough to pick up an issue with 200ml of apple juice in 26.6l of water we would all be notified anyway in case of cross contamination (the first in the morning will feed all for example) but I do see the point people are making. I think it all comes down to tolerance levels, and I also think you get an idea of who would appreciate it and who really doesn't want their horses touched by anyone else under any circumstances; I wouldn't dream of doing it to all the horses on the wider yard, and didn't offer one on the basis that she goes out affiliated-showing and didn't want to risk medication cross contamination, not that anything is on meds.

I think wanting a text if a water bucket has been knocked over is OTT, as if they have knocked one over then they're not on a dehydration or nil by mouth for any reason, and I don't have time to mess about waiting for a reply, I'd have to just leave the horse with no water which doesn't sit right with me, but each to their own.

I would be cheesed off if someone fed my horse something or sat their child on him, but I wouldn't be annoyed if a livery got my horse out to hose him down during one of those 30 degree days for example, especially if I was at work and wouldn't be down until the evening. I wouldn't begrudge something that will made Dex happier/more comfortable on the basis that I want to be the only one touching my horse.

 

[ThreeFurs]

I would write back, now.

Apologies for the brevity in my previous text, I needed to take the time to compose my thoughts.

As I can tell from your text that you are already aware, borrowing and feeding a horse without the owner’s permission is something that people tend to worry a great deal about, and it leaves both the horse and its owner open to risk if there is an accident or if the horse becomes unwell. It may also place you at risk, in that if something totally unexpected happens, you would be in a situation with an injured horse that you have no permission to have been handling.

I am very glad that nothing went wrong, and neither the horse nor child have been harmed, but I must ask that you don’t to put me in this uncomfortable position again.

I don’t wish to put a damper on the child’s happy experience, so let’s leave it at that but, in the future, please take it as read that my default position on liability is that my horse is not to be handled by anyone who does not have my explicit permission, clear responsibility and duty of care, and appropriate insurance.

Beautiful, Lady G. Don't see this level of diplomacy very often. Much needed in the world atm.

 

[ThreeFurs]

Firm but fair. That reminds me of the man who was reminiscing about his school days, and the teacher who was 'firm, but fair'. Said crisply with that British stiff upper lip.

"Didn't he nail your head to the floor?"
"Well, yes, but-"

'E was a cruel man, but fair'. Stig O'Tracey, The Piranha Brothers pt.1

 

[Greylegs]

Just popped back in to catch up.

I consider myself to be a person who tries to be firm but fair, and as non-confrontational as possible. But clearly firm (but fair) words need to be had in this situation, and I think this needs to be done face to face rather than by text/message. I should be seeing my yard neighbour (friend of the careless mother) at the weekend and will have a chat about it with her. Not sure I will see the perpetrator, but if I do I will also be having a firm chat. My YO is horrified (I've shown her the pics) and will definitely intervene if there is a repeat performance and she is around to say something at the time.

There will definitely not be any kind of a repeat performance!

 

[black and brown]

I would be much more reassured if your YO were to speak to your neighbour immediately stating that under no circumstances are visitors to enter another livery's stable. I wouldn't want to rely on her being there to intervene should this situation arise again. It all seems a bit 'wishy washy' to me in terms of response.

 

[Smogul]

Accepting I'm in the minority, I wouldn't have cared. Nothing happened

A fellow livery did ask if he could use my sensible pony as the physio had recommended riding for his grandson who has cerebral palsy. I pointed out the pony had never been broken to ride. You simply do not know the history and likely behaviour of an animal you don't own. Our yard has strict rule that you do not handle or feed any other horse without the owner's written permission having been given to YM.

 

[MagicMelon]

I would hit the roof tbh but genuinely don’t know what I would reply.

Me too. What a weird thing to do.