ycbm
Einstein would be proud of my Insanity...
Funnily enough, that particular word isn't anywhere in the page full of words I would use to describe how you are coping with this, R.
Awesome is though.
.
I just bought my first cob! Introduction + feed advice + photos!
- Thread starter Red-1
- Start date
Funnily enough, that particular word isn't anywhere in the page full of words I would use to describe how you are coping with this, R.
Awesome is though.
.
Reacher
Well-Known Member
I was thinking exactly the same.
I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s a situation I expect many of us fear (I do) and you are doing brilliantly. I am glad you have Rigs and Babyhorse for company and good friend nearby.
Errin Paddywack
Well-Known Member
I definitely don't think you are pathetic in any way. I am in awe at how well you coped on the night. I didn't have a fraction of what you have had to cope with and Michael's life just trickled to a halt, nothing like David's end. I just carried on on auto-pilot, did the essentials but then I had a lot less to sort out. The fact that my sheep started lambing within a few days just kept me going. My animals keep me in a routine, without them not sure what I would do. Hopefully yours will do the same for you. I have found I can 'talk' in writing, a lot harder in real life even 16 months later
I agree with ycbm, you are awesome.
I agree with ycbm, you are awesome.
paddy555
Well-Known Member
take care Red, thinking of you. Just a step at a time.
Red-1
I used to be decisive, now I'm not so sure...
I am finding this too. In real life conversation is punctuated with sudden onset tears. Same when typing but no one knows.
I keep re-living the night and the actions I took. I 100% recommend first aid training and buying the resus-aid as, however many times I go over it, however critical I try to be of myself, I can't think I could have done 'better' or any more. It is a comfort.
Rosemary28
Well-Known Member
I’m so sorry Red. Thinking of you xx
tda
Well-Known Member
no words, but like someone else said....one step at a time xx
Supercalifragilistic
Well-Known Member
I am a long time fan of this thread and didn’t want to just read and run. Although you have always written about Rigsby, your wonderful partnership with Mr Red has always shone through. I particularly remember you mentioning him when Rigsby had colic. I can’t begin to imagine how you are feeling at the moment but I just wanted to send my support and express how incredibly you seem to be doing.
I hope that you feel strong enough to keep updating this thread so that we can offer the support that we can.
You are amazing.
I hope that you feel strong enough to keep updating this thread so that we can offer the support that we can.
You are amazing.
Maxidoodle
Well-Known Member
You ARE amazing, you are stronger than you currently realise, you’ve had your whole world turned upside down, so baby steps, look at just how much you have achieved so far in just a few days, I think you’re awesome and I’m certain no one on here would think any different.
Grief comes in waves I have found, one minute you’re fine and then the next feeling like you can’t cope. Counselling will help I’m certain. Get a basic same routine in place, get up, feed horses, breakfast etc, i definitely have found having a routine helps and allow yourself some downtime too, as you need to rest and take care of yourself.
It absolutely is human nature to go over every detail of the evening, we as humans always think “is there more I could have done”, it’s part of grieving, working through that helpless feeling that you didn’t do everything you could, when in reality, you did ABSOLUTELY everything you could, you also got help from neighbours, you also called the paramedics and they came, you didn’t just stand back and not do anything, you handled the terrible situation in an amazing way and you got him the help he needed.
I think when you hear back with the results of the PM, that will help you to come to terms with the fact that there truly wasn’t anything else you could have done.
I cannot begin to imagine the pain you are going through and if you feel you need more people around you, just ask. I for one am happy to PM you my phone number/email and you can call/email me at anytime you need someone to listen and support you. You’re one of the bravest people I “know”, that’s clear from just how you are dealing with everything so far.
One of the best things about the forum is the support from a wonderful bunch of folks, I’m sure I can speak for everyone to say we are all here for you.
Grief comes in waves I have found, one minute you’re fine and then the next feeling like you can’t cope. Counselling will help I’m certain. Get a basic same routine in place, get up, feed horses, breakfast etc, i definitely have found having a routine helps and allow yourself some downtime too, as you need to rest and take care of yourself.
It absolutely is human nature to go over every detail of the evening, we as humans always think “is there more I could have done”, it’s part of grieving, working through that helpless feeling that you didn’t do everything you could, when in reality, you did ABSOLUTELY everything you could, you also got help from neighbours, you also called the paramedics and they came, you didn’t just stand back and not do anything, you handled the terrible situation in an amazing way and you got him the help he needed.
I think when you hear back with the results of the PM, that will help you to come to terms with the fact that there truly wasn’t anything else you could have done.
I cannot begin to imagine the pain you are going through and if you feel you need more people around you, just ask. I for one am happy to PM you my phone number/email and you can call/email me at anytime you need someone to listen and support you. You’re one of the bravest people I “know”, that’s clear from just how you are dealing with everything so far.
One of the best things about the forum is the support from a wonderful bunch of folks, I’m sure I can speak for everyone to say we are all here for you.
Red-1
I used to be decisive, now I'm not so sure...
Another productive day.
Did washing, hoovering, horse chores then did a bike ride. It was my first time out of the gates alone, which was a milestone. Easier on the bike though, with hat and glasses and being too fast for people to stop and talk.
The bosses came today, yes, they needed David's ID and I also gave back uniform. I seem to have lost a couple of bits, but they said that was OK as most of it was here. That was about 2 hours. We spoke about the funeral.
No sign of PM results.
I informed the opticion's and tried to inform the doctor but the queue was too long, then the house insurance wore me out with an hour of technicalities. The lady kept repeating herself, and I was losing concentration.
I didn't really feel fit, but I went swimming. My first time driving and my first time in public. Even I did OK, thank goodness for my kind neighbour who was with me. I was just going to do a short swim, but ended up doing the standard half mile, although I did take the precaution of a full wetsuit as I know my energy levels are all over the place.
Tonight the last of my achievements, I turned the TV on for the first time since Thursday.
Many achievements today. I keep telling myself that I am doing OK.
Did washing, hoovering, horse chores then did a bike ride. It was my first time out of the gates alone, which was a milestone. Easier on the bike though, with hat and glasses and being too fast for people to stop and talk.
The bosses came today, yes, they needed David's ID and I also gave back uniform. I seem to have lost a couple of bits, but they said that was OK as most of it was here. That was about 2 hours. We spoke about the funeral.
No sign of PM results.
I informed the opticion's and tried to inform the doctor but the queue was too long, then the house insurance wore me out with an hour of technicalities. The lady kept repeating herself, and I was losing concentration.
I didn't really feel fit, but I went swimming. My first time driving and my first time in public. Even I did OK, thank goodness for my kind neighbour who was with me. I was just going to do a short swim, but ended up doing the standard half mile, although I did take the precaution of a full wetsuit as I know my energy levels are all over the place.
Tonight the last of my achievements, I turned the TV on for the first time since Thursday.
Many achievements today. I keep telling myself that I am doing OK.
AmyMay
Situation normal
You’re doing great xxx
SilverLinings
Well-Known Member
You are doing so well, I am in awe of your stoicism and determination when you are clearly not finding it easy. I obviously didn't know Mr Red, but he sounded like such a nice person that I can't imagine that he would be anything other than proud of you.
crazyandme
Well-Known Member
Small steps, they all count as a victory xx
Kunoichi73
Well-Known Member
You are not pathetic, you are an inspiration! You should never feel bad about tears. Grieve in whatever way you need to. Use your lovely animals and fantastic friends to help keep you grounded and provide a routine and some sanity/consistency in your life but remember you are allowed to be deeply sad and cry. Deal with the situation the best way that suits you, not in the way you think other people might expect.
Cloball
Well-Known Member
I wouldn't worry too much about telling the doctors, the coroner will have informed them prior to the PM in order to get the GP notes for the pathologist.
Errin Paddywack
Well-Known Member
Well done, it does get easier I promise.
Surbie
Well-Known Member
I've only just seen your news Red, I am so very sorry. What an awful, cruel thing to happen out of the blue. You sounded like a very happy team and that is a fab photo in the Lancaster.
I'm very glad you have the animals, Rigsby in particular. Gentle hugs across the ether.
ETA:
Just reading through everything you have managed to get done, I think you are pretty amazing.
I'm very glad you have the animals, Rigsby in particular. Gentle hugs across the ether.
ETA:
Just reading through everything you have managed to get done, I think you are pretty amazing.
Last edited:
View
Well-Known Member
Red, there is no prescribed way to deal with the death of your beloved husband.
It just suddenly catches you. Let the tears come, they help. Just do what feels right to you at the time. Because it will be right. Just be you, not what you think others expect of you.
One step at a time.
It just suddenly catches you. Let the tears come, they help. Just do what feels right to you at the time. Because it will be right. Just be you, not what you think others expect of you.
One step at a time.
tda
Well-Known Member
Agree with this
My equine life
Well-Known Member
I would say a low cal balancer to make sure he’s getting the right protein bits and mins
Red-1
I used to be decisive, now I'm not so sure...
I didn't looks so fine when I tried to turn the TV off. I realised I didn't know how to. The power button just made it go to a static imitation painting, which would have eaten electricity. Fortunately, Alexa knew how! I never did watch much TV, the TV remote was David's domain.
I did another good thing last night though. Yesterday my neighbour's husband had a look over David's bike; I had it serviced for him last year. It is fine, just needed a bit of air in the tyres, so I decided I would take it for a ride today.
OMG, I felt so normal to actually invite my neighbour for a bike ride - not to do me a favour, but just like we used to when one of us would fancy a ride and ask the other, with a 'no bother if it doesn't suit you' rider on it. I had managed not to be a miserable git when we went swimming yesterday, and it just felt normal to invite someone for a ride because it might be nice rather than because I needed something.
This morning, I have got up and am baking bread, in the bread-maker. That took some effort: I don't usually eat much bread but I am on snack foods right now. I have managed to put 1lb back on, having lost 4lbs overnight, which was not healthy. I'm finding it tricky to know when and what to eat as my tummy constantly hurts and when I eat I have a sick feeling. I am just making myself eat.
So, that is the order of the day. Bread making, horse chores, cycling, financial planner.... ah then another first, I plan on going out in the car alone, to the local Post Office. It is all small stuff but it is all going in the right direction. Small steps.
I did another good thing last night though. Yesterday my neighbour's husband had a look over David's bike; I had it serviced for him last year. It is fine, just needed a bit of air in the tyres, so I decided I would take it for a ride today.
OMG, I felt so normal to actually invite my neighbour for a bike ride - not to do me a favour, but just like we used to when one of us would fancy a ride and ask the other, with a 'no bother if it doesn't suit you' rider on it. I had managed not to be a miserable git when we went swimming yesterday, and it just felt normal to invite someone for a ride because it might be nice rather than because I needed something.
This morning, I have got up and am baking bread, in the bread-maker. That took some effort: I don't usually eat much bread but I am on snack foods right now. I have managed to put 1lb back on, having lost 4lbs overnight, which was not healthy. I'm finding it tricky to know when and what to eat as my tummy constantly hurts and when I eat I have a sick feeling. I am just making myself eat.
So, that is the order of the day. Bread making, horse chores, cycling, financial planner.... ah then another first, I plan on going out in the car alone, to the local Post Office. It is all small stuff but it is all going in the right direction. Small steps.
cauda equina
Well-Known Member
Small steps is good; just keep chipping away at jobs, eating, necessary activities until it all becomes automatic again
You really are awesome
You really are awesome
Cavalier
Well-Known Member
As Cauda said. You really are awesome
Emilieu
Well-Known Member
You are being so brave and sensible Red. Making bread is inspired - just the right sort of task to keep hands and brain just busy enough, and the end result is something good to nibble at when you can. I hope it turns out well.
Errin Paddywack
Well-Known Member
Michael always took charge of all electrical, electronic and IT stuff and that included the heating controls. I didn't interfere as he needed to be useful and wasn't up to much physical stuff. I regret that now but am gradually finding my way round things as you will. Comes as a bit of a shock when you realise what you don't know. You are doing incredibly well considering how recent this is.
View
Well-Known Member
Just keep on with the small steps. Read that list back to yourself, and remind yourself just how well you are doing.
And if tomorrow you aren't up to doing chores, it doesn't matter. This isn't a straight line, it's going to be bumpy at times.
Awesome - yes, that's a good description of you.
And if tomorrow you aren't up to doing chores, it doesn't matter. This isn't a straight line, it's going to be bumpy at times.
Awesome - yes, that's a good description of you.
Nasicus
Well-Known Member
I've just caught up with this Red, and I am so sorry this has happened.
But you are doing amazing, and showing so much strength in such an awful time.
Keep taking it one day at a time, and be kind to yourself.
Also, there will now be three more people carrying the One Way Resus sheets you posted.
But you are doing amazing, and showing so much strength in such an awful time.
Keep taking it one day at a time, and be kind to yourself.
Also, there will now be three more people carrying the One Way Resus sheets you posted.
Tracking_up
Well-Known Member
I'm sure the smell of baking bread is a good a little pick-me -up as anything. You and your little steps are awesome!
MyBoyChe
Well-Known Member
Another who has just caught up with this news and another who has thoroughly enjoyed reading about Rigsby and your adventures and lives together. I am absolutely in tears for you at this moment, and yes, I know that is of no help whatsoever, but you have brightened so many days for me with this thread and I am just so sad that this has happened. So much for you to deal with, so much to get your head around and so terribly unexpected. You sound as if you are coping amazingly well, being very sensible planning, organising, doing and accepting help from good friends and neighbours. As so many others have said, dont put any pressure on yourself to do too much, take things in small steps and it will all get sorted. You have actually made me think really hard about how little I acknowledge my other half, Im 61 and hes a couple of years younger, over the last few years hes become more involved with my horses and helps out a lot, I should tell him hes appreciated, I hope he knows but even so, I should tell him. You are in the thoughts of a lot of us on here and hopefully, in some small way, that will help you to cope with this awful loss xx
Red-1
I used to be decisive, now I'm not so sure...
So much achieved today. Baked bread, did a bike ride, drove to the post office on my own, spoke with a financial planner and spoke with @Andie02 's husband about probate and will planning.
I thoroughly recommend him, he sounds so switched on and knowledgeable, not pressured at all, just clearly gave me my options. It was the first time I spoke to him but already I would thoroughly recommend him.
As a 3rd party with no interest, I believe I am allowed to say who he is, and he did agree it was OK to 'out' him on the forum, although did not ask me to. It is just me saying how I found him and recommending a service. https://www.crescentestateplanning.co.uk/
I thoroughly recommend him, he sounds so switched on and knowledgeable, not pressured at all, just clearly gave me my options. It was the first time I spoke to him but already I would thoroughly recommend him.
As a 3rd party with no interest, I believe I am allowed to say who he is, and he did agree it was OK to 'out' him on the forum, although did not ask me to. It is just me saying how I found him and recommending a service. https://www.crescentestateplanning.co.uk/