Busy mare
Well-Known Member
If your horse seriously injured someone who was loaning it-not the horses or owners fault but a freak accident. Would you go to visit the injured person a few times/message to check in?
Injured rider
- Thread starter Busy mare
- Start date
Red-1
I used to be decisive, now I'm not so sure...
Depends on what kind of relationship we had.
Cragrat
Well-Known Member
First instinct is yes, of course.
Then sadly you start to think of insurance claims....
Then sadly you start to think of insurance claims....
milliepops
Wears headscarf aggressively
This. I'm sort of arms length with my loan horse's owner, I think a visit would be a bit ott but message/email ok.
Busy mare
Well-Known Member
The rider has been riding the horse 6 months so not massively close but did get on very well even in that short time.
Busy mare
Well-Known Member
First instinct is yes, of course.
Then sadly you start to think of insurance claims....
Insurance waste of time-only covers for Death, Loss of Sight, Loss of Limbs, Loss of Hearing, Loss of Speech, Loss of Internal Organ or disablement.
Busy mare
Well-Known Member
Although they had only know each other 6 months they got on well and could of easily popped in for a quick cuppa.
HashRouge
Well-Known Member
So I once had the mortifying experience of my Arab knocking over a fellow livery and trampling over the top of her. It was extremely out of character for the horse and her behaviour towards other horses had also changed, so we got her ovaries scanned and she actually had something wrong. I can't remember what as it was about 10 years ago, but she had to have a course of Regumate and then thankfully went back to normal. But I did go round with flowers and a card, and also checked in by text message to check how she was getting on. I was quite good friends with her. I do think if you have a sharer/ owner relationship then you really ought to drop round with a get well soon card and some flowers or something, even if you aren't especially close. I think there is a certain relationship created by the fact this person was injured riding your horse and it would be quite thoughtless just to pretend nothing had happened, and texts can seem a bit impersonal. Sometimes a bigger gesture is appreciated to show someone you're thinking of them, especially if you've been quite badly hurt.
Nb I'm not assuming you are the owner btw OP, I'm more using a general "you" in my post. I'm actually leaning more towards you being the sharer, if I had to guess. If so, hope you are okay.
Nb I'm not assuming you are the owner btw OP, I'm more using a general "you" in my post. I'm actually leaning more towards you being the sharer, if I had to guess. If so, hope you are okay.
ihatework
Well-Known Member
I suppose it depends how far away they are and the extent of the injury.
I’d definitely message/call though a) to check how the person is but also b) to work out what is going on with the horse and if I’m likely to need to retrieve it!
I’d definitely message/call though a) to check how the person is but also b) to work out what is going on with the horse and if I’m likely to need to retrieve it!
Busy mare
Well-Known Member
yes I’m the sharer (but did have my own for 20 years until she passed 3 years ago).
It’s a very serious injury needing surgery and another surgery next month! I’ve been off work for 7 months so it’s had a huge impact on mine and my families life.
I don't expect the owner to come round every week but even one visit in the beginning with a bunch of flowers and a check in message every now and then.
I’m trying to focus on the people who have been there for me rather than those who haven’t but it’s really rattled my cage tonight for some reason.
Busy mare
Well-Known Member
15 minutes away, the horse is kept at the owners yard and the rider was not riding alone so the horse was fine and taken back to the yard when the rider was taken to hospital.
Honey08
Waffled a lot!
I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time. Yes I think they ought to have visited at least once. Perhaps they feel too guilty because it was their horse, even if it was an accident?
Busy mare
Well-Known Member
Maybe-they got a new sharer pretty quickly. Just goes to show how replaceable you are eh.
Honey08
Waffled a lot!
I’m sorry. That must sting. A lot of people are a disappointment when the crap hits the fan, I find. As you said, you’ve got to focus on the people who do step up for you.
Fieldlife
Well-Known Member
That’s hardly a kind suggestion
Fieldlife
Well-Known Member
Sharer or full loan?
My sharer of 2-3 years broke her arm falling off one of my horses in the school. Freak accident, think he spooked in trot. He had form for shooting sideways, and she’d been riding him a number of years. She was intended to share my older horse but liked this one better.
I was out of the country at the time and unable to do anything practical.
I think i sent flowers on my return. Stayed in touch, sent messages. Break took a long time to heal, huge amount of time off work, for some reason bones didn’t knit of ages.
She did visit horse (and me) at yard. She didn’t return to sharing horse. I didn’t visit her at home it wouldn’t have felt right, I’d never been to her house. I was very sorry accident happened and that recovery took so long.
ponynutz
Well-Known Member
I'd message once and then again to arrange next time they want to see horse etc. No mention of the accident just their health and wellbeing in case of an insurance claim later down the line.
Busy mare
Well-Known Member
There is no way the rider can ride, drive or even walk more than a few metres at the moment. They are on crutches. They haven’t even been able to go back to work. It’s unlikely they will ever ride again.
Busy mare
Well-Known Member
what do you mean? The owner of the horse has already replaced the sharer with a new rider/sharer within weeks of the accident.
Busy mare
Well-Known Member
yes just something like that would be fine. It’s just all very odd that she’s done nothing to check on the sharer over the months. No contact with the owner for 6 months only the first few days in hospital.
Fieldlife
Well-Known Member
sorry ignore me. I totally misread and misinterpreted the post I replied to.
Busy mare
Well-Known Member
Thank you
milliepops
Wears headscarf aggressively
People can behave oddly in situations like these. A friend of mine broke her back when she was starting a mutual friend's young horse. The horses owner didn't even contact her after that happened. I visited the injured friend regularly and she said lots of people had sort of cut her off. I guess people don't always react in the way you'd expect sometimes.
ycbm
Einstein would be proud of my Insanity...
You are the sharer and the rider who had the accident. (I'm confused why you keep writing about yourself in the third person.) How much of a friend was she before the accident? What sort of contact did you have with her on a daily/weekly basis? Did you actually like her and she appear to like you (it's not mandatory for a functional share of a horse)? Did you spend any non-horse time together?
You're obviously unhappy about this, and if you felt there was a relationship there which she has dropped, I can understand why. I'm sorry to read about your injuries and financial losses. I hope you're healed as far as possible soon.
.
ycbm
Einstein would be proud of my Insanity...
To be fair, if she had a sharer because she needed a sharer, then she had to get a new sharer.
.
Abi90
Well-Known Member
Also confused by the third person writing but if it bothers you that much then why don’t you kindly say something and express that it has hurt you?
“hey (name), I hope you are well and that (horse’s name) is getting on okay with the new sharer.
I wanted to mention that I have been feeling a little hurt. I thought we had got on well whilst I shared your horse and considered you a friend, and I have felt a bit abandoned by the fact you have not been to visit/check up on how I am. I would be lovely to see you and catch up”
That might seem overly nice whilst you feel let down by this person but it’s really important to use “I” statement when expressing hurt and crossed boundaries rather than just blaming. Especially if owner is feeling a lot of guilt about what happened. Accidents happen with horses and she’s not obligated to look after you or even check in, it would have been nice but she doesn’t have to. The issue is not what she’s done but how it’s made you feel, which is perfectly valid.
“hey (name), I hope you are well and that (horse’s name) is getting on okay with the new sharer.
I wanted to mention that I have been feeling a little hurt. I thought we had got on well whilst I shared your horse and considered you a friend, and I have felt a bit abandoned by the fact you have not been to visit/check up on how I am. I would be lovely to see you and catch up”
That might seem overly nice whilst you feel let down by this person but it’s really important to use “I” statement when expressing hurt and crossed boundaries rather than just blaming. Especially if owner is feeling a lot of guilt about what happened. Accidents happen with horses and she’s not obligated to look after you or even check in, it would have been nice but she doesn’t have to. The issue is not what she’s done but how it’s made you feel, which is perfectly valid.
Busy mare
Well-Known Member
That’s exactly it, when it comes to the crunch you realise who is there for you.
Busy mare
Well-Known Member
I was trying to keep neutral to get a representation from both sides as a sharer and owner.
Only been riding the horse for 6 months 1-2 times a week. Got on well with the owner only saw her during these riding sessions we hacked together most of the time so did get friendly.
Busy mare
Well-Known Member
Thanks! Yes even if she didn’t want to visit it only takes a few seconds to send a text to see how someone is getting on.
Abi90
Well-Known Member
But she might also be feeling guilty, plus you don’t know what she has going on in her own life and it may have slipped her by because she’s dealing with her own drama. Which is why you need to approach it from “I felt like this” rather than “you did this”