We are home.
I will start with the injuries first.
One bitten finger and lots of blood.
One strained groin and lots of moaning.
One broken filler.
We arrived in good time and waited outside the indoor for the previous session to end. The doors opened and out came 3 smart horses that look like showjumpers in the making. In marches Ted has a glance around and takes a 10 minute pee with sound effects from both ends. Alice shot to the other end of the school fearing being drowned, splashed or covered in skid marks.
The instructor a BS Level 3 coach, who we do know (thankfully!) stood in the middle of the school with a faintly disguised expression of utter disbelief. The previous group had, judging by the fences, been doing skinnies, corners and bounces. Ted's rider went a whiter shade of pale on looking at the fences. I was more concerned that we would have a water jump if Ted kept on peeing. The fright was enough to make Ted's rider decide he needed to pee too. My ear splitting screech of 'AIR JACKET' just prevented a huge bang as he threw himself off Ted and disappeared to the toilet. Honestly it is like taking a pair of toddlers out. I had visions of Ted's rider locking himself in the loo for 90 minutes.
With both horses going very green in a new environment a good bit of the 90 minute session was spent doing flat work with lots of stretchy breaks. Ted was, as ever, very enthusiastic and starting to go well. The instructor was impressed, make that surprised. Time was spent helping Ted straighten his canter and open his forehand. Whilst all this was going on Alice stood in the centre with her nose on the surface, ears at right angles and looking like something you might see on the beach at Weston Super Mare.
Ted was given a break and the first injury occurred when his rider rewarded the good work with a polo mint. Ted lost lip control, dropped the mint and munched on a finger instead. First aid was administered, don't fingers bleed well !
Alice was stoked up and after some persuasion produced some decent flat work, she had a lot of help with maintaining a contact and staying in front of the leg. Another little break and homework was discussed before moving onto poles and cross poles. Both worked well, Ted tripped up a few times and Alice tested the smash ability of the poles but all was generally good.
With confidence brimming a filler was introduced to the cross pole, maybe I should reword that, with confidence brimming a monster of epic proportions appeared out of nowhere and landed in front of the cross pole. Alice spooked yards away from it and stopped dead, Ted didn't see it until the last second and did an impressive hook off through his shoulder. Far play to his rider who didn't budge.
Proper babies aren't they said the instructor as he put up poles onto the wings to guide the horses into the centre. Ted comes round again in his best trot and this time he is going, perhaps not in the right direction but he went - straight over the highest part of the guide pole without touching it and making a lovely shape. Rider stays in correct position and on board, god knows how. 'Come again' and Ted stays dead straight and makes a nice effort over the filler, lands on the correct lead and canters away with a happy head toss and looking for more fences. We now have injury number two as his rider announces he has hurt himself and his sex life is, without doubt, over.
Alice finally agrees to approach the fire breathing filler in trot before grinding to another halt. She then decided she could get her front end over but forgot she has a bit more following. The result being death by Alice to the filler and a little wake up moment for the horse who was swinging between nappiness and idleness. She came round again and made a good effort on both reins.
Sadly there are no photographs as the flash was going off and the horses were struggling without having any further distraction. I don't think either horse will be needed on the British team just yet.
