My next equine project horse

AdorableAlice

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Ted The Tremendous has requested that this thread is closed. He has gone into hiding and is considering his future with Team AA, it is possibly time to move on. The shame is too great to remain in the public domain, he is investigating hair dye and cosmetic surgery to hide his identity.

His girlfriend, now ex, legal action started, has only gone and beaten him in Prelim 14 today. His world is shattered. His rider is sacked for it was his riders fault, an error of course cost 2 points, his girlfriend beat him by 2 points. Without his rider having sat nav failure he would have won on collectives and his pride would be intact. The only saving grace is the fact there is no photographic evidence of Alice's excellent test.

Please check your outbuilding tomorrow, it is hard to say which direction he will go in and if you find him please be kind to him and ensure he has an ample supply of M&S jellie babies, he loves those.
 

Adopter

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I do hope Ted changes his mind overnight and stays with Team AA, there is always another day and his rider won't make the same mistake again.

Well done Alice. You must be very proud AA to have two youngsters developing so much promise.
 

Cobbytype

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Ted The Tremendous has requested that this thread is closed. He has gone into hiding and is considering his future with Team AA, it is possibly time to move on. The shame is too great to remain in the public domain, he is investigating hair dye and cosmetic surgery to hide his identity.

His girlfriend, now ex, legal action started, has only gone and beaten him in Prelim 14 today. His world is shattered. His rider is sacked for it was his riders fault, an error of course cost 2 points, his girlfriend beat him by 2 points. Without his rider having sat nav failure he would have won on collectives and his pride would be intact. The only saving grace is the fact there is no photographic evidence of Alice's excellent test.

Please check your outbuilding tomorrow, it is hard to say which direction he will go in and if you find him please be kind to him and ensure he has an ample supply of M&S jellie babies, he loves those.
He's welcome at mine with his fancy rug and spensive dressage saddle, but I only have the M & S pink pigs or Haribo economy mix.
 

AML

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Well, I've checked and Ted hasn't turned up here this morning.

Great pity as the meet tomorrow is perfect for introducing babies. Just saying ...
 

Drzoidberg2

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Lovely, lovely thread. I've read it all over the last week, and like so many others have laughed and cried and laughed some more. Well done AdorableAlice for posting through such hard times, and well done for coming out the other side, humour intact.

I really hope Teds recent ordeal doesn't force him into hiding completely, as I would be heartbroken if I have only found it after Ted entered witness protection!
 

AdorableAlice

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Lovely, lovely thread. I've read it all over the last week, and like so many others have laughed and cried and laughed some more. Well done AdorableAlice for posting through such hard times, and well done for coming out the other side, humour intact.

I really hope Teds recent ordeal doesn't force him into hiding completely, as I would be heartbroken if I have only found it after Ted entered witness protection!
He is home, sulking and had a bucking fit yesterday. He is starstruck by the lovely Peanut, romance is in the air.
 

teacups

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Peanut? Who Peanut?

You are not going to tell us he has sacked his pilot in a fit of pique, and replaced him with someone called Peanut?!?

Or is Peanut some other addition? Tell, tell...(please)...
 

AdorableAlice

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Peanut? Who Peanut?

You are not going to tell us he has sacked his pilot in a fit of pique, and replaced him with someone called Peanut?!?

Or is Peanut some other addition? Tell, tell...(please)...
http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/foru...ere-to-find-tack-amp-rugs-for-gigantic-horses

Peanut is a buxom beautiful lady who Ted has fallen for - after falling out with Adorable Alice - who beat him in the dressage arena last week.

Ted and his rider have come to a compromise. His rider has purchased an air jacket and taken Ted on countryside romps. Ted loved it and now locks onto to anything that looks remotely jumpable, which is a little worrying given that the combined age of the duo is 77 years and Ted was born in 2011. A written promise has been made confirming rider will never forget a test again, that is also worrying as there was an instance at Addington regionals when our superstar horse lost a class due to an error of course. |It was me sulking that day !

As a further sweetener for Ted his rider decided Ted could use the eye watering expensive Albion dressage saddle on Saturday. It fitted nicely so we hacked out. Out on the hack I kept looking at it and realised it sat slightly further back than ideal. Ted is short backed. Walk and trot was fine and he was swinging along. On a large grassy verge we stepped into canter and yep, that saddle is too long, Ted launched into spectacular aerobatics and left Martha and I for dead.

Thankfully Ted did his break dancing in a straight line and his rider, who has a position to die for, stayed put and pulled Ted up. I couldn't help but think it was a 'one all' situation in the relationship but thought better than saying it !

Ted is off to Swallowfields on Saturday, minus Alice as I can't stand the pressure.
 

teacups

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Ahaa - and I can see why Ted is smitten.

He should be more gracious towards Alice though - she probably beat him because she actually did some homework whilst he was snoring and dreaming about fancy saddles. What a shame though that it (the saddle) is too long. Bet Alice is eyeing it up, will go nicely with Manolos surely?

I had a great mental image going of straight-lined-horse breakdancing. <g>

Go Ted & rider on Saturday - & hope he doesn't decide the judge's car is jumpable ;)
 

AdorableAlice

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Message to Ted.

Gallop is not required in dressage. Wall of death corners are not required in dressage. Scores of 3's and 4's are not acceptable to those who very kindly feed you, dress you and on occasion cuddle you. It was also not appropriate to pinch my piece of cake after performing like a giant space hopper.

Especially on a day when several people approached you and in awe said 'is that Ted ?' wow he is gorgeous. What did you do Ted ?, cock up in spectacular fashion, nice one you gert carthorse.

 

Merrymoles

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Sugar rush!

Mine own mini carthorse was a complete bogwoppit today until I actually got on him and then he decided to behave - gate therapy (ie standing by the gate for ten minutes before trying to open it to go out) seems to calm his small brain. Having watched a programme about the making of Father Ted (no relation I'm sure) last night, we are all agree that my lad is Father Dougal. He needs things explaining several times and is liable to get over-excited at the least excuse.

It's a good job we don't let the behaviour outweigh the need for love and understanding :)
 

Micropony

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Oh dear.

Still, Ted The Tremendous in full gallop and performing space hopper impersonations was, I imagine, a pretty impressive spectacle!

Cake thievery though is pretty low, Ted. You really do need to reflect on what you've done there, young man!
 

AdorableAlice

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Team AA is bored, fat and furry. That is just me but the horses are much the same, so tomorrow we are going to a show jumping clinic with Ted and Alice. The trainer is a good one so I have checked that feathers, farting, pouting and sulking are acceptable. Ted supplies the feathers and farting, Alice will sulk and pout. I am assuming that no reply is a an ok. I have just shaved Alice's armpits and beard as a gesture of refinement and she has a clean nightie on. Ted resembles a bear's arse at the moment and refuses to allow the mud to be removed from his ears, he is being very head shy again at the moment.

Camera is going and a report, hopefully from the sofa and not A&E will follow. Ted's rider will wear his new air jacket. Rest assured should he come off the thing goes bang neither Ted or rider will ever be seen again !
 

teacups

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Good luck today, team!

Ted and Alice may have made some New Year's resolutions...suppose you'll have to wait and see what...could be anything but hopefully useful...<g>
 

AdorableAlice

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We are home.

I will start with the injuries first.

One bitten finger and lots of blood.
One strained groin and lots of moaning.
One broken filler.

We arrived in good time and waited outside the indoor for the previous session to end. The doors opened and out came 3 smart horses that look like showjumpers in the making. In marches Ted has a glance around and takes a 10 minute pee with sound effects from both ends. Alice shot to the other end of the school fearing being drowned, splashed or covered in skid marks.

The instructor a BS Level 3 coach, who we do know (thankfully!) stood in the middle of the school with a faintly disguised expression of utter disbelief. The previous group had, judging by the fences, been doing skinnies, corners and bounces. Ted's rider went a whiter shade of pale on looking at the fences. I was more concerned that we would have a water jump if Ted kept on peeing. The fright was enough to make Ted's rider decide he needed to pee too. My ear splitting screech of 'AIR JACKET' just prevented a huge bang as he threw himself off Ted and disappeared to the toilet. Honestly it is like taking a pair of toddlers out. I had visions of Ted's rider locking himself in the loo for 90 minutes.

With both horses going very green in a new environment a good bit of the 90 minute session was spent doing flat work with lots of stretchy breaks. Ted was, as ever, very enthusiastic and starting to go well. The instructor was impressed, make that surprised. Time was spent helping Ted straighten his canter and open his forehand. Whilst all this was going on Alice stood in the centre with her nose on the surface, ears at right angles and looking like something you might see on the beach at Weston Super Mare.

Ted was given a break and the first injury occurred when his rider rewarded the good work with a polo mint. Ted lost lip control, dropped the mint and munched on a finger instead. First aid was administered, don't fingers bleed well !

Alice was stoked up and after some persuasion produced some decent flat work, she had a lot of help with maintaining a contact and staying in front of the leg. Another little break and homework was discussed before moving onto poles and cross poles. Both worked well, Ted tripped up a few times and Alice tested the smash ability of the poles but all was generally good.

With confidence brimming a filler was introduced to the cross pole, maybe I should reword that, with confidence brimming a monster of epic proportions appeared out of nowhere and landed in front of the cross pole. Alice spooked yards away from it and stopped dead, Ted didn't see it until the last second and did an impressive hook off through his shoulder. Far play to his rider who didn't budge.

Proper babies aren't they said the instructor as he put up poles onto the wings to guide the horses into the centre. Ted comes round again in his best trot and this time he is going, perhaps not in the right direction but he went - straight over the highest part of the guide pole without touching it and making a lovely shape. Rider stays in correct position and on board, god knows how. 'Come again' and Ted stays dead straight and makes a nice effort over the filler, lands on the correct lead and canters away with a happy head toss and looking for more fences. We now have injury number two as his rider announces he has hurt himself and his sex life is, without doubt, over.

Alice finally agrees to approach the fire breathing filler in trot before grinding to another halt. She then decided she could get her front end over but forgot she has a bit more following. The result being death by Alice to the filler and a little wake up moment for the horse who was swinging between nappiness and idleness. She came round again and made a good effort on both reins.

Sadly there are no photographs as the flash was going off and the horses were struggling without having any further distraction. I don't think either horse will be needed on the British team just yet.
 

Roxylola

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Oh bless them both, sounds like it will have done their flatwork loads of good though. The tale of the filler reminded me of many years ago at a club show the organisers had made a "wall" they painted a sheet of mdf or similar with bricks and introduced to the jumping. It was only about 2'6" or so but everything stopped at it, until my horse went in, jumped clear but he had a nasty habit of having a buck on landing. I had ridden in quite strong to the wall, he of course let fly after it, not only kicked it down but broke it clean in half! Much consternation followed about what to do about everyone else who had had faults there!
 
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