New mare has gone wild.

Breather said:
Cow parsley. And it’s the season for it. Brilliant stuff for distracting in skittish moments - pick it, and hold low down to get stretch her head and neck, and breathe. Cow parsley is also very beneficial mentally and physically long term - check it out.
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I used to have a very reactive TBxWelshD mare who.loved cow parsley. We used to pick it for her to eat, if she couldn't get to it herself.

Brilliant post!
 
It might even be that one mare that she will react like that to. My gelding had never shown the slightest interest in mares in all the years I'd owned him and he'd been on big yards. Ended up next to a new mare in season apparently the love of his life and if you hadn't known he was gelded you'd have thought I'd turned a stallion out next to her. Only ever known him react like that to that one mare!
 
Pearlsasinger said:
So you knew she was used to living out on individual turnout with other equines nearby and decided to buy her to bring back to be in a herd with overnight stabling?
And expected her to be settled enough for a nervous child to ride?
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But to be fair. If I had bought the pony, I would have expected her to be ok with that situation. The OP was told that she’s absolutely fine to stable, if required. Overnight. And shouldn’t be a problem being with others in a field. I’ve thrown many a horse into a field with another over the years. And as long as there were others next to the horses, I’ve never had a problem. I agree it does sometimes take time to settle into a new yard. And I have a very sexy mare who I keep on individual turnout next to two others as she would be a nightmare otherwise. But, if I sold her, I’d make that very clear. Whereas, I understand the OP asked the right questions. Was reassured it would be fine. And the pony is really struggling. With severe seperation anxiety. I feel for both pony. And the OP.
 
Just dotting in to say to the OP

try and get a loan or share for your child. Ask at pony club.

Get the child’s confidence back before buying anything else!!

And you never know either a loan or share you might find the perfect pony and the perfect situation. You might even be able to buy.

But honestly don’t go out and buy another one. Or at the very least get it in a months loan with a view to buy.
 
Parrotperson said:
Just dotting in to say to the OP

try and get a loan or share for your child. Ask at pony club.

Get the child’s confidence back before buying anything else!!

And you never know either a loan or share you might find the perfect pony and the perfect situation. You might even be able to buy.

But honestly don’t go out and buy another one. Or at the very least get it in a months loan with a view to buy.
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If you decide to keep or sell I agree, we sold an unsuitable pony we had and my daughter had a couple of months of riding very quiet ponies at both the riding school and friends horses..:it did wonders for her confidence! We then got something quieter and they are doing brilliantly together now.

Honestly makes such a difference if they’ve had a bad experience x
 
Well we've been this evening and she is definitely calmer but still slightly obsessed with her friend.

Dd was riding in the school and her friend decided to come over to the fence which is about 5m away and call to our pony.

Our pony stopped listening to my daughter and started calling. Head was up and adrenalin pumping. Dd got off as she was scared

I rode her and she was fine, friend got taken in and then dd got back on.

I feel really deflated. I know we've not had her long an they need to settle but his pony was meant to rebuild DDs confidence and be very steady an at the moment she really isn't ,😢
 
racmun said:
Well we've been this evening and she is definitely calmer but still slightly obsessed with her friend.

Dd was riding in the school and her friend decided to come over to the fence which is about 5m away and call to our pony.

Our pony stopped listening to my daughter and started calling. Head was up and adrenalin pumping. Dd got off as she was scared

I rode her and she was fine, friend got taken in and then dd got back on.

I feel really deflated. I know we've not had her long an they need to settle but his pony was meant to rebuild DDs confidence and be very steady an at the moment she really isn't ,😢
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But seriously though, you 've had the poor pony for less than 2 weeks and expect her to be the perfect pony already? By your previous post she hasn't even done anything remotely unhinged or dangerous? Calling out to her friends and being tense is not a big deal really. I'm sorry but you sound like a really unempathetic person right now expecting a living creature to behave like a machine. It's a living creature you've torn away from everything she knows and apparently you have zero understanding about it. I feel very sad for the poor animal, perhaps the very best for her would be to return to her previous owners.
 
racmun said:
Well we've been this evening and she is definitely calmer but still slightly obsessed with her friend.

Dd was riding in the school and her friend decided to come over to the fence which is about 5m away and call to our pony.

Our pony stopped listening to my daughter and started calling. Head was up and adrenalin pumping. Dd got off as she was scared

I rode her and she was fine, friend got taken in and then dd got back on.

I feel really deflated. I know we've not had her long an they need to settle but his pony was meant to rebuild DDs confidence and be very steady an at the moment she really isn't ,😢
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I wonder if your daughter is really ready for her own pony. Perhaps another year or two on a riding school might be better for her.
I think you are expecting a lot of a new pony, who, in fairness, doesn’t actually sound like they’ve done much wrong.

Has the pony bucked/reared/taken off? Or is it just tense and shouty?
 
racmun said:
Well we've been this evening and she is definitely calmer but still slightly obsessed with her friend.

Dd was riding in the school and her friend decided to come over to the fence which is about 5m away and call to our pony.

Our pony stopped listening to my daughter and started calling. Head was up and adrenalin pumping. Dd got off as she was scared

I rode her and she was fine, friend got taken in and then dd got back on.

I feel really deflated. I know we've not had her long an they need to settle but his pony was meant to rebuild DDs confidence and be very steady an at the moment she really isn't ,😢
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It seems to me that you haven't gone about this in the best way. The pony is new, daughter is already lacking in confidence, it would have been far better to allow pony at least a week to settle before allowing daughter to do.much at all, especially as pony is on livery. She won't have a clue why the people at the yard that she knows best bring her in and, presumably leave her with hay to settle down, then a bit later someone else comes along and disturbs her, making her run round in circles till she's hot and sweaty and then still won't leave her alone but expects her to stand still to have a bath. The pony needs to feel secure in her new situation and you have done nothing to encourage that, or to build daughter's confidence, which will have to be done slowly and gradually. If the pony can't go back, you need to get someone to give your daughter lessons on her.
 
I think your mare is managing admirably considering the stress she is under. By most people's definition she is very steady.

Have you considered that maybe your daughter isn't ready to make the big jump from riding school to owned ponies?

Could it even be possible that she is a square peg in a round hole, living your dream but secretly wishing you'd let her go to Karate instead?
 
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We used to have a mare that called to her friend when we took her away from her. Tensed up, super loud whinny. It was annoying, but not dangerous in any way.
It sounds like your daughter’s confidence has taken a real hit, and anything ‘out of the ordinary’ is going to upset her at the moment. Maybe look at booking some riding school lessons on a super safe plod, and getting someone more experienced to ride new pony whilst she settles.
 
racmun said:
Well we've been this evening and she is definitely calmer but still slightly obsessed with her friend.

Dd was riding in the school and her friend decided to come over to the fence which is about 5m away and call to our pony.

Our pony stopped listening to my daughter and started calling. Head was up and adrenalin pumping. Dd got off as she was scared

I rode her and she was fine, friend got taken in and then dd got back on.

I feel really deflated. I know we've not had her long an they need to settle but his pony was meant to rebuild DDs confidence and be very steady an at the moment she really isn't ,😢
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Slightly different circumstances but the last horse I bought (young horse, first move from where he was born) took 6 weeks to settle. For those 6 weeks he was barely handle-able. Not nasty but so nervous and jumpy that he spent the 6 weeks running from anything and everyone.

We were 100% questioning what we'd bought and had to reassure the YO that the semi feral youngster was not what we'd viewed. He did settle and is now a real softy.


I would dial your expectations of the mare back to the absolute minimum - she is polite to handle ie lead in from the field, have 5mins pats/mini groom, lead back out. Can she live out 24/7 to stop the shouting at night?

Work on building a solid bond with her, and hopefully as she settles and her season passes she will become less axious about being separated, and if she doesn't you will hopefully have built a bond with her that will give you grounds to work on the sepetation anxiety. At the moment you have an upset, stressed and hormonal mare (and we've all had bad PMS at some point (if you haven't I'm SO jealous 😅)) who doesnt know you enough to look to you for support and is not in a state of mind to try and work on seperation etc.

I know you were hoping for a pony your daughter could ride now, but this is part of having horses, maybe if you consider her "lame" for a few weeks it will help frame the time you need to set aside and help your daughyer understand why she cant ride atm (no idea how old your daughter is).
Also building a solid bind on the ground will hopefully help her confidence when riding as she will better understand/know how she reacts to things.
Riding might be the 'fun' bit but the rest is all essential horemanship if she wants to keep riding as she gets older.

There are loads of great books of groundwork exercises you could do in the arena, and the great thing about arenas is if the mare gets upset or your daughter gets scared she can just drop the rope and jump back, no harm to anyone (usual caveats about creati g bad habits etc).
 
I'm sad your daughter is riding her already. She, by your own admission lacks confidence. So does this mare. Not a happy combination .

You really are asking a lot and "forcing" the situation. As said before she's a sentient being who is frightened and upset.

An established rider, or if you're confident, yourself, in a week or two would be kinder. If you don't have the time to give her please move her on, but she sounds as if she's coming round and in another few weeks will be fine. I thi.k you could have a little star on your hands as she's not really done anything wrong despite the circumstances.
 
The poor horse does sound so stressed. I do agree with PaS.
You took her out for a 25 minute lunge which would have increased her already high adrenaline. Then washed her which some horses tolerate but I’ve never seen one enjoy and then instead of getting back to the field, the one thing she wanted, she had to go in a stall and you were surprised she was wound up.

All she knows is leaving the field is adding stress. I would strip everything back and wouldn’t consider asking work from her until she was so much more settled.
I’d take her out of the field, let her have a couple of minutes munching grass and put her back.
Next day I would pick feet, quick brush, wee munch and back. And slowly add on more so long as she is calm.

Help her build up confidence away from the others instead of blaming her for her behaviour.
 
Having read the whole thread it does seem as though the pony is starting to settle. I do sympathise with the OP as she does seem to have done a fair bit of checking and asking of questions prior to buying this pony.

What is jumping out at me though and has been mentioned by a few other posters recently is that the main problem actually seems to be your daughter's lack of confidence - particularly given that this is not the first pony that she has not been confident with. Does she really want to ride? Would she be happier just brushing and making a fuss of the pony? If she really does want to ride and isn't just saying it then I think she would be better going to a riding school to get her confidence up. There tends to be a big difference between riding school and privately owned ponies who often are overfed and underworked (not saying that OP is doing this).
 
Can you ride her for a bit while she settles and daughter ride your other pony? It sounds like she’s settling now but she really needs you to hold her hand as she does, so she can become the confident pony you need to look after your daughter. If you rode her in the arena, took her out hacking etc then she could learn about her new environment with an adult guiding her and making her feel safe. She would then be confident enough in herself and her surroundings to look after your daughter while doing the same activities.
 
racmun said:
Well we've been this evening and she is definitely calmer but still slightly obsessed with her friend.

Dd was riding in the school and her friend decided to come over to the fence which is about 5m away and call to our pony.

Our pony stopped listening to my daughter and started calling. Head was up and adrenalin pumping. Dd got off as she was scared

I rode her and she was fine, friend got taken in and then dd got back on.

I feel really deflated. I know we've not had her long an they need to settle but his pony was meant to rebuild DDs confidence and be very steady an at the moment she really isn't ,😢
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I am not sure where you are in Surrey but I can really recommend my trainer (I will dm you). I am sure it is a mixture of settling in, hormones and group turnout excitement after living on her own. I loaned our gold plated pony rather than selling him as I knew he took time to settle in when I purchased him - the family that loan him understood that and he turned out to be golden for them too but when I bought him and brought him home, he was so unsettled and not suitable for my daughter until he realised he wasn't moving on again - in the interim an adult rode him for a few weeks and then he settled.

I know that it isn't brilliant but it sounds like she just needs a bit of time and help.
 
racmun said:
Well we've been this evening and she is definitely calmer but still slightly obsessed with her friend.

Dd was riding in the school and her friend decided to come over to the fence which is about 5m away and call to our pony.

Our pony stopped listening to my daughter and started calling. Head was up and adrenalin pumping. Dd got off as she was scared

I rode her and she was fine, friend got taken in and then dd got back on.

I feel really deflated. I know we've not had her long an they need to settle but his pony was meant to rebuild DDs confidence and be very steady an at the moment she really isn't ,😢
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Why are you deflated by this? Pony got distracted by beware best mate ( who's leaving soon) daughter wasn't confident enough to ride through it but pony was fine with you and when friend went was OK for daughter again, this to me seems leaps and bounds from what you were saying she was like a week ago. I agree pony needs time to settle and needs to be taken away from friends for just short periods of time when only good things happen and with some patience she will probably be the pony she was advertised to be, whether that is the right pony for your nervous daughter is another matter. Maybe your daughter would have been better off with a share initially instead of her own pony, that way there's no big routine changes to upset anyone, no big responsibility putting pressure on and the horse is still being regularly ridden by someone who knows how to ride it.
 
Depending on where you are in Surrey I can recommend a great instructor for children and/or nervous riders, she’s brilliant (around the bookham area)
It sounds like the pony is starting to settle but you maybe took this and then did too much by riding whilst her friend was in the field next door - try not to move the comfort zone quite so quickly, let her have a few days of being comfortable with being groomed and tied up before riding so she can relax. I know it’s exciting having a new pony and wanting to crack on, especially when it’s for a child, but pushing too soon just sounds like it’s going to cause more issues.
 
A couple of things really.Bought my first mare,She was only young and a bit bargy on the ground.Despite help she never really stopped it.Due to different circumstances she unfortunately was moved around a bit.She seemed to cope with everything very well.Still remained bargy.Now settled in a really nice professional place where she has consistant handling etc. and the barginess seems to have stopped so I can only think, with the benefit of hindsight,that that was her way of coping with stress.
Current excellent YM/trainer has had ponies/horses all of her life.They used to sell the odd pony, always doing their best to find good homes and keeping the money for a couple of weeks incase things didn't work out.One pony had to come back, would not settle despite the family seeming to be an ideal match.They did sell it on again later with no problems.
In my opinion, for what its worth send it back.It was bought to do a job which it is not doing.Not the ponies fault but not your daughters either.
 
Bobthecob15 said:
I find this a very judgemental comment! OP was just looking for help!
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I disagree. I think it’s an honest opinion.
Having taught a lot of kids at riding school you’d be amazed how many kids didn’t really want to be there and predominantly it was those with horsey parents.
Alongside kids who really just wanted to pootle about and play with the pony and having parents complain to me that they want their kids to be jumping within 6 months of getting on a pony 🙄.
There are of course nervous children who do overcome nerves and flourish but it’s a really delicate balance and a minefield finding an appropriate pony. Which is clearly what OP is trying to do.
 
racmun said:
Well we've been this evening and she is definitely calmer but still slightly obsessed with her friend.

Dd was riding in the school and her friend decided to come over to the fence which is about 5m away and call to our pony.

Our pony stopped listening to my daughter and started calling. Head was up and adrenalin pumping. Dd got off as she was scared

I rode her and she was fine, friend got taken in and then dd got back on.

I feel really deflated. I know we've not had her long an they need to settle but his pony was meant to rebuild DDs confidence and be very steady an at the moment she really isn't ,😢
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a horse or pony is not there to rebuild a rider's confidence, that is not the job of an equine it is the pony who expects the rider to be the one to give it confidence.

I think someone, probably not you, should be asking your daughter if she is happy with this pony, if she feels that she is going to be able to build the ponies confidence. The pony stopped listening, it was up to your daughter to turn it away from the distraction, send it on, get it to listen to her and reassure the pony it was all OK. lets get on and go round the school again. Getting off doesn't give confidence to either her or the pony although if she was scared I totally sympathise with her doing this.


Ceifer said:
I disagree. I think it’s an honest opinion.
Having taught a lot of kids at riding school you’d be amazed how many kids didn’t really want to be there and predominantly it was those with horsey parents.
Alongside kids who really just wanted to pootle about and play with the pony and having parents complain to me that they want their kids to be jumping within 6 months of getting on a pony 🙄.
There are of course nervous children who do overcome nerves and flourish but it’s a really delicate balance and a minefield finding an appropriate pony. Which is clearly what OP is trying to do.
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I am starting to think this is correct. It sounds to me that your daughter needs a dozy old friend of a pony, possibly a gelding, who will look after her so she can build confidence.

When your daughter has her next lesson I would make sure she rides this new pony and that you ask the instructor if this is really going to work.

It takes a very very long time to build confidence and just a couple of minutes to lose it.
 
FWIW, when I got my mare who was rising 4 at the time, she and my old riggish ex racer gelding got completely obsessed with each other. If I was working one in the school, the other would be screaming & getting agitated even though they were in sight of each other. I have another two, so they didn't just have each other. Long story short, a year on, no-one cares what each other is doing any more & the only time there is shouting is if I actually take the mare out in the lorry & even then they both shut up within a few minutes. Mare is on Regumate. It was all a bit tedious at the time, but unfortunately when you get a new horse, the first month or two at the very least involves a certain amount of (horse) shouting & out of chara behaviour. I always expect chaos & then it's lovely when it starts to settle down.
 
So to update pony certainly seems more settled and was dozing in her stable this evening and I just spent some time stroking her brushing her mane and just being in her company and all was fine.

We are switching them round so as of Sunday they will be out overnight. This is positive as her best friend will be in the stable out of sights ify daughter has lessons at the weekend in the school during the day.

The owner of best friend is really lovely and completely understands my concerns with my DD she is happy to leave her horse in the stable if we are riding in the school and we can then turn her out afterwards.

I am going to hack the pony out until she settles.

Re getting her an old plod, this pony was/is meant to be an old plod so I'm keeping everything crossed that she chills out even more back to how she was when we tried her.

Dd does enjoy riding but also enjoys the whole aspect of living and looking after a pony too.
 
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