Partner hitting my dog

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I think there are obviously other things in OPs relationship that have rung alarm bells and she has been trying to ignore as you wouldn't move out and back to your mum's just because some strangers on a forum told you there were serious problems in your relationship, this must have made her look hard at the relationship so well done op for that. Hopefully moving out will be the kick up the bum he needs to realise his behaviour is not acceptable and agree to some councilling so he can learn to communicate and compromise. If not better to only spend 2 years with the wrong person than 20. Good luck op and well done for taking a stand x
 
Cheeky Chestnut said:
Op all I’m going to say is that you need to look at this objectively, you entered into a relationship with this person and are building a life with them for a reason, if you don’t want to do that anymore then fair enough but I wouldn’t be happy with allowing random strangers on the net to be ripping into the character of my partner, Regardless of what he has done to piss me off. That to me sends more of a message than anything. If you want to leave him them do it.

If you are going to leave then do so and take your dog however make sure a it’s what you want and not off the back of mass faceless opinion on the net.
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The OP posted to get other people's views and opinions on a situation, which is what people are doing. I'd assume they are an adult and won't make a decision based on what random internet strangers say.
 
Hi Cheeky chestnut..if you go back to OP s first post she says she is one of us...her temporary new name is for her protection from her partner to avoid him identifying her here..so people here are not “random strangers“,and OP will know each and every one of us by their regular handles....

How are you any different? how is your advice any better?
you speak about parrots biting you and your retaliation...this is very different to a man slapping his partner‘s small dog on the most sensitive part of its body,repeatedly.

your “cheeky “name bemused me,as it is so far from your posts,your avatar, however,inspired me to look up the wilkipedia of an old chestnut.

old chestnut
informal

a subject, idea, or joke that has been discussed or repeated so often that it is not funny any more:
I wondered whether there might, after all, be some truth in the old chestnut that one's school days are the happiest of one's life.
SMART Vocabulary: related words and phrases
Tedious and uninspiring
 
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PonyAndMutt said:
he will stop doing it when he doesn't have a reason to anymore, ie when the behaviour doesn't happen anymore.
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Will he by golly. He will carry on even though:
It isn't his dog.
You don't want him to do it.
It upsets and stresses you.
It isn't working anyway.
But he is going to keep on doing it because he is right, he is n charge, your opinion is irrelevant, in fact - you can't stop him can you? :(

She is a dog, I can't guaruntee that she will never whine or bark
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Nor should you.
 
I am not sure I have mentioned this in any previous post but just want to reiterate something. He has said that he doesn't like the dog whining, he has also said that he is not sure he won't hit your child (if and when) if you have any. Crying babies can send any sane person mad but one that doesn't like a whining dog will likely be driven too far. My midwife told me many, many moons ago( before I had my first baby) that if your baby has been fed, winded, changed and you've tried everything you can to stop the crying and the baby is still crying and you are getting to the end of your tether, put it in it's cot and walk away. She said many parents don't realise how much they drive you insane , until it happens to them. She said put them safe in their cot and walk away before you do something you regret. Calm down and then go back. The point of this post is , do you think he will be able to walk away from a screaming baby?
Another thing is people who are abusive, in whatever capacity, in the home are often very charming outside the home, putting on a front.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/What-is-abuse
 
Blanche said:
I am not sure I have mentioned this in any previous post but just want to reiterate something. He has said that he doesn't like the dog whining, he has also said that he is not sure he won't hit your child (if and when) if you have any. Crying babies can send any sane person mad but one that doesn't like a whining dog will likely be driven too far. My midwife told me many, many moons ago( before I had my first baby) that if your baby has been fed, winded, changed and you've tried everything you can to stop the crying and the baby is still crying and you are getting to the end of your tether, put it in it's cot and walk away. She said many parents don't realise how much they drive you insane , until it happens to them. She said put them safe in their cot and walk away before you do something you regret. Calm down and then go back. The point of this post is , do you think he will be able to walk away from a screaming baby?
Another thing is people who are abusive, in whatever capacity, in the home are often very charming outside the home, putting on a front.

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/What-is-abuse
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That's a good point about a baby. They can be very stressful. Your midwife also sounds very sensible.
 
I'm a firm believer in that most people can change their bad behaviours, from wifebeaters to alcoholics, if they reach the point where they want to change their behaviour.

But your partner doesn't want to change. You've talked to him about it several times, and when you finally told him that his way of reprimanding your dog crosses your line, he childishly responds with saying your dog crosses his line. Add to that he's using the silent treatment. It makes alarm bells ring as loud as church bells in my head.

I have to admit that the thought of a man doing that to 1, or all my 3 bitches, makes me think you should not just dump him, I think you should crush his balls with a pair of clogs, then leave him. In fact, I have several pairs of clogs, I can send you some if you want to.
 
paddi22 said:
The OP posted to get other people's views and opinions on a situation, which is what people are doing. I'd assume they are an adult and won't make a decision based on what random internet strangers say.
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In the majority of cases when people post asking for opinions about a relationship matter it is so that they can see others validating their own opinion, telling them that they are not being unreasonable in asking for whatever it is that they are asking for that their partner is denying them.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
In the majority of cases when people post asking for opinions about a relationship matter it is so that they can see others validating their own opinion, telling them that they are not being unreasonable in asking for whatever it is that they are asking for that their partner is denying them.
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I think something like that’s is perhaps easier to do on a forum like this .
Once you have told your family and friends you can’t unsay it but you can on here , and I think it easy for people to doubt themselves and think am I being silly ,am I wrong and being unreasonable .
 
Bellasophia said:
your “cheeky “name bemused me,as it is so far from your posts,your avatar, however,inspired me to look up the wilkipedia of an old chestnut.

old chestnut
informal

a subject, idea, or joke that has been discussed or repeated so often that it is not funny any more:
I wondered whether there might, after all, be some truth in the old chestnut that one's school days are the happiest of one's life.
SMART Vocabulary: related words and phrases
Tedious and uninspiring
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I don't agree with everything that Cheeky Chestnut wrote as I also see warning signs about this man.

However posting this wiki word search is really mean and unkind of you Bella. CC is clearly named after her chestnut horse. If you disagree with her posts say so without the personal attack.
 
PonyAndMutt said:
The silent treatment is for saying it loudly in case the new neighbours hear. He drove off and left me there for 20 minutes/half an hourish and there’s just been silence since.
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This counts as emotionally abusive behaviour. Do you want to remain in a relationship with someone who uses psychological manipulation and/or coercion to control you? If yes, then please rehome the dog. She has no say in any of this.
 
Old chestnut ?...old chestnut is as described ,an idea that is repeated over and over as to become tedious and uninspiring( as stated in the quote I posted). Probably better if I’d cut the quote off there...the long list was probablysuperfluous,as I’d made the point I intended.
Cheeky chestnut had repeated to four or more posts about her parrot scenario which is not relevant to Ops situation at all imo..
..in one parrots are biting C.C. ..she and her partner discussed things and resolved..
Without bringing up the original posters issues again,we are talking about several very different,more serious issues.
Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion,but C.C. was so far off track I didn’t agree.
Also referring the everyone as random strangers and saying not to take their advice,whilst giving her own,really was a contradiction.
 
Cheeky chestnut, would you have even asked about your situation? I'm going with a no, perhaps because you resolved it between you, perhaps because you spoke to friends or family about it because you wanted a sounding board and you could.
Op has posted here for opinions/ideas. With a new user name. This alone sets alarm bells going for me. They want anonymity, I'd guess because they know really there is more to this behaviour, and they therefore dont want to speak to friends or family, because they know this isnt really ok.
I'd also suggest that in a situation like this, there is likely a lot that's not been said.
If he will only cooperate or compromise conditionally subject to things beyond your control OP he isnt cooperating or compromising at all. We shouldn't need reasons or tasks completing to do things that make our loved ones happy
 
The silent treatment-manipulative, controlling.

Telling you the dog whining is his boundary so he’ll carry on hitting her when she whines? Controlling, unwilling to compromise.

Drives off to stop you arguing back? Controlling. Emotionally immature.

Unable to change his behaviour which he’s learnt from others. Emotionally immature.

You say she’s been going to work with him, OP? I’m worried she’s been abused whilst with him. No wonder she whines for you!

You say he has to be in control. Honestly, do you want to be the less important person/subjugated by him for the rest of your life? Please, think hard. You are not less than him, he is not more worthy than you.
 
PonyAndMutt said:
I actually brought up the subject of children a couple of days ago. He said it would depend on the scenario and although he doesn’t think it’s ok, he can’t for certain say that he would never do it as he doesn’t know all the possible scenarios.
I don’t know what to do. We’ve been together 2 years and are buying a house together.
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Get out now! He is showing a side of him that you will always be at odds with. Unless you have the same values and basic beliefs in life I’m afraid you’re heading for ongoing stress and anxiety. The warning signs are there. His behaviour toward your dog is unacceptable.
 
Op said she was seeing the vet on Saturday..I also was hoping to hear the update..we’ve put in a lot of support ,I really hope OP will let us know this dog’ s fate/ outcome.
 
You are so right !!!,this is the smacking and not the pooper post..forgive my senile moment...Thanks for the heads up.
....I’m distracted...I’m in crisis mode atm...I have my sons wedding a week away and can’t find a pair of shoes to fit my XxxxxL wide feet.
ive got to walk him up the aisle as they do in Italy ,and I’m torn between Wellington’s,slippers or trainers..as they seem to be all that fit my feet atm.
 
Bellasophia said:
You are so right !!!,this is the smacking and not the pooper post..forgive my senile moment...Thanks for the heads up.
....I’m distracted...I’m in crisis mode atm...I have my sons wedding a week away and can’t find a pair of shoes to fit my XxxxxL wide feet.
ive got to walk him up the aisle as they do in Italy ,and I’m torn between Wellington’s,slippers or trainers..as they seem to be all that fit my feet atm.
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Shall we vote on it?

I'm for the Wellies, so very British!
 
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