Re the "haven't a clue" thread: what's the numptiest thing YOU'VE done? ;)

I fell out of the horsebox, backwards, last weekend!

Jumped in to get saddle, moved it to the door (safety first!) And backed up to pick something up. Forgetting that there was no more van there!

Went flying, but somehow managed to keep upright.....not pretty though.

Oh and just remembered, early morning start for a show, again jumped into back of the van, and split my pants - arse literally gone ; )

Was a cold breezy day that one......
 
I had bought a new fly rug for a my lst horse and was walking across the yard to try it on him whilst he was tied up outside his stable. As I walked toward him the wind caught the rug and flipped it over my head - as I could see through the mesh I didn't think anything of it and continued to approach him with the rug over my head.....well he went :eek: seeing some sort of ghost or monster coming to get him and threw himself backwards, broke the twine and fled across the yard :o

Have also absent mindedly put overreach boots on the hind legs much to the YO's hilarity :o
 
redmone said:
Oh and just remembered, early morning start for a show, again jumped into back of the van, and split my pants - arse literally gone ; ).
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I did that at a pc show once. I was the only parent who helped clear the clear round jumps, while loads of lazy mums and dads watched, and I bent over and ripped all my pants. Had to wear the full length waxed jacket that lives in the car all day, and it was about 80 degrees!



I once was first to ride in a jump off in an indoor arena. did a lovely fast clear and got someone to hold horsey while I went upstairs to watch the others jump off. I won and was so pleased that I rushed back downstairs to get my horse and rosette, only I forgot that I had spurs on and caught them on the back of the top step, therefore launching myself head over heals down the steps and into the arena, arriving for the prize giving like something out of Cirque du Soleil!!:o
 
Brand new horse; proud as punch after a nondescript riding career spanning decades to end up with such a handsome beast. Tack up for saddle fitter and hop on board to assess swanky brand new saddle for swanky brand new horse...

Does he always wears his bridle like that? asks uber-qualified, uber-terrifying master saddler-fitter-type person, and I look down to see I've only put one ear through the headpiece :p:p:p
 
After perfect hours lesson without stirrups. Took my boy into middle of school to jump off, broke one of the first rules of riding safety 'reins into left hand and keep contact while dismounting'. Dropped reins onto his neck before I got off to which he promptly spooked I lost balance and he continued to spook at speed down the school until I was on the floor. Ill never let go of my reins to dismount again..........
 
I have gone to get my pony in put his headcollar on and merrily set off, got through the gate and halfway down the track to the stables when the pony veered off to to a nice patch of grass... it was only then that I realised the rope i was holding was in no way attached to the pony.

Possibly the stupidest thing I've done..... when I was about 15 got persuaded to go to a local show, went in to do the clear round struggled round on a very nappy pony, exited the ring half way round cos no one had put the rope back up and he napped out as we cantered past... went back in and carried on finally and with great relief completed the course and pony decided to behave so we were strolling back to the exit in a lovely calm walk and I fell off... while walking in a straight line I just slid off the side, next thing I knew I was lying on the ground looking at my pony eating next me, still no idea how I managed it.
 
I was going to turn my horse out & as my car was parked near the field gate i decided i would carry an armful of dirty numnahs & bandages etc with me so i could put it all in the car without returning to the tack room after turning out. On way to field, I stopped to lock tack room door, but with dirty washing in one hand & horse in other i had no hands free to lock door, so without thinking, i did what i do with my dog in these situations, i dropped the lead rope on the floor and stood on it (with both feet). My 16.2 horse casually turned her head and calmly walked off - leaving me on the floor with a very bruised bottom, much to the amusement of tge other liveries present.
 
i threw a friend up and over onto her horse a few years ago...giving her a leg up....havent given once since for fear of breaking them :o :o


poor girl was in a heap on the floor laughing, while her stroppy mare had her ears pinned back and looked like she wanted to kill the pair of us :o



also done very stupid things like taking a feed bucket into a feed aggressive horse and telling it to back up - and got booted.....i thoroughly deserved that! (and learnt from it)!

crawled (wtf)!, under a horse to get to the otherside/to hoof oil feet....luckily the mare was only 4 but an absolute saint....

regularly forgot about leg straps, so now have a fillet string!.....

theres loads more - im in my mid 20's and still do stupid things!...
 
When I was about 8 I dropped a hoof pick in my pony's shavings bed, mortified I confessed to my YO who told me to get a fork and go through the bed.
I dutifully went off to the kitchen and grabbed a fork.
2 hours later she found me on my hands and knees sifting through the bed with my little fork...
I never did find the hoof pick but 30 years later we still chuckle about it!
 
Honey08 said:
I once was first to ride in a jump off in an indoor arena. did a lovely fast clear and got someone to hold horsey while I went upstairs to watch the others jump off. I won and was so pleased that I rushed back downstairs to get my horse and rosette, only I forgot that I had spurs on and caught them on the back of the top step, therefore launching myself head over heals down the steps and into the arena, arriving for the prize giving like something out of Cirque du Soleil!!:o
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Done with appropriate panache that could end up being quite impressive.

This thread is hilarious although the most embarassing parent award still seems pretty firmly sewn up
 
Worried1 said:
When I was about 8 I dropped a hoof pick in my pony's shavings bed, mortified I confessed to my YO who told me to get a fork and go through the bed.
I dutifully went off to the kitchen and grabbed a fork.
2 hours later she found me on my hands and knees sifting through the bed with my little fork...
I never did find the hoof pick but 30 years later we still chuckle about it!
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That's adorable :D
 
its me isn't it :-)

Honey, love the cirque du clear round entrance!

And the find the hoof pick with a dinnet fork!

Loving this thread. :-)
 
Honey08- the cirque du soleil story just had me in tears! I have also done the spur on step stunt but less dramatically. If its any consolation I was following Robert Smith down the stairs at Olympia and he did it too.
 
Worried1 said:
When I was about 8 I dropped a hoof pick in my pony's shavings bed, mortified I confessed to my YO who told me to get a fork and go through the bed.
I dutifully went off to the kitchen and grabbed a fork.
2 hours later she found me on my hands and knees sifting through the bed with my little fork...
I never did find the hoof pick but 30 years later we still chuckle about it!
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:D:D:p
 
Glad I'm not alone on the leg straps thing. My boy has fillet strings and I forget there are such evils as leg straps when I do other people's horses as his poor long suffering field mate knows only too well.
Surpassed myself last week when I was bringing them both in for their feeds by fetching mine first and going back to find the gate wide open. I still don't know if I left it open or it popped the latch but was mightily relieved to find field mate still grazing.
 
When I got my first pony at 13 I took him out hacking with his tendon boots on the front of his legs rather than round the back protecting the tendons! Oopsie. My friends thought it was hilarious!
 
I rode into the sea with tendon boots on once - when we came back out she had one boot on back to front :o
 
Okay, I have a good one..

Was bringing my boy in from the field last summer. Field is down a little lane on the yard and gate to be chained up. So, had horse in one hand and was sorting gate with the other. Without realising, lead rope had trailed on to ground and I had stood on it.. something spooked horse and he pulled back sharply, so I went flying and landed on my head, and knocked myself out briefly. Horse is a bit of a saint though so he was still there when I realised what had happened!
 
Sat down next to my horse who was lay down in the field, nice sunny day so decided to lie down too and stretch out in the sun. Promptly dozed off and was awoken by an almighty clout on the thigh as he started rolling before getting up, never got up off the floor so fast whilst dodging flying legs!!!!
 
Too many to count... Amongst my worst would probably be ripping the entire knee out of my jodhpurs by managing to somehow catch them on the edge of the stirrup by dismounting. Or the first time I went jumping somewhere with a timing gate placed such that you actually had to pass through it twice before the start of your round. I didn't realise this, convinced myself otherwise, made up an elaborate way to get to the first fence and got myself eliminated for not passing through the gate! I've also been eliminated for forgetting the jumpoff course (I did it so skillfully that even the judge didn't notice until an understandably angry other competitor pointed it out that I'd gone wrong and shouldn't've been allowed to complete the round, annoying as I would have placed!). Done various stupid things with rug straps relating to them not being fastened / unfastened when they were supposed to be. Think my ultimate numpty moment was probably the time I came off at gallop and walloped my head on a tree due to a loose girth (treeless saddle in my defence but still!).
 
My daughter was using a mounting block but combined it with a vault and went right over the other side, didn't touch the saddle. She lay on the ground for ages, and was in a filthy temper because try as I might I could not stop laughing at her.
 
I brought a new horse on his first outing on my own. I decided to tack him up in the horse box as he could be quite fizzy and I hate running around in circles trying to get a saddle on a horse at a show. I then tried to unload him but I just couldn't get the breast bar to open. It took me ages to realise that the breast bar was attached to the horse via the breastplate! Thankfully said horse reacted very well to the situation

My worst one was when me and a friend had a stunning mare on loan as teenagers. We brought her to a big fancy show. One building had trade stands and a tiled floor. The other building had the temporary stabling and a temporary carpet surface so the horses didn't slip. I was leading the horse, myself and my friend nattering away furiously. We realised lots if people were stopping and staring at us. We assumed it was to look at our stunning horse. We looked back to realise the horse was walking like bambi on ice, except on polished tiles in the trade stand area! Trying to turn the horse was so scary. We're so lucky the mare didn't break her legs. The owner was none the wiser...
 
I've another, a couple of years ago when we had all the snow, all the water in the automatic drinkers at the yard froze so each horse had 2 buckets/trugs of water.

The OH and I being community spirited as we were at the yard early made sure all horses had enough water so filled each bucket/trug up from a big bowser on the yard. Only thing is I struggled carrying each bucket/trug once full to each horse and the YO husband said to OH "I dont think she's built for carrying, I thought her little legs were going to snap" :o

OH still laughs bout it today and says "I dont know what you're on about, you cant even carry a water bucket"!
 
katastrophykat said:
Ah... Another one! Went to catch my mare- went into her tack room (next to stable) to get her head collar, trogged all the way up the hill, rest of herd present, mare not. Searched in case she was asleep- no mare. Called part loaner- she didn't have her out, I panicked. After fifteen minutes in the next field shoutin just in case, no mare. I was on the phone to the police to report her stolen when I got back to the yard and she was stood looking at me- I'd forgotton to turn her out the night before... :o

Oh, and the time I called the police as ginger git had dumped me and ******ed off home, heading for an A road... I was so panicked and upset that I had an argument with the operator as she wouldn't scramble the helicopter to find him. I have NO idea why I was demanding a helicopter- what use would that be?! Totally panicked and clearly brain dead!
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splats out tea!!! made my day with that one:D:D:D
 
A while back after my first ride on my new share mare I was trying a bit too hard to be extra efficient as wanted to give a good impression and I decided to take it upon myself to turn her out. Alas I unwittingly put her out with the geldings, was horrified, I hadnt realised they'd recently swapped fields. Luckily no harm done but the whole yard rushed over to tell me to get out of the way while they got her, she came trotting up no probs. The owner actually chuckled and said it was no biggie and that he had done it before (maybe was trying to make me feel better as I was soooo grovelling). Cringe
 
Too many to count but I think the worst was when I was working in a racing yard, for some reason I walked into a stable & left the door wide open, I only realised what I done when I saw it's very expensive occupant galluping off down the lane!

I fibbed & said that she'd pushed past me.
 
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