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LeneHorse said:
Dear PF

I'm getting a little bit worried about my ponio. He's gone right off his feed - I put a bucket of flapjacks in for him every night and he's not touched them for a week. He's not doing the toilet either - great as it saves mucking out but a week without a poo is a bit long. When I put his tack on to ride he plants himself and won't come out the stable. He seems a bit withdrawn and I hate to say this but he's also getting a bit smelly. Do you think he needs a suppliment?
please can you help?
yours sincerely

ismyponiomaybedeceased
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Ah yes, I know exactly what he needs, it's a drug called mummi-ficatorzine. He'll stop smelling very soon, but I can't promise he'll be much perkier.
 
Naturally said:
Dearest darling PF,

Why is it that people think its ok for ponios to eat grass, alfalfa and other green stuff? Surely food that is green has gone off. Then some of them actually dry the green stuff to make it brown - yeuck! I personally like to give my ponie a plate full of whatever we are having for our dinner. Sometimes its a ham sandwich, othertimes its a full roast (minus the broccoli cos everyone nos thats green AND evel).

I was finking thats not a balanced diet, cos it dunt sit on the ponies stable door wivout fallin off, so wot can I do to make it balance?

Yours

Ihopeimnotreincarnatedasapetofthis Persons
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I know!! Some people are so misguided; I mean, grass and stuff grows outside, it's not clean; they walk all over it; how can that be good for them?
You're quite right to feed your ponio the same food you eat. Forget the greens, that's just icky. I think it IS a balanced diet; did you balance it on the door on a plate? You'll see what I mean.
 
PapaFrita said:
I'm sorry but I'm stuck on 'sarcastic'. As such I have to recommend flapjacks and the Huggle Horsemanship DVD; "Yoga for Yo' Ponio".
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I'm sorry, I can't cope anymore!
d050.gif


Papa Frita, my husband is threatening to throw the laptop out of the window: I just don't understand cos I'm not annoying him or anything. I'm being really quiet and I cut my nails and everything so the tappy tap wouldn't annoy him. He says I love H&H more than him but I don't think that's true as I've only been on here for 3 days and with him for 12 years. :confused: What do you recommend?
 
Much as I have enjoyed this thread, I'm sorry PF but I think you have ruined HHO for me now :(
Every time I start to read a new thread I think it is one of your 'specials' and am happily anticipating some more of your brilliant (and funny) advise and then realise that it is actually a real thread and someone is waiting for a real answer :eek: :eek: :eek:
 
jodie3 said:
Much as I have enjoyed this thread, I'm sorry PF but I think you have ruined HHO for me now :(
Every time I start to read a new thread I think it is one of your 'specials' and am happily anticipating some more of your brilliant (and funny) advise and then realise that it is actually a real thread and someone is waiting for a real answer :eek: :eek: :eek:
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Same here. Every single thread I've read is making me desperate to reply PF fashion!:o
 
PapaFrita said:
********************ck, I was hoping he was fictional. If he wants to pat me on the bottom he'd better look exactly like a young Sean Connery and have twice the charm... that's a no then ;)

*back in character*
Would you like that sandwich up your backside or IV?
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He looks like a 65 year old skinny banana with a hunchback and a face like a scrotum.

Sadly he did once pat me on the bottom and when I told him in no uncertain terms that if he did that again he wouldn't live to see another day he just laughed, and said he loved feisty women, and now he'd seen that side of me he might increase my 'duties' to waking him up in the morning with a cup of tea and a kiss. :eek::eek::eek::confused::confused:

Disgusting dirty old man. Just thinking about him makes my blood boil. I also hold him personally responsible for career-ending injuries to both of my horses. I have moved them now but still see him out hunting, hanging onto the reins as he gallops along out of control on his overfed, overbitted, unfit and haemorrhaging horse. He is renowned for cutting you up 3 strides out from a fence and then stopping. Gah I have never loathed anyone so much.

ETA didn't realise how bitter I am!
 
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cinammontoast said:
I'm sorry, I can't cope anymore!
d050.gif


Papa Frita, my husband is threatening to throw the laptop out of the window: I just don't understand cos I'm not annoying him or anything. I'm being really quiet and I cut my nails and everything so the tappy tap wouldn't annoy him. He says I love H&H more than him but I don't think that's true as I've only been on here for 3 days and with him for 12 years. :confused: What do you recommend?
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You're very considerate. Perhaps he wants some huggles? :)
 
jodie3 said:
Much as I have enjoyed this thread, I'm sorry PF but I think you have ruined HHO for me now :(
Every time I start to read a new thread I think it is one of your 'specials' and am happily anticipating some more of your brilliant (and funny) advise and then realise that it is actually a real thread and someone is waiting for a real answer :eek: :eek: :eek:
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This is why I'm avoiding reading other threads...
 
scatty_mare said:
He looks like a 65 year old skinny banana with a hunchback and a face like a scrotum.

Sadly he did once pat me on the bottom and when I told him in no uncertain terms that if he did that again he wouldn't live to see another day he just laughed, and said he loved feisty women, and now he'd seen that side of me he might increase my 'duties' to waking him up in the morning with a cup of tea and a kiss. :eek::eek::eek::confused::confused:

Disgusting dirty old man. Just thinking about him makes my blood boil. I also hold him personally responsible for career-ending injuries to both of my horses. I have moved them now but still see him out hunting, hanging onto the reins as he gallops along out of control on his overfed, overbitted, unfit and haemorrhaging horse. He is renowned for cutting you up 3 strides out from a fence and then stopping. Gah I have never loathed anyone so much.

ETA didn't realise how bitter I am!
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Well, if you can't think of a single redeeming feature then I don't think that makes you bitter; it means you have good taste. He sounds utterly repulsive.
 
Dear Papa F

Can you help me settle an argument please?

My lovely mare only likes to canter on the same leading leg. Now I keep telling her that it is fine to do that on the left rein but on the right rein she should really use the other leg for balance. Now she keeps telling me that as she is a 4 wheeled drive, leg on each corner, mountain goat type cob she does not need to follow this silly rule and she will lead on whatever leg she feels like!

Who is right?

Many thanks

Bessieboo
 
Bessieboo said:
Dear Papa F

Can you help me settle an argument please?

My lovely mare only likes to canter on the same leading leg. Now I keep telling her that it is fine to do that on the left rein but on the right rein she should really use the other leg for balance. Now she keeps telling me that as she is a 4 wheeled drive, leg on each corner, mountain goat type cob she does not need to follow this silly rule and she will lead on whatever leg she feels like!

Who is right?

Many thanks

Bessieboo
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Yes, mares do tend to think they know it all. My mare, for instance, thinks that she invented carrots :D Whilst all horses should canter on the relevant leg, not all of them feel it's necessary and some manage for years and years. I knew a horse that would only canter on the right if you jumped and turned her that way. Odd creature :)
 
Thanks for that :)

I was also wondering if because she always leads with her left leg does this prove that she is left handed?

I think I may need a banana stick.
 
Mmmmm I have never seen her write but perhaps she does it in secret whilst I am working?

I will leave a notepad and pen out for her tonight and see what I get in the morning.
 
Dear PF, thanks to your monumentally successful loading advice I finally tracked down my gelding to a motorway services near Sidcup. He was swathed in bubble wrap thanks to Parcel Force which was noisy to unwrap but may have the added advantage of desensitising him to this year's fireworks.
However as he has shown a propensity for wishing only to travel alone my question is this: Can I get him genetically modified with canine genes? That way he could chase me about carrying his headcollar (patented L handed) rather than it always being the other way round.
And I could freely creep up on him and do the high pitched squeaky voice that dogs totally get and love but which makes horses stand rigidly showing the whites of their eyes. Is GM the way to go?
 
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