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PapaFrita said:
Accidents happen. I've given this dilemma a lot thought and have only 2 words to say. Pony Pie.
Feel the huggles ;)
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Dear PF,

Thanks for your quick and fantastic reply. It made perfect sense and seems like the perfect solution to my problem.

Pat on the back to you!
:}
 
Dear PF

I have a lovely grey mare but unfortunately she is the wrong colour of grey, when we bought her she was really dark grey, now she is almost white. My friend says if I feed her lots of that powder fabric dye in black she will go darker. The question is how many little tins will I need - she is a 17.2 Dutch Warmblood. Do you think she has gone light because she is Dutch, should I have bought a dark grey from England or Scotland or Wales.
 
;)Hi PF!!!:D:D:p;);)
Some few dozen posts back you advised someone to buy your left handed patented headcollar with the lunge rope and the banana stick plus your DVD's numbered 1-10.;):p:D:confused:
Now I am all for making sure my new horse behaves like a horse should do, but I only have about £5 a week to spare after paying my rent for my council house and buying all the food needed to feed my ten kids and all my other 20 horses shared out amongst five other livery yards (cool::cool: I hope they don't read this, I haven't seen them for the past six months and they keep knocking on my door shouting about arrears:eek:!!!!()
Any way, do you think I could pay you by installments at about £1 a week over the next 20000 weeks and please don't charge me any interest???:confused::p;)
Also this new horse tramples all over everyone and always seems to go round and round them to the right:eek:confused:
Sssoooooo - do you by any chance sell right handed head collars????:D:p;) O and he runs away if he sees a banana, so could you change the stick for a melon???:p:confused::rolleyes:;)
The other £4 a week I have should just about pay for some hay for them all.
Thanks a billion:cool::(:o:);):p:)
 
Clannad48 said:
Dear PF

I have a lovely grey mare but unfortunately she is the wrong colour of grey, when we bought her she was really dark grey, now she is almost white. My friend says if I feed her lots of that powder fabric dye in black she will go darker. The question is how many little tins will I need - she is a 17.2 Dutch Warmblood. Do you think she has gone light because she is Dutch, should I have bought a dark grey from England or Scotland or Wales.
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PF seems to be off line at the moment,but I think I can help with this one. It is very common for Dutch horses to change colour if you keep them outside.
The best way to keep a Dutch horse is in a stable 24/7. You can get away with riding them in a school 6 days a week doing jumping or dressage,but don't try hacking out on a KWPN cos it will change colour and do lots of other nasty things.
Hope this helps.
 
Dear PF,
I need help! I have a chilli who seems to love me so much they have to comment on a lot of threads i post. How can i tell said chilli that i prefer peppers?
 
Dear PF,
I have a grey pony and I want to win everything. I've been told about gold covered hats that will help to win so I bought one and also dead sheep help to win. I want to know where do I get dead sheep from and how many will I need? Can you add sparkles to the dead sheep to boost performance even more?

Yours Truly
Iwill Win-Everything
 
moleskinsmum said:
Dear PF
I got a lovely new piebald at the sales but my friends say she is cow hocked. I am worried that she has a very large udder and that it might get in the way when we are jumping 1.30m. She also has a very short but wide head and a strange whinny. She also seems to be growing horns. Do you think we'd be better sticking with hunter trials?
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This is not an uncommon problem with certain breeds. I believe you have either a Holstein or Friesian. Large udders are often a problem, as is finding tack to fit. Still, they are becoming increasingly popular on the continent and can turn their hoof to many tasks.
Oh, yes, shoeing can be problematic as well. Suggest you go barefoot.
 
ridefast said:
Dear PF, I am really concerned about the horses next door. Not one of them has a rug, they spend hours out in a huge field and the owner takes them for rides every day. They are far too thin as I can feel their ribs. Who should I call?
Also I tried giving my grinning horse a water melon but he just threw me in the air, trampled me, kicked me, and eventually the local farmer shot him and took me to hospital. I am very upset as my horse was seriously talented and could have made it onto the gymnastic olympic squad - He would do back flips if I tried to lead him anywhere. I want to sue the farmer, how much do you think I could get out of him?
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Oh dear, I feel your pain :( Sadly such abuse is not uncommon. People don't understand what is NATURAL and what is not. Clearly it is not natural to ride and shoe your horse but of course it IS absolutely essential to stable it and rug it up and feed it lots of grain. Horses are very delicate creatures and can not survive on their own!! You must call the RSPCA immediately, and also sue that farmer for EVERYthing he's got. How DARE he interfere with your bonding session with your horse. I'm so angry I need a lie down!!
 
Fellewell said:
I have bought a top quality pony from a very nice man ‘over the border’. The pony was advertised as a six year old, bright bay gelding, placed every time out, HOYS potential, the lot. The man sent me a lovely photo with him standing on the pony’s back. I was instantly impressed and seriously wanted some of that standy-up equestrian action, despite my vertigo.
Anyway, I agreed to meet the dealer at midnight in a car park behind World of Leather just outside Shepton Mallet and handed over £22,000 in used notes. I saw nothing unusual in this, horse traders are often very busy people. He very kindly loaded the pony for me and sped off into the night, laughing his head off. He’s a jolly sort!

When I got home it was dawn and to my surprise I found a 28 year old flea bitten grey mare in the lorry and not a bay gelding. I phoned the man and he said it was not at all unusual for horses to change sex/colour and to age considerably during the journey. He said this was due to stress and the quality of England’s polluted air. Naturally I accepted his explanation as I didn’t want to look like a novice.

I can’t wait to get started with my standy-up equestrianism and I hope you can answer a couple of questions. Firstly; where’s the best place to stand? Secondly; do I need a long balancing pole? And thirdly; how do I cope when going under trees/low bridges etc.

In case anyone else wants to contact this dealer, he’s in the book under; We-Find-Cloppy-Clappy-Bombproof-Celtic-Cobs (and we saw you coming)Finkelsteins First-Safe-Vanners-r-us.
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Oh, gosh, I know JUST how hard it is to resist an ad of a horse with someone standing on its back.... I mean, what else could you ask for? Certainly not an action or conformation photo.
I'm sorry to say that I think you may have been ripped off. Horses certainly DO age, change sex and change colour quite randomly, but did you check if the gelding's mane had been plaited in the ad photo??? If so, then it's quite possible he was stolen and replaced in transit.
All is not lost, however, you can still stand on your old mare, but BETTER STILL... put her in foal!! Within a few months you will have your own little un that your children can handle and raise as their friend, and you will be able to embark on your Horse-balancing career.
 
muff747 said:
;)Hi PF!!!:D:D:p;)
Some few dozen posts back you advised someone to buy your left handed patented headcollar with the lunge rope and the banana stick plus your DVD's numbered 1-10.;):p:D:confused:
Now I am all for making sure my new horse behaves like a horse should do, but I only have about £5 a week to spare after paying my rent for my council house and buying all the food needed to feed my ten kids and all my other 20 horses shared out amongst five other livery yards (cool::cool: I hope they don't read this, I haven't seen them for the past six months and they keep knocking on my door shouting about arrears:eek:!!!!()
Any way, do you think I could pay you by installments at about £1 a week over the next 20000 weeks and please don't charge me any interest???:confused::p;)
Also this new horse tramples all over everyone and always seems to go round and round them to the right:eek:confused:
Sssoooooo - do you by any chance sell right handed head collars????:D:p;) O and he runs away if he sees a banana, so could you change the stick for a melon???:p:confused::rolleyes:;)
The other £4 a week I have should just about pay for some hay for them all.
Thanks a billion:cool::(:o:);):p:)
Click to expand...

You don't seem to understand... Huggly Horsemanship is like Scientology... you just CAN'T attain true enlightenment unless you pay for it :confused: How else did you think you would achieve true oneness with your horses?? Please reconsider your position, for the sake of your horses!
 
Fools Motto said:
Dear PF,
I have a grey pony and I want to win everything. I've been told about gold covered hats that will help to win so I bought one and also dead sheep help to win. I want to know where do I get dead sheep from and how many will I need? Can you add sparkles to the dead sheep to boost performance even more?

Yours Truly
Iwill Win-Everything
Click to expand...

Ah, well, which discipline is it you would like to excel in? If it's SJing, then you must be as sparkly as possible and every item of tack you own must be expensive and emblazoned with a gold signature (if you're very clever, you can probably improvise with any old tack and a gold marker)
If it's dressage, then ALL your gear must be the same colour whenever you ride, and it's no good using the same colour all the time... oh, no no no. You must have all the shades of the rainbow or you will never ever be taken seriously and your horse must have SO much dead sheep that he/she actually resembles one. HOWEVER, take care; you must NOT wear a hat. Wearing a hat reveals you as a wannabe.
Eventers can basically wear what they like, although the horses tend to be trussed up like bondage victims. They do, however, tend to be injured and can talk at length about all the muscles they've torn, bones they've broken and ligaments they've strained. Be prepared to describe in detail every cut and bruise you've ever had.
Good luck!!
 
abitodd said:
PF seems to be off line at the moment,but I think I can help with this one. It is very common for Dutch horses to change colour if you keep them outside.
The best way to keep a Dutch horse is in a stable 24/7. You can get away with riding them in a school 6 days a week doing jumping or dressage,but don't try hacking out on a KWPN cos it will change colour and do lots of other nasty things.
Hope this helps.
Click to expand...

Thankyou Abitodd,

So if I keep her in and just ride her in the stable will she go back to being dark grey, also if i ride her in a school won't the teachers get upset about us disturbing the lessons and won't the children upset her if they yell and shout, and all my local schools are only open five days a week and have long holidays. Will the dye not work then???
 
Olympic year is here at last and I just cannot understand why I haven't been chosen for the evenitng team. I have a wonderful animal with fantastic paces and can jump anything. It is soo brave and nothing phases it.we have laods of rosettes for jumping and it is very agile. It does occasionally make a woofing sort of noise and can growl occasionally. Surely that wouldn't stop our selection?
I'd settle for the show jumping or dressage if that helps.
 
Dear PF

I wonder if you can help with my dilema...

I would love to go hunting but I really love all bunnies and other furry things esprcially the posters of cute puppies with hats!. I heard that hunting was banned but being in a hunt will also mean that I could go to hell. Is there a hunt that doesnt actually do anything as I dont want to harm any vegetation either? I am also worried that I will become a toff if I take up hunting as I heard that all those who hunt are "toffs"?. Oh and I dont have a horse either as I thinkink riding is cruel - Do you think that this will be a problem?

confusedfluffybunnylover
 
Dear PapaFrita I am so pleased that you are back.My problem is this. I have bought my first warm blood to do dressage with.He is a 20 year old schoolmaster.I want to be doing Grand Prix against Carl Hester next year so I like to do lots of practice i.e about 5 to 6 hours a day.Now though my horse seems very sleepy and lazy and whenever I appear at his stable door with my tack he shoots to the back and tries to get away from me.Why is that?Do you think that your bananna sticks and DVDs would help?
 
Dear PF, my 52 stone son has decided that he wants to learn to ride as part of his weight loss programe.
The neighbours across the road have a Highland pony in their field which I hear are great weight carriers,& as they are currently away on holiday,I thought it would be a good idea to bring the pony round & let my son have a go on it. I thought 'see if he enjoys it' before I invest in all the riding gear for him.
We have arranged for the Fire Brigade to come round this afternoon & remove the bedroom window so that they can winch him out.
Should I let them lower him straight onto the pony in his incontinence nappy or should we pop out & buy him some jods so he looks the part?
Ivor Fatba$tard
 
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Goya said:
Olympic year is here at last and I just cannot understand why I haven't been chosen for the evenitng team. I have a wonderful animal with fantastic paces and can jump anything. It is soo brave and nothing phases it.we have laods of rosettes for jumping and it is very agile. It does occasionally make a woofing sort of noise and can growl occasionally. Surely that wouldn't stop our selection?
I'd settle for the show jumping or dressage if that helps.
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I have the same issue. Mine can easily jump 3 or 4 times her own height, surely we'd win something with that ability?! Funny you should mention odd noises, mine tends to 'mew' sometimes :S
 
Dear Pf please can you help me-I bought a very nice horsey last year-the seller said it was a bit green but that was ok because I like that colour. Anyway he has started to plant-I did read a thread on horses planting which mentioned waggling the neck neck but my horsey seems too stiff-have I fed him the wrong food? I have tried miracle grow cos he was quite small but am wondering whether a good feed of potash would be better? What do you think? and would a banana stick be helpful? I did think of sheep as everyone says sheep are the way forward but he doesn't like them nibbling him.
Yours in anticipation
Alan Titchymarsh

PS Here is a pic of him-do you think he needs clipping?
PLanting.jpg
 
Goya said:
Olympic year is here at last and I just cannot understand why I haven't been chosen for the evenitng team. I have a wonderful animal with fantastic paces and can jump anything. It is soo brave and nothing phases it.we have laods of rosettes for jumping and it is very agile. It does occasionally make a woofing sort of noise and can growl occasionally. Surely that wouldn't stop our selection?
I'd settle for the show jumping or dressage if that helps.
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Sadly, selection for any team, olympic, WEG, PC, etc, there are politics involved. If you don't know the right people and rub shoulders with the big cheese, then you don't stand a chance. They will use phrases like "not qualified", "not experienced enough", "totally delusional" and "horse is a total dog", but it's allll JEALOUSY.
 
Fiagai said:
Dear PF

I wonder if you can help with my dilema...

I would love to go hunting but I really love all bunnies and other furry things esprcially the posters of cute puppies with hats!. I heard that hunting was banned but being in a hunt will also mean that I could go to hell. Is there a hunt that doesnt actually do anything as I dont want to harm any vegetation either? I am also worried that I will become a toff if I take up hunting as I heard that all those who hunt are "toffs"?. Oh and I dont have a horse either as I thinkink riding is cruel - Do you think that this will be a problem?

confusedfluffybunnylover
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My I suggest an Easter egg hunt? That way you get to hug bunnies and skip through bluebells and daisies (without damaging any of them, obviously!)
 
eahotson said:
Dear PapaFrita I am so pleased that you are back.My problem is this. I have bought my first warm blood to do dressage with.He is a 20 year old schoolmaster.I want to be doing Grand Prix against Carl Hester next year so I like to do lots of practice i.e about 5 to 6 hours a day.Now though my horse seems very sleepy and lazy and whenever I appear at his stable door with my tack he shoots to the back and tries to get away from me.Why is that?Do you think that your bananna sticks and DVDs would help?
Click to expand...

Your horse clearly has a poor work ethic. My DVD set and banana sticks will certainly help to make him reevaluate his attitude. Getting lots of matching kit and sheepskin will undoubtedly help also.
 
Aye'up PF! Good to see thee back 'ere lass :D

Well nah, can thee 'elp me with m'big ginger one? I've 'ad some of theres 'ere new clipper things for Christmas. Right smart they are - use that tha' new fangled e-lec-tricity :cool:

Any'oo, I'm after a bit o' advice. Clipped m'lass last night, but can't get reet good lines down 'er face :rolleyes:. Looks like a bleedin' rug!

Any 'elp y'can give will be treated with the respect it deserves :D
 
Peegeesmum said:
Dear PF, my 52 stone son has decided that he wants to learn to ride as part of his weight loss programe.
The neighbours across the road have a Highland pony in their field which I hear are great weight carriers,& as they are currently away on holiday,I thought it would be a good idea to bring the pony round & let my son have a go on it. I thought 'see if he enjoys it' before I invest in all the riding gear for him.
We have arranged for the Fire Brigade to come round this afternoon & remove the bedroom window so that they can winch him out.
Should I let them lower him straight onto the pony in his incontinence nappy or should we pop out & buy him some jods so he looks the part?
Ivor Fatba$tard
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Firstly, may I congratulate your son on taking a positive, if rather lumbering, step towards a healthier lifestyle. I see no problem in you innocently 'borrowing' your neighbour's pony for such a good cause, and of course you are correct in saying that Highlands are prodigious weight carriers. Now... whilst you've got the fire brigade there, I suggest they winch your son directly onto the pony, and whilst they're at it they can put up some struts for the pony's legs. It may be a bit premature to get your son a pair of jods, but I'm sure he will look very attractive in them, and there is no doubt that looking the part will go a long way to actually providing him with some riding skills.
 
PapaFrita said:
My I suggest an Easter egg hunt? That way you get to hug bunnies and skip through bluebells and daisies (without damaging any of them, obviously!)
Click to expand...

*Big HUGS* PF I do love bunnies...

Cos u been so nice and cuddly I have another problem that I am sure you can help me with...

I have recently moved from the big smoke to a little place (about 40 acres / mock tudor with a big wishing well!) in the country with lots of bunnies and guess what bluebells! However I find living in the middle of nowhere quite strange - there are no lights out here. There are very cruel people who actually ride horses and gallop across fields. I have even found Horse do-do on the road :eek: It all very cruel and horrible. When I drive my Prius these people dont get out of my way. Funnily nobody has called to welcome me to the village either?

Can I erect floodlights all around my house? Will talking to these people nicely who are abusing the poor horsies help them to realise how horrible they are? I am thinking of having an open day for save the bunnies fund I do hope this will help....

Confusedfluffybunnylover
 
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MrsMozart said:
Aye'up PF! Good to see thee back 'ere lass :D

Well nah, can thee 'elp me with m'big ginger one? I've 'ad some of theres 'ere new clipper things for Christmas. Right smart they are - use that tha' new fangled e-lec-tricity :cool:

Any'oo, I'm after a bit o' advice. Clipped m'lass last night, but can't get reet good lines down 'er face :rolleyes:. Looks like a bleedin' rug!

Any 'elp y'can give will be treated with the respect it deserves :D
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Do it the old-fashioned way and use a lawn mower. ;)
 
Fiagai said:
*Big HUGS* PF I do love bunnies...

Cos u been so nice and cuddly I have another problem that I am sure you can help me with...

I have recently moved from the big smoke to a little place (about 40 acres / mock tudor with a big wishing well!) in the country with lots of bunnies and guess what bluebells! However I find living in the middle of nowhere quite strange - there are no lights out here. There are very cruel people who actually ride horses and gallop across fields. I have even found Horse do-do on the road :eek: It all very cruel and horrible. When I drive my Prius these people dont get out of my way. Funnily nobody has called to welcome me to the village either?

Can I erect floodlights all around my house? Will talking to these people nicely who are abusing the poor horsies help them to realise how horrible they are? I am thinking of having an open day for save the bunnies fund I do hope this will help....

Confusedfluffybunnylover
Click to expand...
Oh dear, poor you having to live in such a vile, desolate place. The countryside is horrible; people hunt and shoot as well as ride their horses. It's rumoured that some of them wear wellies and even walk their dogs, not to mention get mud all over their cars!!! Yes, you should put up as many lights as you can to make the place more inviting. Definitely have a Save the Bunnies fundraiser, a collection for Feed the Foxes, and also petition for everyone to give up their 4x4s in favour of more ecologically friendly vehicles.
 
Peegeesmum said:
Dear PF, my 52 stone son has decided that he wants to learn to ride as part of his weight loss programe.
The neighbours across the road have a Highland pony in their field which I hear are great weight carriers,& as they are currently away on holiday,I thought it would be a good idea to bring the pony round & let my son have a go on it. I thought 'see if he enjoys it' before I invest in all the riding gear for him.
We have arranged for the Fire Brigade to come round this afternoon & remove the bedroom window so that they can winch him out.
Should I let them lower him straight onto the pony in his incontinence nappy or should we pop out & buy him some jods so he looks the part?
Ivor Fatba$tard
Click to expand...

this is bad taste on every possible level!
PMSL - can I have one of your incontinence pads please?
 
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