Roll up! Roll up!! Get the answer you're looking for RIGHT here. NO problem too big..

Christmassy_Clover said:
Oh ok. Thing is, I don't have my own horse - should I still spend £££ on your kit?
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Yes. Then you will be properly prepared for when you DO have a horse. Also, you won't actually have to RIDE in order to learn to ride; my DVDs are THAT good. You'll be able to hop on a horse in 10-12 years and ride at top level.
 
On your programme that means I'll be spending around $149.00 dollars a month plus the once a year subscription fee where I get a free stick.
Sounds like a steal when I will be winning medals when I'm 50! Thanks PF, is it right to now force my opinion on others and try and get them to follow the ENLIGHTENED ROAD now?
 
Help PF, ive run out of feed and cant pay my water bill so its been cut off, if i feed my horse lucozade will this give her the liquid and fuel she needs to compete in a 5 mile steeplechase?
 
Saint_Knickerless said:
Help PF, ive run out of feed and cant pay my water bill so its been cut off, if i feed my horse lucozade will this give her the liquid and fuel she needs to compete in a 5 mile steeplechase?
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Thanks for your advice, I can help you with this, having been in a similar positon myself. You don't need to feed your horse anyway, it's cruel, so put this towards your water bill. Don't rush to get that connected quickly though, put the money towards some matchy-matchy gear- your horse will like it better. Lucozade is good, but I'd also slip her a pro plus, just to give her an edge. You'll easily manage 10 miles, and win :D
 
Dear PF, I just got a new horse, everyone says I should keep him separate from my mare but they seem really happy together - she keeps giving him piggy back rides. Is this wrong? Also if I try to go near my mare he runs at me with ears back and teeth bared, everyone says he's being aggressive but surely he's just smiling and running towards me for a hug? How can I train him to be more gentle I don't want to go back to hospital today?
 
ridefast said:
Dear PF, I just got a new horse, everyone says I should keep him separate from my mare but they seem really happy together - she keeps giving him piggy back rides. Is this wrong? Also if I try to go near my mare he runs at me with ears back and teeth bared, everyone says he's being aggressive but surely he's just smiling and running towards me for a hug? How can I train him to be more gentle I don't want to go back to hospital today?
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im howling with laughter. water sprayed all over screen, brilliant!
 
ridefast said:
Dear PF, I just got a new horse, everyone says I should keep him separate from my mare but they seem really happy together - she keeps giving him piggy back rides. Is this wrong? Also if I try to go near my mare he runs at me with ears back and teeth bared, everyone says he's being aggressive but surely he's just smiling and running towards me for a hug? How can I train him to be more gentle I don't want to go back to hospital today?
Click to expand...

I expect your mare is a bit tired if she needs piggy back rides. As long as your new horse doesn't seem to mind, there's no harm being done.
As for the grinning, not to worry. Stuff a carrot, or perhaps something larger- a yam?- in his mouth as he approaches. This will make him love you because no horse can resist someone who treats them all the time, and will also keep his strength up to carry your mare.
Feel the huggles :)
 
PapaFrita said:
I expect your mare is a bit tired if she needs piggy back rides. As long as your new horse doesn't seem to mind, there's no harm being done.
As for the grinning, not to worry. Stuff a carrot, or perhaps something larger- a yam?- in his mouth as he approaches. This will make him love you because no horse can resist someone who treats them all the time, and will also keep his strength up to carry your mare.
Feel the huggles :)
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Would a marrow work?
:)
 
Hello, dear PF I have another question it's not horsey but you said anything so here goes.......

Is cliff Richard a bum bandit or not??

Thanks, yours kindly

Caz
 
What a relief to find this thread. I'm at my wits end I have purchased a seriously talented piece of horse flesh of a reptuable vendor from Unicorn Carriages website. I'm as thrilled. It did seem a lot of money to spend in these cash strapped times but I got together from my christmas money to invest and have been able to buy the horse of a life time.

The dealer I bought him of was very through in asking what I was looking for. TBH I had thought of dabbling in driving, dressage, hunting, endurance but mainly showing so I was thrilled when he said he had a pony who could do all of this and look in proportion with me at 6.2' and 17 stone.

I am told that his M&M Ticket for hoys will follow in the post with his pasport. I'm sure to wipe the board with him.

Clyde is 17.2HH, bay with lots of white and with stunning movement especially the side ways scopping at the front and distinctive cross legging behind.

Infact the guy I bought him of said ' the judges will be astounded' and assurred me he is a true native breed.

But my problem is what do I do with him after what will clearly be a successful M&M showing career?

He is very good at trotting very slowly and we often don't move from the same spot, so I guess dressage as he clearly can already piaffe? I am thinking of developing him via classical methods and looking for a suitable trainer as the local trainer clearly hasn't a clue. Said Clyde's rings around his pasterns will make it difficult for him to flex and that he is lame. Idiot , just because a persons long listed for the olympic squad. He clearly had no idea about an M&M'S breed traits.

Also can you help me deal with the bitchyness from my fellow liveries who keep calling him ' my cart horse'?

Thanks in advance

Ispeakthehorseylingobuthaventaclueatall
 
CalllyH said:
Hello, dear PF I have another question it's not horsey but you said anything so here goes.......

Is cliff Richard a bum bandit or not??

Thanks, yours kindly

Caz
Click to expand...
All I know about Cliff who, incidentally, is not a Top Level Huggly Practitioner, is that he's on his Summer Holiday with the Young Ones and a Living Doll. Nuff said.
 
Today's challenge - let's see if we can beat the 1000 replies barrier on this thread - c'mon guys - get posting now :) :) :)

I'll start -

Dear PF

Thanks for your excellent reply yesterday. I decided it was a bit drastic to eat my whole mare so just took a couple of steaks off her rump instead. My question is - will the hair grow back as I want to do showing this summer. I have been told she'd do well in the fat hunter class but if she's got nasty scars she'll get marked down won't she :(

Many thanks
Glasgow fatty.
 
Dear PF,

I accidentally bought a horse because they told me it was an eventer. I was told it was 16.3hh yet when meassured it was 13hh.. I was told it was 5 years old yet it's 30 oh and it's in foal.
I don't know what to do, I mean I only bought it so I could go jumping for 8 hours a day at about 6 foot. Unfortunately it's now living in my bedroom as I have no were to keep it. My mum doesn't know it's there and it's leaving an awful smell in my room..

What should I do? It's no use to me and it's eating my curtains.

HELP?! :}

KeepDreamingKiddo
 
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Dear PapaFrita I am writing to you as I know this will cause me endless nights of lost sleep if our coloured foals dont come out with the right patches either side of their bodies is it permissable to paint new patches so they will be more desirable for the disconcerning coloured horse show person I believe B & Q do offer great season bargins, and that I might dabble in metalic sheens,via hammerite, and add the colour pink to the white bits as an embelishment I welcome your thoughts on these designer colour ideas?
 
Dear PR

i went to the sales yesterday and bought myself a lovely bay horse as i wanted to do some showing and hopefully qualify and win at HOYS this year, when i got home my YM told me to take the horse back because it is ewe necked, cow hocked and parrot mouthed, i think the horse looks wonderful and i cant understand why she thinks the horse is a cross between a sheep, parrot and cow as she is clearly a horse to me!!! i think she would get top prize in the ridden classes at hoys, will you please reply so i can show her she is wrong?

haventgotaconformationclue
 
PapaFrita said:
Thank you Brighteyes. Your commission is in the post :)
And those little trinkets you ordered ;)
Click to expand...

a090.gif
*coughs nervously*
a143.gif
 
Dear PF
I got a lovely new piebald at the sales but my friends say she is cow hocked. I am worried that she has a very large udder and that it might get in the way when we are jumping 1.30m. She also has a very short but wide head and a strange whinny. She also seems to be growing horns. Do you think we'd be better sticking with hunter trials?
 
moleskinsmum said:
Dear PF
I got a lovely new piebald at the sales but my friends say she is cow hocked. I am worried that she has a very large udder and that it might get in the way when we are jumping 1.30m. She also has a very short but wide head and a strange whinny. She also seems to be growing horns. Do you think we'd be better sticking with hunter trials?
Click to expand...

i have that worry with my bay too, he has started growing horns, oh well at least they match his beak
 
Dear PF, I am really concerned about the horses next door. Not one of them has a rug, they spend hours out in a huge field and the owner takes them for rides every day. They are far too thin as I can feel their ribs. Who should I call?
Also I tried giving my grinning horse a water melon but he just threw me in the air, trampled me, kicked me, and eventually the local farmer shot him and took me to hospital. I am very upset as my horse was seriously talented and could have made it onto the gymnastic olympic squad - He would do back flips if I tried to lead him anywhere. I want to sue the farmer, how much do you think I could get out of him?
 
hackedoff said:
What a relief to find this thread. I'm at my wits end I have purchased a seriously talented piece of horse flesh of a reptuable vendor from Unicorn Carriages website. I'm as thrilled. It did seem a lot of money to spend in these cash strapped times but I got together from my christmas money to invest and have been able to buy the horse of a life time.

The dealer I bought him of was very through in asking what I was looking for. TBH I had thought of dabbling in driving, dressage, hunting, endurance but mainly showing so I was thrilled when he said he had a pony who could do all of this and look in proportion with me at 6.2' and 17 stone.

I am told that his M&M Ticket for hoys will follow in the post with his pasport. I'm sure to wipe the board with him.

Clyde is 17.2HH, bay with lots of white and with stunning movement especially the side ways scopping at the front and distinctive cross legging behind.

Infact the guy I bought him of said ' the judges will be astounded' and assurred me he is a true native breed.

But my problem is what do I do with him after what will clearly be a successful M&M showing career?

He is very good at trotting very slowly and we often don't move from the same spot, so I guess dressage as he clearly can already piaffe? I am thinking of developing him via classical methods and looking for a suitable trainer as the local trainer clearly hasn't a clue. Said Clyde's rings around his pasterns will make it difficult for him to flex and that he is lame. Idiot , just because a persons long listed for the olympic squad. He clearly had no idea about an M&M'S breed traits.

Also can you help me deal with the bitchyness from my fellow liveries who keep calling him ' my cart horse'?

Thanks in advance

Ispeakthehorseylingobuthaventaclueatall
Click to expand...

There will always be naysayers in the equestrian world, jealous types obviously, who will try to quash your hopes, dreams and aspirations. Some of them hide behind lots of 'results', World Champion this, gold medal that.... Not a single Huggly Horsemanship practictioner. Basically, they got where they are by trampling on the little guy...
Luckily for you, I have a set of DVDs and schooling paraphernalia that will enable you to train your horse to GP dressage with your MIND!! I kid you not!!! You will be able to THINK your way to GP. Course, if you can't think then we might get a bit stuck, HOWEVER, you must buy the entire set at £35,000 and prove all the naysayers wrong.
And if that doesn't work... big horse like that... get a lot of steak ;)
 
LeneHorse said:
Today's challenge - let's see if we can beat the 1000 replies barrier on this thread - c'mon guys - get posting now :) :) :)

I'll start -

Dear PF

Thanks for your excellent reply yesterday. I decided it was a bit drastic to eat my whole mare so just took a couple of steaks off her rump instead. My question is - will the hair grow back as I want to do showing this summer. I have been told she'd do well in the fat hunter class but if she's got nasty scars she'll get marked down won't she :(

Many thanks
Glasgow fatty.
Click to expand...
How foolish of you to take the bits off the rump! Now she'll never be fat enough to show. You'll just have to eat the rest of her.
 
SamanthaUK said:
Dear PF,

I accidentally bought a horse because they told me it was an eventer. I was told it was 16.3hh yet when meassured it was 13hh.. I was told it was 5 years old yet it's 30 oh and it's in foal.
I don't know what to do, I mean I only bought it so I could go jumping for 8 hours a day at about 6 foot. Unfortunately it's now living in my bedroom as I have no were to keep it. My mum doesn't know it's there and it's leaving an awful smell in my room..

What should I do? It's no use to me and it's eating my curtains.

HELP?! :}

KeepDreamingKiddo
Click to expand...
Accidents happen. I've given this dilemma a lot thought and have only 2 words to say. Pony Pie.
Feel the huggles ;)
 
angrovestud said:
Dear PapaFrita I am writing to you as I know this will cause me endless nights of lost sleep if our coloured foals dont come out with the right patches either side of their bodies is it permissable to paint new patches so they will be more desirable for the disconcerning coloured horse show person I believe B & Q do offer great season bargins, and that I might dabble in metalic sheens,via hammerite, and add the colour pink to the white bits as an embelishment I welcome your thoughts on these designer colour ideas?
Click to expand...

Yes, definitely paint the patches in. A horse is worth NOTHING if it's not of an interesting colour. I do think you're right and metallic sheens are they way forward; you can say they're part Akhal Teke :)
 
wtdnh131 said:
Dear PR

i went to the sales yesterday and bought myself a lovely bay horse as i wanted to do some showing and hopefully qualify and win at HOYS this year, when i got home my YM told me to take the horse back because it is ewe necked, cow hocked and parrot mouthed, i think the horse looks wonderful and i cant understand why she thinks the horse is a cross between a sheep, parrot and cow as she is clearly a horse to me!!! i think she would get top prize in the ridden classes at hoys, will you please reply so i can show her she is wrong?

haventgotaconformationclue
Click to expand...

Pish posh, conformation matters not a jot if you can get your horse fat.. I mean conditioned enough. Lots of lard should do the trick. Your YO is just jealous.
 
I have bought a top quality pony from a very nice man ‘over the border’. The pony was advertised as a six year old, bright bay gelding, placed every time out, HOYS potential, the lot. The man sent me a lovely photo with him standing on the pony’s back. I was instantly impressed and seriously wanted some of that standy-up equestrian action, despite my vertigo.
Anyway, I agreed to meet the dealer at midnight in a car park behind World of Leather just outside Shepton Mallet and handed over £22,000 in used notes. I saw nothing unusual in this, horse traders are often very busy people. He very kindly loaded the pony for me and sped off into the night, laughing his head off. He’s a jolly sort!

When I got home it was dawn and to my surprise I found a 28 year old flea bitten grey mare in the lorry and not a bay gelding. I phoned the man and he said it was not at all unusual for horses to change sex/colour and to age considerably during the journey. He said this was due to stress and the quality of England’s polluted air. Naturally I accepted his explanation as I didn’t want to look like a novice.

I can’t wait to get started with my standy-up equestrianism and I hope you can answer a couple of questions. Firstly; where’s the best place to stand? Secondly; do I need a long balancing pole? And thirdly; how do I cope when going under trees/low bridges etc.

In case anyone else wants to contact this dealer, he’s in the book under; We-Find-Cloppy-Clappy-Bombproof-Celtic-Cobs (and we saw you coming)Finkelsteins First-Safe-Vanners-r-us.
 
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