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Dear PF

Actually, it's OK. I have decided to buy one off a photograph I have seen in the local Free Ads paper. I won't bother with vetting because it looks very healthy in the picture (the bits I can see) and there's one of it wearing a red rosette, so I know it has won something. I'll bid them down to £17.5k so I can buy your DVD's 1-10, the banana stick, a left-handed headcollar (with ultra heavy-duty clunky clip lead rope) and if you'd throw in a complimentary reading on the photograph, I'd be eternally grateful.

Lardydahdiarse

PurpleRug-%26-Hood-Set.jpg
 
brighteyes said:
Dear PF

Actually, it's OK. I have decided to buy one off a photograph I have seen in the local Free Ads paper. I won't bother with vetting because it looks very healthy in the picture (the bits I can see) and there's one of it wearing a red rosette, so I know it has won something. I'll bid them down to £17.5k so I can buy your DVD's 1-10, the banana stick, a left-handed headcollar (with ultra heavy-duty clunky clip lead rope) and if you'd throw in a complimentary reading on the photograph, I'd be eternally grateful.

Lardydahdiarse

PurpleRug-%26-Hood-Set.jpg
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What a lovely horse. You've been very sensible to look at a photograph and with the DVDs etc you can't go wrong. I've had a chat with your new horse and he reassures me that he's perfect for you and will go far. He says he got the rosette at Badminton, so there you go!! Let me know how it goes :)
 
Dear PF

I have a old horse who I used to compete with and win lots of prizes. Now this horse has started stopping jumping, even when I beat her, so I have decided that she isn't the right horse for me. She ran off with me when I hit her so I have decided she is dangerous.
Someone said to retire her but as I want to be able to ride I don't see why I should waste my money on her doing nothing in the field when I can get a shiny new horsey. Do you think I'm right?

Also someone said that if I take her to potters I might get some money for her. Is this correct? I could do with some new boots.


Yours

idontgiveash8teaboutmyhorse
 
HappyHorses:) said:
Dear PF

I have a old horse who I used to compete with and win lots of prizes. Now this horse has started stopping jumping, even when I beat her, so I have decided that she isn't the right horse for me. She ran off with me when I hit her so I have decided she is dangerous.
Someone said to retire her but as I want to be able to ride I don't see why I should waste my money on her doing nothing in the field when I can get a shiny new horsey. Do you think I'm right?

Also someone said that if I take her to potters I might get some money for her. Is this correct? I could do with some new boots.

Yours

idontgiveash8teaboutmyhorse
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Well, as you know, an old, sick horse costs even more to keep than a young healthy one and what fun is it if you can't ride?? 2 horses are REALLY expensive and having 2 might mean you'd have to go out less, take fewer holidays etc. I know you think she's dangerous, but she's probably just going through a bad patch and someone else will want to put the time and effort to put her right. Give her a few bute, shave a few years off her age and advertise her for sale; you'll get more money that way than if you take her to Potters and then you can afford a really nice shiny new one.
 
I have soooo enjoyed reading all the wonderful advice you have been offering horse owners and had been nodding in agreement at your amazingly correct answers until I spotted on a post 'Avatarisation can be bad for your pony's weight'
O MY GOD....! My 3 ponios have seen Avatar I can't tell you how many times and they all had the BIG popcorn with Big coke and wore the special 3D glasses. They have put on so much weight since the film I think they have Avatarisation.
My question is.. was it the glasses and how do I cure them, or, sob.... are these not my ponios and they are tragically hooked up to some virtual ponio computer? Please help - I know you can.. time is of the vanilla essence..
Imaginationrunningawaywithme.
 
Goya said:
Hope you can advise please.
I have had loads of vet bills this year s want to wrap all my animals in cotton wool. can you tell me how much cotton wool to buy?
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Well, if you WILL get a vet, you only have yourself to blame! However, I understand that you would want to avoid illness or injury in future and so advise you to get lots and lots of bubblewrap. This will protect your horse and he will not need subsequent worming or vaccinations. Good luck!
 
Bryndu said:
I have soooo enjoyed reading all the wonderful advice you have been offering horse owners and had been nodding in agreement at your amazingly correct answers until I spotted on a post 'Avatarisation can be bad for your pony's weight'
O MY GOD....! My 3 ponios have seen Avatar I can't tell you how many times and they all had the BIG popcorn with Big coke and wore the special 3D glasses. They have put on so much weight since the film I think they have Avatarisation.
My question is.. was it the glasses and how do I cure them, or, sob.... are these not my ponios and they are tragically hooked up to some virtual ponio computer? Please help - I know you can.. time is of the vanilla essence..
Imaginationrunningawaywithme.
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Hi and thank you for your adoration :) Now, about Avatarisation; it is correct to say that this will cause your horses to gain weight BUT there really is no need to worry until they blue and their eyes turn yellow. Avatarisation will also make your horse look very small and enclosed in a box, but this is just an illusion. The best way to cure avatarisation is to show your ponios Seabiscuit. This will turn them into racehorses and make them worth loads of money! :)
 
Dear PF,

Unfortunately my parents will not purchase me your DVDs so I will, of course, fail at life in general. Apparently setting the dorms on fire at my boarding school and then streaking across the campus is frowned upon. Not wanting to be left out on these shenanigans, however, I have stolen a javelin from the PE department and made my own fruit stick. It is the next model up from the bananastick and it will make your horse do whatever you want. If you manage to pierce the skin with the pointy end then it will even read your mind and fulfill all your hopes and desires. It's £499.99 inc. P&P if you're interested... Also, I want to do Dressage and make my pony's neck stay round and posh looking so can I attach chains to my gag and weld them to his hooves, or is there a more effective method?

Yours,

Veruca Salt
 
FunkyFilly28 said:
Dear PF,

Unfortunately my parents will not purchase me your DVDs so I will, of course, fail at life in general. Apparently setting the dorms on fire at my boarding school and then streaking across the campus is frowned upon. Not wanting to be left out on these shenanigans, however, I have stolen a javelin from the PE department and made my own fruit stick. It is the next model up from the bananastick and it will make your horse do whatever you want. If you manage to pierce the skin with the pointy end then it will even read your mind and fulfill all your hopes and desires. It's £499.99 inc. P&P if you're interested... Also, I want to do Dressage and make my pony's neck stay round and posh looking so can I attach chains to my gag and weld them to his hooves, or is there a more effective method?

Yours,

Veruca Salt
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Dear Veruca, it's lovely to see younguns show such an interest in Huggle Horsemanship. HOWEVER, I must try to discourage you from using (or creating) cheap imitations. I use only the finest materials and underage Afghan orphans to create the most sublime equipment. Once you have tried a genuine bananastick you will understand why a javelin might seem to do the trick, but doesn't *pat on the head*
 
Dear, dear PF,
As ever, your words of wisdom and advice proved correct.
My ponios watched the Seabiscuit movie and are now happily on their way to a top flat trainer to be trained for the Derby....I shed a little tear as I packed their sangwedges.
The trainer gave me £200,000 for my ponios and I would very much like to offer you a donation of £100,000 for your Huggle Horsemanship to continue it's good work - a cheque is in the post.
Thank you so much... devoted and grateful,

Imaginationrunningawaywith me

Oh.. and by the way... look out for my ponios in the 2011 Derby...they will be the blue ones.
 
Thanks for all your valuable advice in the past.

I have started my gorgeous lad on some training so that he is ready when Laura B visits and falls in love with him.

The only way I can get him to walk is to put a carrot on a string in front of his nose and then he tries to catch up with it.

picture.php


THIS IS NOT A CARROT STICK! It is a carrot on a stick, something different entirely! I have not defected to the other side. You are still the Messiah.

I have tried to clunk his head with a heavy clip but he does not react well to this.

What am I doing wrong? Time is of the essence as I believe LB will be contacting me soon.
 
Bryndu said:
Dear, dear PF,
As ever, your words of wisdom and advice proved correct.
My ponios watched the Seabiscuit movie and are now happily on their way to a top flat trainer to be trained for the Derby....I shed a little tear as I packed their sangwedges.
The trainer gave me £200,000 for my ponios and I would very much like to offer you a donation of £100,000 for your Huggle Horsemanship to continue it's good work - a cheque is in the post.
Thank you so much... devoted and grateful,

Imaginationrunningawaywith me

Oh.. and by the way... look out for my ponios in the 2011 Derby...they will be the blue ones.
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I'm so glad I was right again ;) and happily accept your donation. I have no doubt your ponios will be first and second in the Derby next year :)
 
PapaFrita said:
The World-wide Tour will be kicking off at HOYS where coincidentally I shall be loading a difficult horse with nothing more than my patented left-handed headcollar, lunge-line with extra-heavy clip and a bananastick. No cameras will be allowed as some people just don't understand my Huggly Horsemanship philosophy and will be shocked when I wrap the lungeline around the horse's legs, flip him like a steer and drag him on with a tractor.They just don't GET it? Can you believe that???
I like the idea of the trampoline! Good thinking! I believe you have a natural talent for Huggly Horsemanship. I can help you develop those skills with one of my training days at a very reasonable £54,000!
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I can't tell you what a great piece of kit the patented left-handed headcollar is! After only 12 hrs of DVD instruction my horse will now load freely and easily onto practically any form of transport. He even loads himself, is relaxed and travels well. Unfortunately I haven't seen him since he leapt onto the Parcel Force lorry which delivered my banana stick. However I can track his progress on their website.
As I no longer have a horse, can I be an associate and visit the local livery yard with my banana stick? I have read one of your books.
 
Snoozinsusan said:
Thanks for all your valuable advice in the past.

I have started my gorgeous lad on some training so that he is ready when Laura B visits and falls in love with him.

The only way I can get him to walk is to put a carrot on a string in front of his nose and then he tries to catch up with it.

picture.php


THIS IS NOT A CARROT STICK! It is a carrot on a stick, something different entirely! I have not defected to the other side. You are still the Messiah.

I have tried to clunk his head with a heavy clip but he does not react well to this.

What am I doing wrong? Time is of the essence as I believe LB will be contacting me soon.
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I'm so glad you've taken to Huggle Horsemanship with such enthusiasm and very relieved you've not strayed to the dark side of the force!! The reason the clunking isn't working, and in fact your dressage superstar is reacting badly is that you've not entirely perfected the wiggle-yank-flick technique. Also, did you remember to say "AVADA KEDAVRA" in a very loud voice and were you wearing bloomers? because if you weren't then I'm afraid you'll just have to watch all the DVDs again and start from scratch. Feel the Force and good luck!!
 
Dear PF

I am trying to buy a horse and am very frustrated. I have seen one I really like. It is a bay gelding 16.2hh with an amazing competition record ,a true schoolmaster with manners to burn, an absolute saint. The problem is the people selling want more than £50 for him. I think this is totally unreasonable, so overpriced! What am I to do?
Regards
Deluded
 
Dear PF,

I really need your help. Every time I go to put my horses bridle on he insists on running around his stable in circles with his head raised to the ceiling so even if I can catch him I can't reach to put it on. My Dad (who has no experience what so ever) says that I should hold him whilst he hits him over the head with a whip until he lowers it then my little brother can quickly put it on him. He says after a few times he will get the picture. Do you think this is a good idea or should we use one of your fruit sticks instead of a whip?

Yours faithfully,

Idiotowner
 
Fellewell said:
I can't tell you what a great piece of kit the patented left-handed headcollar is! After only 12 hrs of DVD instruction my horse will now load freely and easily onto practically any form of transport. He even loads himself, is relaxed and travels well. Unfortunately I haven't seen him since he leapt onto the Parcel Force lorry which delivered my banana stick. However I can track his progress on their website.
As I no longer have a horse, can I be an associate and visit the local livery yard with my banana stick? I have read one of your books.
Click to expand...

Even though I receive thousands of similar testimonials every hour, it's always a joy to read another one and I'm delighted to hear of your success with your horse; his actions clearly show how much he loves and respects you. I'm always looking for new associates to continue and spread the Huggle Word. Wth a mere 6 years of DVD tuition you can join the ranks of Huggle Horsemanship Heros. Feel the Force!!
 
frazzled said:
Dear PF

I am trying to buy a horse and am very frustrated. I have seen one I really like. It is a bay gelding 16.2hh with an amazing competition record ,a true schoolmaster with manners to burn, an absolute saint. The problem is the people selling want more than £50 for him. I think this is totally unreasonable, so overpriced! What am I to do?
Regards
Deluded
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Dear Deluded
I feel your pain. Sellers can be so selfish in pricing their horses; how DARE they charge what they like? Surely it should be enough that you want to buy him! Don't they realise how much you want him?? Next thing you know they won't be throwing in all his tack and rugs and a lorry with the price!! If I were you I'd got back and try him out several times, each time saying you'll definitely have him. This will make it hard for them to find another buyer (one silly enough to part with the asking price!). Also, when you go back you should find something slightly wrong with him; something just enough to knock the price down; perhaps he has a bump you can claim is a sarcoid, or if he snorts claim he has breathing problems!! Keep this up and in a few weeks the owners will be so fed up that they'll give him to you fo free!! Good luck!
 
This is the BEST ever thread on HH (Huggly Horsemanship)!

My sanity has been tested severely over the years by Mr Pepperoni-so glad that the Early Learning Centre have taken him back to basics!

Just goes to show you that beware of imitations!
 
becstew said:
Dear PF,

I really need your help. Every time I go to put my horses bridle on he insists on running around his stable in circles with his head raised to the ceiling so even if I can catch him I can't reach to put it on. My Dad (who has no experience what so ever) says that I should hold him whilst he hits him over the head with a whip until he lowers it then my little brother can quickly put it on him. He says after a few times he will get the picture. Do you think this is a good idea or should we use one of your fruit sticks instead of a whip?

Yours faithfully,

Idiotowner
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Dear Idiotowner
This is not an uncommon problem, but I'm sorry to say your dad has got it wrong. No.. what you need to do is put your horse in a school, preferably with loads of people watching. Using my patented left-handed headcollar, the lungeline with the extra heavy clip and the bananastick you should use wiggle-yank-flick to bemuse your horse. Then you'll have to use the lungeline to pick up his front leg. Hold it up so he becomes submissive. If he gets upset, use an assistant to help you hold and pull the lungline; he mustn't break away. If all else fails, then use a bit of my special Huggle Horsemanship baler twine under his lip and above his teeth. This may cause redness, but this is natural, so OK. In fact all of these techniques exactly replicate the way horses behave in the wild and so are totally humane. Carry on as long as necessary although you shouldn't have to continue for more than 6 or 7 hours. If anyone complains or films the events and puts them on Youtube, don't worry, you can always point out that they haven't been blessed by the bananastick and just don't get it. That's their lookout; you have absolutely no need to justify your actions. Also, as further damage limitation, you should share your sandwich with your horse. This will convince any doubters that you are a good, kind person, that you have only your horse's best interests at heart and that he luuuurves you and respects you. Keep up the good work!!!
 
I quote- Hi all, looking for some advice please... my horse lost her shoe this morning. Do you think it would be okay to ride with one shoe and the other foot in a cavallo hoof boot, or should I pull off the other shoe and put the pair of Cavallos on?

This was an ACTUAL post!
 
Dear PF you are sooooo amazing and clever, this post has become the highlight of my day (but then I lead a very sad life), I have ordered my black arabian stallion, he will arrive tomorrow. Will he be ok on his own or should I get a companion for him? I also want to teach him tricks, like cooking my dinner and doing the hoovering, is this possible? :rolleyes
 
Happy Hunter said:
I quote- Hi all, looking for some advice please... my horse lost her shoe this morning. Do you think it would be okay to ride with one shoe and the other foot in a cavallo hoof boot, or should I pull off the other shoe and put the pair of Cavallos on?

This was an ACTUAL post!
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Hi there. No need to use a horse boot; just chop the end off a welly, preferably one with daisies as this is more natural, and put it on the hoof. If you'd prefer him to wear a matching pair of wellies you could prise the remaining hoof off with a butter knife. Don't worry if you break bits of hoof off; they can't feel anything under the horn anyway and it'll soon grow back. Good luck!!
 
bad girl said:
Dear PF you are sooooo amazing and clever, this post has become the highlight of my day (but then I lead a very sad life), I have ordered my black arabian stallion, he will arrive tomorrow. Will he be ok on his own or should I get a companion for him? I also want to teach him tricks, like cooking my dinner and doing the hoovering, is this possible? :rolleyes
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No need to get a companion. Once you've studied my DVD set you will be so in tune with your horse that he won't be interested in being with other horses. You could probably teach him to do ALL the housework and also do your tax returns. My DVDs really ARE that good!
 
foraday said:
This is the BEST ever thread on HH (Huggly Horsemanship)!

My sanity has been tested severely over the years by Mr Pepperoni-so glad that the Early Learning Centre have taken him back to basics!

Just goes to show you that beware of imitations!
Click to expand...

Yes, the Early Learning Centre are big supporters of mine :) Just goes to show how imitators and dilettantes will always get their comeuppance... :p ;)
 
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