Safe Place to Make Mistakes!

[Ample Prosecco]

Mathhew Syed wrote a whole book on how the best way to learn is to get it wrong, figure out why, and learn from that. And also TO BE WILLING TO GET IT WRONG!

Amazon.co.uk

So any forum with a training section should include a 'mistakes' section. Constructive advice welcome. Judgements not helpful.

Also, losing access to our skills because of lack of confidence/fear or competition nerves is a common reason for making those mistakes. So posts on 'help I'm terrified'' or 'that event was awful - why?' should feel safe to post here too. Hopefully.

YCBMs thread on feeling down has been very popular, and the tone has stayed true to the original intention of it. No 'stop whining' posters on there. So let's see how this goes....

I'll start with the clip I was reluctant to share because of the huge miss at fence 2. I did not see a stride to that and I did not expect her to go on such a long one. I am pleased I am more with her most of the time now. And love how calm she is in the start box!

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I think this thread is a great idea. I don't compete, in fact I'm not riding atm but people should be able to ask for help/advice and get constructive criticism, rather than judgement. As for your clip - you both landed at the other side, together, that's good enough for me. I appreciate that your trainer probably gave more useful advice.

 

[MereChristmas]

I don’t compete but have done a couple of practise on grass walk and trot tests this year. I was very pleased with my self and F but wouldn’t have posted a photo or report because I know how incorrect we are and how difficult it is when you are old and wonky to improve.
Thankyou for starting this thread @Ambers Echo.
I hope all competitors, both beginners and better find it useful.

 

[ITPersonnage]

No criticism from me either, you've acknowledged that you weren't really "with" her on the clip, I'm sure you have addressed that, and I love the partnership you have with her now. Onwards and upwards and a great idea for a thread.

 

[splashgirl45]

Hardly terrible, yes you got taken by surprise but stayed in the saddle and Lottie was fine at the following jumps. You are too hard on yourself , the rest of the round that we saw was harmonious

 

[Ample Prosecco]

Hardly terrible, yes you got taken by surprise but stayed in the saddle and Lottie was fine at the following jumps. You are too hard on yourself , the rest of the round that we saw was harmonious

I don't think it was terrible actually. It happens! I just felt anxious about posting it as I felt it would be judged harshly. But clearly many people feel the same way and don't post, which then is a vicious cyle as all you ever see is the good stuff. Which makes mistakes even harder to post.

Hence lifting my head above the parapet, to try and chnage that. As I'm sure plenty of people would welcome constructive advice and want to post more but feel inhibited.

 

[scats]

AE- that ‘miss’ at fence 2 was nowhere near as bad as you think. I’d actually say you look like you’ve got a good enough length rein at that point that you’ve barely touched her mouth. Yes your body gets a bit of whiplash, but I think Lottie was largely unaffected by it.

 

[ycbm]

Great thread. Well sat!

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

Not sure if this is quite the thread for me to post this as not competition related at all, but still has a lot to do with being afraid of getting it wrong and criticism and actually admitting to that. Feel free to ignore if not considered appropriate.

As some of you may know for health reasons after an accident (handling not riding) I have not been able to ride for over 2 years now and had to sell my beautiful big boy who was my 70th birthday present to last me until I was at least 80! Until that point I was a pretty confident and competent rider considering my age. I am now hopefully in sight of returning to riding if all goes well in the not too distant future, and looking to buy a smaller, less demanding horse than my last two, but purely for hacking around.

My problem? Inexplicably I find my confidence has completely left me. The thought of somebody else watching me ride if I go to view and try a horse at some point leaves me feeling physically sick, no idea where that has come from and no idea how I will get past that when the time comes. And I imagine the would be seller and any yardies hanging around sniggering and scoffing at my tentative attempt to ride the horse in front of them. There, I have said it and put it down in writing for all to see what a damn useless horse rider I have morphed into.

 

[Glitter's fun]

Not sure if this is quite the thread for me to post this as not competition related at all, but still has a lot to do with being afraid of getting it wrong and criticism and actually admitting to that. Feel free to ignore if not considered appropriate.

As some of you may know for health reasons after an accident (handling not riding) I have not been able to ride for over 2 years now and had to sell my beautiful big boy who was my 70th birthday present to last me until I was at least 80! Until that point I was a pretty confident and competent rider considering my age. I am now hopefully in sight of returning to riding if all goes well in the not too distant future, and looking to buy a smaller, less demanding horse than my last two, but purely for hacking around.

My problem? Inexplicably I find my confidence has completely left me. The thought of somebody else watching me ride if I go to view and try a horse at some point leaves me feeling physically sick, no idea where that has come from and no idea how I will get past that when the time comes. And I imagine the would be seller and any yardies hanging around sniggering and scoffing at my tentative attempt to ride the horse in front of them. There, I have said it and put it down in writing for all to see what a damn useless horse rider I have morphed into.

Sending happy riding vibes your way! I tend to presume that to young people I will look so ancient that they will just be amazed that I can arrive at the stables still breathing, let alone ride.

Most of my mistakes are of the "crikey I used to be able to do that so easily" variety, which is very frustrating.
I find myself constantly boring on, telling anyone who'll listen what i used to do, to justify that I wasn't always this useless. I expect they mouth "when Goldie was young." behind my back!

 

[Ample Prosecco]

I feel your pain Mrs J. I'll tell you a story...

After Amber got injured, I did not jump for months. Eventually she was retired and I started viewing other horses, with the hope of eventing with them. I had, unfortunately, not factored in the fact that jumping was going to be a problem as I needed to jump regularly to stay confident.

So one afternoon I was trying out a mare, having explained that I wanted a horse for BE90/100. The flat work was fine but, of course, event horses have to jump. I decided to brave a cross pole and headed towards it. At this point 2 parallel realities unfolded.

In MY reality, the horse bolts towards the fence, balloons it, stumbles on landing and almost ditches me. I cry, and say I don’t want to jump anymore.
In the real world, (as evidenced by the video that was kindly, but rather humiliatingly, being taken), the horse takes me to the fence with a slight increase in pace, jumps it perfectly normally, if a little enthusiastically, and then slightly pecks on landing. If you are looking very closely.

Our 2 worlds re-converge with the crying and wanting to get off bit.

The seller clarified, ‘so this is a horse you plan to event?’
‘Yes.’
‘With YOU riding her?!’

Oh dear. I didnt buy the horse! Lottie was unseen from Ireland which was much easier!!

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

The seller clarified, ‘so this is a horse you plan to event?’
‘Yes.’
‘With YOU riding her?!’

Oh dear. I didnt buy the horse! Lottie was unseen from Ireland which was mich easier!!

Wow! Just wow! Now that would have floored me completely. But thank goodness in a way, look at the horse you ended up with? Knew she was a good one and would be a keeper as I knew her background and where she came from.

 

[Ample Prosecco]

Yep she's a keeper for sure x

 

[dixie]

The laugh emoji from me is because I can so relate to that.
I hate trying horses. I very rarely jump them.
This time around I tried 4 horses.
The first one I felt lovely and safe and didn’t want to get off (sadly he failed the vet).
The second, despite being an instructors horse and used at a college, I couldn’t ride for toffee. He was crooked, wouldn’t go forward even out hacking and she tried to give me a lesson whilst I was trying him out. Funnily enough he’s still for sale.

 

[stangs]

My problem? Inexplicably I find my confidence has completely left me. The thought of somebody else watching me ride if I go to view and try a horse at some point leaves me feeling physically sick, no idea where that has come from and no idea how I will get past that when the time comes. And I imagine the would be seller and any yardies hanging around sniggering and scoffing at my tentative attempt to ride the horse in front of them. There, I have said it and put it down in writing for all to see what a damn useless horse rider I have morphed into.

Perhaps have a hack with a local trekking centre, to remind yourself that you can ride and that there's nothing for others to scoff at.

Some folk would snigger at Carl Hester schooling their horse, let alone us 'normies'. But those sorts of people have awful memories - within the hour, they'll have found someone else to judge. And most people won't be looking at you. They'll be looking at the horse and thinking that they're going to miss it, or they'll be gossiping about the owner.

Besides, if they choose to be judgemental and fill their days with negative energy, that's their problem. It's got nothing to do with you and it certainly doesn't make you a 'damn useless horse rider!'

 

[Ample Prosecco]

Trying out horses is just awful. But Lottie will do me till Felix and Mylo grow up so I hopefully never need to get on someone else's horse ever again at a viewing!

 

[LEC]

Mathhew Syed wrote a whole book on how the best way to learn is to get it wrong, figure out why, and learn from that. And also TO BE WILLING TO GET IT WRONG!

Amazon.co.uk

So any forum with a training section should include a 'mistakes' section. Constructive advice welcome. Judgements not helpful.

Also, losing access to our skills because of lack of confidence/fear or competition nerves is a common reason for making those mistakes. So posts on 'help I'm terrified'' or 'that event was awful - why?' should feel safe to post here too. Hopefully.

YCBMs thread on feeling down has been very popular, and the tone has stayed true to the original intention of it. No 'stop whining' posters on there. So let's see how this goes....

I'll start with the clip I was reluctant to share because of the huge miss at fence 2. I did not see a stride to that and I did not expect her to go on such a long one. I am pleased I am more with her most of the time now. And love how calm she is in the start box!

You didn’t miss, she was behind the leg and a bit backwards thinking. You did everything right. If you want to be really critical I would check your warm has done everything you need and that she is off the leg and taking you better or I would have really got after her at fence 1 and reacted quicker about it all.

To be honest most people try to be pretty helpful on here and it’s never been a bitchy place on CR. Maybe a tad over critical at times but I think that’s in a wanting to help way.

 

[Caol Ila]

Great idea for a thread, AE.

Here's a mistake I made. Not with competing but with basic handling.

Hermosa was an unhandled 2yo when I bought her, who had never had her feet touched, much less trimmed (thanks, breeder!). They were obviously very long, and I thought I needed to do something about that quickly. Teaching a halfway feral 2yo horse to let you pick up its feet is, however, not a quick process. I'd got her giving me the fronts, and we rushed in with the farrier. She was in no way confident enough to let a strange man handle her feet. We ended up with three or four people trying to hold the horse down while the farrier trimmed her front feet. He could not get near the hinds. The YO gave me a lecture on how Domosedan was not allowed at the yard for farriery purposes but we could use it "just this once." So, we got her hinds done with her stoned off her head. Fine. I worked on handling and playing with a rasp and all the things. Over time, she got pretty good about the hind feet, which she had fewer negative associations with, thank you Domosedan. But she would still fight you on the fronts. Now, she still has a little anxiety when she sees the farrier. My current one is the nicest man in the world, and she's getting better. Only dances in a couple circles when he first arrives, then settles for all four feet.

In hindsight, I should have stopped the whole circus when there were three people hanging onto a wildly fighting horse. There should have been a lot more Domosedan, used for longer, until she was comfortable with the entire process. I should have ignored the YO's prohibition on that. However, I'd never worked with an unhandled youngster before and was following the lead of the YOs, who were very confident and experienced with youngstock. They were right about many things, but not this one. I still felt really stupid for letting it happen. I was also lucky that my horse only became anxious about farriers, and it didn't spread to other aspects of handling.

 

[Cloball]

Not sure if this is quite the thread for me to post this as not competition related at all, but still has a lot to do with being afraid of getting it wrong and criticism and actually admitting to that. Feel free to ignore if not considered appropriate.

As some of you may know for health reasons after an accident (handling not riding) I have not been able to ride for over 2 years now and had to sell my beautiful big boy who was my 70th birthday present to last me until I was at least 80! Until that point I was a pretty confident and competent rider considering my age. I am now hopefully in sight of returning to riding if all goes well in the not too distant future, and looking to buy a smaller, less demanding horse than my last two, but purely for hacking around.

My problem? Inexplicably I find my confidence has completely left me. The thought of somebody else watching me ride if I go to view and try a horse at some point leaves me feeling physically sick, no idea where that has come from and no idea how I will get past that when the time comes. And I imagine the would be seller and any yardies hanging around sniggering and scoffing at my tentative attempt to ride the horse in front of them. There, I have said it and put it down in writing for all to see what a damn useless horse rider I have morphed into.

I've never been the most confident rider but people largely didn't notice when I was younger. I had a break during the junior doctor years went on holiday to Mongolia and terrified myself.
I tried 3 perfectly lovely ponies and cried on 2, one for cantering when I asked and the other for looking at a bus. I dread to think what I looked like. Everyone was lovely about it .... Which didn't help with the crying . No one made me feel ridiculous at all and regaled me with tales of lost confidence. Who knows what they said when I left but who cares.

 

[meleeka]

Not sure if this is quite the thread for me to post this as not competition related at all, but still has a lot to do with being afraid of getting it wrong and criticism and actually admitting to that. Feel free to ignore if not considered appropriate.

As some of you may know for health reasons after an accident (handling not riding) I have not been able to ride for over 2 years now and had to sell my beautiful big boy who was my 70th birthday present to last me until I was at least 80! Until that point I was a pretty confident and competent rider considering my age. I am now hopefully in sight of returning to riding if all goes well in the not too distant future, and looking to buy a smaller, less demanding horse than my last two, but purely for hacking around.

My problem? Inexplicably I find my confidence has completely left me. The thought of somebody else watching me ride if I go to view and try a horse at some point leaves me feeling physically sick, no idea where that has come from and no idea how I will get past that when the time comes. And I imagine the would be seller and any yardies hanging around sniggering and scoffing at my tentative attempt to ride the horse in front of them. There, I have said it and put it down in writing for all to see what a damn useless horse rider I have morphed into.

Yes! I could have written that myself. I don’t know what the answer is as I haven’t got any plans to get back in the saddle, but I assume with most things, practice makes it better.

 

[MereChristmas]

Not sure if this is quite the thread for me to post this as not competition related at all, but still has a lot to do with being afraid of getting it wrong and criticism and actually admitting to that. Feel free to ignore if not considered appropriate.

As some of you may know for health reasons after an accident (handling not riding) I have not been able to ride for over 2 years now and had to sell my beautiful big boy who was my 70th birthday present to last me until I was at least 80! Until that point I was a pretty confident and competent rider considering my age. I am now hopefully in sight of returning to riding if all goes well in the not too distant future, and looking to buy a smaller, less demanding horse than my last two, but purely for hacking around.

My problem? Inexplicably I find my confidence has completely left me. The thought of somebody else watching me ride if I go to view and try a horse at some point leaves me feeling physically sick, no idea where that has come from and no idea how I will get past that when the time comes. And I imagine the would be seller and any yardies hanging around sniggering and scoffing at my tentative attempt to ride the horse in front of them. There, I have said it and put it down in writing for all to see what a damn useless horse rider I have morphed into.

I began riding when I was 10 and had my first pony at 17. I’ve owned horses ever since. I am a technically rubbish untutored rider but over the years have had lots of fun.

I bought F when I was 71. He developed ulcers after a while and although he’s 14.2 ish he frightened me to death when ridden. When recovered someone experienced began riding him out, slowly at first. When I first rode my legs shook uncontrollably in the saddle and I was near to tears. My confidence could not have been lower. My yard staff are amazing. They always have someone to ride out with me, have encouraged me to go to fun rides alone, have low level local lessons and, yes, go to Camp last month!

I have always hated competing and being watched because of the snide comments often heard so I understand how you feel. My walk and trot practise tests may not lead anywhere in the world of competing but goodness, do I feel good?
Of course I do.

This is what I think, accept or dismiss as you wish
Try to ride somewhere to keep your fitness as well as you can, that is encouraging and makes you happy. I hope you have friends that will help either with encouragement, by loaning you a horse to ride occasionally and when the time comes accompanying you to viewings. When that happens taker a capable rider friend with you, watch the owner ride first and take it from there. I have been to viewings and refused to ride. Who cares what others think? You are there because you love it and want to continue having fun.

The days we have left to ride in seem to diminish so fast we mustn’t waste them.
You are not alone. xx

 

[CanteringCarrot]

Mistakes? Hm.

1. Buying a horse
2. Bringing it with me to place that sucks in respect to keeping horses.
3. Repeat 1 and 2



I've been a bit more thoughtful about this one and learned a lot from my last horse. OH and I made the mistake of getting too greedy with trailer training one day, and asked him to load a second time, when we should've left off at the one good loading for now. It's situations like that where you have to realize that things take time, small steps are ok, finish on a good note, and don't get greedy. 2 sessions later he acted like he'd load and unload all day long, so not a huge deal, but still.

I have to remind myself not to listen to others sometimes too. People expect instant results. Sometimes things are instant and/or progress quickly, but sometimes it's small steps and a slow grind. Which is fine. If I tell someone that I'm teaching my horse x and they say, "well he's not doing x!" and can't grasp that it takes steps to get to x, they can buzz off

I do a bit of trick training, and it's all about building blocks.

I also have to realize that if we have an off day, it's ok. We're both living beings and sometimes our buckets are just too full (worry bucket for example). It's not necessarily a training failure, it's life with living beings.

I've been willing to get it wrong. There were times with my last horse when I say, "Well, this might be ugly at first, but let's give it a go" which was usually in reference to flying changes at first bless him, it was a struggle at times. It's hard though, because I'm way too critical, and dressage is both good and bad for me in a way.

 

[Tiddlypom]

My problem? Inexplicably I find my confidence has completely left me. The thought of somebody else watching me ride if I go to view and try a horse at some point leaves me feeling physically sick, no idea where that has come from and no idea how I will get past that when the time comes. And I imagine the would be seller and any yardies hanging around sniggering and scoffing at my tentative attempt to ride the horse in front of them. There, I have said it and put it down in writing for all to see what a damn useless horse rider I have morphed into.

Mrs J, trying potential new horses in front of an audience is nerve wracking for anyone.

The advice to get back in the saddle first at a good trekking centre or RS, or maybe a mechanical horse if there's one in your parts, is excellent.

You can laugh at me here showing off my non existent mettle on the test schoolmistress, not even one of the horses I was properly going to look at, under the late Janet George's beady eye .

What you can't hear is Janet, sitting on a stool in the centre of the arena, yelling 'Sit UP! Sit UP! at me as I rode round .

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

I do think you are all so right. Going somewhere and just having a gentle little hack to test the water first might be a good idea. I shall have to go miles away where nobody knows me.

Our local hunt master has already offered me his horse to get myself going again, can you imagine my jelly like legs as I collapse in a sobbing heap under his damn great horse when I bottle out at the mounting stage? Oh the humiliation!

I shall throw a saddle on Dolly first and just plod around the field and hope she is now too old and knackered to throw any shapes with the excitement of it all.

 

[ycbm]

Not sure if this is quite the thread for me to post this as not competition related at all, but still has a lot to do with being afraid of getting it wrong and criticism and actually admitting to that. Feel free to ignore if not considered appropriate.

As some of you may know for health reasons after an accident (handling not riding) I have not been able to ride for over 2 years now and had to sell my beautiful big boy who was my 70th birthday present to last me until I was at least 80! Until that point I was a pretty confident and competent rider considering my age. I am now hopefully in sight of returning to riding if all goes well in the not too distant future, and looking to buy a smaller, less demanding horse than my last two, but purely for hacking around.

My problem? Inexplicably I find my confidence has completely left me. The thought of somebody else watching me ride if I go to view and try a horse at some point leaves me feeling physically sick, no idea where that has come from and no idea how I will get past that when the time comes. And I imagine the would be seller and any yardies hanging around sniggering and scoffing at my tentative attempt to ride the horse in front of them. There, I have said it and put it down in writing for all to see what a damn useless horse rider I have morphed into.

I get it too Mrs J. After riding only Ludo for a year, then not riding at all for 4 months I sure a hell wasn't going to get on Charlie at the trainers. I had him 4 days assessing him in his new home before I sat on him, making sure I didn't have an audience. And I was terrified every time I got on for about a month until I realised he really was a kind as they had told me he was It really isn't as easy for us pensioners to go jumping onto strange horses as it was when we were younger!
.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Love this idea for a thread! I think it can be useful for competitive riding and non-competitive riding, they're all training and learning experiences are they not?

One of the most helpful things I have read around confidence building is 'the opposite of success is learning (not failure!)' so having a chance to make and learn from mistakes is all on the path towards the things we want.

I had a losing access to skills experience yesterday. Dressage in the morning went well, and a large part of what I was pleased about was all the mindset stuff to manage nerves and turning them into excitement rather than just being scared. In the afternoon I had a lesson and went really quickly back to feeling 'small', reluctant, and backward thinking. Which gave a pretty 'meh' feeling lesson and then feeling deflated/annoyed with myself afterwards. Regained access to skills/positive mindset today in another lesson which on paper I would have said was objectively more challenging, and had a great time. Brains are weird (and wonderful). I'm pondering what the learning from this weekend is!

 

[Gloi]

I get around the horror of trying a horse and having my riding judged by only buying unbroken ones.
I wish I still liked jumping , I get nervous at a cross pole these days.

 

[scats]

I tried something about a month ago, totally on a whim. Sat on it for a few minutes in walk, then popped into trot and got a horrible feeling from it. Swiftly walked again, thanked the owner but said it wasn’t for me. I’ve become much more aware since my accident and if I get a bad feeling, I get off.

I’ve done my days of flying around SJ courses and riding the lunatics that no-one else wants to get on! You absolutely do not bounce as readily when you get older.

 

[southerncomfort]

The mistakes I've made, and continue to make, would need a whole thread of their own!

I'm going to buy that book though. I love Matthew Syed. I buy the Sunday Times just to read his column and always find myself nodding while reading.

 

[Ample Prosecco]

It’s a great book!