Taking horse back off loan

[Equi]

How well do you know the person? Personally if I had ever been invited out to lunch by my loaner I’d have had anxiety for days and probably would have made up an excuse not to go (and I would have head spins of omg is she bringing me out to ask if I want him or to take him) and for me personally that would all be hell. A quick text would be my preference. But that’s me.

How about sending a text saying you need to have a chat about <horse> as your circumstances have changed for the better and let her decide if she wants to text/call/meet.

 

[TheChestnutThing]

Personally, I would rather sell him or leave him on permanent loan with his current loaner. Your friend's yard may fall through or may not be suitable long term.

I would speak to your loaner face to face on neutral territory. I would not take her out to lunch because if she reacts badly (and she probably will, let's be honest), she will stuck weeping quietly into her club sandwich, no one wants that. I would go for a takeaway coffee somewhere where you can sit outside, so if she wants to walk away, she can (you may want to persuade her to have an iced coffee or milkshake in case she wants to chuck it at you).

haha, iced coffee it is then.

it’s not my friends yard. It’s a yard we share. So my own.

 

[TheChestnutThing]

How well do you know the person? Personally if I had ever been invited out to lunch by my loaner I’d have had anxiety for days and probably would have made up an excuse not to go (and I would have head spins of omg is she bringing me out to ask if I want him or to take him) and for me personally that would all be hell. A quick text would be my preference. But that’s me.

How about sending a text saying you need to have a chat about <horse> as your circumstances have changed for the better and let her decide if she wants to text/call/meet.

I don’t know her well enough for lunch/wine and she is a VERY VERY emotional person. She started crying when I had words with her for being late with vaccines and dentist.

 

[twiggy2]

He is your horse and late teens is not that old, a lot of horses would work for another 10 yrs.
I would speak to her face to face and say you have space for him with your and you want to start jumping him again, outline that she is welcome to part loan for x amount of days per month and tell her yhe cost, be prepared for her to decline the offer of part loan though, can you offer the horse enough time and work if she doesn't want to part loan?
In her shoes I would not take a part loan if I had time and money for a full loan I also would not want to be doing the horse under the owners eye I I had managed him fine for 2 yrs.

 

[throwaway2022]

How well do you know the person? Personally if I had ever been invited out to lunch by my loaner I’d have had anxiety for days and probably would have made up an excuse not to go (and I would have head spins of omg is she bringing me out to ask if I want him or to take him) and for me personally that would all be hell. A quick text would be my preference. But that’s me.

How about sending a text saying you need to have a chat about <horse> as your circumstances have changed for the better and let her decide if she wants to text/call/meet.

Totally agree with this, I’d hate it to happen face to face. My preference would be a kindly worded email.

For what it’s worth, I put my pony of a lifetime out on full loan to a wonderful lady who lived c. 4 hours away. She was devastated when I asked for him back, the whole situation was so sad. I was struggling massively without him but after having him back for a few days I realised I’d made the wrong decision (life was incredibly tough at the time) and offered for her to buy him, which she did and collected the same day no doubt worrying I’d change my mind!

Without wanting to give a lecture, just be 100% sure you’re doing what’s right for your horse and try not to let emotion cloud your view. Whilst I still miss my boy an obscene amount, I know it was the right thing to do.

 

[ponynutz]

What does your contract say about this situation? Share sounds good if you’re wanting to keep her feelings happy

 

[TheChestnutThing]

What does your contract say about this situation? Share sounds good if you’re wanting to keep her feelings happy

Contract says I need to give her 2 months notice and can take him back then…that’s for my own use obviously. For any breech on her part I would give her 14 days to fix it. But there is no breech.

 

[Barton Bounty]

Contract says I need to give her 2 months notice and can take him back then…that’s for my own use obviously. For any breech on her part I would give her 14 days to fix it. But there is no breech.

I think if you are happy sharing and she is happy sharing that sounds like a winning situation ?

 

[tda]

I just had to take a pony back off loan, at a recent visit I wasn't altogether happy with her condition, so we discussed changes in feed etc, but after a couple of weeks I decided to get her back, so I messaged the lady and said when would be a convenient time to ring you, she was expecting my call, so had had time to think about it.
It was a slightly uncomfortable situation but we parted on good terms

On the other hand I was informed by text that a loan i had was ending, not the best way

 

[sollimum]

Can you arrange to go and see her and have a chat. Just be honest and explain. She loves him but you love him too. If you have lovely hacking she might well be open to hacking him out for you or maybe this will give him the impetus to buy her own horse. Good luck.

 

[ycbm]

Is this the same horse and loaner? If so, it changes the picture completely.

https://forums.horseandhound.co.uk/threads/loaner-issues.818047/

 

[TheChestnutThing]

Is this the same horse and loaner? If so, it changes the picture completely.

https://forums.horseandhound.co.uk/threads/loaner-issues.818047/

yes this is the same horse.

I have since been much more regular with my checks etc. But still no top line and lack of muscle. He is VERY well fed now, a bit too much for his lack of muscle. But rather that than a skinny horse.

 

[ycbm]

yes this is the same horse.

I have since been much more regular with my checks etc. But still no top line and lack of muscle. He is VERY well fed now, a bit too much for his lack of muscle. But rather that than a skinny horse.

Then I can see why you want him back.

But if he's now 18 and, I think, possibly an ex racing TB?, I wouldn't be putting him back into work as a show jumper.
.

 

[Snow Falcon]

Your horse, your choice. But I know what I'd be doing based on re-reading the other thread. I've done both, loaned and been the loaner. Always kept in contact with the owners, treated the pony/horse as my own (and more as someone's elses property!)and had agreements for all.

Sometimes circumstances change and people are in a better or worse position and have to make the best decision for them/animal.

 

[Squeak]

yes this is the same horse.

I have since been much more regular with my checks etc. But still no top line and lack of muscle. He is VERY well fed now, a bit too much for his lack of muscle. But rather that than a skinny horse.

Agree with YCBM that I can see why you want him back too. I think you were possibly a bit too generous with your OP and saying how brilliant the loaner is and hence have had a mixture of replies. As you've had some concerns in the past I'd just end the loan. I think offering a share sounds like a great idea and hopefully could offer you both the best of both worlds.

As you do regular checks in person I'd probably mention it then but have put something in a text when organising the visit to give her the heads up that something is going to happen so that she's forewarned and prepared for some news and it's not completely out of the blue, especially if she's an emotional person.

 

[Red-1]

I must say some of these comments are a bit harsh and make me out to be a terrible person for wanting to take my very own horse back. I never asked for opinions on what I should and shouldn’t do, I asked the best way to go about breaking the news.
I also did not say anything about a text.

I have not been anything like that. Indeed, I stated that I refused a loan myself on principal as I like to be in control of the horse I give my heart to. In fact, when I was looking for a companion with benefits, people said to loan and there were some on offer, but no, I bought Rigs outright so no one could take him away again.

I think it is easier if you now have your own yard as opposed to livery. It means she may realise things are changing already. I think it would be excellent to text to say that you need to talk, when would be a good time to call on the phone or to call round. That way, she knows it's coming, really.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

If you have a contract that surely makes things quite straightforward? Unless you have a welfare concern which indicates he needs to come home sooner, give the agreed notice verbally (telephone or face to face) then follow up written (email and/or text) to confirm, arrange transport and bring him home. Keep it civil, simple, and stick to the agreement.

From your previous thread it sounds like she may try to overly pull you in to the emotional bit. Don't get pulled into it. Of course be respectful, she is allowed to be upset as it's a loss from her perspective, but don't allow for being guilt-tripped or anything else.

 

[Getbackboys]

totally agree100% with YCBM, it actually stinks how you now want him back after 2 years and he is a teenager, sorry i know he is yours etc etc, but you didnt thinkof that when you were happy to loan, do what you will but beware of karma it bites back when we least expect it, poor loaner who has fallen in love with him.

no posts are not harsh its an open forum and people are entitled to voice how they would feel based on the oringal post supplied.

funny how posters always get cheesed off when they dont get the response they were hoping for.

 

[TheChestnutThing]

totally agree100% with YCBM, it actually stinks how you now want him back after 2 years and he is a teenager, sorry i know he is yours etc etc, but you didnt thinkof that when you were happy to loan, do what you will but beware of karma it bites back when we least expect it, poor loaner who has fallen in love with him.

no posts are not harsh its an open forum and people are entitled to voice how they would feel based on the oringal post supplied.

funny how posters always get cheesed off when they dont get the response they were hoping for.

So basically I am a terrible person for wanting what was best for my horse in the first place now I am a terrible person for taking him back and karma is going to bite me? Wow.

I also never asked for ANYONES opinions on whether I should or shouldn’t take him back, I asked the best way to approach it because I am terrible at these things.

he is my horse and I should most certainly not be told I am a terrible person for wanting my own horse who is on loan and still belongs to me, back.

 

[ycbm]

totally agree100% with YCBM, it actually stinks how you now want him back after 2 years and he is a teenager,

Just like to point out I didn't say that. Given the whole picture I think the horse should be taken back. But it does puzzle me how long this loaner thought she was going to have him for, given that she bought his tack when she took him on.

And whether an 18 year old (which I think from another thread is an ex racing TB), who hasn't been worked properly in 2 years and is completely lacking top line, should return to being a show jumper.
.

 

[Barton Bounty]

Personally, you put him on loan when you needed to, you did what you had to. It does sound like from what I have read that he is possibly not getting worked or looked after to the best of her ability. I don’t think you should be berated for wanting him back.
I would go for a visit and tell her that an opening has now came up at your yard and you would like ….. to come. Tell her you understand it might not be ideal for her but if she wants to continue to share that you would be open to that and happy to do so.
if she does not take it well or gets angry, I would let her know that 2 months from …….(the date) that you will be collecting your horse ?

Also just like to add 18 really isn’t that old, my boy is 15 and hope he isn’t slowing down for a good few years yet lol ?

 

[AmyMay]

totally agree100% with YCBM, it actually stinks how you now want him back after 2 years and he is a teenager, sorry i know he is yours etc etc, but you didnt thinkof that when you were happy to loan, do what you will but beware of karma it bites back when we least expect it, poor loaner who has fallen in love with him.

What a completely vile and inaccurate response.

 

[Nasicus]

There's probably no way you're going to come out of this looking like the 'good guy' to the loaner or anyone she tells the story to (judging by her attitude in the previous thread in May), so you're just going to have to rip the bandaid off so to speak and get it over with.

 

[TheChestnutThing]

totally agree100% with YCBM, it actually stinks how you now want him back after 2 years and he is a teenager, sorry i know he is yours etc etc, but you didnt thinkof that when you were happy to loan, do what you will but beware of karma it bites back when we least expect it, poor loaner who has fallen in love with him.

no posts are not harsh its an open forum and people are entitled to voice how they would feel based on the oringal post supplied.

funny how posters always get cheesed off when they dont get the response they were hoping for.

So basically I am a terrible person for wanting what was best for my horse in the first place now I am a terrible person for taking him back and karma is going to bite me? Wow.

I also never asked for ANYONES opinions on whether I should or shouldn’t take him back, I asked the best way to approach it because I am terrible at these things.

he is my horse and I should most certainly not be told I am a terrible person for wanting my own horse who is on loan and still belongs to me,

Just like to point out I didn't say that. Given the whole picture I think the horse should be taken back. But it does puzzle me how long this loaner thought she was going to have him for, given that she bought his tack when she took him on.

And whether an 18 year old (which I think from another thread is an ex racing TB), who hasn't been worked properly in 2 years and is completely lacking top line, should return to being a show jumper.
.

she bought his tack because I was selling it (was an expensive saddle that didn’t fit any of my other horses and she was going to put him in a wintec that she had). So I sold her the saddle at the price of the wintec. It was always going to be sold as the saddle fitted the horse but not me and was for sale before she even took him on loan.

IF I bring him back into jumping (which again I didn’t ask anyone’s opinions on), it will be correctly and with care and only if he still wants to do it and is capable.

 

[TheChestnutThing]

What a completely vile and inaccurate response.

I do hope that you were not saying that my response to the vile response was vile…

 

[Jenko109]

Hang on, let me get this straight.

You had a saddle that you knew fitted the horse. Instead of sending it with the horse on loan, you gave the loaner the choice to use her own tack (which may or may not have been a particularly good fit) or BUY the existing well fitting saddle.

My god.

 

[TheChestnutThing]

Hang on, let me get this straight.

You had a saddle that you knew fitted the horse. Instead of sending it with the horse on loan, you gave the loaner the choice to use her own tack (which may or may not have been a particularly good fit) or BUY the existing well fitting saddle.

My god.

Again, nothing to do with the OP or to be completely honest, you.

 

[AmyMay]

I do hope that you were not saying that my response to the vile response was vile…

No, absolutely not. Sorry I quoted the wrong post. I’ve now amended it.

 

[TheChestnutThing]

No, absolutely not

wow. Just wow. I have no words for what you think is right and wrong.

 

[Snow Falcon]

These situations are always hard. I'm facing it from the opposite direction and let me tell you I've found it really difficult and upsetting.