They say never meet your childhood hero....

[maggiestar]

Bloody woman is lucky I wasn't at the clinic..!!!
My little girl was severely disabled and I detest that word....I'd have lost my shit in a very loud and public manner..!!! ????

That would have been very understandable. It's a horrible word

 

[DrSeuss]

I'm a rider with cerebral palsy, so an actual sp*stic. When I hear people using that word to denigrate others, I pleasantly ask, "What, so you're saying they're like me? Is that so awful?" Usually they get defensive. "I didn't mean it like that" or "I didn't mean you." So I ask them, politely, which people they did mean, which people they do think is OK to use as an insult. They always shut up then.

 

[Equi]

I'm a rider with cerebral palsy, so an actual sp*stic. When I hear people using that word to denigrate others, I pleasantly ask, "What, so you're saying they're like me? Is that so awful?" Usually they get defensive. "I didn't mean it like that" or "I didn't mean you." So I ask them, politely, which people they did mean, which people they do think is OK to use as an insult. They always shut up then.

Good for you! People use throwaway words/terms without thinking about it..it takes them to be called up on it and learn their lesson but the biggest impact usually comes from someone such as yourself.

 

[cauda equina]

I hate people using cretin (originally someone with congenital hypothyroidism, which causes physical and intellectual difficulties) as a term of abuse; even otherwise enlightened-seeming people still do it

 

[conniegirl]

I hate people using cretin (originally someone with congenital hypothyroidism, which causes physical and intellectual difficulties) as a term of abuse; even otherwise enlightened-seeming people still do it

I did not know this. Consider me educated on this point. I will endeavour never to use it again.

 

[Red-1]

Bloody woman is lucky I wasn't at the clinic..!!!
My little girl was severely disabled and I detest that word....I'd have lost my shit in a very loud and public manner..!!! ????

But I think this would have been a fair way to deal with it. I bet other people would have agreed. She would have had a chance to apologise. In her own words from another post, "well she won't do that again."

You can be (almost) sure she won't anyway. The horse world is small and, no doubt in my mind, someone will have pointed this thread out to her.

I am half disappointed she hasn't come on here to apologise, but then I guess she would be ripped apart and more attention drawn to it if she were to. Maybe she will write to the clinic participants, the riders at least, and apologise for the use of an inappropriate term. I think that is what I would do.

Being of a previous generation is no excuse, but it can be an explanation. Before I get jumped on, I once said a terribly inappropriate phrase in front of a group of people. It was a phrase that used to be in common use. I had not used it for decades. Goodness only knows why my brain dragged up that phrase that day, I certainly hadn't thought about the meaning. It was a once commonly used phrase, to do with a specific situation, and that situation had occurred, so out the phrase was dragged from the depths of memory, without thought.

As soon as I said it, I was mortified, as the active brain suddenly worked out what the phrase actually referred to.

There is no excuse for using that phrase, but I can explain, to myself at least, where it came from, without it meaning that I am some awful person. I will never use that phrase again! It also heightened my awareness of the danger of using once common phrases. The same happened to a friend, same thing, a (different) specific situation occurred which used to be attached to a (different) specific phrase, that she also hadn't thought of for decades, that suddenly shot out without conscious thought. She was fortunate that is was in private, but was equally mortified, and will never do that again.

In the LG clinic I did, we had some people who were good, some not. One was actually so disruptive, they left about half way through. It was a fair call, if that horse/rider combination had stayed, no one else would have had a lesson. The lesson was great. No wrong language. LG was kind and helpful, even if she did ask if my horse was a riding school horse . I decided not to see that as an insult, he was older, reliable, nondescript! I achieved things that day that I didn't think possible. I have a wonderful photo of my horse, curled round LG, trying to steal from a box of chocolates, whilst having a pee. She thought it was hilarious, encouraging him. A moment in time. I do think that she can teach.

I doubt LG has anything other than encouragement and compassion for people who have physical challenges. I agree she needed telling: at the time, however explosively, would have been OK. I think she is likely currently mortified and wondering how to put this right.

So why didn't I tell the man I referred to upthread? He prefaced his comment with, "I know I shouldn't say but..." So, he did know. It was conscious. So, the only way to go would have been a formal complaint. These days, I would do that. At the time, I had no faith in complaining to the BHS about a fellow. At the time, I decided that, if I had won the competition, I would have complained. They could not have denied it then. But, if I had complained as a 'loser' then I am sure that they would have simply said it was sour grapes. I didn't want to walk out half way through as I would have lost the training day, which I needed for my CPD. Because I didn't deal with it at the time, I have not named the person for a social media witch hunt. TBF, it happened before social media was such a thing anyway.

 

[Ambers Echo]

I misheard the offensive work for a corner shop as a child and thought it was a baccy (Ie selling tobacco) shop. I innocently used that word into my twenties. No one EVER called me out on it and when I did eventually learn what I’d been saying I was mortified. And angry that my apparent casual racism was tolerated. There are various words we used as insults as a child. Some now seem offensive and some still seem ok but I’m not sure if my offensive vs ok list is the same as other people’s. Language is tricky. It changes rapidly and is further confused when marginalised groups reclaim a word but the general public still need to recognise it as offensive. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and focus more on the intent behind the word not the word itself.

 

[TPO]

I hate people using cretin (originally someone with congenital hypothyroidism, which causes physical and intellectual difficulties) as a term of abuse; even otherwise enlightened-seeming people still do it

I had no idea at all about the origins of that word. I thought it was like a made up creepy ghoul type creature out of a horror film ??

Now I know better I wouldn't use it again

 

[ycbm]

Being of a previous generation is no excuse, but it can be an explanation. Before I get jumped on, I once said a terribly inappropriate phrase in front of a group of people. It was a phrase that used to be in common use. I had not used it for decades. Goodness only knows why my brain dragged up that phrase that day, I certainly hadn't thought about the meaning. It was a once commonly used phrase, to do with a specific situation, and that situation had occurred, so out the phrase was dragged from the depths of memory, without thought.

As soon as I said it, I was mortified, as the active brain suddenly worked out what the phrase actually referred to.

There is no excuse for using that phrase, but I can explain, to myself at least, where it came from, without it meaning that I am some awful person. I will never use that phrase again! It also heightened my awareness of the danger of using once common phrases. The same happened to a friend, same thing, a (different) specific situation occurred which used to be attached to a (different) specific phrase, that she also hadn't thought of for decades, that suddenly shot out without conscious thought. She was fortunate that is was in private, but was equally mortified, and will never do that again.

Some people also have conditions which makes it more likely to blurt out what comes into their head without thinking it through. I guess it would be possible to say that the thought shouldn't have come into their head, but for those over a certain age, many phrases and words that can't be used these days were in their heads daily in common use. For anyone of Lucinda's age, that would be true of the word spastic being used as an insult and for all we know she also has one of the neurological conditions that predispose her blurting it out.

As one of those people myself, living in daily fear (and I mean fear, enough to stop me speaking at all at times) of doing the same, I agree with you Red, a polite correction at the time is the right response and I regret now contributing to an (albeit minor) social media roasting.
.

 

[Regandal]

Years ago I worked with a social worker who misread a medical report. Patient involved had congenital spasticity of their limbs, the sw referred to the patient as a ‘congenital spastic’. They then complained to my manager when I corrected them ?
Very disheartening.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

This continued reference to 'older people' and 'things were different in those days' drives me mad! I am 66 and it would never, ever have occurred to me to use words such as 'cretin' and 'spastic' to refer to people in any context. I have been wondering if this is because of my extensive professional training in equality issues etc but then, I thought 'long before I had any such training, I would never have described any-one in those terms'. So no, things were NOT different 'in those days', and it still drives me mad!

 

[southerncomfort]

I still see people using an old fashioned and very offensive word that was used to refer to people with Downs Syndrome.

It's horrible and makes me cringe every time I hear or see it. It's mostly by the younger generation and I suspect they don't understand the word they're using, so I'm going to educate them from now on.

 

[Arzada]

This continued reference to 'older people' and 'things were different in those days' drives me mad! I am 66 and it would never, ever have occurred to me to use words such as 'cretin' and 'spastic' to refer to people in any context. I have been wondering if this is because of my extensive professional training in equality issues etc but then, I thought 'long before I had any such training, I would never have described any-one in those terms'. So no, things were NOT different 'in those days', and it still drives me mad!

Nor me. Possibly because the words weren't in my environment as I grew up and also later working with people with SEN such terms were never heard. It does worry me that if I lose my filters, if eg dementia strikes, that I may use some offensive term simply because it is lurking in my residual memory. It was only in 1994 that SCOPE changed its name from The S Society and I clearly remember their child sized collection 'boxes' outside many shops.

 

[stangs]

It's horrible and makes me cringe every time I hear or see it. It's mostly by the younger generation and I suspect they don't understand the word they're using, so I'm going to educate them from now on.

Yes, I do suspect it’s a lack of knowledge.

To give a more mild example - when I was younger, I went through a phase where I used the word tw*t all the time. Occasionally, an adult reprimanded me for the usage, to which I would respond “it’s just slang though?”, having no idea of the actual meaning and assuming its etymology wasn’t very different to ‘idiot’. But had someone told me that I was referring to a sexual organ, I would have stopped saying it pretty quickly.

 

[Goldenstar]

This continued reference to 'older people' and 'things were different in those days' drives me mad! I am 66 and it would never, ever have occurred to me to use words such as 'cretin' and 'spastic' to refer to people in any context. I have been wondering if this is because of my extensive professional training in equality issues etc but then, I thought 'long before I had any such training, I would never have described any-one in those terms'. So no, things were NOT different 'in those days', and it still drives me mad!

Cretin ,a term I would never use , is used on here now and again it’s a really disgraceful use of language .
Neither word should be used .
However I would not expect the user to be cancelled for use of language like that .
Call it out move on.
I can remember my mother explaining the word spastic to me outside a shop where they had one of children things to but money in I was not very tall so it must have the late sixties early seventies .

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Cretin ,a term I would never use , is used on here now and again it’s a really disgraceful use of language .
Neither word should be used .
However I would not except the user to be cancelled for use of language like that .
Call it out move on.
I can remember my mother explaining the word spastic to me outside a shop where they had one of children things to but money in I was not very tall so it must have the late sixties early seventies .

We have a quite up-to-date example of an established forum user writing the term associated with Down's Syndrome in a thread title. The user wasn't banned but the thread was taken down after several members reported it. I'm not sure what you mean by 'cancelled', so took it to mean banned.

 

[windand rain]

This continued reference to 'older people' and 'things were different in those days' drives me mad! I am 66 and it would never, ever have occurred to me to use words such as 'cretin' and 'spastic' to refer to people in any context. I have been wondering if this is because of my extensive professional training in equality issues etc but then, I thought 'long before I had any such training, I would never have described any-one in those terms'. So no, things were NOT different 'in those days', and it still drives me mad!

I am much the same age but in my lifetime things have changed hugely The words used were acceptable language and no one thought anything about it the corner shop was the **** shop the S society openly used the word in advertising, horse trainers yelled abuse at their clients and teachers and police clouted the kids to toe the line. None are now acceptable, never were, but it was a different world not at all PC so anyone that didn't see it were very sheltered. My abiding memory of primary school was a 7 year old being flogged with a rounders bat. His crime was to set fire to a barn and drowned a litter of piglets. Life was a lot more black and white then more abusive in a lot of ways and of course harsher on everything. So no rose tinted specs here I was brought up in a very wealthy family but never failed to see the horror of life around me. I lived in a rural area, went to public school, and still came across being called abusive names and serious bullying from young and old. It is now being called out and life is a lot kinder

 

[cauda equina]

I agree, things have changed a lot
Growing up in the 60s/70s people like Jim Davidson and Bernard Manning were regularly on tv
They were offensive in a different way, but a different side of the same coin imo; it was pointing out/mocking differences and many people, tv executives included, thought it was fine and an acceptable subject for entertainment

 

[Backtoblack]

I agree, things have changed a lot
Growing up in the 60s/70s people like Jim Davidson and Bernard Manning were regularly on tv
They were offensive in a different way, but a different side of the same coin imo; it was pointing out/mocking differences and many people, tv executives included, thought it was fine and an acceptable subject for entertainment

indeed they did. Terrible times. page 3 girls I had a terrible body image as a teenager because of tv and adverts and page 3. it has affected my whole adult life. and then theres Jimmy saville........

 

[BlackRider]

Hope you get a decent response from the venue OP.

Since my accident its surprised me how much people use the term "crippled" to say they've hurt themselves...

 

[cauda equina]

I am sorry, BlackRider
That must be difficult for you

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I am much the same age but in my lifetime things have changed hugely The words used were acceptable language and no one thought anything about it the corner shop was the **** shop the S society openly used the word in advertising, horse trainers yelled abuse at their clients and teachers and police clouted the kids to toe the line. None are now acceptable, never were, but it was a different world not at all PC so anyone that didn't see it were very sheltered. My abiding memory of primary school was a 7 year old being flogged with a rounders bat. His crime was to set fire to a barn and drowned a litter of piglets. Life was a lot more black and white then more abusive in a lot of ways and of course harsher on everything. So no rose tinted specs here I was brought up in a very wealthy family but never failed to see the horror of life around me. I lived in a rural area, went to public school, and still came across being called abusive names and serious bullying from young and old. It is now being called out and life is a lot kinder

I certainly haven't led a sheltered life! I was brought up in a rural village and yes Scope had a different name but that didn't mean that we called people without that particular disability, by that name, any more than we used the older term for those with Down's Syndrome for people without it. Perhaps it was your public school environmentthat would have been thought unacceptable where I grew up. Incidentally one of my classmates, who lived on the same street, was a wheelchair user, eventually. He had a degenerative condition, muscular dystrophy, which possibly gave us a more enlightened view of disablility.

 

[ycbm]

So no, things were NOT different '

Well if they weren't different in those days where you lived then you must have been living in a very sheltered place. There are many, many words used routinely in those days without comment which are widely known to be unacceptable now. There were many programs on TV and films in the cinema which went without comment which wouldn't even be shown now. I think we all know what the response would be if someone submitted the pilot script for Love Thy Neighbour today.

I find it ridiculous to suggest that things have not changed.

 

[Rowreach]

Well if they weren't different in those days where you lived then you must have been living in a very sheltered place. There are many, many words used routinely in those days without comment which are widely known to be unacceptable now. There were many programs on TV and films in the cinema which went without comment which wouldn't even be shown now. I think we all know what the response would be if someone submitted the pilot script for Love Thy Neighbour today.

I find it ridiculous to suggest that things have not changed.

A lot of things have changed, thank goodness.

I'm quite surprised that the "defence" of the use of certain language is that it was normal in the 70s. That's half a century ago. Plenty of time for anyone really to be up to speed on not using certain words, ever.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Hope you get a decent response from the venue OP.

Since my accident its surprised me how much people use the term "crippled" to say they've hurt themselves...

2 members of my family are wheelchair users, they both comment on how rude the general public can be, doing things like reaching over them to get goods from supermarket shelvesand simply behaving as though they are invisible.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Well if they weren't different in those days where you lived then you must have been living in a very sheltered place. There are many, many words used routinely in those days without comment which are widely known to be unacceptable now. There were many programs on TV and films in the cinema which went without comment which wouldn't even be shown now. I think we all know what the response would be if someone submitted the pilot script for Love Thy Neighbour today.

I find it ridiculous to suggest that things have not changed.

I did not say that things haven't changed and I was not discussing racism. I said that it is too easy to say 'things used to be different'. It was always considered rude where I grew up to insult people.
I am not saying that the words under discussion, in particular the old names for Down's Syndrome and CP, were not used to describe people with those conditions but I am saying that those terms were not used about other people, without those disabilities, because it would have been considered rude to do so.
Maybe your parents and teachers would not have commented if you had been rude to others, mine would have.

 

[ycbm]

A lot of things have changed, thank goodness.

I'm quite surprised that the "defence" of the use of certain language is that it was normal in the 70s. That's half a century ago. Plenty of time for anyone really to be up to speed on not using certain words, ever.

I don't see anyone defending the use of "certain language" except one troll who has been widely criticised.
.

 

[ycbm]

I am not saying that the words under discussion, in particular the old names for Down's Syndrome and CP, were not used to describe those people but I am saying that those terms were not used about other people, without those disabilities

They were where I grew up, which was Plymouth, Portsmouth, Chatham, Pembrokeshire(Dyfed), Dunbartonshire and Singapore.
.

 

[Rowreach]

I don't see anyone defending the use of "certain language" except one troll who has been widely criticised.
.

I'm not going to highlight any particular posts but there have been a few "she's of a certain age she probably doesn't realise" comments, which is what I was referring to. Most of us in and around that age would well remember when words that were commonly used became utterly unacceptable. And have had a few decades since to practise not using them.

 

[YorksG]

They were where I grew up, which was Plymouth, Portsmouth, Chatham, Pembrokeshire(Dyfed), Dunbartonshire and Singapore.
.

Were these general public, or military bases?