They say never meet your childhood hero....

maggiestar

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Things haven't changed, not really. The word sp*stic was dropped not just because of developments in medical knowledge (e.g. the fact that there are different subtypes of cerebral palsy) but because the word became such a common insult that there was no way to use it without it sounding horrible. Just the other day I heard a colleague criticising another colleague and describing him as "a bit special". Special needs was intended as a polite term, but people use it to insult others because they see disability as a shameful insulting thing. This for me is the problem. I wouldn't be bothered if a 70 year old woman described me as sp*stic, because I know she might mean it as just a neutral statement of fact. I would mind if someone used it as an insult and prefaced their statement with, "No offence", because that tells me they know exactly what they're doing.

This is not just about words. It's about how disabled people are seen and treated. Despite how we're often viewed, disability =/= being bad at things. There are people with cerebral palsy who are excellent riders, so criticising a rider by saying they look like they have CP makes about as much sense as saying they ride as if they've got red hair, or blue eyes. In cases where someone's disability does affect their skill, that's still not grounds for insult. So I walk like I'm an ambassador for the Ministry of Silly Walks. Why exactly is that a thing to mock me for? It's not hurting anybody. This is me just going about my day. It's not that I need pity over my mobility, I just need people to respect that humans are different and there isn't really any one 'normal' way to do things. If people truly got that, they wouldn't ever be using disability as a term of insult, because the insult would just be meaningless.
[/QUOTE]

I was in a riding lesson once and the instructor asked if I was 'special ' because I missed one of her barked cues. I'm glad I'm old enough and ugly enough to face these bullies down. I told her that I was indeed special. We are all special.
People can be horribly ignorant about the meaning of words and the hurt they can cause when tossed around. I pray for a kinder age.
 
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Red-1

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It isn't that long ago that 'gay' was in common usage in our area amongst young teens. It was being used to mean unfashionable. I have also been called 'a bit special' when I have been forgetful and clumsy, again not that long ago. I have called people out for both.

The S word was in common usage locally when I was younger too, and yes not so long ago by a forum user to describe a horse. 'The P shop' was also a common phrase, that wasn't used in a derogatory way at all, it was used to describe a useful shop that was open all hours, that sold allsorts, whoever/ whatever nationality was the owner/worker. I do now know this is not the original meaning, and would not say it, but when I didn't know, I didn't know.

I am surprised that some people of my age group seem to have never heard the phrases in use. I lived in a fairly nice area, (as in not much poverty locally), going to state schools.

I also find it telling that I dare to type gay and special, as long as I am saying that I don't use them, as they are more recent, but used in that way just as derogatory, yet we are almost all typing the first letter only for the other words.

Goes to show how language is ever evolving, and rightly so.
 
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lynz88

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Red-1 - "gay" was a common term when I was growing up as well and it had nothing to do with actual gays. It was just a term used to describe something that wasn't "hardcore". We also regularly used the word "r*tard" but didn't have much to do with a disability but rather an alternative term to saying something or someone was being stupid.

When I came over here I was actually a bit surprised when I heard fag (meaning cigarettes) as that is a derogatory term for gays back home. People would use it when I was growing up but not as commonly as the other words mentioned and has never really been a word that you would use unless purposely being derogatory.

But back to the original post....I find it rather surprising and OTT. There is tough and then there is just plain rude....
 
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lynz88

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English isn't my first language so when i started getting involved with horses about 20 years ago in this country, lots of terms were alien to me.
Like , i thought that a good doer is a horse that tries really hard! ?
I had an instructor who used to say that a horse was having "a sp@zzy" when a horse was freaking out or having a silly moment. And I took it to be another horsey term , like good doer. I actually used it for years without anyone ever correcting me! Perhaps because they were trying to decide between picking someone up over unacceptable language and picking on a foreigner and their English. ?
When someone finally pointed it out , I was mortified. It still makes me cringe, nearly 20 years later! But I'm of course grateful that someone did clarify what it mean to me or goodness know what trouble I could have caused!

So maybe someone should point this out to LG so that she hopefully learns from it? And learns that it's not accepted any more even if in her mind it's OK.

We would use spaz in the same context when I was growing up (late 80s/early 90s kid) as something or someone (or horse...lol) freaking out and/or being OTT. A very common phrase would be "stop spazzing out".

The other (longer form) of the word never made it across the pond and it wasn't until I came here did I ever hear that particular word used.
 

ycbm

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Things haven't changed, not really.


I get that life is still difficult for you because of other people's reactions to your disability DS, but things have changed. When I was born there were children with disabilities being locked up in institutions and/or attending "special" schools in spite of being capable, with the right support, of engaging fully in education and life like anyone else. As one small example, It would have been unheard of for the people with Downs syndrome who I now see working in my local supermarkets to have been employed by Tesco or Sainsbury.

I'm sorry you still face difficulties, I'm not trying to make light of them. Just because things were even worse 60 years ago doesn't mean they are anywhere near perfect now, but in my lifetime there have been huge changes.
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ycbm

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I also find it telling that I dare to type gay and special, as long as I am saying that I don't use them, as they are more recent, but used in that way just as derogatory, yet we are almost all typing the first letter only for the other words.


I honestly don't get this, and the only reason I do it is because I get such grief from other posters from writing the words in full.

We can't pretend these words never existed, when they are disguised in print we all hear the word in our head anyway, so I absolutely don't understand the point of writing "I heard a guy call someone else [a n****r/ the N word] today and I reported him for hate speech". What does it achieve other than to get around the automated text blockers? Having written that, I think that's probably actually where it started from.
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AShetlandBitMeOnce

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Gay, re***d, fl*d and m**g were all common during my time at school between 2000 and 2011 - I wouldn't use any of the words now. They were used because they were used, it meant you're an idiot or something was disapproved of and was mostly used in a jokey way between friends rather than a serious negative bullying word. However, none of us kids would have ever treated anyone with special needs or physical disablities any differently from the rest of the school population, and we did have several children with varying needs who were popular on the whole. We simply had no idea of the connotations and the implied meaning when we said it, it was far far removed from it's etymology. However, that doesn't make it okay of course, and I can completely understand upon reflection how the children would have felt should they have understood the derivitive of the words. Interestingly the teachers never corrected us.

ETA: I have starred out selective words so I don't get picked up and get a warning as per the below post. It doesn't have any deeper meaning than that
 
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[59668]

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I think probably the only reason people haven't starred out "gay" and "special" on here are because they are words that have other meanings and aren't likely to be picked up on here by an automated text scan and get the user a warning or the thread removed/locked.

The other words are likely to be picked up so have been starred out.
 

Fransurrey

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Being of a previous generation is no excuse, but it can be an explanation. Before I get jumped on, I once said a terribly inappropriate phrase in front of a group of people. It was a phrase that used to be in common use. I had not used it for decades. Goodness only knows why my brain dragged up that phrase that day, I certainly hadn't thought about the meaning. It was a once commonly used phrase, to do with a specific situation, and that situation had occurred, so out the phrase was dragged from the depths of memory, without thought.

As soon as I said it, I was mortified, as the active brain suddenly worked out what the phrase actually referred to.

There is no excuse for using that phrase, but I can explain, to myself at least, where it came from, without it meaning that I am some awful person. I will never use that phrase again! It also heightened my awareness of the danger of using once common phrases. The same happened to a friend, same thing, a (different) specific situation occurred which used to be attached to a (different) specific phrase, that she also hadn't thought of for decades, that suddenly shot out without conscious thought. She was fortunate that is was in private, but was equally mortified, and will never do that again.
Sympathies. I did the exact same thing not that long ago. Again, not a word I use daily. It was in front of some well respected friends and everyone went quiet (as my brain also kicked in!). Then one quietly said, "I don't think we use that word anymore." We changed the subject quickly, but I still cringe months on and am devastated that I've probably changed at least one person's opinion of me as they don't know me that well. Live and learn (and continue to cringe). I grew up in a VERY non PC era and the area still is very non PC (but it's quite telling that it's now a right wing hotspot of the UK, now famous for the high rates of COVID and swing to Conservatism in recent years). My family still use very non PC words and it's really hard being acquainted with two sets of social 'rules', so hardly surprising to slip up occasionally!
 

DrSeuss

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I get that life is still difficult for you because of other people's reactions to your disability DS, but things have changed. When I was born there were children with disabilities being locked up in institutions and/or attending "special" schools in spite of being capable, with the right support, of engaging fully in education and life like anyone else. As one small example, It would have been unheard of for the people with Downs syndrome who I now see working in my local supermarkets to have been employed by Tesco or Sainsbury.

I'm sorry you still face difficulties, I'm not trying to make light of them. Just because things were even worse 60 years ago doesn't mean they are anywhere near perfect now, but in my lifetime there have been huge changes.
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I was referring specifically to the tendency to use disabilities as insults, not to life as a disabled person more broadly. It isn't the case that some words used in the past were objectively horrible and now in a more educated era we know better than to say them, it's that neutral words become stigmatising and unpleasant when they're used frequently in a degrading way. This is definitely an ongoing thing.
 

ycbm

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I was referring specifically to the tendency to use disabilities as insults, not to life as a disabled person more broadly. It isn't the case that some words used in the past were objectively horrible and now in a more educated era we know better than to say them, it's that neutral words become stigmatising and unpleasant when they're used frequently in a degrading way. This is definitely an ongoing thing.

It is, sadly. I guess like most things this is going to come down to better parenting, because I'm pretty sure schools wouldn't allow it in the hearing of adults. I did think that the organisation which complained that only villains have disfiguring conditions in films had a good point, too.
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onemoretime

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I was in a riding lesson once and the instructor asked if I was 'special ' because I missed one of her barked cues. I'm glad I'm old enough and ugly enough to face these bullies down. I told her that I was indeed special. We are all special.
People can be horribly ignorant about the meaning of words and the hurt they can cause when tossed around. I pray for a kinder age.[/QUOTE]

I remember when I was about 7 or 8 years old ( a very long time ago now) being called a "silly little goose" by a riding instructor when she hit me over the hands with the end of her lunge whip which really hurst and made me cry. Honestly, to think my mother was paying for that!
 

windand rain

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I think any word used as a derogatory comment is going to become unpleasant we call anyone who makes silly mistakes a "donkey" but it is just another derogatory term even if not a recognised one. I got a clipped ear for saying sugar instead of sh1t because my mum knew it was hiding and expletive. Guess I am lucky not to be more dottled in my old age the number of clouts round the head I got and the number of head first to hit the ground falls from horses. However that is no excuse and now people know it is not acceptable unless of course the individual is damaged enough to lose her filters
 

Annagain

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It isn't that long ago that 'gay' was in common usage in our area amongst young teens. It was being used to mean unfashionable. I have also been called 'a bit special' when I have been forgetful and clumsy, again not that long ago. I have called people out for both.

The S word was in common usage locally when I was younger too, and yes not so long ago by a forum user to describe a horse. 'The P shop' was also a common phrase, that wasn't used in a derogatory way at all, it was used to describe a useful shop that was open all hours, that sold allsorts, whoever/ whatever nationality was the owner/worker. I do now know this is not the original meaning, and would not say it, but when I didn't know, I didn't know.

I am surprised that some people of my age group seem to have never heard the phrases in use. I lived in a fairly nice area, (as in not much poverty locally), going to state schools.

I also find it telling that I dare to type gay and special, as long as I am saying that I don't use them, as they are more recent, but used in that way just as derogatory, yet we are almost all typing the first letter only for the other words.

Goes to show how language is ever evolving, and rightly so.

Gay is an interesting one because many other words that have then been used as insults have been dropped completely but gay has seen that off and survived. Not many words survive that process. Usually, as soon as they take on a new derogatory meaning they get phased out but it hasn't happened with gay. To say "he/she is gay" when referring to sexuality is perfectly acceptable and that's probably why you feel ok typing it Red. I know you're referring to the derogatory meaning here but the fact it exists as a word beyond that is significant I think.
 
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Winters100

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Maybe I have just been too long out of the UK, but I had not heard of 'special' being a derogatory term. I use it often about my schoolmistress, not in any negative way, but in the context of her being an amazing pony who is very special to me, for example she often gets an extra treat because she is especially precious. I shall have to think of something else to use in case it is misunderstood.
 

fidleyspromise

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When I read the title I was expecting a jokey "I met my hero horse and it slobbered on me" sort of thing.

It has been a very sobering read and it has brought back lots of memories of slang used derogatory to people. We used words without understanding their meaning and thought they meant idiot (which is still not kind).
I am glad to see that lots of these words are no longer in common use but special still seems to be commonly used. I feel like a constant nag as I constantly repeat myself to others about not using words like that.

I would be interested to see how the clinic organiser/LG respond to her use of the word in OP.
 

Upthecreek

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I think we should all do our very best to think about what we say and what it might mean to different people. That said (and I am not referring to what was said by LG) it seems like people go out of their way to take offence sometimes. For example, I am blonde and I have epilepsy. Should I be offended if someone says they are “having a blonde moment” or describes their horse spooking as “having a fit”? Because I’m not in the slightest, but I can see that some people would be.

Regarding what was said by LG, name calling using slang words in a deliberately derogatory way to demean people is unacceptable and extremely outdated. Very disappointing.
 

Bellaboo18

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Maybe I have just been too long out of the UK, but I had not heard of 'special' being a derogatory term. I use it often about my schoolmistress, not in any negative way, but in the context of her being an amazing pony who is very special to me, for example she often gets an extra treat because she is especially precious. I shall have to think of something else to use in case it is misunderstood.
I think you can use the word special as you do :) My mare is very special to me. Some people do use the word special as different in a negative way.
 

DrSeuss

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Maybe I have just been too long out of the UK, but I had not heard of 'special' being a derogatory term. I use it often about my schoolmistress, not in any negative way, but in the context of her being an amazing pony who is very special to me, for example she often gets an extra treat because she is especially precious. I shall have to think of something else to use in case it is misunderstood.

'Special' genuinely can have positive connotations and that would be obvious from the context. To answer an earlier poster's point, I think this is why no one is asterisking out special or gay - their positive and neutral connotations are stronger than the negative ones. People often talk about a special treat/journey/birthday present/piece of sentimental jewellery, so it's never going to become a wholly nasty word. It all depends on how you use it.
 

ozpoz

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As a child of the 60 s I can honestly say that I am not offended by words. However,if someone says something derogatory I will respond.
The whole being offended thing worries me. People are so careful with words now, that heartfelt honest reactions seems to be very difficult.

Don‘t be offended - either understand where they are coming from, or get mad! And do this for good reasons, defend people who are struggling, be furious that people are dying of hunger and neglect still, that greed has overtaken caring for our surroundings.
I‘d like to add that I know a few people with cerebral palsy, and am in awe of their bravery and grit.
 

Lyle

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I grew up in the late 80's/90's in Aus, and there were many derogatory words that were absolutely common slang. Australia had/has a culture of being non-politically correct, calling friends crass and crude words and having a laugh about it. Knowing that people aren't actually meaning offence at all, it's like the closer you are to someone, the ruder the 'terms of endearment' get. People tend to use these words or terms to describe themselves, "Oh gosh, I can't believe I messed that up, I'm a bit special" as a negative put down of themselves. :confused:
Sp*z, or to 'have a sp*z meant someone or something was over the top, over reacting, being hyper reactive. "Calm down, don't have a sp*z". It was YEARS before I connected the dots as to where the term came from, the older generations knew, but kids made connections of when the term was used, to basically give it a different meaning. I would NEVER EVER use it now. It was quite prevalent in the horse world "Gee, Joel's horse had a bit of a sp*z about the blue jump" It's certainly not used in common language anymore.

By all means, a well structured email to Lucinda directly outlining the concerns that the word is certainly not socially acceptable. The other described sentences I actually don't really have an issue with (let me preface that with, I would NEVER say anything so bluntly to a paying client) but I highly doubt she meant for them to be personal attacks. She is very direct in her language, doesn't beat around the bush nor sugar coat.

I really don't think posting on social media achieves anything other than a witch hunt. Has anyone watched Clickbait on Netflix? An extreme (although still scary) representation of where the internet and social media can lead to when it incites outrage in a faction of people.
 
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