Vet Bills / Cost of Living - decision!

[sunnyone]

If this was a work situation you would have a progress review every few weeks. This is what you need now.
Plan a sit down with OH, and simply admit that the vet fees have been much greater than you expected with items that you thought were covered have not been covered. Explain that you no longer think the January date is achievable and negotiate an extension. You have nothing set in stone and very few projects come in on time, and on budget.

I'm with Martin Lewis: pay off the credit card asap. Their interest rates are little short of usury.

Also discuss your plan to loan or share the horse, maybe OH knows somebody who could be interested. Be sur to state that you are only thinking of doing this because this would add more money to the savings fund, and not because you are losing interest in the horse..

Are you aware that the minimum wage is £9.50 , and has been, since April, so for 4:hours you should be getting £38, not the £30 you mentioned?

Try to work things out together with neither of you getting emotional. It will then set a good basis for your futures. Best of luck?

 

[Bellaboo18]

Are you aware that the minimum wage is £9.50 , and has been, since April, so for 4:hours you should be getting £38, not the £30 you mentioned?

Once OP has paid tax on the 4 hours she'll have £30

 

[milliepops]

A 0% CC is not costing the OP anything while it's in that 0% rate, and there may be options to move the balance to another 0% card after that date, i have a balance that i'm paying down in this way. if her savings are currently out of reach in the isa then there's nothing to pay it with anyway i assume.

As a general point paying your debts before saving makes sense in some case, in others it's helpful to build a small cushion while managing the debt because otherwise unexpected bills like the OPs vet bill just push you straight back into MORE debt again.

OP i think you should have an open discussion with your OH and work out a realistic new plan.
Renting together is a good idea in that you will get a practice run at what it will be like after buying a house, but it's an additional expense to bear in mind because you're basically throwing that money away.

 

[Melody Grey]

Haven’t read all of the replies, so may have been said already but I’d be wary of how much influence you let your parents in law have here- you’re a grown adult, don’t feel obliged to please them with YOUR finances. Do be honest with OH of course, but I’m of the mind of it takes longer to save, it takes longer. I don’t envy anyone trying to get onto the property ladder at the moment and depending on your area, £8k might be a struggle, but then so might £12k? Life is short, try to strike a balance between being sensible/ pleasing others and living!

 

[GSD Woman]

One thing that stuck out to me is that the OH hasn't lived out on his own. If he hasn't lived without his parents there is no idea of how he'll cope. It might be worth finding a short term rental to check things out. What sort of income does he bring in? You may have mentioned it up thread but I don't rmemeber.

 

[meleeka]

One thing that stuck out to me is that the OH hasn't lived out on his own. If he hasn't lived without his parents there is no idea of how he'll cope. It might be worth finding a short term rental to check things out. What sort of income does he bring in? You may have mentioned it up thread but I don't rmemeber.

. I believe everyone should have lived together, independently of anyone else before even considering a mortgage. Even without the vet bills, I’d get the deposit together, put it somewhere safe and then rent for 6 months or a year.

 

[misst]

I would be very concerned about in-laws who felt it was ok to look into your finances. My grown up children are both settled. I had no idea what their partners financial positions were apart from general comments made by my children at the time. We did quietly suggest one of them not buy with their now ex wife but he went ahead and we supported them as a couple until they split. My daughter is more savvy and arranged (without input from us) to make her own (much larger) deposit safe through a contract before purchasing together with her now husband.

I am of the opinion that your financial affairs are the business of yourself and if needed your partner. I would not suggest you deceive him but perhaps you don't need to allow people to look at your personal accounts if you don't want them to. As for them feeling it was ok to not speak to you after your horse needed treatment or to comment on your lifestyle, I find it unacceptable - I am shocked and a bit worried that your boyfriend did not stick up for you.

I try to be a supportive non judgemental mother in law as much as I can and my husband and I keep our critical comments to ourselves until we are in private - when we let rip! But if you are an adult you need to be treated as such, not as another " adoptive" child. Live together away from the in-laws and then reassess.

 

[mariew]

ALSO is it better to just pay the min. payment and save more, or should I pay more off the credit card and save less and don't get to 12k? My card is interest free until December, so somewhere someone mentioned that they save the money, earn interest in a savings account and then use that to pay it off at the end of the term.

Generally from an economic point of view it is always better to pay it off as credit cards are normally one of the most expensive ways of borrowing money. Sounds like you need a sit down and an honest discussion with your oh. I'd say either try to get a pay rise or if you have the ability to, get a second job and pay that credit card off as quickly as you can and add to savings.

 

[SO1]

You have lied to boyfriend about insurance this will be a big shock to him and he may understandably feel betrayed and that may impact on the trust.

I think you need to be honest with him and explain that insurance has not covered everything.

His parents see him working till 3am and not spending much and possibly feel that you are not contributing in the same way to get you both out of their home. As well as paying rent and contributing towards food is there anything else you could do to show your appreciation to his parents for letting you stay with them. I presume the reason you are staying with them is that it is cheaper than renting.

If your OH has never lived away from his parents before then it will be a big difference for him being independent, taking on mortgage and bills etc and possibly not having his parents do stuff for him if do at the moment.

I am presuming he is fairly young as he has neve. As a DJ is he self employed or does he have a permanent contract at a club?

Thank you everyone. Lots of good advice.

if I was on my own with just rent and horse to pay for then I would just focus on clearing debt. But there’s obviously a target I really wanted to meet, not just for oh & parents but to prove to myself I could actually do it.

i will defo try and pick up another shift in the pub, id get about £30 for 4 hours but if that’s every week that’s an extra £120. I’ve put a load of stuff on fb so will give eBay a try. Just annoying that they charge you!

Am just so so nervous to tell him because he’s going to be so upset that I lied about it. He is generally quite helpful and he has £15k worth of savings (he is well paid working Thursday, Friday & Saturday night til 3am on top of his full time job) so I do appreciate why he would be annoyed.

saying that he is supportive he did her for me when I went away with work so I wasn’t paying someone else. He’ll occasionally buy her bedding and pre-injury would come up and watch me / drive the box to shows & also picked her up from the vets for me because I’m a terrible driver.

So maybe I’m assuming the worst?! He might be annoyed to start with but he might be ok?!

my cash is in a LISA which can be withdrawn in January, without losing 25% and also the government bonus and only to be used towards first home. Otherwise I would of course just use this to clear it.

also credit card is cut up in my drawer at work so I absolutely cannot use it!

 

[Goldenstar]

Well you may have to move to another zero percent deal that’s the end of the world .
non of this is the end of the world .
OP you must tell him the longer you leave it the worse it will be .

 

[Squeak]

In relation to not having insurance - I'm assuming you didn't go with insurance due to the costs of it? Although your vet bill was 3k Insurance can be at least 1k+ a year so it might be worth explaining that side of it to OH.

I would echo what others have said about renting together first especially if he hasn’t lived away from his parents. This will also give you the benefit of more time to hit the deposit and pay off debt.

I do think you need to say to OH about the vets bill and that it’s going to mean you can’t hit the deposit amount by the end of the year.

The other thing that struck me was whether you could get a higher paid second job? It might well not be possible but it doesn’t sound like you love the one you have so it might be something worth exploring.

 

[Deltofe2493]

You have lied to boyfriend about insurance this will be a big shock to him and he may understandably feel betrayed and that may impact on the trust.

I am presuming he is fairly young as he has neve. As a DJ is he self employed or does he have a permanent contract at a club?

he has permanent contract and works in the same place.

In relation to not having insurance - I'm assuming you didn't go with insurance due to the costs of it? Although your vet bill was 3k Insurance can be at least 1k+ a year so it might be worth explaining that side of it to OH.

Exactly, I did insure her just after this all happened which is why her ulcers ended up being covered (very good vet & insurance) and its £78 a month. They have excluded some bits and ulcers won't be covered again from next March but this is standard anyway.

 

[Barton Bounty]

he has permanent contract and works in the same place.



Exactly, I did insure her just after this all happened which is why her ulcers ended up being covered (very good vet & insurance) and its £78 a month. They have excluded some bits and ulcers won't be covered again from next March but this is standard anyway.

Without it sounding flippant ! Its only money. A few more months staying put literally wont kill you.
he will understand how much your horse means to you

 

[Barton Bounty]

I meant to add horses are a lifestyle choice not just a hobby and im sure he will know that by now

 

[Deltofe2493]

I know I agree and is the view my family has.

he and his family are very much money orientated work work work don’t do anything that doesn’t involve spending money etc

I love him dearly but I do genuinely worry about our future and our morals managing a household raising children we clash on so many levels but does this change when we move out or have kids etc. I’ve suggested renting and he’s said no that’s a waste of money but I wonder if he will when the time comes.

idk I feel like we’re both just plodding along.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

... changed my mind having read more recent posts

 

[misst]

For the record OP no it doesn't change - it stays the same. Peoples attitude to money stays pretty ingrained. If you clash now that will continue. If you have both been brought up with different values towards money then I cannot see how it can work unless one of you completely gives in. You seem quite ok with his family dictating to you both but for me that would be a massive red flag. I would be running for the hills I am afraid.

 

[Barton Bounty]

I grew up in a really secure household that saved.. i fritter ???
Difference is even though I fritter now… i couldn’t years back.. i met my hubby when I was 20 he was 18… ssshhhh dont judge me ? he was on 60 a week as an apprentice and I was full time as a sheriff officer ? . He moved into our family home at the time and my parents wouldnt take digs from us, they knew how hard it was to start out. So we got a mortgage for our first flat and had to sit in most nights as we were skinto . So even though I spend now , i do actually know the value of money. I was lucky my parents offered support but I never took it! Did not want to owe anyone.
The way i see it is his family are way too involved in your personal space. Be open and honest, he will take it better than you think

 

[Jenko109]

Oh good old HHO.

It's absolutely fine to cheat on your sick husband, with whom you have a child, for multiple years because "you deserve to be happy", but not admitting to a vet bill when you're saving to buy a house with your bf means that you are a selfish liar and a spendthrift who should be rethinking all their life decisions before ruining his life.

I remember now why asking for advice on a forum is a bad idea.

I really want to read this. Where can I find it please?

 

[Deltofe2493]

Thought I would update -

me & OH broke up in September for issues unrelated to this and I am generally so much happier! I used what I had saved for my house to pay off my debt. We did have a conversation after we broke up and I explained the stress of the vet bills etc got on top of me and he could tell I was stressed and I don't think we were both truly ready to buy a house either alone or together. I did suggest we go and rent somewhere but he still wasn't ready. Flogging a dead horse!

So now I am moving back to London (some may have seen more recent posts from me discussing yards). I am still finding my feet in terms of managing a horse and my rent doubling - always seem to be overdrawn. It's manageable, but I look at my leftover at the end of the month with and without a horse and it is a huge difference. My sister has started lessons again and lives in East London so once she's up to scratch she wants to start sharing her a couple days a week with a small contribution which would be ideal. Then once I move need to look at getting a pub job 1 night a week for a little boost. My current aim is just to stay afloat.

Feeling guilty for not being able to have as many lessons or go out to as many shows or fun rides but I've taken a step back and just going to try to enjoy her and be 'free' with it. She really is a luxury and need to remember to enjoy that I even have a bloody horse in the first place.

If I was to meet someone else and we became serious I might consider a full loan for a while just to get some money behind me.

Going through a breakup I've obviously wanted to socialise more.. so trying to find a good balance of being sensible but not bored out of my skull! I'm sure everything will work out eventually... right? Maybe a 10k payrise might help me out a bit

 

[Fjord]

I've just read the thread, I'm glad you are happy and I hope your mare is fully better. Onwards and upwards!

 

[misst]

Well done that sounds as if you've sorted yourself nicely and have a plan. You sound more in control of your future

 

[SilverLinings]

I've just read through the thread, and you sound much happier in your last post, so it looks like you made the right decision. Well done for paying off your debts, it will help your credit history when you want to apply for a mortgage again in the future. I hope that everything works out for you, it sounds ideal that your sister would like to share your horse

 

[SadKen]

I was thinking your relationship sounded doomed, and that it would probably not be the worst thing (sorry!). Your update sounds so much more positive. Onwards and upwards!

My OH has never made me feel like I have to lie to him about money and he knows my horse and dogs are non negotiable. I generally live frugally though! Relationships are easier if you have similar attitudes to money. Then you can row about what colour you’re going to paint the kitchen instead