Why can’t I just do stuff with my horse? Is there a good calmer to help?

I just 'do things' with mine, BUT...there's all the loading practise at home, then driving round the block, then going to a nearby friendly venue & starting with groundwork-type clinics, then going to a different venue & doing the same etc etc, then progressing to ridden clinics... Boxed to a friend's for first hack, in hand at first then mounted. A bit at a time. Nothing overwhelming. Keeping up with everything at home. I backed her myself, I've done all the work & she was a really timid little thing who was frightened of absolutely everything when I first got her as a 3 yo. But now she will go anywhere and do anything, which tbh seemed spectacularly unlikely as a feral 3 yo when she was terrified of me & I never thought I was going to be able to catch her EVER, let alone touch her! Sounds like you are ready to work out a sensible plan over a decent timescale, and get help if needed.
 
It’s been so hectic with everything going on so I haven’t quite kept up with replies in here.

But we did go - and it went better than I could have imagined. Loading was easy, she was quiet during the transport, stepped off the box like it was a normal day, we took her to the river next to the equestrian centre where the event was taking place and she loved cooling off in there and drinking (she does that on hacks too).

Put her in a stable, no issues. Had plenty of time to brush her and she was munching her hay. Took her inside the arena for a conformation assessment, she was calm and happy and got some lovely feedback.

Then later we had a 30 minute private lesson which was equally useful. She’s very green despite being ten but she did so well. I’ve never ridden her indoors or even in a school, we were walking and trotting and she listened well and it was very undramatic.

Another little cooling off in the river and a rest in the stable before heading home - she was even better at loading and travelling - probably tired. Happy to get back to the field and her friend was happy to see her (she has other horses over the fence line and seemed to have coped fine).

Foal boy recovering well with his friend (so mares back in their old field) and now that we’ve had some very eventful few days I will get back to the basics and normal everyday life - but taking her out gave me confidence that we can do it in the future (there are twice yearly shows/clinics at the same place with people I know) and be part of the Icelandic community.

If I hadn’t paid for it I would have cancelled it, and I would have been less exhausted now 😜 but I wouldn’t have known how easy she was and not got the confidence to do it again. If she had had a complete meltdown I would have called it off, of course. But it was a brilliant experience and I’m glad I went.
 
To be fair, whilst the update is surprising (and perhaps not what some of us would have done or could have recommended on the information given) we don't know that the horse wasn't as fine as described by the OP.

Some of the responses have been the wrong side of robust feedback and crossed into uncomfortable IMHO. Let's not make this personal or give the OP a reason to not want to ask more advice in the future.
 
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Kirstineridesagain said:
It’s been so hectic with everything going on so I haven’t quite kept up with replies in here.

But we did go - and it went better than I could have imagined. Loading was easy, she was quiet during the transport, stepped off the box like it was a normal day, we took her to the river next to the equestrian centre where the event was taking place and she loved cooling off in there and drinking (she does that on hacks too).

Put her in a stable, no issues. Had plenty of time to brush her and she was munching her hay. Took her inside the arena for a conformation assessment, she was calm and happy and got some lovely feedback.

Then later we had a 30 minute private lesson which was equally useful. She’s very green despite being ten but she did so well. I’ve never ridden her indoors or even in a school, we were walking and trotting and she listened well and it was very undramatic.

Another little cooling off in the river and a rest in the stable before heading home - she was even better at loading and travelling - probably tired. Happy to get back to the field and her friend was happy to see her (she has other horses over the fence line and seemed to have coped fine).

Foal boy recovering well with his friend (so mares back in their old field) and now that we’ve had some very eventful few days I will get back to the basics and normal everyday life - but taking her out gave me confidence that we can do it in the future (there are twice yearly shows/clinics at the same place with people I know) and be part of the Icelandic community.

If I hadn’t paid for it I would have cancelled it, and I would have been less exhausted now 😜 but I wouldn’t have known how easy she was and not got the confidence to do it again. If she had had a complete meltdown I would have called it off, of course. But it was a brilliant experience and I’m glad I went.
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I’m glad you had fun, and I’m happy that your horse didn’t find it horribly stressful (not in the leapy kind of way anyway), but I think this was definitely pushing it a bit. She’s a lovely horse to be that tolerant, I really hope you recognise that! If she’d “had a meltdown”, as you put it, it would probably have been too late, and would’ve taken a long time to recover confidence on both sides, it may still take a her a long time to recover her confidence, as it stands.

How was her eye looking? That’s usually a surefire way of seeing if they’re internally struggling, and outwardly shut down. A peaky, inverted-V eyebrow with wrinkles (I call them stress-lines) usually suggests worry, while an eye with relaxed muscle surrounding, and no whites showing, is usually a sign that they’re genuinely relaxed and happy.

While I don’t expect you to share which category your mare fell into, I think it’s a good stress indicator to know, particularly for the outwardly tolerant ones!
 
sbloom said:
Very lucky.
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You’re probably right, altho possibly the first post was dramatised?
Personally, I am in favour of ‘doing stuff’ with broodmares (eg in hand classes, light riding well into pregnancy, and recommencing with foal initially at foot, and later shut in the stable). We’ve always found incremental separations and activity lead very easily into weaning, even better with a couple of foals to occupy each other. I also agree that work and activity re focuses mares, and helps dry them off - but imposing a formidable, brand new set of circumstances on already highly stressed animals is risky, particularly if it’s unnecessary, and particularly if intending to keep them as your emotionally-balanced, easygoing, long-term horses!
Hopefully OP’s gamble has paid off, however inadvisable.
 
MuddyMonster said:
To be fair, whilst the update is surprising (and perhaps not what some of us would have done or could have recommended on the information given) we don't know that the horse wasn't as fine as described by the OP.

Some of the responses have been the wrong side of robust feedback and crossed into uncomfortable IMHO. Let's not make this personal or give the OP a reason to not want to ask more advice in the future.
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Completely agree. Some of these responses are quite unpleasant. And FWIW I know more than most about the background to this horse, and I know that the OP has not exactly been surrounded by people to give her advice IRL. I know her last yard and IME the owner is not kind or helpful. She's figuring it all out on her own, and much as we can advise via a forum that is not the same as having people there in person to support you. I'm also a bit surprised that the OP chose to go, but we don't actually know her horse - it may be that given other things to think about she really does settle down.

OP if I was you I would find some experienced people local to you and rely on them for advice. They've seen your horse and will have a better idea of what she's like than a bunch of people on a forum (me included). I'm glad the clinic went well and she seemed settled and calm - do just keep an eye on her though for signs of finding things too much. Don't feel bad about taking things really slowly, you will get there and Icelandics are a breed who tend to have long working lives, so you have loads of time.
 
Kirstineridesagain said:
I started writing a long story about my Icelandic mare and her many moods. She’s currently in fire breathing dragon mode, which starts when she leaves the herd behind. A few weeks ago she was brilliant - but now she’s not. We tried to go to an arena hire this evening in preparation for a clinic on Saturday, but couldn’t even get up the road to my friend who was waiting with the trailer. I’m not loading a spinning, whinnying mare who’s panicking because she’s leaving her friends behind.

When we load her on Saturday we will be right by the field, but I fear she’ll be a sweaty mess when we arrive and I just want her (and us) to have an enjoyable day. It’s about an hour away and once we get there we’ll have time to walk her around, put her in a stable and hopefully she’ll be okay. But is there a good calmer people recommend that I can get easily before Saturday? I have calming cookies, a calming herb blend with chamomile etc (which she has every day) and she’s on a low dose of Oestress (I will up it tomorrow).

What’s so upsetting is that she’s sound, forward and happy to go normally, but sensitive to changes (she’s just changed back to her old field, same company apart from her foal who’s in horsepital but back tomorrow - they’ve been separated for more than two weeks now). I signed up for this clinic a while ago and the horse box hire is expensive, so we have to give it a go but with the disaster this evening I’m starting to think I have a horse who’s so sensitive that I can’t really plan anything with her. Other people seem to get up to all sorts of fun things - my dream is to do low level endurance - but right now it seems like the best I can hope for are short hacks around the same route in the woods, if that, without her going full drama queen. If I can’t even walk her a few hundred metres then what can I do? I’ve given her so much time too, we’ve really taken things slowly and still are, but now that she’s regressed again I feel that any change is going to set her back.

On Saturday I’m actually thinking of bringing my chilled Highland mare, but not sure she’d be allowed inside the arena as it’s a breed specific event and if they end up calling to each other when we’re there we haven’t solved anything.
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I haven't been around much so not following your story, sorry.

This last couple of years it has been my massive privilege to be spending some time with a well known native pony breeder. She shows at top level with a great deal of success. She also enjoys them, pops about doing low level things, hacks with friends etc.

She must be very driven to achieve what she has but she is a small quiet person, fond of saying "we never panic!"
I haven't worked with the youngsters or the mares that have foals at foot but that's because she doesn't either. They are up a hill being ponies.
I am still processing all the things I've learned but the main takeaway is baby steps!
Divide everything up, then divide again and then again until you think it's not worth doing because the progress would be so small. If in doubt step back, decompress, relax, wait.

Hope that helps.

Edit since you asked- she doesn't use calmers.
 
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Widgeon said:
Completely agree. Some of these responses are quite unpleasant. And FWIW I know more than most about the background to this horse, and I know that the OP has not exactly been surrounded by people to give her advice IRL. I know her last yard and IME the owner is not kind or helpful. She's figuring it all out on her own, and much as we can advise via a forum that is not the same as having people there in person to support you. I'm also a bit surprised that the OP chose to go, but we don't actually know her horse - it may be that given other things to think about she really does settle down.
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I think it’s the continued putting her wants first over the horses I struggle with.
With her old share it sounded like he had issues when he was “playing up” and he struggled with hills but advice to stop riding and get him checked by a vet was ignored there too because then she wouldn’t have a horse to ride and the owner was happy for him to be worked. It makes for uncomfortable reading even if things aren’t as bad as it seems.

Putting money before what’s best for the horse will get a reaction.
 
FieldOrnaments said:
A person's wants not do come before an animal's needs.
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But it shouldn't excuse rudeness, either.

The OP has been compared to a brick wall and told she shouldn't have been sold a horse. What incentive do they have to come back and ask for more help further down the line?

People can make a valid point and still be polite about it in a way to leave the door open for further discussion and advice.
 
Not even going to respond to trolls who say I’m abusing my horses. My horses are incredibly well looked after - and yes, I have a trainer and other support around me. I know my mare well enough to see if she’s stressed.

It was probably unbelievably cruel of me to buy her in the first place, as she had to travel through Europe quite soon after her foal was weaned and with no preparation.

As in “keep doing what I’m doing” - I’m planning to attend two shows per year, both at the same venue. It’s an hours drive away. I don’t have my own transport so not planning to do lots of trips as they would require a lot of organisation. We are happy hackers first and foremost.

I must have given the complete wrong impression of myself and my horse - her general state is calm, however she can have her moments of getting stressy. She’s come on leaps and bounds though, that’s why when last week I just tried to walk her up the road and she reacted the way she did I got worried that we were back to square one. But I didn’t push her, I took her back, she calmed down very quickly and I don’t really know what set her off.

I’m not really interested in getting abuse when people around me see that I treat all my horses the best to my ability and don’t see anything wrong with taking a horse to a very low pressure event/clinic. The ideal might be to have had a trial run, which I did try to do, but sometimes things don’t go to plan and then we adapt.

As for being “lucky” I don’t think it’s pure luck. I know her very well and I thought going somewhere with other horses of her breed would be a good idea. I know horse body language well enough to see when she’s stressed, and no, she didn’t have scared eyes.

What posting here has taught me is that people love to join in a mob to condemn others, without giving posters the benefit of the doubt or realising they don’t know the full picture, and that it’s very selective which people are given any grace at all. If you’re a long time owner you’re perceived as an expert, if you’re a novice it’s fine to hurl abuse. Luckily the people I have around me are knowledgeable and supportive.
 
MuddyMonster said:
But it shouldn't excuse rudeness, either.

The OP has been compared to a brick wall and told she shouldn't have been sold a horse. What incentive do they have to come back and ask for more help further down the line?

People can make a valid point and still be polite about it in a way to leave the door open for further discussion and advice.
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Their post history can be viewed. So can the ever changing narrative to suit their own agenda. Then claim that anyone who knows more and posts from a point of experience is a troll.

They have continually posted asking for advice and ignored anything that contradicts what they want to do. They ask questions that should be known before buying a horse, never mind an in foal mare.

The breeder/seller should never have sold an infoal mare to such an inexperienced person. They must bear some of the blame too.

It is ironically funny to see certain posters defend the selfish and cruel actions of amateur owners when they are so free with unfounded criticism of others. Given the choice I would have a horse with professional before a "loving" home like this with someone who has no consideration for the mental and physical welfare of their horse.
 
I have followed this thread with interest. Initially with some support for the OP. I think some very good and valid advice had been given and one would hope that OP would have valued that advice and made wiser decisions for the horse going forward.

I still had some support for poster given that she is obviously very inexperienced both riding and owning a horse, let alone a mare with foal at foot. However this line did it for me, what initially seemed a rather unwise decision especially given all the valid advice, turned into something entirely different. Selfish, totally a 'me, me, me' decision and not taken in the mare's best interests. Fortunately all seems to have gone well, hopefully that will continue to be the case.

If I hadn’t paid for it I would have cancelled it
 
Kirstineridesagain said:
Not even going to respond to trolls who say I’m abusing my horses. My horses are incredibly well looked after - and yes, I have a trainer and other support around me. I know my mare well enough to see if she’s stressed.

It was probably unbelievably cruel of me to buy her in the first place, as she had to travel through Europe quite soon after her foal was weaned and with no preparation.

As in “keep doing what I’m doing” - I’m planning to attend two shows per year, both at the same venue. It’s an hours drive away. I don’t have my own transport so not planning to do lots of trips as they would require a lot of organisation. We are happy hackers first and foremost.

I must have given the complete wrong impression of myself and my horse - her general state is calm, however she can have her moments of getting stressy. She’s come on leaps and bounds though, that’s why when last week I just tried to walk her up the road and she reacted the way she did I got worried that we were back to square one. But I didn’t push her, I took her back, she calmed down very quickly and I don’t really know what set her off.

I’m not really interested in getting abuse when people around me see that I treat all my horses the best to my ability and don’t see anything wrong with taking a horse to a very low pressure event/clinic. The ideal might be to have had a trial run, which I did try to do, but sometimes things don’t go to plan and then we adapt.

As for being “lucky” I don’t think it’s pure luck. I know her very well and I thought going somewhere with other horses of her breed would be a good idea. I know horse body language well enough to see when she’s stressed, and no, she didn’t have scared eyes.

What posting here has taught me is that people love to join in a mob to condemn others, without giving posters the benefit of the doubt or realising they don’t know the full picture, and that it’s very selective which people are given any grace at all. If you’re a long time owner you’re perceived as an expert, if you’re a novice it’s fine to hurl abuse. Luckily the people I have around me are knowledgeable and supportive.
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you were either grossly exaggerating how bad she was, or grossly exaggerating how good she was.

the narrative changes to suit the responses you get and anyone can find that/see that.

if you know her so well and have so much back up IRL and can read the situation so well........................the first post would never have needed to be written sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..................................
 
My horses are all thriving. In good shape, fit and living their best lives with the three Fs taken care of. They’re also very well mannered and easy to handle. They live a very chilled out existence and I would concentrate on condemning real horse welfare concerns rather than picking on me. I don’t think I’ll respond more on this thread as I sense that the brick wall issue doesn’t just go one way.
 
Hallo2012 said:
you were either grossly exaggerating how bad she was, or grossly exaggerating how good she was.

the narrative changes to suit the responses you get and anyone can find that/see that.

if you know her so well and have so much back up IRL and can read the situation so well........................the first post would never have needed to be written sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..................................
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I was quite exhausted that night. I do have ups and downs like other people. I do perhaps write for dramatic effect without realising - that’s something I should be mindful of.
 
FieldOrnaments said:
A person's wants not do come before an animal's needs
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Well, that must depend on what it is the owner wants, and what it is the animal ‘needs’.
If that mare had had to be sold, she would be loaded and transported off, regardless. Which happens a lot, and horses do deal with it because they have to, they are horses.
It sounded as though taking that pony to any event in the state of mind described would have been traumatic, and unnecessarily so - based purely on what OP wrote.
But if OP has been regularly hacking her out solo, and her mare is generally habituated to that (including the past fortnight when her colt was out of the picture), and is generally easy going and biddable about new stuff, I’d be questioning what the issue might have been on Thursday evening.
I’d also have been giving her a lot of attention, and practising loading (rather than posting), in the intervening period, and no, I wouldn’t have considered going to that event.
But I might have taken her for a little trailer ride somewhere, and/ or hacked her out, as calming distraction.
Sometimes people get away doing stupid stuff with horses; hold my hands up; doesn’t mean it wasn’t stupid, and doesn’t mean you’d always get away with it, either.
 
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